Any other former homophobes here?

[AchtungNight]

I consider myself straight but an ally of people who have alternative sexualities. I wasn’t always this way, though.

I grew up in a southern conservative Christian family in the United States when I wasn’t overseas with diplomats. I was condemned by multiple bullies at summer camp for my excessive reading and shyness around girls. They accused me of alleged homosexual behavior. Some condemned it, others… One male bully made advances towards me. I fought him off and cussed him out. This molded my attitude towards gayness negatively for a while. I won’t bother with specifics.

Then my stepbrother came out gay in college, I was motivated to admit I found bisexual women sexy by multiple people I wanted to date, and I adopted a better attitude towards gay men for solidarity. I would rather my fellow humans be happy than lie about their sexuality. I tell people I hear condemn such people this today.

Today I have written many erotic stories online, several of them featuring sapphic sex in positive depiction. I have featured gay and bisexual men as positively depicted characters also, though thus far I have kept their non-heterosexual shenanigans offscreen. It’s not my kink, never has been. Though my stepbrother and similar men can do as they like, I’ll just politely decline if they ask me.

I write my stories to titillate, yes, but not to objectify. That’s not a positive attitude for writing erotica imho.

Anyone else here with a past like mine? If you feel comfortable sharing your experiences, please do. I appreciate support also. I hope you won’t condemn me or anyone else for past mistakes.

 

[Nudeblackgirl]

I'm the opposite, I used to be kind of a militant lesbian who didn't like men and resented straight and bi women who dallied but left us hanging.

Later realized I'm bi and now I try to get along witj everyone.

 

[CuriouslyBiDom]

You should not feel guilty about your past. The person that you are today is a product of your prior experiences and the choices and mistakes you have made. That person that you were in your youth lacked the benefit of perspective that you have now.

Likewise, I urge you to have compassion for other people who lack your perspective. Some will no doubt disagree, but I think that even the use of the term “homophobic” is alienating and counterproductive if your goal is to foster acceptance. I think a better way is to simply live by example. Treat others, even those whose views that you find abhorrent, with courtesy and respect. There are limits, of course, and you always need to set appropriate boundaries, but many western societies seem to be mired in an us vs. them mentality that’s been driving us further apart.

It feels like we’re on the verge of a big cultural shift, but I can’t tell yet if it’s going to be a peaceful process of reconciliation or something much darker. I think that the more people let go of their resentment and accept that some people simply need to grow up, the more likely it is to be the former.

 

[stickygirl]

I consider myself straight but an ally of people who have alternative sexualities. I wasn’t always this way, though.

I grew up in a southern conservative Christian family in the United States when I wasn’t overseas with diplomats. I was condemned by multiple bullies at summer camp for my excessive reading and shyness around girls. They accused me of alleged homosexual behavior. Some condemned it, others… One male bully made advances towards me. I fought him off and cussed him out. This molded my attitude towards gayness negatively for a while. I won’t bother with specifics.

Then my stepbrother came out gay in college, I was motivated to admit I found bisexual women sexy by multiple people I wanted to date, and I adopted a better attitude towards gay men for solidarity. I would rather my fellow humans be happy than lie about their sexuality. I tell people I hear condemn such people this today.

Today I have written many erotic stories online, several of them featuring sapphic sex in positive depiction. I have featured gay and bisexual men as positively depicted characters also, though thus far I have kept their non-heterosexual shenanigans offscreen. It’s not my kink, never has been. Though my stepbrother and similar men can do as they like, I’ll just politely decline if they ask me.

I write my stories to titillate, yes, but not to objectify. That’s not a positive attitude for writing erotica imho.

Anyone else here with a past like mine? If you feel comfortable sharing your experiences, please do. I appreciate support also. I hope you won’t condemn me or anyone else for past mistakes.

Playground taunts can take a lifetime to shrug off, which is perhaps why there are so many threads in LGBTQ by men discovering their bi/gay side when they get older and have rationalised their fears.

I know you post in the AH and until it was closed, there was a thread raging about the Education of the American Boy. I didn't follow it too closely but I'm sure someone will have posed the question 'American Boy? What the hell is that?' Your experience of being bullied for being a book-reader speaks to the hypocrisy of Jocks and Swats. The Jocks wouldn't have a muscle car unless a Swat had done the maths and science to make it work.

I agree with @CuriouslyBiDom that using terms like homophobic or transphobic has everyone circling the wagons. As an author you know how fluid language is and that academic or technical terms become triggers used to attack eg. critical race theory or woke whose meanings have been usurped and distorted into an aggressive political vernacular.

CBD also hinted that we were on the cusp of change, but I don't share his optimism. Populism is still in the ascendency and the dice could fall either way wrt the rights of LBGTQIA people. If anything I would urge gay and lesbian people to wake up and shake off their complacency - You think they'll stop at abortion or outlawing trans people? You're next.

I'm no particular fan of Taylor Swift, but I applaud her encouragement of her fans to register to vote. Vote now while you still can.

 

[saintcero]

I guess I was one in a fashion. I didn’t get homosexual attraction at the time. Just could not comprehend of the connection and attraction. Also, I would be super uncomfortable around anyone that exhibited any “gay” behavior. It was a matter of self confidence

I have changed a good bit for the better

 

[TallOne]

Playground taunts can take a lifetime to shrug off, which is perhaps why there are so many threads in LGBTQ by men discovering their bi/gay side when they get older and have rationalised their fears.

I know you post in the AH and until it was closed, there was a thread raging about the Education of the American Boy. I didn't follow it too closely but I'm sure someone will have posed the question 'American Boy? What the hell is that?' Your experience of being bullied for being a book-reader speaks to the hypocrisy of Jocks and Swats. The Jocks wouldn't have a muscle car unless a Swat had done the maths and science to make it work.

I agree with @CuriouslyBiDom that using terms like homophobic or transphobic has everyone circling the wagons. As an author you know how fluid language is and that academic or technical terms become triggers used to attack eg. critical race theory or woke whose meanings have been usurped and distorted into an aggressive political vernacular.

CBD also hinted that we were on the cusp of change, but I don't share his optimism. Populism is still in the ascendency and the dice could fall either way wrt the rights of LBGTQIA people. If anything I would urge gay and lesbian people to wake up and shake off their complacency - You think they'll stop at abortion or outlawing trans people? You're next.

I'm no particular fan of Taylor Swift, but I applaud her encouragement of her fans to register to vote. Vote now while you still can.

What boggles my mind is some of those older folks discovering their repressed sexuality but still voting for people that want to limit LGBT rights.

 

[stickygirl]

What boggles my mind is some of those older folks discovering their repressed sexuality but still voting for people that want to limit LGBT rights.

or politicians themselves... the very depths of hypocrisy

 

[yowser]

Playground taunts can take a lifetime to shrug off, which is perhaps why there are so many threads in LGBTQ by men discovering their bi/gay side when they get older and have rationalised their fears.


I agree with @CuriouslyBiDom that using terms like homophobic or transphobic has everyone circling the wagons. As an author you know how fluid language is and that academic or technical terms become triggers used to attack eg. critical race theory or woke whose meanings have been usurped and distorted into an aggressive political vernacular.

Thoughtful, and I think accurate, points.

I'll echo others and note that you've grown (and are honest about it, never a given) and observe that the erotic world is huge, multi-dimensional, and while not quite infinite, the horizon is way out there.

This section of the forum has a good percentage of men in later stages of life who are grappling with urges that weren't allowed/accepted earlier in their lives, involving other males. Any expansion of understanding in the sexual arena is absolutely worthwhile, and I encourage you to continue to write and dabble and explore, absolutely nothing to lose.

 

[CuriouslyBiDom]

I'm no particular fan of Taylor Swift, but I applaud her encouragement of her fans to register to vote. Vote now while you still can.

I don’t think that voting is the way forward. I think we’ve seen the hard limits to what social change can occur through an American-style constitutional republic, at least in the current climate. Voting has become little more than a means for one political side to attempt to impose its vision and values on the other, all while parasitic opportunists extract as much money as they can from the system. Rather than a means of reaching agreement in terms of social contract, it has devolved into a tool for achieving dominance. If your current thinking on current events is akin to a war that you hope to win, then you might be caught up in that machine.

So what is the way forward? We have to start thinking differently, to understand the other side, rather than rejecting them. In fact, try not to put yourself on a side at all. Accept that your own perspective is limited, and that there is much you don’t know or understand. If you can come to understand why someone would do things that you consider to be harmful, you can start to empathize, which in turn allows you to work towards changing their perspective in a peaceful, non-judgmental way.

 

[stickygirl]

I don’t think that voting is the way forward. I think we’ve seen the hard limits to what social change can occur through an American-style constitutional republic, at least in the current climate. Voting has become little more than a means for one political side to attempt to impose its vision and values on the other, all while parasitic opportunists extract as much money as they can from the system. Rather than a means of reaching agreement in terms of social contract, it has devolved into a tool for achieving dominance. If your current thinking on current events is akin to a war that you hope to win, then you might be caught up in that machine.

So what is the way forward? We have to start thinking differently, to understand the other side, rather than rejecting them. In fact, try not to put yourself on a side at all. Accept that your own perspective is limited, and that there is much you don’t know or understand. If you can come to understand why someone would do things that you consider to be harmful, you can start to empathize, which in turn allows you to work towards changing their perspective in a peaceful, non-judgmental way.

I accept I rather skewed away from the point you made and so ended up with two distinct concepts. Lets drop the politics for this discussion.

 

[CuriouslyBiDom]

I accept I rather skewed away from the point you made and so ended up with two distinct concepts. Let’s drop the politics for this discussion.

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the discussion, and you seem like a pretty cool girl.

 

[stickygirl]

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the discussion, and you seem like a pretty cool girl.

...and you clearly have impeccable taste

 

[AchtungNight]

My advice is to work together to exchange knowledge, pleasure, and perspective. To learn that nothing is perfect and there are no limits beyond reason, energy, and time. May we guide each other to peaceful understanding. Avoid harm beyond necessity and defend ourselves if we must- above all we must work together as friends to achieve our goals. Control anger, overcome fear, and reach paradise in all things. Make what sacrifices we must for this, and ever be vigilant.

 

[deefalttwunnyfor]

I consider myself straight but an ally of people who have alternative sexualities. I wasn’t always this way, though.

I grew up in a southern conservative Christian family in the United States when I wasn’t overseas with diplomats. I was condemned by multiple bullies at summer camp for my excessive reading and shyness around girls. They accused me of alleged homosexual behavior. Some condemned it, others… One male bully made advances towards me. I fought him off and cussed him out. This molded my attitude towards gayness negatively for a while. I won’t bother with specifics.

Then my stepbrother came out gay in college, I was motivated to admit I found bisexual women sexy by multiple people I wanted to date, and I adopted a better attitude towards gay men for solidarity. I would rather my fellow humans be happy than lie about their sexuality. I tell people I hear condemn such people this today.

Today I have written many erotic stories online, several of them featuring sapphic sex in positive depiction. I have featured gay and bisexual men as positively depicted characters also, though thus far I have kept their non-heterosexual shenanigans offscreen. It’s not my kink, never has been. Though my stepbrother and similar men can do as they like, I’ll just politely decline if they ask me.

I write my stories to titillate, yes, but not to objectify. That’s not a positive attitude for writing erotica imho.

Anyone else here with a past like mine? If you feel comfortable sharing your experiences, please do. I appreciate support also. I hope you won’t condemn me or anyone else for past mistakes.

I think we had a very similar start. Conservative, Christian household. I had friends who loved to make homophobic jokes and I definitely engaged in it. Then in college, I had an experience that I was not ready for. It took a couple of years to really unpack it and settle in, but it really made me see how much of a dickhead I was as a teen and changed me completely

 

[CuriouslyBiDom]

I just realized that I never addressed the question personally. Oddly, the answer is no. I say oddly because I was a teenager in the 90s, grew up in a somewhat conservative household, hold a few nominally conservative views myself, and I believe in a creator God.

During my middle school and high school years, being called gay was one of the worst insults you could receive. I remember a casual acquaintance in high school who, in retrospect, was most likely gay, but he was not out. Remaining closeted was much more the norm at that time.

Several years later, one of the two best men at my wedding was a rather effeminate gay man who was also my friend and coworker. I never even considered his sexuality as a factor in his participation. He was just an awesome, upbeat person that most everyone loved.

I think the reason I turned out this way is that I know what it’s like to be on the outside, not accepted by the group.

 

[ronde]

I grew up in a pretty conservative family who were members of an extremely conservative religion, but I don't remember being taught that homosexuality was either bad or good. I knew it existed because my grade school music teacher was gay. He was also married which was a relatively common way for gay men and lesbian women to keep up the appearance of being "normal".

The community was very small, so I didn't meet a gay man until I was in college. By then, I'd learned to think for myself, and though the guy was pretty different, he was still a likeable guy. I later worked with two gay men and one lesbian that I'm sure about, and didn't find them to be different professionally than anybody else. One of the gay men was an asshole, but so were a lot of the straight guys I worked with. The other gay guy and the lesbian were just good people who happened to like partners of the same sex.

My opinion garnered from knowing and working with these people and doing some research is that they really have no choice in the matter. We're all hardwired from birth as to our sexual preferences. Sexual preference is really a minor part of what a person is and a minor part of their value to society. It shouldn't be used to diminish either.

 

[SPARTAN047]

Right here.

 

[CD_Bree]

or politicians themselves... the very depths of hypocrisy

Sticky,
You nailed it! It sickens me that any sexual orientation is an issue in any political arena! They're all bullshitters! They all lead secret lives!

 

[Bittersweet33]

My senior year in school, I caught I ride home with friends. Five of us in the backseat. No names.... SHE on the left and he on the right.. I was caressing her nipples in the dark which made me throb! As soon as B my fingers hit her pussy, I felt my cock being fully exposed and stroked with precum as lube!
As the car stopped, she let go of my hardon and left the car. As I watched her walk away with a massive dripping dick in my lap, HE put a hand on my thigh!!!! I turned to him and cupped my cock. He looked away. As I went to put my stuff away, I heard a whisper "it's dark! You I or anyone else can see anything!" Eyes clenched,, one hand gripped me tight and massaged more cum out of me. A second hand starting on my dripping head..... I quickly came all over! Opening my eyes, in my lap, is his hand draining my dick and his girlfriend licking my cum off of her hand!!!!! It was amazing!!!!!

 

[Bill_Doubleu]

I feel that the word "Homophobic" shouldn't be an umbrella term for not liking male homosexuality. Our self-image and what we identify as is continually in flux. I was embroiled in the assertions of being masculine against the fact that I was a nice, gentle person. As I grew I developed understanding that led to desire in my sexuality, I started to appreciate male sexuality. It was no longer about me against other men. I don't think I was afraid of male homosexuality but averse to it.

 

[BBCfan]

I remember being out with a few buddies playing a sport and don't remember how it came up...but one buddy was over the top grossed out by the thought of sucking a dick.

I didn't say anything but I was thinking... he's probably stroking off thinking about it every night.

 

[Crios]

Growing up in the 60s and 70s I can attest to the fact I was homophobic. Catholic church teachings, jokes about gays and lesbians, all contributed to my beliefs at that time. I'm sure I had schoolmates that were gay but back then very few people were out.

What started me on the road to acceptance and understanding was graduate school - information (library) science at a major university. Women made up about 90% of the class I was in. The 10% that were male were almost all homosexual. I learned that my views were not only hurtful to others but also to myself. After graduate school, I worked in a number of multinational corporations over the years, all of which embraced DEI. My co-workers were spread across the entire gender and sexuality spectrum.

Homophobia is destructive, hurtful, ignorant and just plain wrong (did I miss any adjectives? )