"How Do I Tell Them...?"

[BBCfan]

I never married young, Partly due to the confusion I had over some desires.
I came to a point in my 30s where once I was starting to date someone I would see what their opinion was by bringing up the subject of bisexuality or bi experiences in general.

If they had a homophobic outlook or something similar, that would be the last date.

I've always gone by an idea that don't tell the truth if someone can't handle it. But don't live a lie either.

When I started dating my now partner, There were some difficult talks early on and at 1 time I thought she wouldn't be able to handle it, but she said she just wanted honesty and we would work through whatever else.

I was pretty much done with pursuing solo guy experiences anyway, so I've been able to find outlets for it with her that have been a lot of fun.

 

[BBCfan]

Sound advice. I wish that I knew that before telling my wife several years ago. Its taken a long time for any trust to be regained and our sex life has stopped, initially because of my confession, before age and medical complications added to the situation. I only realised properly that I was bisexual several years into our marriage and fought internally with my feelings. I finally admitted my attraction to men during a spell of pillow talk, listing it as a fantasy. This caused no end of upset and distress to her, and to the quality of our relationship. I should have kept my mouth shut in hindsight.

That would be a very difficult position for sure.
Not your fault took you some time to realize who you are, If she can't love who you really are, she doesn't love the real you. Period.

If the passion between her stops why not just have some fun. It's no longer a partner, it's a roommate.

 

[TrailerHitch]

If you can't be honest with yourself you certainly can't be honest with your partner.

My wife and I have been married for 13 years and not quite 2 years ago we started talking about an open marriage. As a young woman she had been severely restrained in her sexuality by a strict Catholic upbringing and a mother and father that said HELL NO to her living with her boyfriend before marriage. So when we met, including me, she had been with 3 men, where as I had been with 5 women. She expressed a desire to sow her wild oats and have a few different partners. At first I talked about female partners, one of which was in our friends circle. We had teased and kissed, and even met to discuss how we would proceed. Her and her husband are swingers and have multiple partners but somehow getting together with me created an issue so we never went further. All along I had a re-awakening of my bi sexual urges that I had never acted on. I brought it up and we talked about it and she said go for it, if that's what you want to do then do it. We are exploring and it sounds like you want to explore that. So I pursued it. I have been with one man so far with a potential another one coming up. She has been with one man and has additional "dates" set up. It's just sex and doesn't get in the way of our marriage.

Again honesty is the best policy in my mind. If you aren't getting what you want now what do you have to lose bringing it up? If she says okay bingo you go for it, if she says no way you are no worse off than before.

I will say doing it on the down low seems very dangerous to me. If you get caught it is cheating straight up and you may lose everything as well as being exposed to friends and family by a vindictive ex wife.