"How Do I Tell Them...?"

[BBCfan]

I never married young, Partly due to the confusion I had over some desires.
I came to a point in my 30s where once I was starting to date someone I would see what their opinion was by bringing up the subject of bisexuality or bi experiences in general.

If they had a homophobic outlook or something similar, that would be the last date.

I've always gone by an idea that don't tell the truth if someone can't handle it. But don't live a lie either.

When I started dating my now partner, There were some difficult talks early on and at 1 time I thought she wouldn't be able to handle it, but she said she just wanted honesty and we would work through whatever else.

I was pretty much done with pursuing solo guy experiences anyway, so I've been able to find outlets for it with her that have been a lot of fun.

 

[BBCfan]

Sound advice. I wish that I knew that before telling my wife several years ago. Its taken a long time for any trust to be regained and our sex life has stopped, initially because of my confession, before age and medical complications added to the situation. I only realised properly that I was bisexual several years into our marriage and fought internally with my feelings. I finally admitted my attraction to men during a spell of pillow talk, listing it as a fantasy. This caused no end of upset and distress to her, and to the quality of our relationship. I should have kept my mouth shut in hindsight.

That would be a very difficult position for sure.
Not your fault took you some time to realize who you are, If she can't love who you really are, she doesn't love the real you. Period.

If the passion between her stops why not just have some fun. It's no longer a partner, it's a roommate.

 

[TrailerHitch]

If you can't be honest with yourself you certainly can't be honest with your partner.

My wife and I have been married for 13 years and not quite 2 years ago we started talking about an open marriage. As a young woman she had been severely restrained in her sexuality by a strict Catholic upbringing and a mother and father that said HELL NO to her living with her boyfriend before marriage. So when we met, including me, she had been with 3 men, where as I had been with 5 women. She expressed a desire to sow her wild oats and have a few different partners. At first I talked about female partners, one of which was in our friends circle. We had teased and kissed, and even met to discuss how we would proceed. Her and her husband are swingers and have multiple partners but somehow getting together with me created an issue so we never went further. All along I had a re-awakening of my bi sexual urges that I had never acted on. I brought it up and we talked about it and she said go for it, if that's what you want to do then do it. We are exploring and it sounds like you want to explore that. So I pursued it. I have been with one man so far with a potential another one coming up. She has been with one man and has additional "dates" set up. It's just sex and doesn't get in the way of our marriage.

Again honesty is the best policy in my mind. If you aren't getting what you want now what do you have to lose bringing it up? If she says okay bingo you go for it, if she says no way you are no worse off than before.

I will say doing it on the down low seems very dangerous to me. If you get caught it is cheating straight up and you may lose everything as well as being exposed to friends and family by a vindictive ex wife.

 

[aliencardigan]

I am well aware that I've had bisexual desires throughout my life. I have tried and there have been instances in the past when I would comment and admire openly nice cocks when we occasionally watched porn together. I have even told her in the past that I'd love to suck cock and would she like to watch that but got neither positive or negative reaction. Sadly now our infrequent sex life has ground to a halt. What I miss is the feeling of being touched intimately. We are incredibly close in all other aspects of our marriage but there is nothing sexually.

 

[luvslingerie200]

I am well aware that I've had bisexual desires throughout my life. I have tried and there have been instances in the past when I would comment and admire openly nice cocks when we occasionally watched porn together. I have even told her in the past that I'd love to suck cock and would she like to watch that but got neither positive or negative reaction. Sadly now our infrequent sex life has ground to a halt. What I miss is the feeling of being touched intimately. We are incredibly close in all other aspects of our marriage but there is nothing sexually.

same with me sadly

 

[Biguy77578]

I was introduced to mm sex before mf sex. I had many mm encounters before getting married. My first marriage was to a wonderful woman and we were married for 25 years and had to awsome children. After the second child sex became infrequent and I wanted it everyday. I contacted a friend who I'd been sex with years before. He was in the same boat as me. We picked up where we left off and satified some of our need but I wanted more and had mm sex often. I divorced the first wife and hooked up with an old gf from school. We had awsome sex all I could handle but I still had the mm itch. We were wastching porn and a mmf scene showed the males sucking each other. She asked if I would ever do that and I confessed that I had. Long story short she had a male friend and she invited him over and he fucked us both. A year later we married and have been together for 24 years and i have had many mm adventures and 3 some and 4 somes with my wonderful wife. I love her very much. So let the know upfront.

 

[spraybomb13]

Alright all you bisexual/bicurious folks and friends of folks... Listen up!

I'm actually copying and pasting some of this this from my response to a HYWY thread in the fetish & sexuality forum.

I thought it would be interesting to discuss the age old question, "How do I bring up my bisexuality/curiosity to my wife/husband/GF/BF, etc...?"

Here's my take, and please share yours...

Don't.

Let the relationship run its course. Be committed to what you have, and not what you wish you could do with someone other than your partner. We all have fantasies, and I'm all for exploring them with a SO. But understand this question isn't about telling your wife you fantasize about sucking dick. It's about telling her she's not the only person you're interested in.

The last girl I dated - before I was openly bisexual, or even accepted I was, myself - wasn't interested in some kind of 3-some or arrangement that would constitute NOT cheating on her if I acted on my same-sex urges. Did I have same-sex desires? Wild ones. Did I tell her? Absolutely not. And not because I was worried about her shaming my sexuality. In fact, she was very open-minded, and would even indulge my ass play and submissive interests (and other kinks)... Eagerly, I might add. But being pegged or dominated by a woman is still sex WITH THAT WOMAN. She needn't know I would've loved for it to be a real flesh-and-blood cock.

It was because even though I have always been very attracted to men, I loved her. And I wanted her to know I wanted to be with HER. Sharing my attraction towards men with her might have only instilled fear that she wasn't good enough for me.

Finally...

If you find yourself courting another member of the opposite sex in the future, be honest (if you're ready) at the very beginning. Don't wait until they've been led to believe you're straight as an arrow and only want them. I've found if you let them know you are bisexual or bicurious or whatever as part of the get-to-know you stage, you'll run off less people than you think and may even find one willing to explore those paths with you.

I know this thread is an old one, but I find it profound that I came across it this morning.

There's so much truth in this, that it's painful. I feel I'm at the beginning of the end of my marriage because of not being truthful to her, and myself.
I divorced my last wife 20yrs ago, and shortly afterwards, I began my journey exploring my bisexual side. It was thrilling, and fun, and the freedom was amazing. I enjoyed the lifestyle and was doing all kinds of things.(A few I've written about on here.)
After a few years however, I met my current wife on a dating site. We chatted, and I was enamored with her, even though we were across the country from one another. I eventually found myself working in a city only a few hours away, so I would drive down and spend the weekends with her. We would have crazy sex, and I even coaxed her to peg me a few times, but I never said anything about me being bisexual.
Our relationship progressed, but my job had me traveling overseas, so I would indulge in men when I was away. This went on for years, even after we married and had a kid. I eventually switched careers so I could be home more, and stopped messing around, but she was suspicious of my activities and I eventually came out to her about myself.
It was rough, I was terrible for doing the things I did, and not being honest.
She has been so forgiving about things, but when she gets mad, it always comes back up and just makes things worse.
We've done counseling, therapists, psychiatrists, medications, etc. and none of it helps to soothe the pain I caused.
We've had our ups and downs, and have lived in a constant state of fragile truce. I feel like I'm constantly doubted, and untrusted (which I totally understand her reasons) , and just go through life trying not to upset her.
I want her to be happy, and she doesn't want us to be apart, but I don't know how to get to that place. She's researched about men who are married but like to have sex with men, and at times can be supportive and understanding, but also gets angry at the slightest thing and let's the insults fly! It's a terrible existence for the both of us, and it could have all been avoided if I had just been truthful from the start.
I apologize for the novel here, but we had a major meltdown last night and I feel we've come to the point where separating is best. She deserves better, and too be happy, and I deserve to be happy too. Our good times together are great, but our bad times seem to outnumber the good ones anymore. I know we'll both be fine, our kids are old enough to handle it, and I hope we can heal enough to remain friends in the long run.

So there ya go, a real firsthand account on what being untruthful and unfaithful will do. So here's the OPs advice and let your future partners know up front, honesty truly is the best policy!

 

[Biguy77578]

I've posted this several times before but really fits this thread.

Before we married and after both of our first marriages my now wife and I lived in different cities and would get together on the weekends for fun and sex. We would at times stay in bed all weekend having marathon sex.

One weekend we were naked in bed doIng any and everything we could think of and watching porn. A scene came on where one guy began sucking the others cock. My wife to be asked me if I would ever do that and I answered I would and had. That excited her and she wanted the details. I then laid out my entire bisexual life.