A shout-out to the right woman or women to co-write a certain kind of story...

[EmilyMiller]

Okay, you know that wasn't me, because I have no idea how big a jacaranda tree is.

You know how to spell it though, which is highly, highly suspicious!

Em

 

[EmilyMiller]

Em, stop it before you get the dick pic!

You’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all!

Em

 

[EmilyMiller]

I'm getting this vague feeling that shade is being thrown. Am I wrong?

It’s a whole candelabra, hun, not just a lampshade.

Em

 

[SimonDoom]

You have just earned my undying admiration.

You just lost major points with the Doomster, dude. I've got a memory like an elephant.

Okay, you know that wasn't me, because I have no idea how big a jacaranda tree is.

Thank you for that assurance. They're not big trees, but they have a spectacular purple bloom, as any So Cal resident knows. After all, it's the bloom, not the trunk size, that matters in the end.

 

[SimonDoom]

It’s a whole candelabra, hun, not just a lampshade.

Em

Clearly, you are up to no good.

That's why you fit in so well here.

 

[EmilyMiller]

Clearly, you are up to no good.

That's why you fit in so well here.

Not guilty. Well actually clearly guilty. Just not of this particular crime. A bit too inventive for me, TBH. And my main suspect rather telegraphed their intentions.

Em

 

[Djmac1031]

You just lost major points with the Doomster, dude. I've got a memory like an elephant.

It's about damn time I pissed SOMEBODY off around here

 

[John_Vandermeer]

Not guilty. Well actually clearly guilty. Just not of this particular crime. A bit too inventive for me, TBH. And my main suspect rather telegraphed their intentions.

Em

Of course handles mean nothing, but yeah true identity seems very, very thinly veiled. Given the turnaround on new accounts, this one must have been in the back pocket already though.

 

[EmilyMiller]

Of course handles mean nothing, but yeah true identity seems very, very thinly veiled. Given the turnaround on new accounts, this one must have been in the back pocket already though.

I thought that.

When Laurel changed my username. I was worried that my old one could just be reused by anyone. So she got me to create a new one and then swapped them. My old one is still active.

Took a while to get approved, even though Laurel was doing it as a favor.

Em

 

[EmilyMillerSub]

My old one is still active.

See .

alt-Em

 

[EmilyMiller]

See .

alt-Em

Looking good, girl!

Em

 

[gunhilltrain]

I used to, but Bloemfontein suits me more nowadays.

Looks like a nice place. No offense intended, but your late husband should have "nexted" you and moved on. If he sired twenty sons, he must have had some of the right stuff. Plenty of other ladies must have been available.

If I may ask, are you of Dutch, English, "colored," African, or some other ancestry? I know such things are important in your country.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:De_Wet_Statue_Bloemfontein.jpg

 

[SimonaDoomina]

No offense intended, but your late husband should have "nexted" you and moved on.

He was a loyal self-effacing man, rest his soul.

If I may ask, are you of Dutch, English, "colored," African, or some other ancestry? I know such things are important in your country.

Colored all the way. That must be why those colorful jacarandas are so darn sexy to me.

 

[Rustyoznail]

Hmm...

I suspect Simona is one well travelled, educated bird.

 

[gunhilltrain]

He was a loyal self-effacing man, rest his soul.

Too self-effacing, perhaps. I didn't know the man, but he took "the permanent solution to a temporary problem." Eventually, we all get a permanent solution, but that doesn't we have to speed it along.

 

[gunhilltrain]

Hmm...

I suspect Simona is one well travelled, educated bird.

I'm getting this weird vibe that she really is in South Africa, or she's doing a good job of faking it.

 

[ElectricBlue]

I'm getting this weird vibe that she really is in South Africa, or she's doing a good job of faking it.

Gunhill, I get the impression that anywhere fifty miles west of the Bronx is a foreign land for you, and anywhere past Staten Island is overseas!

 

[Rob_Royale]

Hey there OP, let's chat!

My name is Simona Doomina. Yes, that's my real name. I was beyond excited to see your post because I'm a 38 year old woman with 20 sons who are all over the age of 21. Don't question how this could be mathematically possible. It just is. Get it? Got it? Good.

All 20 of my sons are handsome fellows with cocks the literal size of jacaranda trees. They're naturally very proud of these jacaranda cocks and reveal them to me every day. It's a ritual now.

My husband is no longer in the picture. I know what you're thinking. No, we didn't get divorced. None of our sons killed him either, although that would be in keeping with the whole Oedipus thing. What happened is he caught a glimpse of our sons' jacaranda cocks and knew he'd never measure up. He realized what an unworthy male specimen he was, so he ended his life with honorable suicide. Sad, sure, but we can all agree there was nothing else that could be done. It was the only way.

Anywho, since then I've been screwing all my 20 sons daily (right after the Cock-Viewing Ceremony). How do I keep up with getting ploughed by all those jacaranda cocks, you ask? With lots of lube of course! I buy so much of the stuff that manufacturers now think I must be a retailer and they're selling to me at wholesale price. Neat, huh?

I can't wait to chat more with you here, OP! Ask me anything!

Kisses,
Simona

I haven't laughed like that in a while. This is why I love the AH. Thanks, Simona!

 

[gunhilltrain]

Gunhill, I get the impression that anywhere fifty miles west of the Bronx is a foreign land for you, and anywhere past Staten Island is overseas!

Not true, I've been as far west as California, and as far north as Quebec City. South, only to northern Virginia (or Texas, if that counts.). My budget and health probably preclude future travels. I did live in New Jersey ("west of the Hudson Ocean") and I would have stayed there if it wasn't for other, different economic problems. (Or arguably the same ones.) True, Morristown is about thirty-five miles west of here.

How far have you gone?

 

[gunhilltrain]

I haven't laughed like that in a while. This is why I love the AH. Thanks, Simona!

My Simona. Actually, it's My Sharona, but if you just replace the name, the song still works.

 

[Djmac1031]

My Simona. Actually, it's My Sharona, but if you just replace the name, the song still works.

Lol. Thanks. I've been practicing this on on the drums and now I'll be hearing My SIMONA in my head lol

 

[ElectricBlue]

Not true, I've been as far west as California, and as far north as Quebec City. South, only to northern Virginia (or Texas, if that counts.). My budget and health probably preclude future travels. I did live in New Jersey ("west of the Hudson Ocean") and I would have stayed there if it wasn't for other, different economic problems. (Or arguably the same ones.) True, Morristown is about thirty-five miles west of here.

How far have you gone?

Across China and Russia by train is my best brag, when Reagan was talking about winning nuclear wars and Chernenko was tottering about in the Kremlin. Furthest north, somewhere in Scotland, furthest south, landing on a beach in a light airplane, right down the south west corner of Tasmania. LA twice, in the late eighties, went to Universal Studios and visited the Spruce Goose. That was enough for me.

Through the Suez Canal when we came out Australia in the sixties, air transits through Singapore and Hong Kong, a little Russian cruise liner from Singapore to Perth in the early seventies.

 

[gunhilltrain]

Across China and Russia by train is my best brag, when Reagan was talking about winning nuclear wars and Chernenko was tottering about in the Kremlin. Furthest north, somewhere in Scotland, furthest south, landing on a beach in a light airplane, right down the south west corner of Tasmania. LA twice, in the late eighties, went to Universal Studios and visited the Spruce Goose. That was enough for me.

Through the Suez Canal when we came out Australia in the sixties, air transits through Singapore and Hong Kong, a little Russian cruise liner from Singapore to Perth in the early seventies.

That's quite impressive. I would have liked to do much of that myself, but I've never had the money (my own fault, mostly). True, it's possible to travel cheaply with certain methods, but I always seemed to be tied down to some commitment or other. Well, I have been to Universal Studios, at least.

 

[AwkwardlySet]

It's about damn time I pissed SOMEBODY off around here

Pfh, you call that pissing someone off? Amateur

 

[SimonDoom]

Unknown to Simon, SimonaDoomina is actually his older brother, Rex Doom, who ran away from home years ago, began cross-dressing, and now writes smut under the name Doom X.