❥︎ New writer seeking feedback! < NON-CON / DUB-CON >

[AlessaRose]

Hi everyone! I'm pretty new to writing erotic fiction, and would really appreciate any kind of feedback. I've always loved creative writing, and I enjoy erotic role-playing as well, so I'd love to make the transition and mesh the two of them together.

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Here's a link to my profile / stories :
https://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=6210932&page=submissions

Wicked Games
fantasy non-con | girl on girl | straight

This is a short story I wrote for a friend's birthday. She likes consensual non-con, like myself. I realize that I didn't write much from the target's perspective, because I wanted to grant her the freedom to respond to the scene in her own way. If I revisit this piece, I'll definitely focus more on the target's response / reactions and what they're going through.

Chinese Lantern Bride series
Non-con | Dub-con | Mail-order bride | Virgin / inexperienced

This was originally a piece that I wrote a couple of years ago, based on a writing prompt. I'm adding stuff / editing it as I go along, especially to the smutty bits.

The prologue Ch.0 was actually my first ever foray into erotic writing, and is probably my weakest writing attempt. It's not necessary to read it to get into the series.

If possible, I would appreciate more feedback on Chapters 1 to 3, and beyond!

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Even if you don't have the time / interest to read anything right now, I'd love to make some friends with fellow writers as well, so feel free to say hi! I'm a bit of a socially awkward panda, but I promise that I'm nice. :3

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Thank you all for providing me with feedback on my writing!

Lessons learned:

1. Importance of self-editing aka "Write hot, edit cold" (I really love this)

I'm mortified that I was capable of such a horrible line / description. I swear that I'm not actually into such extreme violence, and it was really more of bad judgement / writing on my part.

Still, this is a great lesson learned, and I will definitely not be allowing similar things to creep into my writing going forward! I'll make sure to proofread a lot better.

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2. Realism in fantasy

I'll definitely bear in mind that I should lean more on realism in my future writing.

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3. Formatting

Formatting is important in making a story read better (eg, italics for internal monologues, or italics / bold for emphasis).

 

[FrankLee99]

Hello

You write very well, your stories read incredibly erotically
I love the descriptions of the actions, you can feel the lust and desire
I love the depth of the characters too

I'd love to chat more in pm if you turn yours on

 

[AlessaRose]

Hello

You write very well, your stories read incredibly erotically
I love the descriptions of the actions, you can feel the lust and desire
I love the depth of the characters too

I'd love to chat more in pm if you turn yours on

Thanks very much for taking the time! I just turned my PMs on.

 

[RoperTrace]

Hi everyone! I'm pretty new to writing erotic fiction, and would really appreciate any kind of feedback. I've always loved creative writing, and I enjoy erotic role-playing as well, so I'd love to make the transition and mesh the two of them together.

Here's a link to my profile / stories :
https://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=6210932&page=submissions

Even if you don't have the time / interest to read anything right now, I'd love to make some friends with fellow writers as well, so feel free to say hi! I'm a bit of a socially awkward panda, but I promise that I'm nice. :3

"At that exact moment, he grabbed her by the neck and slammed her against the wall so hard that a painting crashed to the ground. "

I'll be straight up honest with you, I stopped reading at the above. To me that's so over the top of a Dom/sub relationship, it's not believable.
And my interests both in writing and actual practice are in the same category. None of the subs, I've been with would ever trust me again after that.

Your writing is very good despite what I've said.

 

[AlessaRose]

"At that exact moment, he grabbed her by the neck and slammed her against the wall so hard that a painting crashed to the ground. "

I'll be straight up honest with you, I stopped reading at the above. To me that's so over the top of a Dom/sub relationship, it's not believable.
And my interests both in writing and actual practice are in the same category. None of the subs, I've been with would ever trust me again after that.

Your writing is very good despite what I've said.

Oof, I've got to admit that it's kind of harsh that you would write me off completely based on a single instance of hyperbole, but I respect the feedback.

I tend to write more from a sexual fantasy standpoint, rather than realism. I'm a submissive who enjoys the idea of rough play, so I do add some more extreme elements based on self-gratification. But perhaps I *did* go overboard in this instance (perhaps the picture frame should have just scraped against the wall instead of falling right off). To be honest, I don't think I was paying particular attention to this line.

I'll pay more attention to the little nuances in my writing in the future, and will try to shoot for something more realistic. Thank you!

 

[RoperTrace]

Oof, I've got to admit that it's kind of harsh that you would write me off completely based on a single instance of hyperbole, but I respect the feedback.

I tend to write more from a sexual fantasy standpoint, rather than realism. I'm a submissive who enjoys the idea of rough play, so I do add some more extreme elements based on self-gratification. But perhaps I *did* go overboard in this instance (perhaps the picture frame should have just scraped against the wall instead of falling right off). To be honest, I don't think I was paying particular attention to this line.

I'll pay more attention to the little nuances in my writing in the future, and will try to shoot for something more realistic. Thank you!

Not writing you off at all, I just can't finish that story/chapter. To me slamming someone hard enough to cause a concussion ceases to be a nuance or erotic. But you write however you like, I'm sure you'll receive good ratings. I'll step aside.

 

[AlessaRose]

Not writing you off at all, I just can't finish that story/chapter. To me slamming someone hard enough to cause a concussion ceases to be a nuance or erotic. But you write however you like, I'm sure you'll receive good ratings. I'll step aside.

Oh no, i definitely think you're right in pointing that out, and I appreciate it. Sometimes I get carried away, and it's definitely something I should pay attention to more in my future writing. Thanks again for taking the time.

 

[lovecraft68]

Oof, I've got to admit that it's kind of harsh that you would write me off completely based on a single instance of hyperbole, but I respect the feedback.

I tend to write more from a sexual fantasy standpoint, rather than realism. I'm a submissive who enjoys the idea of rough play, so I do add some more extreme elements based on self-gratification. But perhaps I *did* go overboard in this instance (perhaps the picture frame should have just scraped against the wall instead of falling right off). To be honest, I don't think I was paying particular attention to this line.

I'll pay more attention to the little nuances in my writing in the future, and will try to shoot for something more realistic. Thank you!

I'm going to agree with him. Its a bot much, and I have been both a top and bottom in real life, and I've written some dub con and BDSM here and other places as well.

There's a difference between sexual permissible sexual violence-I like it rough myself-and actual violence. Slamming someone's head into a wall is actual violence.

Also, just think on your description which is over the top and makes it sound worse. How hard would you have to strike a wall to get an assumedly properly hung painting to fall? That's leave an the shape of your head in the all hard.

I'm not trying to pick on you, just pointing out the reaction you're going to get using descriptions like that. We write hot, but we need to edit cold, so when you go back to your story to look it over picture these things in your mind and even though these stories are fiction, they are based on real life sexual acts and they have limits.

Just my two cents on the topic.

I plan on checking out your wicked games story sometime tomorrow morning, and I'll come back and post some feedback.

 

[yukonnights]

I read the first chapter of The Chinese Lantern Bride, and while non-con is not of much interest to me I think your writing itself is pretty good.

The only thing that stood out as off is the use of double quotes for interior thoughts; "Fuck me," he thought. "She's actually enjoying this."

Better options include 'single' quotes or Italics.

'Fuck me', he thought … 'she's actually enjoying this.'
Fuck me, he thought — she's actually enjoying this.

Best wishes on your journey into erotica.

 

[AllenWoody]

I've written a fair amount of reluctance/non-con and met with mixed results. Some readers find the subject hot, others will cry rape. Hard to predict what reaction a given story will receive. That said, I believe in writing what turns you on, regardless. I love to explore power dynamics, so non-con to me is hot.

 

[AlessaRose]

I'm going to agree with him. Its a bot much, and I have been both a top and bottom in real life, and I've written some dub con and BDSM here and other places as well.

There's a difference between sexual permissible sexual violence-I like it rough myself-and actual violence. Slamming someone's head into a wall is actual violence.

Also, just think on your description which is over the top and makes it sound worse. How hard would you have to strike a wall to get an assumedly properly hung painting to fall? That's leave an the shape of your head in the all hard.

I'm not trying to pick on you, just pointing out the reaction you're going to get using descriptions like that. We write hot, but we need to edit cold, so when you go back to your story to look it over picture these things in your mind and even though these stories are fiction, they are based on real life sexual acts and they have limits.

Just my two cents on the topic.

I plan on checking out your wicked games story sometime tomorrow morning, and I'll come back and post some feedback.

I agree with the both of you! I definitely didn't write that line well at all. In my mind, I somehow saw it as him pushing her entire body against the wall so that her *back* would have absorbed the bulk of the impact. Now I can see how the hold on her neck would have made it seem like I intended for him to crush her skull against the wall (which I wouldn't have written on purpose).

I think that line is a result of poor judgement and bad writing. I'm pretty sure I wrote this at 3am during a bout of insomnia (and also responded to this thread past 3am during another episode of insomnia). There's no excusing it, and I won't be making the same mistake again.

Thanks for making me see my mistake. I'll definitely be more careful in my descriptions and will make sure I proofread properly in the future. I appreciate your time!

I read the first chapter of The Chinese Lantern Bride, and while non-con is not of much interest to me I think your writing itself is pretty good.

The only thing that stood out as off is the use of double quotes for interior thoughts; "Fuck me," he thought. "She's actually enjoying this."

Better options include 'single' quotes or Italics.

'Fuck me', he thought … 'she's actually enjoying this.'
Fuck me, he thought — she's actually enjoying this.

Best wishes on your journey into erotica.

Thank you for your feedback! That's a great tip. You're right, it definitely works better with that style of formatting. I usually do use italics in my writing for internal thoughts / monologues, but I couldn't figure out how to get formatting done for submissions. I believe this would persist through CLB Chapter 0 - 1 and Wicked Games. (I finally realized I should have just uploaded the entire .docx file instead of copying and pasting the text into the submission box).

I'll bear this in mind and will apply this in my future writing. Thank you for taking the time to read and respond!

I've written a fair amount of reluctance/non-con and met with mixed results. Some readers find the subject hot, others will cry rape. Hard to predict what reaction a given story will receive. That said, I believe in writing what turns you on, regardless. I love to explore power dynamics, so non-con to me is hot.

I believe non-con / dub-con is definitely a niche area and a lot of people wouldn't like it. Like any other taboo kink, I think it's down to preference, since there are some / a lot of kinks that I don't understand or enjoy. Like you, I enjoy the power dynamics and the absolute control (or lack there of) as far as fantasies go. And also the eventual submission, where it goes from forced to actual physical enjoyment when the body turns traitor against the mind.

Having said that, I fully believe in consensual non-con. No one should be subjected to it if it makes them truly uncomfortable (same goes for any aspect of sex). But if a story is properly tagged, and placed in the right section, then all ought to be good with the world!

I really appreciate everyone who read my stuff for the sake of providing feedback on it even though it's not their choice of genre!