Long Distance

My Master and I have a long distance D/s relationship. Due to conflicts in our schedules we aren't always able to talk much. This causes a lot of friction in our relationship because I have a hard time with it sometimes. I'm wondering if anyone else has experienced this and how you deal with it.

Thank you.

I think that all couples with long-distance relationships face the same problems.

How often do you see each other?

Skype sessions? Asking him to set you a daily schedule to follow? Him setting you tasks to then provide photographic proof that you have done them?

Our sessions are sporadic and it's been awhile since we've been able to Skype. He does give me tasks. Part of the problem is the frustration comes out when we do end up having time for each other and ruins it. I feel so disappointed and angry at myself afterwards.

Submissive1tou said:

Our sessions are sporadic and it's been awhile since we've been able to Skype. He does give me tasks. Part of the problem is the frustration comes out when we do end up having time for each other and ruins it. I feel so disappointed and angry at myself afterwards.

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Are there any ways you can express your frustrations in less destructive ways?

SpunThings said:

Are there any ways you can express your frustrations in less destructive ways?

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We've tossed the idea of me keeping a diary around. Perhaps that would make a good outlet for me.

Submissive1tou said:

Our sessions are sporadic and it's been awhile since we've been able to Skype. He does give me tasks. Part of the problem is the frustration comes out when we do end up having time for each other and ruins it. I feel so disappointed and angry at myself afterwards.

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Do you feel he is handling his schedule poorly in a way that makes less time than necessary or do you think he does his best to make time?

Does the frustration ruin things when you meet in person too?

Do you hang around waiting for him to have time or do you have a clear idea of when you will have time for each other, so that you can spend your time and energy on better things?

IrisAlthea said:

Do you feel he is handling his schedule poorly in a way that makes less time than necessary or do you think he does his best to make time?

Does the frustration ruin things when you meet in person too?

Do you hang around waiting for him to have time or do you have a clear idea of when you will have time for each other, so that you can spend your time and energy on better things?

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I think he is handling it as well as can be expected.

It is kind of a blend. He does his best to let me know ahead of time if he has time available but sometimes those plans change and I'm left wandering.

It sounds to me like he is not organised or does not prioritise. Many people now days have limited free time. So a long distance relationship especially online only can have these challenges.

I normally check the availability of a guy and if he says he is available three nights a week I then see if he is reliable or not, whether it be online or in person.

If a guy winds up being unreliable and not sticking to his word when I do, I then end it. A relationship needs regular contact to be sustainable and finding someone compatible can be challenging.

I hope my methods have given you some comfort and help to your own situation.

Sam xx

Submissive1tou said:

I think he is handling it as well as can be expected.

It is kind of a blend. He does his best to let me know ahead of time if he has time available but sometimes those plans change and I'm left wandering.

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You are the only one who can decide if this works for you or not.

If you look at it, as it is and not how you want it to be and still decide to stay, feeling that this is your active choice might help with frustration.

Waiting around for something is no fun, so I think it would help to go do something fun or at least productive when plans fail.

Long distance is really tough and I give you props! Could you talk to him about keeping more of a schedule? Things will always pop up, so you'll have to comunicate your expectations on how he will be more communicative w/ you if he can't make one of the times you've agreed on. Best of luck!

Given the lack of information, I don't think I can offer much. In this situation I think it's a good idea to remember that life happening in front of someone should always come first. If the schedule is not something that works for you, and time cannot be made for you, perhaps it is better to reevaluate the situation.

I would never want someone to neglect their life for me. I would, however, like to know that I was thought of enough to send a short message. Anything from an emoji to whatever there was time for to let me know that I was not forgotten.

Given how easy it is to communicate (email, messengers, texts, calls etc.) I would expect at least a heads up if the other person could not make the scheduled time. It's merely being polite to let someone know that you are running late or unable to make it (Or even apologize if they were a no show).

Checking the OPs profile, she's a married woman who posted an ad back in June 2015 (bumped in September) looking for a long term online only D/s arrangement - stating her availability was weekdays and the occasional evening/weekend. Information which was left out of the OP.

If I was involved with someone online, and the majority of their availability was weekdays, I might be tempted to presume that was because they were doing something without their spouse's knowledge. I might also have real-life things that prevent me from being at said online relationship's beck and call... like work. Unfortunately, in my world the ability to pay the bills trumps free cybersex.

My assessment is that the OP got into a situation where her own availability was limited, and is grumpy because he isn't accommodating her limited availability.

Online only arrangements are difficult enough, without qualifiers in place. The more qualifiers/limitations, the harder it will be to maintain an online only relationship. If the qualifiers/limitations can't change, the expectations might have to...

There has already been much good advice given so far. I agree with those that have said that if the time is not there to your satisfaction than something needs to change, either the relationship itself or the expectations for the relationship. Good relationships are worth making adjustments for, but the changes should not be things that make a person feel dissatisfied.

Often, what initially works for people time-wise changes if there's positive movement in the relationship. When two people click well it's a natural inclination to want *more* of that person. So you have to decide first if that is where you are or not. If you were once happy with the time and you're spending the same time together, perhaps you need to find a way to change your own expectations. If the time was once to your satisfaction but there is now less time than before, you have to decide if the relationship is worth continuing to pursue or not. It is disconcerting that when you two *do* have time together that it sounds like you spend much of it squabbling over the time *not* spent together instead of the enjoying the time you actually have. If I felt like I was 1) I was not being given enough time and 2) the time together was becoming less enjoyable, I would have serious reservations about continuing. But like others have said, we've really only seen a small part of whole story so the advice we can offer is limited to generalizations.

Our availability meshed perfectly together. Things only started being stressful when he had a change of circumstances that effected the time we were able to interact. I recognize that it isn't his fault and as frustrating as it has been for me, it has been doubly so for him. He just seems to navigate the ups and downs better than myself. I was only looking for thoughts on a constructive outlet for my frustrations. I believe the diary idea may be a good choice.