As The Hospital Pervs

Hopeorless1 said:

I'm not into medical fetishes but was browsing this and had to say it- Don't you wonder how in the world these little confused, weak, and feeble old men and ladies pull out their caths?!! I've come in before and found one on the floor. I am like !!!

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It's traumatic, yes. It's confusion.

I'm the nurse tearing up the parking lot blasting old fashioned hardcore. It's wakey wakey time workers.

sweepthefloor said:

I'm the nurse tearing up the parking lot blasting old fashioned hardcore. It's wakey wakey time workers.

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Um, old fashioned hardcore what?

Somehow I had a vision of you driving in, windows down, stereo cranked up and playing the soundtrack from "Deep Throat".

I always found it fun to hum the title song, and watch for people doing double takes or blushing. Gotcha!

Balladeer08 said:

Um, old fashioned hardcore what?

Somehow I had a vision of you driving in, windows down, stereo cranked up and playing the soundtrack from "Deep Throat".

I always found it fun to hum the title song, and watch for people doing double takes or blushing. Gotcha!

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I have never seen that movie. Should I put it on my list?

I still cry happy tears.

sweepthefloor said:

I have never seen that movie. Should I put it on my list?

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Most definitely.

And should you, as I hope you do, see in there something to aspire to, I'd be willing to help you "practice".

(I know, what a guy, huh?) 8)

I had 2 catheters last week at work, and thought of you

My favorite group has a new Cardiologist- and he is hott.
Tachycardia secondary to him. I can't wait to read his notes, to see if the write matches the confidence.

There is just something about cardiologists that makes the heart go wild! We also have one that I sadly don't get to see much since I work nights, but he is absolutely the most beautiful thing I have ever laid eyes on! I don't have much for foreign men but by god he is like Aladin come to life
Oh and SWEEP! Another good catheter story for ya:
Someone had surgery, and their wife was INSISTENT that her husband be straight cathd, as she said that he often had trouble afterward surgeries.
The nurse went to cath him, and he said he felt a breathing in his ear as soon as he was ready to begin interting the cath. The wife was in his ear! He advanced it for the first time and she said "MMM" and moaned behind him... Advanced it a second time, another "MMM!" The same response was heard each time the cath was advanced. Finally, the cath was finished and to the nurse's surprise- only 100ccs of urine.
The wife then laid back on the chair, sprawled out, and began smoking her electronic cigarette. LOL!!!!

For Sweeeeeep...

The patient has a foot in this house and
A wing above the mountain
In between there is this
Cluttered beast furiously rebounding.


- Mary Heins

Morcheeba! We could rule the world.

"I'm not trying to flash you or anything, I just gotta get this washed"

My love is hypertensive and I don't want any meds.

Went in to take a young man's blood pressure about 4 am last night, and he smiled and rolled his shirt all the way up his stomach and just laid there.... I was like.... "I need to take your blood pressure ...." Apprently in his half asleep state he thought I was trying to fix his telemetry or something. Very akward and funny moment ^_^

GoFuckYourself said:

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Hahahahaha! The new DVT prophylaxis!!!

Hopeorless1 said:

Went in to take a young man's blood pressure about 4 am last night, and he smiled and rolled his shirt all the way up his stomach and just laid there.... I was like.... "I need to take your blood pressure ...." Apprently in his half asleep state he thought I was trying to fix his telemetry or something. Very akward and funny moment ^_^

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I love Telemetry nursing.

The patient in bed 2 tried to OD on beta blockers at home.

Man Nurse: I answered bed 2s bell when you were in bed 3s room. The patient wants to know when you will bring in the Sotalol dose.

Me: Ok. What???

Man Nurse: Just kidding, the IV was beeping.

Ahahahahahaha hahahahaha let's laugh fuck.

LOL! That's terrible. Dear god I get so tired of IV pumps. I have a fantasy of throwing one out of a patient's window, onto a doc's expensive car.
Are you an RN or an LPN?

Hopeorless1 said:

LOL! That's terrible. Dear god I get so tired of IV pumps. I have a fantasy of throwing one out of a patient's window, onto a doc's expensive car.
Are you an RN or an LPN?

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We have these new neat IV pumps, with drug libraries programmed into them. I like them.

Love your pump! Gravity? How did they manage that? If it is not 'fluids wide open' I put it on a pump. Even if it is 'fluids wide open' I still pump it, cause it goes in faster at 999ml/hour for the liter bag.

I'm a Registered Nutt Nurse.

Aw, I'm looking all over for the label I just had for a blue top.

He says: I sent that blue top for ya.

That is sweetness in a lab tray.

sweepthefloor said:

We have these new neat IV pumps, with drug libraries programmed into them. I like them.

Love your pump! Gravity? How did they manage that? If it is not 'fluids wide open' I put it on a pump. Even if it is 'fluids wide open' I still pump it, cause it goes in faster at 999ml/hour for the liter bag.

I'm a Registered Nutt Nurse.

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Oh wow! Drug libraries? How does that work on a pump? Do you, for instance, select 3gm Unasyn and it goes at the correct speed or what?

Hopeorless1 said:

Oh wow! Drug libraries? How does that work on a pump? Do you, for instance, select 3gm Unasyn and it goes at the correct speed or what?

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SmartPump technology, is as smart as the user commands it to be. The pump will calculate the rate, once you choose the drug and manually enter the dosage/volume/duration.

But it gets even better than that....

The pump is built with both soft limits, and hard limits. It's impossible to infuse Kcl 40meQ over 15 minutes, the pump won't let you. Soft limits are over-ridable, hard limits are not. The limits are based on evidence, and best practice guidelines. It's got the limit on all the drugs.

It also has many other clinical advisories. For example: High risk medications such as Insulin, or Heparin etc, will flash a yellow screen before allowing the nurse to start the infusion, reminding the nurse to get another nurse to check the dosage/rate. The nurse must acknowledge this advisory before actually infusing. It will say: Clinical Advisory, 2 RNs must verify this infusion.

The coolest thing about the SmartPump is the data collection! When the pump is turned on it will ask what the setting is: critical care vs telemetry vs medical. Then it will ask for an ID-- which we are using for location. This information is transmitted wirelessly to a data collection center, (most likely controlled by pharm). This information can be interesting, in many ways. For example random: How much heparin is infused in 1 month on cardiology? Neurology? Compare this to the admission numbers of stroke or MI in the same month...How many times have soft limits been over-ridden? How often does a nurse try to program a medication that is a hard limit? What units have hard limit attempts the most? What is the acuity on that unit? The turn over? The staffing ratio? The census? Question: Before SmartPumps, how many medications went over the hard limit? It won't answer that question but it can give us an idea. How often are nurses titrating certain medications? I am sure, at some point-- this data will be useful for both nursing, and pharmacy.

I think it's a great tool. Nearly every medication, IV fluid, blood product is loaded into the library. It even has a bolus function for many medications!

The pump will even clinical advise what size filter to use for TPN, Amiodarone, Dilantin, etc!! Right on the screen, a yellow clinical advisory: Must use 0.22micron filter with this infusion. !

There is a 'Basic Infusion' option-- if something comes up, that is not in the library yet.

Typing of infusions and pharmacy...can you believe that Tylenol is available for IV infusion now??? I was like seriously? No more rectal APAP for the comatose patients with fevers?

That is absolutely AMAZING!!! Do you guys have to keep up with IV Sheets to track flow, or does the machine do it for you?
All of the settings and everything sound fucking great AND useful- especially for blood!! Does it take long to set up?
Also, I can't believe there is IV tylenol! EFFING A!!!!!!

Hopeorless1 said:

That is absolutely AMAZING!!! Do you guys have to keep up with IV Sheets to track flow, or does the machine do it for you?
All of the settings and everything sound fucking great AND useful- especially for blood!! Does it take long to set up?
Also, I can't believe there is IV tylenol! EFFING A!!!!!!

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No, we must keep accurate I/O flow sheets for the medical record. It does total the volumes but it doesn't flow over to the electronic record.

I like totaling thre I/Os by myself anyway.