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I've 'had' it with 'was'

lovecraft68

lovecraft68

Bad Doggie
Joined
Jul 13, 2009
Posts
42,034
Just venting.

I'm working hard on getting rid of the past tense "was and had" in my writing and its driving me crazy. I think the fact I speak that way isn't helping.

I'm still at a point where on the fly I keep using them and fixing it in edits, but haven't gotten to where I've broken the habit of using them and I hate fixing everything as I go because then it takes forever to write anything.

I told (about to type "I was talking") a reader I talk to frequently about it and their reply of "I doubt anyone really notices" doesn't make this any easier.

I know we should improve for ourselves, but it does add frustration knowing that especially in erotica, a lot of people don't notice or just don't care.

"Fuck off with your 'was' LC and just get that cock in that woman's mouth!"
 
Vernacular speech is abbreviated and coded for swiftness. Your wife knows what you mean. Your kid knows what you mean. Many readers do not know. So we talk to different audiences.

Try this: Post a sticky on your monitor to use a quote or description of action in place of paasive verbs. Because passive verbs exist to speed things along for those who know the back story.
 
MagicaPractica said:
Is it really was and had you want to get rid of or the passive ing?
Click to expand...

I struggle with grammar in general. I recently joined the Rhode Island author's association and in the last year found several members kind enough to read my two horror novels(okay not overly kind its an exchange thing, I've read theirs in return).

They all came back with the same thing. My story telling, character development and dialogue are excellent. My technical writing....not so much.

But as it doesn't come natural to me I do things in small steps. For instance a couple years back I worked on getting rid of "began, started, starting etc.." now I'm on the was had kick, but for now mostly on those two words.
 
What might save you time is just get the first draft written, was and had be damned.

Then on the edit, got back through and "unpack" was and had where necessary. I think once you get used to unpacking those 'thought' verbs during the editing phase, you'll get into the habit of not even using them in a first draft. Good luck.
 
I think the most important thing is being a good storyteller. Just write it the way it comes out as you're telling the story. That way you don't have to interrupt your flow of thought to analyze the perfect way to say it. Get it all out there first. When you go back to proofread or edit, do the fine tuning then. That's just part of the process. Change a phrase, add a description, or reword things to make it more readable. Eventually, the more you write and develope your style, those minor changes become less necessary because you've naturally evolved past that. Don't overthink. Just write. Perfection comes later.
 
I don't see an inherent problem with 'was' or 'had.'

Can you give us an example of the problem and the alternative?
 
NotWise said:
I don't see an inherent problem with 'was' or 'had.'

Can you give us an example of the problem and the alternative?
Click to expand...

My most common "She was wearing a red dress"

That insinuates she 'was' wearing a red dress and changed into something else. The red dress 'was' on her but no longer.

So now I try things like "Megan paused to smooth down her red dress" some other way to describe what she's wearing.

When a character describes a past event/conversation "I had told her. I had gone to work that day."

I told her. I went to work that day.

Course I could even be wrong in what I'm fixing. I am that clueless at times and all the people telling me take an English course of some kind are right except I haven't been in a classroom for 30 years and can barely pay attention to anyone speaking for more than a few minutes...just ask my wife.:eek:
 
lovecraft68 said:
I struggle with grammar in general. I recently joined the Rhode Island author's association and in the last year found several members kind enough to read my two horror novels(okay not overly kind its an exchange thing, I've read theirs in return).

They all came back with the same thing. My story telling, character development and dialogue are excellent. My technical writing....not so much.

But as it doesn't come natural to me I do things in small steps. For instance a couple years back I worked on getting rid of "began, started, starting etc.." now I'm on the was had kick, but for now mostly on those two words.
Click to expand...

I understand. I do agree with the people who have said to get the story out then edit. Your mind becomes more accustomed to looking for it then. I also had someone recommend a website that identifies grammar problems for you, I'm checking with her on what it was and will post it here when I have it.

I agree with Notwise that had and was are not problems in of themselves. They're necessary for giving the time element. I have found myself putting had INTO pieces for one writer recently. I think the problem occurs when they are combined with the ing form of a word, creating a passive voice. "She was liking the way he touched her" instead of "She liked the way he touched her," as a lame example. :)
 
NotWise said:
I don't see an inherent problem with 'was' or 'had.'

Can you give us an example of the problem and the alternative?
Click to expand...

While I was driving to the store, I saw a house for sale.

On my way to the store I saw a house for sale.

During my drive to the store I saw a house for sale.

I passed a house for sale while driving to the store.

One of the houses I drove past on my way to the store had a sign in the yard, listing it for sale.

As I drove along the route to the store, I spotted a house for sale.

Any of the above sentences would work. None of them are the only 'correct' way of saying it. It's preference, but depending on the surrounding content, one might work better than the other.
 
lovecraft68 said:
Just venting.

I'm working hard on getting rid of the past tense "was and had" in my writing and its driving me crazy. .....
Click to expand...

I know exactly what you mean coz I'm going thru that myself. I wrote my last story with "I'm..." instead of "I was...". I'm trying to make my writing more immediate and "in the reader's head" so I tried switching to "present continuous" tense ("I'm working...") and really like how it works. I'm going backwards and forwards now, with a couple of stories I'm working on in "present continuous" and a couple in past tense.

Never really even thought about these before. I've just written what I wrote without knowing anything much about tenses and the different tense forms of past and present tense. It's definitely a lack of technical knowledge on my part too and it's something I'm giving myself a crash course in. I probably learnt some of this at High School but if I did it never stuck.
 
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MagicaPractica said:
I understand. I do agree with the people who have said to get the story out then edit. Your mind becomes more accustomed to looking for it then. I also had someone recommend a website that identifies grammar problems for you, I'm checking with her on what it was and will post it here when I have it.

I agree with Notwise that had and was are not problems in of themselves. They're necessary for giving the time element. I have found myself putting had INTO pieces for one writer recently. I think the problem occurs when they are combined with the ing form of a word, creating a passive voice. "She was liking the way he touched her" instead of "She liked the way he touched her," as a lame example. :)
Click to expand...

Right had and was have a purpose, like all words, but like all words can be used incorrectly or as someone told me in this case its a lazy way out. Everything in moderation is how I fee about most things and I beat the crap out of those words in my past writing.
 
A classic stance against the passive voice is to avoid things like "the ball was thrown across the room," and instead use active e.g. "Sarah threw the ball across the room." But I think the passive "was" is justified sometimes. I mostly write in 3rd person, but focusing on the feelings and experiences of one protagonist. In instances where she is the subject of an activity, I think e.g.

"She was carried across the room, and carefully lowered onto the bed."

can be more appropriate than

"They carried her across the room, and carefully lowered her onto the bed."
 
I went through the process of removing a lot of the "ings" from my stories and I keep at it today. That's a similar process.

I see the problem I think, and I like your solutions. I might tend toward simpler phrases.

lovecraft68 said:
My most common "She was wearing a red dress"
Click to expand...

"She wore a red dress." Would be an alternative.

So now I try things like "Megan paused to smooth down her red dress" some other way to describe what she's wearing.
Click to expand...

That's not just a change in grammar, but a considerable upgrade to the imagery.

When a character describes a past event/conversation "I had told her. I had gone to work that day."

I told her. I went to work that day.
Click to expand...

"I told her I went to work that day."

or

"I told her, 'I went to work that day.'"

are options.
 
Caught this just now.

Julie sounded as turned on as Jess was.

Julie sounded as turned on as Jess. No need for was.
 
tomlitilia said:
A classic stance against the passive voice is to avoid things like "the ball was thrown across the room," and instead use active e.g. "Sarah threw the ball across the room."But I think the passive "was" is justified sometimes. I mostly write in 3rd person, but focusing on the feelings and experiences of one protagonist. In instances where she is the subject of an activity, I think e.g.

"She was carried across the room, and carefully lowered onto the bed."

can be more appropriate than

"They carried her across the room, and carefully lowered her onto the bed."
Click to expand...

I agree. But it's still a matter of preference and the surrounding content. I could write a paragraph in which each of those sentences would sound better . . . at least to me and maybe some others. (Preference)
 
I've heard you speak, LC. It's not the grammar, it's that fucking Rhode Island accent. :D
 
My friend recommends ProWritingAid. I can't add an endorsement at this point as I haven't tried it.
 
It aint Rhode Islamd. I got plenty of family from Rhode Island who speak American.
 
I'll spare Lady Lovecraft whose head is up her ass.

The real solution to his problem is to pull head from ass and read/listen to people who know what to do. He wont, but its what sane people do.
 
NOIRTRASH said:
It aint Rhode Islamd. I got plenty of family from Rhode Island who speak American.
Click to expand...

I was born and spent years in South Providence (Oxford street, you can run that buy your family) too awhile just for me to stop sounding black. I was Steve Martin from the Jerk.
 
lovecraft68 said:
I was born and spent years in South Providence (Oxford street, you can run that buy your family) too awhile just for me to stop sounding black. I was Steve Martin from the Jerk.
Click to expand...

My kin are from Providence, prolly the white part.
 
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