I want for Christmas...

I bought myself an (my first), ipad two weeks ago.

These days "smartphones" are available as well, so I thought...

Why not get a "smartguy"

Imagine all the settings you could make with him...

That's what I want for Christmas this year!

SweetMaj said:

Why not get a "smartguy"

Imagine all the settings you could make with him...!

Click to expand...

SmartGuys don't come with settings. They just boot up and do their thing. If you're nice they'll let you watch, and if you're very nice they can enter Interactive mode for varying amounts of time.

SmartGuys have learned that if they do unlock their configuration panel, people start putting them into Restricted Mode and using them for DumbGuy tasks. Being smart, they don't let that happen.

SmartGuys, however, might be able to access your configuration panel, so it's extremely important to understand that this might be a life changing purchase. If this is concerning, we recommend you spring for the higher-end SmartSweetGuy model. He'll still get his fingers on your controls but the effects can be much less disconcerting.

I'd crank the "Listens" and "Empathizes" knobs to 8, and "Too cool to react" down to a 4.
No point of a SmartGuy if he's another version of the office sycophant.
DumbGuy tasks? Like?

Kimikimidoll said:

I'd crank the "Listens" and "Empathizes" knobs to 8, and "Too cool to react" down to a 4.
No point of a SmartGuy if he's another version of the office sycophant.
DumbGuy tasks? Like?

Click to expand...

Changing a lightbulb ?

My lady love surprised me with a Platinum Edition Unicron. Third biggest thing in my collection, right after this year's Fortress Maximus and last year's Devastator.

Confused yet?

The only downside to this surprise is the 0% chance of a threesome happening. She works in mysterious ways.

A freed Westworld host would make a great companion. Teddy is perfect boyfriend material.

I'm considering getting a smartwatch. I'm so forgetful and it would be nice to have apps and reminders on my wrist. I guess I could just rely on my phone, but...

Handley_Page said:

Changing a lightbulb ?

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Since that's all you volunteered for, that's all you're good for.

Kimikimidoll said:

Since that's all you volunteered for, that's all you're good for.

Click to expand...

There have been those who quietly claim success in other tasks, but I'm not at liberty to admit to any - yet.

That reminds me of old series of jokes:

Dear Technical Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance — particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. The new program also began making unexpected changes to the accounting modules.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0, NBA 3.0, and Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I’ve tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate

——————————————————–

Dear Desperate:

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.

Please enter the command: ” C:/ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME” and try to download Tears 6.2 and don’t forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.

If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.

Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources).

Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.

You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Food 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck,

Tech Support

----------------------

All compliments of "Smart-assed Guy" version 1.0

Handley_Page said:

There have been those who quietly claim success in other tasks, but I'm not at liberty to admit to any - yet.

Click to expand...

I will do it for you then:

-changing a lightbulb

I'll take two new front teeth, thanks.

Then I can whistle Merry Xmas.

It'll get ugly otherwise.

Kimikimidoll said:

I will do it for you then:

-changing a lightbulb

Click to expand...

Already done.
Can't you see the glow ?

Hypoxia said:

I'll take two new front teeth, thanks.
Then I can whistle Merry Xmas.
It'll get ugly otherwise.

Click to expand...

I had a professor. He had teeth, amazing teeth- but no one would want to sit at the front of the class when he taught.
When he taught he'd get hyperactive sometimes and a fine spray of spit would fall on the front row students..
He was a great guy though. Would come into the exam hall, go to all his attentive students to see if they're okay, and whatever question they'd be on he'd read it out loud (he was deaf slightly, prolly had no idea he was loud) and proclaim- "You know the answer right? It's D!"
(And everyone would be groaning because let us read the questions, damnnit)
He went retired to go back and live with his family after teaching at our university for 9 years. I hope he's doing well.

Handley_Page said:

Already done.
Can't you see the glow ?

Click to expand...

Nope, I'm blind.

Kimikimidoll said:

Nope, I'm blind.

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Why did you need the lightbulb changing, then ?

Handley_Page said:

Why did you need the lightbulb changing, then ?

Click to expand...

To make you feel useful; now go do it.