The overuse of the pronoun "I"... is it just me?

[StillStunned]

Or maybe focus on something other than *I*, *I*, *I*. Have you ever considered why songs like Eleanor Rigby are so highly regarded? Because they break the pattern of songs that are all about "this is all about me and my feelings".

Even if you're writing in the first person, try focusing on what's happening with other people, what they're doing, what they might be thinking.

Readers aren't likely to identify much with a narrator who keeps telling them what they're feeling and thinking. But a narrator who lets them guess what's happening around them, how they're affecting other people, that's much more appealing.

 

[stickygirl]

Or maybe focus on something other than *I*, *I*, *I*. Have you ever considered why songs like Eleanor Rigby are so highly regarded? Because they break the pattern of songs that are all about "this is all about me and my feelings".

Even if you're writing in the first person, try focusing on what's happening with other people, what they're doing, what they might be thinking.

Readers aren't likely to identify much with a narrator who keeps telling them what they're feeling and thinking. But a narrator who lets them guess what's happening around them, how they're affecting other people, that's much more appealing.

Were they the first to do that? In a general way? Hadn't joined those dots

 

[StillStunned]

Were they the first to do that? In a general way? Hadn't joined those dots

No idea. I just used it as an example of a song that doesn't have your standard "me and you and how I feel about you" lyrics.

 

[intim8]

I led my girlfriend over to her bed and kissed her warm lips. I started to unbutton the loose blouse that slowly opened to reveal the smooth gentle swells of her breasts. I found myself sliding the blouse off her shoulders and letting it fall to the floor. I couldn’t help myself, I had to look.

Instead.

Leading my girlfriend over to her bed and then kissing her warm lips was just a warmup. My fingers nervously fumbled with each button as the smooth gentle swells of her breasts were exposed to my young eyes for the first time. Shamelessly, my eyes drank in the masterpiece that stood before me.

This actually made me check a couple of my first person stories, just in case. Turns out, I must instinctively know to avoid it, because I don't recall ever consciously thinking about it.

Example (the whole style of the story is the MC explicitly telling the reader a story, hence the use of "you"):

I didn't linger on those lips for long. She'd told me flat out which lips she wanted my mouth on, so this was more about getting her synapses tuned up than convincing her to let me get into her non-existent pants.

I'll spare you the gory details... (wait... hello? are you still there?), but I eventually made my way down to glory, and after circling the honeypot for a while, teasing, feinting, making a few test probes and parries, just making sure she really, desperately wanted me to get on with it, I dove in.

I didn't even need to use my fingers. She seemed to enjoy it, unless she was just coincidentally experiencing a medically alarming episode. Either way, she eventually recovered fully aside from some abrasions on her back where she slid down along the rough brick after her knees gave out.

I think your example goes too far the other way, making it sound too passive, too impersonal. I didn't see it, my eyes did, that kind of thing. And, as others have commented, not all the focus is on the character, it pays to talk about the other people involved, what they are doing, what they at least appear to be feeling.

 

[M_K_Babalon]

It's just a thing to contend with. I do try and use as little as possible in a sentance where I think it'd be redundant, because even if it is the right way, it doesn't look good.

Like in Subway Ride I wrote; he ran up to the platform with the bike slung over his shoulder, or something to that affect. The mod on Lush made me change it to; he ran up to the platform with his bike slung over his shoulder, or something like that. To me "his" is redundant. I try to mix up the he, she, him, her, etc with names.

 

[MillieDynamite]

Lush is a sucky sight for writers. They want stiffly written sentences with picture-perfect grammar.

It's just a thing to contend with. I do try and use as little as possible in a sentance where I think it'd be redundant, because even if it is the right way, it doesn't look good.

Like in Subway Ride I wrote; he ran up to the platform with the bike slung over his shoulder, or something to that affect. The mod on Lush made me change it to; he ran up to the platform with his bike slung over his shoulder, or something like that. To me "his" is redundant. I try to mix up the he, she, him, her, etc with names.

 

[M_K_Babalon]

Lush is a sucky sight for writers. They want stiffly written sentences with picture-perfect grammar.

Yeah. I'm not saying I'm an expert[that I should be] on grammar and such, although they do help with getting it together, I think I know enough to bend the rules here and there. The "I polished off the rest for you" is rather concerning, especially knowing it wasn't that bad, and having gone over several times because each resubmission has them going "one more thing" like Jackie Chans cartoon uncle.

 

[MillieDynamite]

Or Columbo leaving a room, "Just one more thing, sir."

Yeah. I'm not saying I'm an expert[that I should be] on grammar and such, although they do help with getting it together, I think I know enough to bend the rules here and there. The "I polished off the rest for you" is rather concerning, especially knowing it wasn't that bad, and having gone over several times because each resubmission has them going "one more thing" like Jackie Chans cartoon uncle.

 

[KitOwsley]

As a kid, when I first started reading novels, I'd sometimes pause to scan the first words of paragraphs and sentences on the page I was about to read. If most paragraphs started with "I," "He," "She," "The," "A," or the name of a character, I was vaguely disappointed in the author. If the first words of sentences were more varied, I was impressed.

 

[Mastered_again]

You move to the typewriter, flex your fingers, putting your fingers to the keys, and you type, "2nd person sucks big donkey dicks."

Just don't submit it in your story. Against the rules, regardless if you're the first or second person.

 

[SimonDoom]

Or Columbo leaving a room, "Just one more thing, sir."

We're not looking for your prints.

My fingerprints are on those paintings.

 

[Djmac1031]

Ah, the problem of I bombs...

Dammit. Just finished a 1st Person narrative and now feeling self conscious about all the "I bombs."

Gonna edit. Again.