I just submitted my first story...

[FreyaGersemi]

My first story has been published on the site!! One vote so far, but it was a 5-star

Cute story, very "writerly". Freya was very determined, but poor young what's his face won't be able to keep up!

A couple of paragraphs tense-shifted towards the end, which leapt out at me - but don't worry, we've all done that on occasion. Also, ? just by itself, not ?,

Thank you so much for taking the time to comment!!

Yeah... I wondered if it was too writerly... But that's how I write. I actually have to consciously reign in my vocabulary or else it would start to sound like an academic dissertation!!

Trust me, "what's his face" will be able to keep up!! As a strong woman, I write strong women. But as the chapters unfurl, she has some frailties, too.

And, yup. If you mean verb tense, that is always a huge problem for me. I'm a terrible copy editor. I just write and can barely keep up with the ideas in my head. Since I started writing erotica (a few weeks ago), I've been waking up at 4:00, just so I can write for 3-4 hours before the rest of the house is up. And I still try to carve out another couple of hours during the day!

What did you mean by: "Also, ? just by itself, not ?"

 

[FreyaGersemi]

My first story has been published on the site!! One vote so far, but it was a 5-star!!!

And someone just "favorited" it! Maybe I'm not as terrible as my mind is always trying to convince that I am!!! Or maybe people are just being charitable towards my first submission... shut up, damn brain...

 

[geronimo_appleby]

Okay. Someone above also mentioned that stories on Literotica that get a lot of positive responses may get noticed by an agent. So, maybe I'll just post for free and see if anything happens. I didn't just wake up one day and think I had a "make it rich quick" scheme or anything. I just figured I would see where this may lead.

that's how i managed to get involved in the scripts. one of the team at the prod company put something up in the AH.

 

[MillieDynamite]

Give us a link. Why you ask? Silly girl, we want to read it!

My first story has been published on the site!! One vote so far, but it was a 5-star!!!

 

[FreyaGersemi]

Give us a link. Why you ask? Silly girl, we want to read it!

Oh! I didn't want to clutter things up with self-serving promotion, but since you asked...
https://literotica.com/s/chapter-01-the-first-blowjob

 

[ElectricBlue]

Yeah... I wondered if it was too writerly... But that's how I write. I actually have to consciously reign in my vocabulary or else it would start to sound like an academic dissertation!!

You'll relax more into erotica as you write more of it, I reckon, and get past your academic voice (yes, one can tell). One suggestion: sprinkle in more dialogue, show more, less tell. I found myself waiting for them to speak!

Trust me, "what's his face" will be able to keep up!! As a strong woman, I write strong women. But as the chapters unfurl, she has some frailties, too.

I'm always far more interested in the female characters, which is why I forgot your MC's name, but he seemed ready to faint quite a lot! I found myself waiting for him to breath!

Yes, Freya was refreshingly strong. Here's a hint, do your homework on the various categories, there are some where readers don't much like women with minds of their own.

And, yup. If you mean verb tense, that is always a huge problem for me. I'm a terrible copy editor. I just write and can barely keep up with the ideas in my head. Since I started writing erotica (a few weeks ago), I've been waking up at 4:00, just so I can write for 3-4 hours before the rest of the house is up. And I still try to carve out another couple of hours during the day!

It was only a few paras towards the end, as if you'd got tired during an edit session - but the rest was so consistent it did throw me, not right out, but enough to read back over a few paras. You don't want readers doing that, especially not @SimonDoom (who I thank yet constantly plot revenge, for pointing it out on one of my earlier stories, which I've still not fixed).

What did you mean by: "Also, ? just by itself, not ?"

Haha, my own edit eyes caught me. Should read: ?" just by itself, not ?,"

You keep putting a comma after question marks, in your dialogue. You don't need the comma if the sentence ends with a question mark or an exclamation mark. And on one occasion, I think you missed the leading capital in a piece of dialogue, but I don't think it was a run on sentence. It was in the same section as the tense slips, so I reckon you got tired during edit, and missed it. Edit more than once!

 

[MillieDynamite]

Why not? Most of us do self-promote here.

Oh! I didn't want to clutter things up with self-serving promotion, but since you asked...
https://literotica.com/s/chapter-01-the-first-blowjob

I'll read this when I'm done writing for the day. Which I must return to, if I'm to finish what I want to today.

 

[FreyaGersemi]

Why not? Most of us do self-promote here.

I'll read this when I'm done writing for the day. Which I must return to, if I'm to finish what I want to today.

Hope your writing session was productive!! I'm still learning the social mores of Literotica. And if you choose to comment on my first story, I would be very interested in reading those comments!!

 

[MillieDynamite]

I've been working all day. I just read and commented on your story. Now, I'm going have some time with wife and son. He's calling me, telling me Momma Jo wants me to come and help her. I've neglected the two of them all weekend. Bye the Bye, it's a great story and I gave you !

Hope your writing session was productive!! I'm still learning the social mores of Literotica. And if you choose to comment on my first story, I would be very interested in reading those comments!!

 

[geronimo_appleby]

You'll relax more into erotica as you write more of it, I reckon, and get past your academic voice (yes, one can tell). One suggestion: sprinkle in more dialogue, show more, less tell. I found myself waiting for them to speak!

I'm always far more interested in the female characters, which is why I forgot your MC's name, but he seemed ready to faint quite a lot! I found myself waiting for him to breath!

Yes, Freya was refreshingly strong. Here's a hint, do your homework on the various categories, there are some where readers don't much like women with minds of their own.

It was only a few paras towards the end, as if you'd got tired during an edit session - but the rest was so consistent it did throw me, not right out, but enough to read back over a few paras. You don't want readers doing that, especially not @SimonDoom (who I thank yet constantly plot revenge, for pointing it out on one of my earlier stories, which I've still not fixed).

Haha, my own edit eyes caught me. Should read: ?" just by itself, not ?,"

You keep putting a comma after question marks, in your dialogue. You don't need the comma if the sentence ends with a question mark or an exclamation mark. And on one occasion, I think you missed the leading capital in a piece of dialogue, but I don't think it was a run on sentence. It was in the same section as the tense slips, so I reckon you got tired during edit, and missed it. Edit more than once!

ref getting tired:

i set a timer to 35 mins. it works well most of the time. breaking away from whatever at those intervals stops me from rushing with a particular scene. often, in the moment, it pisses me off because it breaks concentration. but that can be useful in itself when i go back in with a refreshed perspective.

takes discipline, though.

 

[ElectricBlue]

ref getting tired:

i set a timer to 35 mins. it works well most of the time. breaking away from whatever at those intervals stops me from rushing with a particular scene. often, in the moment, it pisses me off because it breaks concentration. but that can be useful in itself when i go back in with a refreshed perspective.

takes discipline, though.

That's a variation on, "Write at night when you're hot, edit in the morning when you've cooled down."

 

[Devinter]

I read the story. Enjoyable - you've got great potential. A few aspects of it was a little rough around the edges but that's completely expected; you'll get better and better with each story you upload!

If you are looking for constructive criticism: My biggest gripe was that it felt like Freya had ten times the personality compared to Alex, whom didn't feel nearly as fleshed out. Pun somewhat intended. It definitely doesn't have to be 50/50 by the way - it's absolutely okay for Freya to be the lead, and the sexy one - but in this case, Alex almost felt like a blank slate.

Loved the scenario though. It was cute, and in some obscure way a little romantic. You could really feel that Freya cared for her boyfriend, and capturing that 'young love' feeling can be rather difficult, but you did it flawlessly! So amazingly well done there. I disagree with the commenter that said the story felt rushed. Sure, there wasn't a ton of set-up but not every story needs heaps of background information. This was a blowjob story, and it had plenty of blowjob in it (percentage wise), and the blowjob was done well! I gave you five stars!

 

[Michael682]

And someone just "favorited" it! Maybe I'm not as terrible as my mind is always trying to convince that I am!!! Or maybe people are just being charitable towards my first submission... shut up, damn brain...

As someone who favorited it, no it was not terrible - shut up brain. Wanted to be able to find it (and thus the rest of the series) in the future.

 

[geronimo_appleby]

That's a variation on, "Write at night when you're hot, edit in the morning when you've cooled down."

i'm usually drunk at night.

so, write drunk, edit sober?

 

[Duleigh]

How do I cash in??

I've been a published author for almost 30 years, have self-published books, written articles for print media,

Sounds like you already are cashing in

 

[FreyaGersemi]

You'll relax more into erotica as you write more of it, I reckon, and get past your academic voice (yes, one can tell). One suggestion: sprinkle in more dialogue, show more, less tell. I found myself waiting for them to speak!

I'm always far more interested in the female characters, which is why I forgot your MC's name, but he seemed ready to faint quite a lot! I found myself waiting for him to breath!

Yes, Freya was refreshingly strong. Here's a hint, do your homework on the various categories, there are some where readers don't much like women with minds of their own.

It was only a few paras towards the end, as if you'd got tired during an edit session - but the rest was so consistent it did throw me, not right out, but enough to read back over a few paras. You don't want readers doing that, especially not @SimonDoom (who I thank yet constantly plot revenge, for pointing it out on one of my earlier stories, which I've still not fixed).

Haha, my own edit eyes caught me. Should read: ?" just by itself, not ?,"

You keep putting a comma after question marks, in your dialogue. You don't need the comma if the sentence ends with a question mark or an exclamation mark. And on one occasion, I think you missed the leading capital in a piece of dialogue, but I don't think it was a run on sentence. It was in the same section as the tense slips, so I reckon you got tired during edit, and missed it. Edit more than once!

Thank you. I truly appreciate the time you spent with your suggestions. I just submitted a re-edited version. Thank you!!

 

[FreyaGersemi]

I've been working all day. I just read and commented on your story. Now, I'm going have some time with wife and son. He's calling me, telling me Momma Jo wants me to come and help her. I've neglected the two of them all weekend. Bye the Bye, it's a great story and I gave you !

Thank you!! I just submitted a re-edited version addressing some readers' suggestions. A big one being that the male character seemed almost invisible. I guess I was trying too hard to write for a male-dominated audience. :-( As well as a second story!

 

[FreyaGersemi]

I read the story. Enjoyable - you've got great potential. A few aspects of it was a little rough around the edges but that's completely expected; you'll get better and better with each story you upload!

If you are looking for constructive criticism: My biggest gripe was that it felt like Freya had ten times the personality compared to Alex, whom didn't feel nearly as fleshed out. Pun somewhat intended. It definitely doesn't have to be 50/50 by the way - it's absolutely okay for Freya to be the lead, and the sexy one - but in this case, Alex almost felt like a blank slate.

Loved the scenario though. It was cute, and in some obscure way a little romantic. You could really feel that Freya cared for her boyfriend, and capturing that 'young love' feeling can be rather difficult, but you did it flawlessly! So amazingly well done there. I disagree with the commenter that said the story felt rushed. Sure, there wasn't a ton of set-up but not every story needs heaps of background information. This was a blowjob story, and it had plenty of blowjob in it (percentage wise), and the blowjob was done well! I gave you five stars!

Thank you so much!! I just submitted a re-edited version, fixing some grammar and whatnot, but the biggest thing was to bring the male character more into focus. He now has a little backstory and some personality. I think I was trying too hard to write for a male audience. But you are right! If I write what I want to write (a real story), then I do have to pay more attention to the story!! Thank you for pointing that out to me!!!!

 

[FreyaGersemi]

As someone who favorited it, no it was not terrible - shut up brain. Wanted to be able to find it (and thus the rest of the series) in the future.

I just submitted a second story.

 

[FreyaGersemi]

Sounds like you already are cashing in

I wish! :-0

 

[MillieDynamite]

When your new story is up, go the thread What have you posted recently?, and put up a link.

Thank you!! I just submitted a re-edited version addressing some readers' suggestions. A big one being that the male character seemed almost invisible. I guess I was trying too hard to write for a male-dominated audience. :-( As well as a second story!

 

[ElectricBlue]

When your new story is up, go the thread What have you posted recently?, and put up a link.

Also: New Story Advertisements
@FreyaGersemi

 

[Gamblnluck]

ah... I wondered if it was too writerly... But that's how I write. I actually have to consciously reign in my vocabulary or else it would start to sound like an academic dissertation!!

As a professional writer, remember to write for your audience.
Many authors here forget that. On authors hangout they will say, "I write for myself." "I don't care what the readers think!" Then they lament the response to their 'masterpiece' was not commiserate with what they deserved. After all they worked hard. (Hell, I work hard on all my stories. I don't want to be known for crap.)
They blame the readers for being misogynistic incels or only wanting some formulaic story they refuse to provide, when in reality their story is best suited for another category.
I have have only a couple real flops. Some did not get the response I'd hope for. I've seen poorer written 'jerk off fodder' get better scoring. That is on me for putting my story in the wrong place.
I've had a bdsm story barely only get 7 comments after 3 years. An incest story get totally panned in the comments. Did I post it in the wrong category? Not sure. Even those who said I told the story well said it did not do it for them.
Audiences are weird.

 

[MillieDynamite]

First, I write for me. It's worked well for Stephen King. Second, what I write appeals to others. But I don't pander to the odd request to write to any one person's kink. I don't get someone pregnant because that's what jerk-off Moe, Deckless, or Harry Balls wants. I attempt to write well, I hope it is well received, and I don't obsess over scores, or nasty comments. I don't delete most of those. Often, their postings show the poster's ignorance. If you try to write to a wide interest base, you're losing your focus.

 

[ShelbyDawn57]

First, I write for me. It's worked well for Stephen King. Second, what I write appeals to others. But I don't pander to the odd request to write to any one person's kink. I don't get someone pregnant because that's what jerk-off Moe, Deckless, or Harry Balls wants. I attempt to write well, I hope it is well received, and I don't obsess over scores, or nasty comments. I don't delete most of those. Often, their postings show the poster's ignorance. If you try to write to a wide interest base, you're losing your focus.

Can I #MeToo your post?

I absolutely write for me. While not autobiographical, most of my stories are variations on me dealing with my own dysphoria. But in writing for me, I also do my best to have relatable characters that people will like, or hate, as the case may be.

It is also important to write well and to tell an engaging story. Even my shorter works tell a story and are more than just wankers(I love that word. Thank you my Empirical friends)

I find that having those two things, characters people care about, and an engaging story will carry pretty much anything well. This being an erotica site, well that's important, too. One of my best stories is 21K long and doesn't have any sex until the last page or so. It carries a 4.88/853.