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Couple fantasizes about swinging, but how to start?

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HeavenInOne

Virgin
Joined
Aug 25, 2017
Posts
12
My girlfriend and I trust each other greatly and have been in a relationship for 3 years. We are very open about our sexuality and often fantasize about swinging together. We are both bi.

Ultimately I guess my question is how does a couple start to dip their toe into swinging so to speak? Our relationship is more important than anything, but the majority of sex now includes us talking about how much we'd love to see the other fuck someone else. I think a part of that comes from the fact that we are each others firsts. To be clear we aren't into cuckolding, but are into the idea sharing and exhibitionism.

For those who have some experience, what is your advice? And even for those who don't I'd like to hear your suggestions. :heart:
 
It's not my thing but I know people who are into it. They usually go to a swingers club. Look online for some in your area.
 
Jada59 said:
It's not my thing but I know people who are into it. They usually go to a swingers club. Look online for some in your area.
Click to expand...

Id be interested to talk to someone who has been to one so we could know more about that environment
 
why not talk to the management of the clubs - only takes a phone call or email

you could probably be at one tonight - checking it out
 
NightL said:
why not talk to the management of the clubs - only takes a phone call or email

you could probably be at one tonight - checking it out
Click to expand...

That's a good point, I hadn't considered that. Unfortunately it's too late where I am to do so tonight
 
You start by going to a dating sites and searching for a pair (or a single person) who wants to swing or find friends for group sex.
You then talk to those people, see if you like each other, maybe meet for a dinner. And then you just arrange when to meet and go and do your thing.

I never did it myself, but what I would do is meet on neutral grounds - take 2 hotel rooms for the night, and just separate between them. Or you can do that in one of your houses - have the men wait in their rooms, and girls could come to them (or vice versa, whatever makes you most comfortable).

I would not recommend doing that in the same room to begin with, because that adds extra stress and tension.

I think the most important part here is really chose a pair that you feel comfortable with. Each of you needs to be sexually attracted to the partners you plan to sleep with. If one of you is excited, but the other has concerns - I think it's better to politely disengage and look for another pair. That's why you arrange a dinner/meeting together in person, to see each other and decide.

Good luck!

p.s. swinger clubs work too, but sometimes they are not available near your place, or you don't like them. I would think personal approach is better.:cattail:
 
Nezhul said:
You start by going to a dating sites and searching for a pair (or a single person) who wants to swing or find friends for group sex.
You then talk to those people, see if you like each other, maybe meet for a dinner. And then you just arrange when to meet and go and do your thing.

I never did it myself, but what I would do is meet on neutral grounds - take 2 hotel rooms for the night, and just separate between them. Or you can do that in one of your houses - have the men wait in their rooms, and girls could come to them (or vice versa, whatever makes you most comfortable).

I would not recommend doing that in the same room to begin with, because that adds extra stress and tension.

I think the most important part here is really chose a pair that you feel comfortable with. Each of you needs to be sexually attracted to the partners you plan to sleep with. If one of you is excited, but the other has concerns - I think it's better to politely disengage and look for another pair. That's why you arrange a dinner/meeting together in person, to see each other and decide.

Good luck!

p.s. swinger clubs work too, but sometimes they are not available near your place, or you don't like them. I would think personal approach is better.:cattail:
Click to expand...

Thank you for the advice! I really like what you said about getting the two separate hotel rooms, I do think that would help relieve some of the awkwardness. Do you have any dating sites in particular in mind? Or do you think generally any of them work?
 
I just googled swing clubs in my area and found one not a block away from where I live. Who knew?
 
I have no idea what it would be like to plan for such an occasion. Planning probably involves expectations which may or may not be met. If expectations are not met would that lead to disappointment or other emotions?

I can't offer advice really beyond what I have experienced. The following may provide some insights as to how things worked for us.

Most of my experiences have been spontaneous and with friends. They were fun and of no expectations, so no disappointments.

If you are a confident flirty couple then you are likely to attract others who are similar. You are obviously not going to flirt with people you are not attracted to.

I/we were fortunate and the experiences did not impact on our friendships. There were repeat spontaneous occasions and some were just the one time. Being friends allowed the in-between moments or the next day to be just friends. There was no "I just couldn't wait to get out of there" moments. We always played together as a couple and did not separate off to other rooms or locations.

We were members of a fetish club for years. The club had two sections, one open to the public and a members only area which had playrooms. Our social times there were spread throughout the club and to be honest the playrooms eventually lost their attraction. We were there to socialise, dance and be chatty and flirty with many of our friends there and not to isolate ourselves away in back playrooms, we could do that after the club. Initially the playrooms were a lot of fun to experience.

The people who attended varied from being totally oblivious to the members area or just not having any interest to dedicated swingers and everything in-between. The club was very good at assessing open minded, respectful patrons. There was no pressure to be involved in any activity even in the members only section which still had rooms for bar and dance areas.

With this type of environment you could ease into it. Flirt, socialise, make friends then slip into the play areas, just as a couple, to have your own fun while watching others. If ever invited to join others you could easily say yes or no.

Many people in such an environment are exhibitionists and don't mind an audience. You don't have to participate with others at all or until you are ready. You don't have to disrobe or be naked, you could just cuddle up in a corner and watch. If it is too intense or you decide it not your thing you can go back out to the dance and bar rooms and continue to have a fun night.

I have enduring friends from those times, some I flirted with and others not. Occasionally we still head out for a night of dancing and mischievous fun.

I am sure many dedicated swinger clubs will be similar to what I wrote above. As I mentioned in my previous post, just ask them what their set up consists of and the type of nights they put on. The most important thing is to realise people will be friendly and chatty just like any other social situation. Don't be afraid to approach people and say hello. If you are open about your interests and concerns you will get honest answers. You may make some wonderful friends along the way.
 
My wife and I were swingers when we were much younger - which was quite a while ago. I made a lot of mistakes that had I had access to the blog site shown in the next sentence, I would have avoided. I would strongly suggest both of you listen to as many of the audio blogs as possible on a site "swingerdiaries" on podbean. I believe you will be able to find it with a quick search. It is posted by a couple with a lot of very good information.

It is much easier now to find fellow swingers and there are some nice couples-only swinger resorts that get good reviews. Back in the day - there were a couple of swinger magazines that came out once every couple months with ads sorted by state - was not the best way.
 
NightL said:
I have no idea what it would be like to plan for such an occasion. Planning probably involves expectations which may or may not be met. If expectations are not met would that lead to disappointment or other emotions?

I can't offer advice really beyond what I have experienced. The following may provide some insights as to how things worked for us.

Most of my experiences have been spontaneous and with friends. They were fun and of no expectations, so no disappointments.

If you are a confident flirty couple then you are likely to attract others who are similar. You are obviously not going to flirt with people you are not attracted to.

I/we were fortunate and the experiences did not impact on our friendships. There were repeat spontaneous occasions and some were just the one time. Being friends allowed the in-between moments or the next day to be just friends. There was no "I just couldn't wait to get out of there" moments. We always played together as a couple and did not separate off to other rooms or locations.

We were members of a fetish club for years. The club had two sections, one open to the public and a members only area which had playrooms. Our social times there were spread throughout the club and to be honest the playrooms eventually lost their attraction. We were there to socialise, dance and be chatty and flirty with many of our friends there and not to isolate ourselves away in back playrooms, we could do that after the club. Initially the playrooms were a lot of fun to experience.

The people who attended varied from being totally oblivious to the members area or just not having any interest to dedicated swingers and everything in-between. The club was very good at assessing open minded, respectful patrons. There was no pressure to be involved in any activity even in the members only section which still had rooms for bar and dance areas.

With this type of environment you could ease into it. Flirt, socialise, make friends then slip into the play areas, just as a couple, to have your own fun while watching others. If ever invited to join others you could easily say yes or no.

Many people in such an environment are exhibitionists and don't mind an audience. You don't have to participate with others at all or until you are ready. You don't have to disrobe or be naked, you could just cuddle up in a corner and watch. If it is too intense or you decide it not your thing you can go back out to the dance and bar rooms and continue to have a fun night.

I have enduring friends from those times, some I flirted with and others not. Occasionally we still head out for a night of dancing and mischievous fun.

I am sure many dedicated swinger clubs will be similar to what I wrote above. As I mentioned in my previous post, just ask them what their set up consists of and the type of nights they put on. The most important thing is to realise people will be friendly and chatty just like any other social situation. Don't be afraid to approach people and say hello. If you are open about your interests and concerns you will get honest answers. You may make some wonderful friends along the way.
Click to expand...

Thank you for the insight into the swingers club environment! It sound's like its very chill and inclusive I'm happy about that. We might just have to try one out. I hope its very similar to the one you described
 
DWW said:
My wife and I were swingers when we were much younger - which was quite a while ago. I made a lot of mistakes that had I had access to the blog site shown in the next sentence, I would have avoided. I would strongly suggest both of you listen to as many of the audio blogs as possible on a site "swingerdiaries" on podbean. I believe you will be able to find it with a quick search. It is posted by a couple with a lot of very good information.

It is much easier now to find fellow swingers and there are some nice couples-only swinger resorts that get good reviews. Back in the day - there were a couple of swinger magazines that came out once every couple months with ads sorted by state - was not the best way.
Click to expand...

Oh amazing! Thank you for the reference I'll start listening to these right away. I hadn't considered looking into podcasts
 
One thing I forgot to say about the casual meeting with another couple - is that you have the first meeting in a restaurant or whatever, but you do not commit or agree to anything on that meeting. The reason is, one of you may feel forced to agree to swing with them, seeing the other's excitement.

The right thing to do is just talk it over, have a nice chat, then agree to have a call and discuss everything the next day.

This gives you time to discuss them with your beloved in the privacy of your home. Did she like the man? Does she want to have sex with him? Any concerns she has? And vice versa with you.
You reach a decision weather or not you wanna swing, and discuss it with the other pair the next day.

It's totally fine to turn them down. Also, don't be discouraged by being turned down yourself. Just like with dating, not all people are meant for each other. Sometimes some of you just doesn't feel the chemistry, and it's twice as much variables with four people than it is with two. Even four times as much, because each of you looks at BOTH the male and female of the other pair.

Just like with dating - it's better to keep looking and find yourself a good match. If you do, you can swing multiple times with them
 
Zeb_Carter said:
I just googled swing clubs in my area and found one not a block away from where I live. Who knew?
Click to expand...

Ha! There used to be one near where I live now. When I was living in another state, an online friend sent me a link to the website and said, "Isn't that near where you used to be?" And it was. Sounded like a cool place too. Since I moved back, I've tried to find it. Looks like at some point they moved it from Lynnwood to Everett but I can't even tell if it's still in existence. Broken links and something that says to email them for more info. I heard they had been having trouble with lone guys showing up. They only take couples and single women and they need to be interviewed first.
 
HeavenInOne said:
Thank you for the insight into the swingers club
Click to expand...

It was not a swingers club - it was a club with a fetish theme. There were swingers there and there were play rooms.

Mostly it was a club of exotic costuming and flirtatious socialising.

I have not attended a dedicated swingers club so I can not speak of that experience.

It was/is, however, an environment that would offer an introduction without immersing yourself head first.

Swingers along with couples or more-somes used the play rooms. The majority of attendees were out on the dance floors.
 
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My wife and I are swingers. Have been for quite a while. We would recommend attending some swinger parties. You have 2 basic options. Hotel parties or going to an on premise club. We find swinglifestyle is good for finding the parties along with meeting people through your profile. We are suggesting a party because 1 on 1 is harder to pull off and more nerve wracking. Whatever you choose you will find everyone nice, respectful and fun! Its not an orgy(unless it happens later that night) as much as a meeting of people looking to meet those of common interests. So it is way more a casual sexy social scene as everyone is there looking! Just remember no means no, ladies set the rules. Discuss with each other what your limits are and honor them!! If you stay in it your rules will evolve but stay focused on taking care of and being respectful of each other. So go, have some drinks, Don't be shy. If you can't talk to someone new, you might have an issue taking clothes off lol! Make sure that you talk about what you are looking for and make sure you are compatible with the peeps you are thinking of hooking up with. For example we are full swap. There are a lot of soft swap couples. So while the initial contact comes from attractiveness to the other couple, if we find out they are not looking for FS, we politely move on or just recognize we are going no where with them. Its a waste of time and ripe for frustration!
 
HeavenInOne said:
Our relationship is more important than anything, but the majority of sex now includes us talking about how much we'd love to see the other fuck someone else. I think a part of that comes from the fact that we are each others firsts. To be clear we aren't into cuckolding, but are into the idea sharing and exhibitionism.
Click to expand...

Why does it need to be a swingers club? Seriously, if the both of you are open to this...there is a good chance your friends have thought the same thing. The best way to know is to experiment in conversation with those you hang out with. There is one thing we have learned in our relationship...every one we know loves sex. LOVE SEX. And most at least fantasize about sex with others. Now, not all who fantasize are interested in experimenting...but for those that do fantasize...they will not be upset if you talked to them about it. I can guarantee you that.

The key is you have to find people who want the same exact thing you do. You are not looking for an affair. You are not looking for individual sex outside of your relationship. You will find that some of your friends want the same thing you want.

My husband has sex with me and another man together. I have sex with my husband and another woman. We have have sex with other couples. Trust me, people LOVE sex. Men will be attracted to your gal. Men will be attracted to you. Women will be attracted to your gal. Women will be attracted to you. Go with it.
Heck, the best sex we are having right now is with a gay guy that is friends with me. He loves big dicks, but he fantasizes about women. He loves oral sex. He can do things with his tongue that drives me insane. And he love to suck my husbands big dick. Then he loves to watch me fuck my husband while I suck his dick. He has an enormous dick and cums to no end. It's great sex.
 
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taylorscock said:
Why does it need to be a swingers club? Seriously, if the both of you are open to this...there is a good chance your friends have thought the same thing. The best way to know is to experiment in conversation with those you hang out with. There is one thing we have learned in our relationship...every one we know loves sex. LOVE SEX. And most at least fantasize about sex with others. Now, not all who fantasize are interested in experimenting...but for those that do fantasize...they will not be upset if you talked to them about it. I can guarantee you that.

The key is you have to find people who want the same exact thing you do. You are not looking for an affair. You are not looking for individual sex outside of your relationship. You will find that some of your friends want the same thing you want.

My husband has sex with me and another man together. I have sex with my husband and another woman. We have have sex with other couples. Trust me, people LOVE sex. Men will be attracted to your gal. Men will be attracted to you. Women will be attracted to your gal. Women will be attracted to you. Go with it.
Heck, the best sex we are having right now is with a gay guy that is friends with me. He loves big dicks, but he fantasizes about women. He loves oral sex. He can do things with his tongue that drives me insane. And he love to suck my husbands big dick. Then he loves to watch me fuck my husband while I suck his dick. He has an enormous dick and cums to no end. It's great sex.
Click to expand...


I like that mentality,there’s a couple my wife and I know,not really well but are friendly with. I’d really like to have a get together with them at some point and possibly open up some conversations like this.
 
bicuriohub said:
I like that mentality,there’s a couple my wife and I know,not really well but are friendly with. I’d really like to have a get together with them at some point and possibly open up some conversations like this.
Click to expand...

Our experience is to always let the wife initiate the conversation with the female.
Typically, the female is who will need to decide that it's ok.
 
Starting to swing

I agree with 'taylorscock' - definitely better for the female to start the conversation. That applies to a swingers club but also if you respond to ads in newspapers, we have found that a good way to meet couples, although there are a lot of guys who say the couple are swingers only to find that its the guy's wishful thinking. WE probably have our best luck in bars and hotel restaurants. Dress in a sexy but not slutty way and just start a chat with an attractive couple you both fancy. Now and again there is a twinkle in the eye and if the F makes the approach, it is about checking out if the other F is interested (there area lot of bi ladies out there). The guys are always willing LOL.
 
Jada59 said:
Ha! There used to be one near where I live now. When I was living in another state, an online friend sent me a link to the website and said, "Isn't that near where you used to be?" And it was. Sounded like a cool place too. Since I moved back, I've tried to find it. Looks like at some point they moved it from Lynnwood to Everett but I can't even tell if it's still in existence. Broken links and something that says to email them for more info. I heard they had been having trouble with lone guys showing up. They only take couples and single women and they need to be interviewed first.
Click to expand...

The one near me says they take single guys any night except Saturday. Of course their entry fee is 10x everyone else's.

This for a single night. They have monthly, yearly and lifetime memberships.

  • DAY COUPLES SINGLE LADIES SINGLE MEN
  • WEDNESDAY coming soon
  • THURSDAYS $40 $10 $100
  • FRIDAYS $60 $20 $120
  • SATURDAYS $60 $20 not permited

They also have clubs in five cities in the area. I'll PM you a link.
 
HeavenInOne said:
My girlfriend and I trust each other greatly and have been in a relationship for 3 years. We are very open about our sexuality and often fantasize about swinging together. We are both bi.

Ultimately I guess my question is how does a couple start to dip their toe into swinging so to speak? Our relationship is more important than anything, but the majority of sex now includes us talking about how much we'd love to see the other fuck someone else. I think a part of that comes from the fact that we are each others firsts. To be clear we aren't into cuckolding, but are into the idea sharing and exhibitionism.

For those who have some experience, what is your advice? And even for those who don't I'd like to hear your suggestions. :heart:
Click to expand...

Our experience has been (and still is) very gradual and slow. Like yourself, we talked about it but didn't form a specific view on doing this or that. We first simply played along the idea of seeing how this whole environment is by attending an event.

We went to an erotica ball event which is held a couple times a year here, and which is a pretty large and reknown with up to a thousand guests with no single male.

I found comfort in being lost in such large crowd making easier to 'just do as the roman do' by dressing down to the event, checking the general dynamic and also not being the centre of attention. I would say it has allowed us to see the dynamic of it all, get a feeler for our boundaries and comfort zone (reality vs fantasy) etc. We attended the event with no expectations as a spur of the moment.
I definitely learned that cleared communication is paramount (comfort in telling how you feel, give pointers, also when you just need to sit or eventually want to leave) during the event but also afterall.
Overall, we found it was a really respectful environment, polite, no meant no and discovered level of comforts.

The fact it was no single male greatly helped in eliminating the sausage factory and potential pressure. So I would recommend that you consider that as your first time.

We attended this event a couple of times before feeling like attending a sex club, being a smaller venue.
Again, I can tell there is a total different dynamic when single men are allowed vs when they are not. But the venue's reputation in rules and ways to put them into practice would be really important. Luckily, while I felt more pressured when it was single male nights (sometimes more a feeling), the clubs we attended were really strict in publicizing such behaviour as unacceptable.

So you might want to consider attending a venue and just see how it unfolds, so as to actually check your real level of comfort vs the fantasy. And then you may have more scope for talking and see how you want to go. And if you do, give yourself some cues as to how far you are willing to go at first, in case you're going with the spur of the moment and a situation presents itself so that you don't appear as hesitating, but also don't dive blindly into something of regrets.
 
HeavenInOne said:
Id be interested to talk to someone who has been to one so we could know more about that environment
Click to expand...

From experience, swingers club we know of might have different facilities...

like a bar, and play rooms. Really more focused on either flirting or playtime (or both).

We have attended mostly some with different facilities included: sauna, spa, pool, play rooms, theater, bar... which has allowed to also just enjoy the facility (like enjoy the spa, pool and sauna) if you don't feel too involved with anything else of the venue.

So I'm sure most have websites where you can see what facilities they offer, what thematic nights they have on etc... so google those in your area
 
I've sent a private response with a bit more information, but for anyone thinking like this I would suggest visiting a swinging club with the express intention of only screwing each other.

It's a great way to experience the scene, without risking any of the mental issues.

If you are lucky, you will meet some people to see on another occasion, but whatever it lets you dip your toes without any pressure.
 
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