How to connect... for real

[DeepAchingNeed]

I was responding to a message and found it worth sharing... In answering a query about my thoughts, my response was that I find myself consumed with all manner of thoughts, really... There is little that I find wholly unworthy of further inquiry or exploration. SO MANY people reside seemingly contentedly on the surface and hold acceptability in "survival", and I am out here with an odd, and unusual, passion for depth and meaning, and a life that is considered to be THRIVING!... While I am familiar with terms and associations by way of discount and explanation ranging across a variety of fields- from scientific, psychological, spiritual, intellectual, physiological, biological, and more- which would explain and somehow seem to describe and translate such yearnings, inquiries, and intentions for understanding that is equally deep in that KNOWING - they never actually provide an answer nor solution. While I can, for a time, quash, quiet, or still such innate cravings and needs, I am never truly without them. They are as much a part of me as breath or blood flow, and I can no more control nor release them than I can any other natural function. It is, admittedly, challenging and sometimes the arguments against these things are seemingly rational, logical, reasonable, and even aligned with the things that are the nature of my beliefs and the kind of person I want to believe myself to be. Is it really as simple and easy that I can be that person in reality if I only have that tethered partnership which would openly allow me to explore and engage in life as I believe I was made to? Securely? Freely? Confidently? Connectedly? It all makes sense in the marrow of my bones and energy of my cells... and yet I lack the words to adequately or accurately convey the TRUTH and content of it. It is as difficult to describe and contain as would be the concept or consideration of God or Greater Power. And oh how that life would be one of worship and praise... The idea of worship and some kind of God in such things seems quite apropos, even for me- a spiritual and yet entirely non-religious person.
What am I thinking about? The reality that could ever possibly exist for me and whomever might be that tether, if, indeed there is such a person (or people) beyond my imagining and hopefulness of them... How could I even begin to convey what all of it means and how it might even begin to be lived in "real life" and what on earth (or whatever plane of existence) makes the hope of it something that is so powerful and necessary that I can simply never seem to ever truly release it or let it go. Do I have the right to imagine that I could be that one for some other similarly wired soul that is also on such a search? How would I even begin to know, even with them right in front of me? And at almost 50, is it too late? Have I missed my chance? I know the magic of me in many ways, and what I have to offer, especially in those sacred and beautifully magnificent created to be shared within that tethered place parts of me... and yet I also am entirely without any knowledge or practical awareness as to how to actually construct everything that would be the way to build, establish, and create ANY of that from scratch... I have this idea of it and know my willingness and my heart and my hopefulness... and little else, I suppose.
I am thinking about the magic of being seen and heard and KNOWN... let alone crave and fund my way to seeing every wanton aching need and desire met... Of being able to not just surrender, but to abandon one's self entirely to another, and equally receive them in their utter abandonment to me... The literal welcoming inside of oneself is such a precious and glorious representation of so many things that are beyond just that physicality... and yet it also is quite a beautiful representation too...
An independent and whole person that is offering themselves in every imaginable way to another is such a sacred and luscious offering... the trust and co-creation in the partnership of such endeavors, and the supremely glorious opportunities for both to grow and stretch and expand their own awareness, abilities, ideas, and entire lives... If we are, in any way, spiritual beings that are having a human experience- I want to miss no human opportunity to have every experience and know it intimately. That, for me, such explorations are magnified exponentially through the inclusive layers of mental, emotional, philosophical, spiritual, intellectual, and all other areas of our existence as we are multifaceted and deeply interconnected (by determined choice and effort) makes the potential practically limitless.
Does any of this make sense or resonate in you?
What might YOUR unicorn look or be like, as you imagine what life within what you mutually would construct and create? Does the idea of a soulmate or starseed sibling or whatever it may be have any kind of home in your heart and mind as you think of it? I genuinely lack any real knowing of the words to use or what comes close to touching or describing it, and yet it is a knowing that is in my guts.
What does it look like, in those magical realms of thought and imagining for you, to be truly free and have all you desire? Do you believe that it is really even possible or attainable?
What are YOU thinking about?
I don't know you, yet if you are like ne, and believe and feel as I do, I am genuinely happy to answer anything you would like to know, and would like very much to know you better- welcoming everything you find yourself inclined to share or disclose. Be nothing less that the truest deepest version of every facet of you... that is genuinely all that I want here, and something that I treasure, even if it is not something that will lead toward any particular path or journey that we may share. I will celebrate your victories and adventures for all that they might bring you, even if I am not a part of them. The kind of depth, caring, and consideration of another that is, to me, real and true, exists even without a personal role or place in it. It is in the genuine knowing of you and your experiences and life and being that I am given the greatest pieces of truth and knowing all of you. I find that profoundly beautiful and very sincerely wish you every joy, pleasure, and success, no matter what!
Until next time...

 

[HumpDayHoratio]

DeepAchingNeed. Please put in Paragraph breaks! It’s makes your well thought out thread so much easier to read. Just some constructive criticism.

Welcome aboard BTW! I hope this thread takes off. I’’d like to participate when I have more time.

 

[muddie684]

I, for one, am constantly in defensive mode, and this prevents me from connecting for real or fully. I've learned most people are untrustworthy, especially myself. It would be nice to have such a profound connection, but sometimes I wonder if I'm truly capable of loving anyone. I care for people, can be considerate, an advocate, an encouragement, but as soon as they try to care for me I reject their concerns, bristling to protect myself in fear.

I think in order to have a comprehensive connection, a fully loving relationship, both parties need to be completely open, vulnerable in a terrifying way. On the other hand, it may be irresponsible to dump all of one's own thoughts, concerns, issues onto your wife or husband. Sometimes overwhelming honesty prevents us for supporting each other's needs. Maybe let words be words and actions be actions, such that thoughts and words are allowed to be radically open, ruthless, even, but actions are always controlled and supportive? Is that even possible?

 

[NightL]

but as soon as they try to care for me I reject their concerns, bristling to protect myself in fear

If you don't believe you are worthy of love you will shut people out. The most important person in a relationship is yourself. If you don't care of yourself you can't offer the best of yourself. From your other postings I know you are taking positive steps to change your perception of yourself. Keep working on liking yourself, as I believe you are, then the rest will fall in place.

 

[AmberSolis]

I hope and pray you can find someone, or some group, to meet all the hopes you have. And I pray you don't meet someone, or some group, who does not have good intentions in mind for you.

But then, I wish and pray that for everyone.

 

[IrisAlthea]

Yes, there can be true connection but there needs to be space for each person too.
And nothing is perfect at all times forever.
We are humans and we snap at each other at times.

I tried to put words to it myself but others have already done so, better than I ever could.

”Love consists of this: two solitudes that meet, protect and greet each other.”
Rainer Maria Rilke

”Let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together, yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.”
Khalil Gibran, The Prophet

”The point of marriage is not to create a quick commonality by tearing down all boundaries; on the contrary, a good marriage is one in which each partner appoints the other to be the guardian of his solitude, and thus they show each other the greatest possible trust. A merging of two people is an impossibility, and where it seems to exist, it is a hemming-in, a mutual consent that robs one party or both parties of their fullest freedom and development. But once the realization is accepted that even between the closest people infinite distances exist, a marvelous living side-by-side can grow up for them, if they succeed in loving the expanse between them, which gives them the possibility of always seeing each other as a whole and before an immense sky.”
Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

 

[Diosax]

ever heard of space between paragraphs?

 

[Goldenfinger]

Talk to each other.

 

[dschuetz68]

Just sit back,let life happen,don’t try to rush anything.jmo

 

[lustychimera]

SO MANY people reside seemingly contentedly on the surface and hold acceptability in "survival", and I am out here with an odd, and unusual, passion for depth and meaning, and a life that is considered to be THRIVING!

This comes across as condescending, like your projecting your own emptiness in connection onto others, that if others don't have the same passions as you do, their own relationships must be shallow. There's nothing unusual about that connection; you just haven't found your own yet. There's no reason to tear down others or even drag them into this.

This all just reads like you're somehow too special for everyone you've met so far, and that's hard to believe. At 50, if you haven't found the connection that you're looking for, it seems like the issue isn't with everyone else.

Also consider that most people have a tendency to keep those feelings private, which gives open people a false illusion that the people around them are more shallow than they are. We all have a tendency to project our own traits onto others and judge them by the same standards with which we judge ourselves.

 

[Angel_LightningSky]

This comes across as condescending, like your projecting your own emptiness in connection onto others, that if others don't have the same passions as you do, their own relationships must be shallow. There's nothing unusual about that connection; you just haven't found your own yet. There's no reason to tear down others or even drag them into this.

This all just reads like you're somehow too special for everyone you've met so far, and that's hard to believe. At 50, if you haven't found the connection that you're looking for, it seems like the issue isn't with everyone else.

Also consider that most people have a tendency to keep those feelings private, which gives open people a false illusion that the people around them are more shallow than they are. We all have a tendency to project our own traits onto others and judge them by the same standards with which we judge ourselves.

As a highly sensitive introvert, this resonated. I come across as reserved and even shy in new situations, but believe me that I feel every single thing so deeply. I just don't want or need to share with every single person. That would be exhausting.

 

[RedSilk69]

As a highly sensitive introvert, this resonated. I come across as reserved and even shy in new situations, but believe me that I feel every single thing so deeply. I just don't want or need to share with every single person. That would be exhausting.

And appearing shallow in a way valued by whomever I’m talking to is a great way to keep them from digging further. I like my solitude - until I don’t.

 

[Cliffsnrivers]

As a highly sensitive introvert, this resonated. I come across as reserved and even shy in new situations, but believe me that I feel every single thing so deeply. I just don't want or need to share with every single person. That would be exhausting.

Have you ever read "Quiet, An Introvert's guide to an extrovert world." - As an Introvert who leads hundreds every day I found it essential to refill the tank and. understand myself. I loved this post.