Dom just stopped?

Hi,

So, my boyfriend is a dom and I am a beginner sub. He said he would train me and we had for like 2 weeks with me following specified rules, wearing collar/leash only in home, asking permission, etc. And then it just slowly trailed off. If i would forget a rule and catch myself, I noticed he wouldn't even say anything... kind of took the control/dom aspect out of it and I eventually just didn't put my collar on one day after a shower and he still didn't even say anything. And now without speaking about it, we just arent in a d/s relationship even though we are in a relationship still.

To me this is very odd and honestly as a sub hurts me because I don't feel like he honored my submissiveness at all.

Thoughts??

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have you talked to him about this? Asked him why he seemingly lost interest or told him how you feel?

Talking to him

Yes, I tried asking him and he "didn't know what to say." Those were his words. But that is him all around. If he doesn't want to answer or talk about something he won't. And then I'm left in the dark, which really just seems like a control game that I'm not into.

newbie511 said:

Yes, I tried asking him and he "didn't know what to say." Those were his words. But that is him all around. If he doesn't want to answer or talk about something he won't. And then I'm left in the dark, which really just seems like a control game that I'm not into.

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Some people don't communicate well. Unfortunately, BDSM is VERY much about good communication.

It's been my experience that bad communicators make shitty BDSM players (on both sides of the D/s rainbow).

I don't think it's a control thing on his part. I suspect that he may be feeling less confident, or perhaps bored, or maybe he just needs a break from the pressure of being the one in control. Unfortunately, all that any of us can do is speculate and sympathize.

be sure to tell him exactly how this makes you feel

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It sounds like there were a lot of "rules" and maybe micromanaging? That can be a lot to stay on top of, and sometimes the reality of day to day D/s isn't nearly as enjoyable as the fantasy of day to day D/s.

Maybe things progressed too quickly? Would it be worth renegotiating what you each want from the relationship? Yes it's sexy and fun to have to ask permission to do things, and/or get "punished" if you screw up a rule, but is it working? Are there less intense ways to establish his dominance/your submission that aren't adding to his daily workload? Are there things you can just know are your responsibility, that give you the submissive energy you desire, without him having to check on your progress?