What is the weirdest thing you ever stuck up your ass?

Stella_Omega said:

Mmm baseball bat...

Which would you prefer, the satiny glide of aluminum, or the slick varnish of a wooden bat?

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sporksporkspork said:

When I first started working on trying to get my wife to take it in the ass, the first thing I did was go to a porno store and find a butt plug I calculated was somewhere around the same size as my cock. Why dick around on the little stuff, right? This was the goal, after all. If she can't take this thing, she can't take me, and failure is not an option.

The queer guy at the counter gave me a knowing look when I dropped this thing on the counter, and said "Do you want any lube with that?"

"Uh. Lube? No. This is for my wife's ass. I have lube at home."

"Uh huh. Whatever."

So I don't know whether I would have done this without his putting the idea in my head or not, but of course when I got back to the truck with my new prize, I just had to try it on myself.

Just so I could empathize with what I was expecting my wife to do, understand. Being a totally macho straight man, I obviously had no interest in playing with my own asshole. Right.

No lube. Hrm. I can't give that smug, all-knowing guy the satisfaction of going back in there to buy lube, can I? No. He'll know I'm going to put it up my own ass. I need to improvise.

Hrm.

Well I do have this ice cold Utz cheddar cheese dip in my cooler.

Hrm.

So I hunkered down in the coffin-like sleeper in the back of my 1989 Peterbilt cabover, slathered this rather large butt plug up with cold cheese dip, and tried to get it up my ass. It wasn't going very smoothly at first, so I put more muscle into it, and I basically just bounced on it a couple of times until I managed to ram the entire thing up my ass in one shot.

Ouch.

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