True Sadism...

So... When I first starting exploring BDSM, I thought what interested me was simply the exchange of power...

I figured my submission stemmed centrally from a need to please others, and a desire to let go of my control.

More recently I've been looking into the sadist/masochist element of BDSM. What's really interested me is how uncommon it is to talk to someone who considers themselves a true sadist. Someone who genuinely takes pleasure in inflicting actual bodily pain on another person. I've met plenty of Dom/me s who enjoy being in control... Plenty who enjoy humiliation... But I'm not sure I've really spoken to someone who enjoys genuine, controlled infliction of pain on another person.

I don't really know yet if I'm actually masochistic or whether it's something that just intrigues me... But I'm interested in understanding whether sadism is common in BDSM and I just happen to have not spoken to the right people, or if it's actually just more of a common misconception of the BDSM lifestyle, and a more unusual element...

And if any one happens to stumble upon this post that considers themselves sadistic... What is it about inflicting pain that you enjoy? That's probably a really rubbish open question... But.. It's out there now

Princess xx

Apologies for how terribly written my post was! Written on a mobile... I'll go back edit when I get to my computer!

P xx

Sticks and stones may break your bones...
but a dog collar round your pretty neck excites us both.

Yes that does seem to be the more common aspect of a D/s relationship. Nipple clamps and other such toys are a dipping of the toy if you allow me; a delicious entry into the bringing of discomfort and a small amount of pain to one's toy.

Then paddling and or spanking. Another step into the continuum; then there's a good old fashioned caning which leaves the toys skin with welts and contusions. That's getting closer to the S and M arena.

I suppose it, as does so many things in life, depends. Many people can be mere sadistic thugs of course. I refer you to your local news to support that thesis.

I suspect you are thinking of the dominant individual who enjoys inflicting pain to their toy, over and over again, to their enjoyment. Yet have the control to ensure that there is a next time.

IlsaBlackbone said:

Sticks and stones may break your bones...
but a dog collar round your pretty neck excites us both.

Yes that does seem to be the more common aspect of a D/s relationship. Nipple clamps and other such toys are a dipping of the toy if you allow me; a delicious entry into the bringing of discomfort and a small amount of pain to one's toy.

Then paddling and or spanking. Another step into the continuum; then there's a good old fashioned caning which leaves the toys skin with welts and contusions. That's getting closer to the S and M arena.

I suppose it, as does so many things in life, depends. Many people can be mere sadistic thugs of course. I refer you to your local news to support that thesis.

I suspect you are thinking of the dominant individual who enjoys inflicting pain to their toy, over and over again, to their enjoyment. Yet have the control to ensure that there is a next time.

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Indeed... I think it's fairly common to find people interested in "rough" sex. Those frenzied experiences that teeter on the edge of consensual abuse... I can't say I'm a stranger to those encounters.

But I think what draws people more to those experiences is the control thing, and the obvious sexual gratification.

I'm more interested in understand those who's pleasure comes from something more controlled than that. People who's sexual gratification comes from not the direct sexual simulation, but the slow, deliberate infliction of pain on a woman's body. Thought out. Caring. Intelligent. Pain.

sprincess1990 said:

Indeed... I think it's fairly common to find people interested in "rough" sex. Those frenzied experiences that teeter on the edge of consensual abuse... I can't say I'm a stranger to those encounters.

But I think what draws people more to those experiences is the control thing, and the obvious sexual gratification.

I'm more interested in understand those who's pleasure comes from something more controlled than that. People who's sexual gratification comes from not the direct sexual simulation, but the slow, deliberate infliction of pain on a woman's body. Thought out. Caring. Intelligent. Pain.

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Ah, and therein is a well written definition. A slow and deliberate session that brings pain throughout it's entirety. Not just brutish or ill thought 'of the moment' pain such as a slap, or being thrown into a bed or against a wall.

No.

Pain that starts slow and small. A bit here. A touch there. To start the fire in the toys nerves - and help the toy's system to being the release of adrenaline and other hormones.

To my mind the optimal scene is where the sub is a willing... even better needing participant. The toy needs the pain, to feel the cleansing or the thrill or the fire or all and more. So the toy is more than just an empty vessel for the dom/domme to play with and discard. As I said before the common street thug can do that.

Control and domination of the toy here is a given. It's up to the dom/domme to retain control of themselves; to not go so far that the toys nerves are overcome or the toy is damaged. But to apply deftness and subtlety in their application of technique.

sprincess1990 said:

What's really interested me is how uncommon it is to talk to someone who considers themselves a true sadist.

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Why do you think it should be more common?

I don't really know yet if I'm actually masochistic or whether it's something that just intrigues me... But I'm interested in understanding whether sadism is common in BDSM and I just happen to have not spoken to the right people, or if it's actually just more of a common misconception of the BDSM lifestyle, and a more unusual element...

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Sadism is less common than dominance, I would say.

And if any one happens to stumble upon this post that considers themselves sadistic... What is it about inflicting pain that you enjoy? That's probably a really rubbish open question... But.. It's out there now

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Despair.

Jesus fucking Christ, the pretend here is mind blowing.

Sadism isn't an itch LIT can scratch. its beyond costumes and inane role playing, and the phony tough bull shit that goes on here.

Sadists enjoy others suffering a lot.

Be careful with the word "true".

I think you're just not meeting the right people. It doesn't seem so uncommon to me.

...is very overrated. (im being kind here)

I think that the whole Dominant over Submissive aspect is pretty novelty. It's sort of the extreme spectrum of "normal kinky sex" I think that most people who consider themselves kinky only take it to a mild extreme compared to how far kink actual delves. An example would be an old friend of mine. She once told me that she had a very vanilla relationship with her boyfriend and that she was kinky wanted kinkier things from him. I asked her to elaborate, i.e what sorts of kinks was she into? She told me that she wanted rougher sex and for him to pull her hair and maybe use handcuffs. Kink is relative to who's eyes we're looking through.

However if we continue to use my friend as the example, we can see how actually being a sadist and inflicting pain on someone is a pretty huge step. I'm not saying that she's not kinky enough to enjoy that, but her in her mind, actually physically inflicting pain might be so extreme that it's a taboo. Many years ago with an ex girlfriend, she allowed me to cut her breasts with a razor blade. Not enough to seriously scar her, but enough to see tiny drops of blood along the cuts. It's something I've experimented with and I'd do it again, providing my partner was willing to go to that place with me.

There are tons of people who do indulge in sadism with their partners and do it with great expertise. I've seen things from nailing testicles to wood to shoving needles through breasts, to electrocuting a woman's pussy. But what I love about inflicting pain is the rush that the control makes me feel. I feel high when I know that my partner's safety is in my hands. I get to play with their pain tolerance and test their limits. In a way we both learn something about ourselves and one another. They learn how much they can take and how much they are willing to take. I learn how cruel I am willing to be and how to appreciate the power gifted to me.

I still don't understand how anyone can say this is uncommon. I read a lot of discussions about BDSM, and flogging/spanking and other similar practices are a very common topic.

Old BDSM joke:

s-type: May I have a spanking ?

sadist: No.

There's more than one was to cause someone pain...

Master and I have had details conversations about this over the years, especially when we were getting to know each other. I crave the pain and the control in equal measure, and need to know that the person on the other end of the implement of choice is enjoying the giving as much as I'm enjoying receiving.

Either our second or third time together we hadn't done anything sexual initially. Master picked me up at the airport, took me to my hotel, told me to lift my skirt, and began working me over with a newly acquired, vicious little tawse. After several minutes he stood me up, pushed me to my knees and took his cock out of his jeans for me. He was quite sticky with precum. I remember looking up at his face in delight, realizing that my yelps and my quickly growing welts had turned him on that much. I knew he was the right one for me.

Primalex said:

Sadism is less common than dominance, I would say.

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That.

CutieMouse said:

There's more than one was to cause someone pain...

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Also that.


What counts as a "true sadist," incidentally? Somebody who likes to hurt another person, knowing that the other person is enjoying it? Somebody who likes to hurt another person, whether the other person enjoys it or not? Sociopaths? Serial killers? The field's pretty open there.

SpunThings said:

I still don't understand how anyone can say this is uncommon. I read a lot of discussions about BDSM, and flogging/spanking and other similar practices are a very common topic.

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Not everyone doing impact play on the handle side of it, is doing it because they enjoy causing pain. There is the whole pleasure from pain thing to consider.

This is hard to discuss because the word in itself has been used in so many ways, with older and newer medical terms and different ways to use it both in mainstream an BDSM.

I'm finding the responses here very interesting. Good thought material.
I'm not a pain slut in that i don't crave pain simply for pain's sake.
No needles, nails, knives, or fire for me.
Yet i like the use of measured pain in establishing firm control.
For instance, the thought of me being bound naked over a coffee table. The D places a lit candle below my face, places the handle of a brand in my teeth and makes me hold it over the fire til it glows.
She then takes it and brands my ass.
It's not the pain I crave, but her brand, and my lack of choice.

Nothing to add... just an inquisitive, masochistic mind that wants to follow this thread.

Thank you for this question, OP.

IrisAlthea said:

Not everyone doing impact play on the handle side of it, is doing it because they enjoy causing pain. There is the whole pleasure from pain thing to consider.

This is hard to discuss because the word in itself has been used in so many ways, with older and newer medical terms and different ways to use it both in mainstream an BDSM.

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Yes, I guess what you say is true. I guess the problem I have is that this idea of "true sadism" and much of this discussion assumes that sadism is a button that has been switched on for some people, and not for others. I think like much of what people are interested in with BDSM it's on a spectrum.

For example, I have had sadistic fantasies, but I am negatively affected by others negative emotions because I'm quite sensitive, so I would never really want to play out those fantasies. There are very rare occasions where I'm bothered less and would enjoy it, but it is moot because I am not married to a masochist.

Sure there are people that don't have a sadistic bone in their body, but I would venture to say that most people have the ability to enjoy sadistic activities under the right circumstances. It's just that our culture teaches us that it is very wrong.

SpunThings said:

I would venture to say that most people have the ability to enjoy sadistic activities under the right circumstances. It's just that our culture teaches us that it is very wrong.

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Following this logic, everyone is bisexual.

There's a rope rigger in Japan who is considered very sadistic, but damn if I can remember his name at the moment. rida, you around? Anybody else know who I'm thinking of?

Primalex said:

Following this logic, everyone is bisexual.

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I think bisexual is a label for someone who identifies as someone who is attracted to both men and women.

However, I do think that attraction to people is on a spectrum just like I refer to sadism. I think that being fluid about who you're attracted to isn't acceptable in our culture, so people don't generally go down that route unless they are particularly driven.

Along the lines of what Gianbattista says, I have been attracted to the rare woman throughout my life. I am not attracted to very many men either just based on looks. Generally I only feel drawn to people when I get to know them. However, I have no interest in a romantic relationship with a woman.

Short answer: I think the world is a lot less black and white as we like to make it out to be.

SpunThings said:

I think that being fluid about who you're attracted to isn't acceptable in our culture, so people don't generally go down that route unless they are particularly driven.

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That's still the long version of 'everyone is bisexual'.

I've seen too many people complain that they can't find a dominant that doesn't want to beat them to think that sadism is somehow hard to find. Though I think that happens because a lot of people think they can't be kinky if they aren't into giving or receiving pain.

Whether someone is a "true" sadist, I have no idea (and I'm not going to question their inner workings).

JAMESBJOHNSON said:

Jesus fucking Christ, the pretend here is mind blowing.

Sadism isn't an itch LIT can scratch. its beyond costumes and inane role playing, and the phony tough bull shit that goes on here.

Sadists enjoy others suffering a lot.

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Give the man a cigar. A cheap one befitting his avatar however.

I hope he likes cigars. Let's see. A fine floor sweepers special wrapped in 'tobacco product'. Sadism, remember.

Brevity is the soul of wit. Well done.