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Mental Illness

gypsy*seer said:
This may sound a little strange, but where I work, the owner and I have the same name, so I made up an alias (more like a nickname that I would only use at work).

That was 3 years ago, and I am SO glad I did. Long-story-short, I cannot stand these people (and their total lack of integrity), so customers don't really know who I am.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I find it easier to do the things I abhor if I'm "pretending" to be someone else. :rolleyes:

Hope this helps, Bunny!
:rose:
Click to expand...

This also, and it's the cornerstone of our insdustry.

Start running with a girl who is NOTHING like you. Even if it doesn't get a lot of calls, you get pulled outside yourself inventing "her" (I have a T Girl "shemale" character for this, why do guys think that bio girl voices are T girls, whatever...)
when I started creating some miss happy carefree thing, I found "her" attitude actually pulled mine up. "She" loves to talk to them.
 
First of all, thank you so, so, so much to everyone who replied. I :heart: all of you.

graceanne said:
I agree with Catty, but I can see why you need money now. My suggestion is to do what Catty suggests even as you're doing the phones so you can get off the phones more quickly, assuming your writing thing doesn't pick up.
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I can certainly give that a shot. It can't hurt, right?

Cattypuss said:
I like Graceanne's suggestion.

If you do go back on the phones, is there maybe any mileage in pitying the callers instead of hating them?
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I can try this, too. Hopefully, they haven't completely used up my store of pity. ;)

TarevaChine said:
Bunny: I am not sure what the requirements are for the "phones", so I may be totally off on my suggestions.

Is there any way to limit the amount of time that you are on the phones each day? Can you break it up into smaller periods of time instead of all at once?

Are you able to distract yourself with something while on the phones. I have a hard time sitting through meetings. Especially, if it is a bunch of bullshit from managers that have no clue. In order to get through those meetings, I will doodle, make to do lists and anything else I can think of so that I don't lose my mind and go absolutely nuts and tell them exactly what I think. I am thinking about bringing crayons and coloring books to my next meeting. :D

I am sending positive thoughts your way!!!! :rose:
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Yep, I can work as much or as little as I want, when I want. That's one of the things that keeps me sane. On the other hand, I often use it as an escape mechanism. I've been saying, "You know what? I'm just NOT going to do it today" for so long that I've probably lost all my former regulars, which means I'm going to have to sit around a LOT and wait for the phone to ring, so I can build up new ones. (Bad Bunny.)

Usually, when I'm taking calls, I'm also doing work for other people, so even though it's kind of about work, it's not about MY callers, so that makes it tolerable.

gypsy*seer said:
This may sound a little strange, but where I work, the owner and I have the same name, so I made up an alias (more like a nickname that I would only use at work).

That was 3 years ago, and I am SO glad I did. Long-story-short, I cannot stand these people (and their total lack of integrity), so customers don't really know who I am.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I find it easier to do the things I abhor if I'm "pretending" to be someone else. :rolleyes:

Hope this helps, Bunny!
:rose:
Click to expand...

Yep, nobody has any clue who I am. I have one listing in which I use my own pics--sans face--but even then, it's not "me." Not my real name, not my real personality, nothing. There's no way I could do it without that big disconnect between myself and the people I pretend to be.

Netzach said:
Hi!

Oh I have weeks, days.

Here is a non-mental health approach to it. Get out of answering the phone every time it rings no matter what.

What has saved me is to sell mp3s. They are now the majority of my income.
Click to expand...

I need to do this. I've been saying it for years. I'm actually not sure why I haven't yet.

Netzach said:
Also, you NEED to do a "I hate you all fuck you" character. You NEED to record exactly WHAT you think of them and how you hate them and wish firey death on them because for some of them, this is the hottest thing to jerk it to on earth. For you, it could be cathartic.
Click to expand...

I have one of these, actually, but she's not set up in a place where I can sell MP3s. (She was on a certain fairly new no-limits platform where MP3s can be sold, but they decided not to pay me and many of my friends for a couple of months *and* had the audacity to lie about it. So I'm done there. I think they've even removed my webowner account for inactivity.) I suppose I can set her up elsewhere, though.

Netzach said:
You can use a simple headset thing and audacity, they don't have to be schmancy to sell through. Mine have become schmancy but they didn't start that way. You can write I know that. Just pretend you are someone who gives a shit.
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I think I don't know what they want; maybe that's why I haven't really done them. I need to get over this, though, and just freaking do it.

Netzach said:
Yes, you have to put yourself into their self centered little peabrains, but you don't have to hear their crap.*

*dear lovely clients who don't make me want to stab myself, this is not you, get over yourself for a second and put it in context.
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This really is a great idea.

Also, I should say that I used to have regs I didn't despise. The ones who are aware that I don't really give a shit and are just grateful that they have someone to listen to them are fine. It's the ones who think I give a rat's ass one way or another that make me stabby. Yes, I do have to pretend I care, but don't make the mistake of thinking I actually care.

Netzach said:
This also, and it's the cornerstone of our insdustry.

Start running with a girl who is NOTHING like you. Even if it doesn't get a lot of calls, you get pulled outside yourself inventing "her" (I have a T Girl "shemale" character for this, why do guys think that bio girl voices are T girls, whatever...)
when I started creating some miss happy carefree thing, I found "her" attitude actually pulled mine up. "She" loves to talk to them.
Click to expand...

I'm in the process of putting up a new character, actually. Well, she is one I've had for awhile, but I don't have her on everyone's favorite platform. She's being somewhat reinvented for that purpose. She will strictly be for cuckold stuff because cucks are some of the few who don't make me want to stab them through the phone. (Most of them, anyway.) I'm hoping this will help.


Once again, thanks to everyone for your advice. I am going to try to use it all. And thanks times a billion to Netz, who knows exactly what I am going through, LOL.

:rose::rose::rose::rose:
 
Netzach said:
This also, and it's the cornerstone of our insdustry.

Start running with a girl who is NOTHING like you. Even if it doesn't get a lot of calls, you get pulled outside yourself inventing "her" (I have a T Girl "shemale" character for this, why do guys think that bio girl voices are T girls, whatever...)
when I started creating some miss happy carefree thing, I found "her" attitude actually pulled mine up. "She" loves to talk to them.
Click to expand...

Wow.
Thanks, Netz. That gives me a whole new perspective on things!
:D
 
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Just this, and I swear last derailing tip:

"I think I don't know what they want; maybe that's why I haven't really done them. I need to get over this, though, and just freaking do it."

You don't. I don't. No one does. This "men are simple" meme is bullshit.

Just make something you know they MIGHT want and see how it does. Make something you know they'll hate and see how that does.

Then sell more of what they keep clicking on.

Mental health related: a client I actually love (I get a lot of very introspective UK guys late at night) said "it doesn't even matter if you're moving forward really, because any movement is momentum, and you could think you're going backward but you're not."

I use my work this way. When in doubt, just move.

I've gotten more experimental, and generally work has gone from pure stress to something I can throw myself into and come back out of with more energy at times.
 
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Netzach said:
I have to say that I don't understand why you practically have to sleep with a psych to get a diazepam script. YES - it CAN be addictive, it's something that has to be watched, but it actually works with no ramping-up waiting, and you'll know pretty quickly if it's helping. I know people who are alive because of valium AS it is needed. I would think the long-term effects of chronic anxiety attacks are more worth weighing against the effects of dependency. Sorry, valium rant off.
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Thank you! :)
 
Anybody ever just get tired of fighting the demons? I've been forcing myself along the past 2-3 weeks, but it's all catching up with me now. Must be strong. Hate self. Hate everything. Must. Be. Strong. GODDAMMIT.
 
BiBunny said:
Anybody ever just get tired of fighting the demons? I've been forcing myself along the past 2-3 weeks, but it's all catching up with me now. Must be strong. Hate self. Hate everything. Must. Be. Strong. GODDAMMIT.
Click to expand...

Yep. I deliberately and out of choice fought mine for the best part of two years straight. I often wanted to give up, sink back down, admit they would always beat me in the end. It was my man (a mountaineer) who gave me pep talks and told me I could beat them. Compared the fight to climbing a mountain. Told me that when you climb a mountain it doesn't matter where the top is or how steep it is or how far you've come - in your exhaustion you just HAVE TO KEEP PUTTING ONE FOOT IN FRONT OF THE OTHER - you just have to keep going no matter what - and in the bad times you don't even allow yourself to question it.

I used to tell him he was an idiot - that I'd had these demons for over 30 years and he'd only known me for 3 years, and he'd never even been mentally ill himself or been close to a mentally ill person before, so he was talking out of his arse.

I used to scream that at him, actually, often with a bottle of pills in my hand or while trying to get into the knife drawer.

What the fuck did he know? These demons had had me firmly by the balls for three decades. They were bigger than me and they would always have me in their power, no matter how hard I fought.

But kept putting one foot in front of the other - kept fighting those demons (often, towards the end, just so that later I could say to him - "see - I did what you said - I kept fighting - but look - in the end the demons destroyed me, not vice-versa").

And lo and behold, after nigh-on two years of unremittingly hair-tearing, terrifying, searingly painful fight, the demons finally were defeated and withdrew.

I still have scars. I guess I always will have scars. But I no longer live my life plagued by demons. THAT is the biggest and most valuable thing I've achieved in my life.

Have you gone back on the phones, Bunny? How are things? :rose:
 
Cattypuss said:
Yep. I deliberately and out of choice fought mine for the best part of two years straight. I often wanted to give up, sink back down, admit they would always beat me in the end. It was my man (a mountaineer) who gave me pep talks and told me I could beat them. Compared the fight to climbing a mountain. Told me that when you climb a mountain it doesn't matter where the top is or how steep it is or how far you've come - in your exhaustion you just HAVE TO KEEP PUTTING ONE FOOT IN FRONT OF THE OTHER - you just have to keep going no matter what - and in the bad times you don't even allow yourself to question it.

I used to tell him he was an idiot - that I'd had these demons for over 30 years and he'd only known me for 3 years, and he'd never even been mentally ill himself or been close to a mentally ill person before, so he was talking out of his arse.

I used to scream that at him, actually, often with a bottle of pills in my hand or while trying to get into the knife drawer.

What the fuck did he know? These demons had had me firmly by the balls for three decades. They were bigger than me and they would always have me in their power, no matter how hard I fought.

But kept putting one foot in front of the other - kept fighting those demons (often, towards the end, just so that later I could say to him - "see - I did what you said - I kept fighting - but look - in the end the demons destroyed me, not vice-versa").

And lo and behold, after nigh-on two years of unremittingly hair-tearing, terrifying, searingly painful fight, the demons finally were defeated and withdrew.

I still have scars. I guess I always will have scars. But I no longer live my life plagued by demons. THAT is the biggest and most valuable thing I've achieved in my life.

Have you gone back on the phones, Bunny? How are things? :rose:
Click to expand...

You are so strong. :rose:

You have no idea how much better it makes me feel to know that it's possible to defeat them, rather than wrestle them forever. Mine come and go, but I always fear that in the end, they will be stronger than me, even if I am able to lock them away for awhile.

No phones yet. It's a combination of being too busy and kind of afraid that it'll make the derailment come on faster. But I bumped up my mood stabilizer and my antidepressant both. We'll see what happens.
 
BiBunny said:
You are so strong. :rose:
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I'd question that, actually, I never felt strong and I still don't. But (and it's a big but), with the demons gone, I find the need to try and be strong is about 1% of what it used to be :)

You have no idea how much better it makes me feel to know that it's possible to defeat them, rather than wrestle them forever.
Click to expand...

Actually, having been there and done that, I had an inkling - which is precisely why I posted.

Mine come and go, but I always fear that in the end, they will be stronger than me, even if I am able to lock them away for awhile.
Click to expand...

Yeah, I used to use the "put em in a box cos they are definitely unbeatable" tactic. For three decades. The buggers kept popping out like demonic and all-powerful jack-in-the-boxes [jacks-in-the-boxes!?] though.

No phones yet. It's a combination of being too busy and kind of afraid that it'll make the derailment come on faster. But I bumped up my mood stabilizer and my antidepressant both. We'll see what happens.
Click to expand...

All good vibes for you.
 
BiBunny said:
You have no idea how much better it makes me feel to know that it's possible to defeat them, rather than wrestle them forever. Mine come and go, but I always fear that in the end, they will be stronger than me, even if I am able to lock them away for awhile..
Click to expand...

PS that period consisted of a targeted fight, not just of taking my head out of the sand and living with them. It started with opening the box I kept them in - opening it wide (which act in itself I suspected might destroy me lol) and then looking each one of them in the eye while arm-wrestling it.

In the end it was almost the refusal to look away - the refusal to let the demons win the staring contest - that saw me through and defeated them.
 
Cattypuss, I'm too tired to say anything coherent, but your posts are muy excelente and inspiring, and I'm sure I will want to talk about this more tomorrow when I'm not falling asleep. Thank you so much. :rose::heart::kiss:
 
BiBunny said:
Cattypuss, I'm too tired to say anything coherent, but your posts are muy excelente and inspiring, and I'm sure I will want to talk about this more tomorrow when I'm not falling asleep. Thank you so much. :rose::heart::kiss:
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Bunny, happy to talk further - on here or by PM - whatever suits you best. Now get some rest! :rose:
 
Licia said:
I hear ya, Furry.

Teaching my daughters how to be safe in this world sometimes pisses me off.

Ever seen Sons of Anarchy? That's how this place rolls.
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yes I have watched the show , Love it, Lived it.

And yes I too live way out there, and I teach my 2 girls and boy how to fight defend, with all sorts of "tools" Their intuition and base feelings being number one.

Thank you all for your coments.

Having a traumatic brain injury and many other health issues chronic, and life altering, sheilding my children from myself is the hardest thing to do sometimes. I love them , love having them near me, but sometimes it's just not what is right for them.

Even with medications that work and dr's that work for you, there are waves to ride. Trying to expalin the difference between being suicidal and not wanting to live in constant pain is sometimes a chore.

The motivator for me to continue is this: are my children better or worse with me or without me? Is the world ( as it interacts with me) a better place or am I causing injury?

Even with my defects or injuries, Today it is better with me.

Peace be with you folks
 
BiBunny said:
Anybody ever just get tired of fighting the demons? I've been forcing myself along the past 2-3 weeks, but it's all catching up with me now. Must be strong. Hate self. Hate everything. Must. Be. Strong. GODDAMMIT.
Click to expand...

You will extinguish those demons with a mighty ROAR, bunny ~ Don't give up!
:rose::kiss::rose:

Jax_Teller said:
Even with my defects or injuries, Today it is better with me.
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Right on!
I live with someone with chronic pain, and I understand your post more than you know!
hugs!
 
So my girl was told by her drug pusher, oops! I mean psychiatrist that she was numb and needed to work on it.

Bam! Brain back!

Once again she has amazed me.

Today is a better day. Good or bad she is back in the present with us!

:rose:
 
The subject arises pretty frequently, and the usual answer is, "no, you don't got to be crazy to this", the other part being, "but it helps". :)

Seriously, if you have a mental illness it's hard to imagine it's not going to have some impact, for better or worse, on your sex life, you have to integrate it just like any other aspect of your life - all BDSM does is offer you a wider array of options in that department - people might talk if you came to work dressed like a horse, even if you have a note from your doctor.
 
The annoying thing about the subject to me is that while everybody latches onto kinky=crazy, nobody talks about how crazy being "well adjusted" is - depression rates are higher among married women than any other demographic, and as a single father I can tell you that nothing but laundry and purple dinosaurs can make you fucking crazy eventually.

Truth is, we're all crazy - you bottle the crazy up and you just might end up doing something really foolish and hurt yourself or somebody else, and that is ultimately, what crazy is.

Context is really everything here: there is a time and a place to wear that purple butt plug, and sanity is really just knowing where and when that's appropriate and when it's just poor impulse control.
 
Fuck. I just got some news that shook my world right down to its already-shaky-ass foundations.

Worst day of my life.

And, no, sorry, y'all, I don't want to talk about it. But thank you for letting me vent.
 
BiBunny said:
Fuck. I just got some news that shook my world right down to its already-shaky-ass foundations.

Worst day of my life.

And, no, sorry, y'all, I don't want to talk about it. But thank you for letting me vent.
Click to expand...

HUGE hugs, hunny bunny!
:rose::heart::rose:
 
I dunno but if 60% or more of the people in North America are suffering from anxiety and depression then it may be in response to the tragic things that happen in life and the demands and expectations put on us by society, not to mention the boring mundane nature of everyday living. This place has it's own addictive rewards, like gambling, or drugs would. It works on random jolts of dopemine, etc that accompany sexual stimulation.
Cognitive therapy is helpful and focuses on us directing our thoughts. www.get.gg is a great free self help resource for when people struggle. Thought control, connecting with people and getting out there and doing stuff, especially excercise, definitely makes life for a person with mental illness much better.
 
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