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How do you like to hurt?

A Desert Rose said:
What a bunch of amazing women! You're all so smart and insightful!

Such a pleasure to read women who are talking TO each other and not picking ON each other.

Thank you for posting here and moving such a great discussion along.

And that was my own hijack. ;-)
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Lovely conversation. It's funny for me to think back through every progression to get to where I am. There's the "I'm boring as hell" phase, the "I'm entirely lame and I'm only doing this because I am not otherwise interesting" phase where I longed for a heroin addiction or something to make me dramatic and worthy of being rescued. There were a few times I completely ignored everyone around me and behaved as if I were the only person there, because it was the way I could do everything that needed to be done and not strangle them...(again, the resentment phase was a long one.)

I had to figure out how to stop tearing myself down. I still slip sometimes, but I'm getting better. Okay, I'm still lame. But I figure I'd rather be lame in a clean house, after getting some exercise done and eating a good healthy meal than the other sort. Being lame in a dirty home, jobless, unhealthy and no way out.

These are my inspirational thoughts? "Fine. Be lame responsibly."
 
A Desert Rose said:
The Secret. Have you read it? A lot of what you're saying reminds me of that book.

A lot of times, I think you bring onto yourself what's in your mind. When you change the patterns in your thinking, the world changes with it.

Who was that Greek philosopher who talked about that? Plato?

God I've been out of college too many years now....
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I haven't actually read it, but I think I got the Cliff Notes version.

I agree with The Secret in that positive thought is required before you can take positive action.

Unfortunately people talk about it as if the secret were "Wishful Thinking" - which for me is just a trap.
 
Recidiva said:
I used to be pretty cynical about the concept that people didn't change and people didn't learn.

However, when I started really making an attempt to change, learn and grow myself...

Things changed around me. Whether or not it was my intended change, it'd be "Girl, you ain't much fun since I quit drinkin'" or real, positive transformation. Couldn't predict which one it was gonna be unless I made the change myself.

When I finally gave up on pulling people along with me, but making a personal change, change just happened on its own. I'd see people in entirely different ways. And I know that my family has been inspired by what I've tried to overcome, how far I've traveled. I've inspired them, and in turn they're inspiring me in return. I'm lucky.
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Thanks, theme of the weekend. Needed to hear this right about...now.
 
Recidiva said:
Lovely conversation. It's funny for me to think back through every progression to get to where I am. There's the "I'm boring as hell" phase, the "I'm entirely lame and I'm only doing this because I am not otherwise interesting" phase where I longed for a heroin addiction or something to make me dramatic and worthy of being rescued. There were a few times I completely ignored everyone around me and behaved as if I were the only person there, because it was the way I could do everything that needed to be done and not strangle them...(again, the resentment phase was a long one.)

I had to figure out how to stop tearing myself down. I still slip sometimes, but I'm getting better. Okay, I'm still lame. But I figure I'd rather be lame in a clean house, after getting some exercise done and eating a good healthy meal than the other sort. Being lame in a dirty home, jobless, unhealthy and no way out.

These are my inspirational thoughts? "Fine. Be lame responsibly."
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Oh, man. Thank you so much for saying this. I'm sorta caught up in the middle or sorting through a ton of emotion and figuring out what to do with it. This breakdown, well, I see a lot of myself in what you've written. Someday I hope to reach the point you're at. For now I'm just working through it all at my own pace and it's really wonderful to see the light as it were. Thank you for your words and the inspiration they impart.
 
A Desert Rose said:
What a bunch of amazing women! You're all so smart and insightful!

Such a pleasure to read women who are talking TO each other and not picking ON each other.

Thank you for posting here and moving such a great discussion along.

And that was my own hijack. ;-)
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Sweetheart, you so qualify as an amazing woman. Anyone who can cope with Primalex's little cyberturds deserves a Nobel Peace Prize. I've had him on ignore for months, don't need the negative vibes pissing on my positive little slave bubble.
 
You know what? The more I think about it, the more I'm convinced I'm not *really* an emotional masochist. I'm just an effin' idiot. :mad:

/random tangent
 
BiBunny said:
You know what? The more I think about it, the more I'm convinced I'm not *really* an emotional masochist. I'm just an effin' idiot. :mad:

/random tangent
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You're going to follow some really good and insightful posts made by YOU, with this?

I don't think so.

;-)

You're not an idiot and you can say fuck, fucked or fuckin'... this is a porn board.

LOL
 
Vail_Indigo said:
good gravy, woman! there's people fucking in the corners! where did you think you were?


:cattail:
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Good gravy? Have I stumbled on some kind of recipe sharing forum while browsing for hardcore kink?

*slaps laptop*

See, I can be all dom/me too :D
 
A Desert Rose said:
You're going to follow some really good and insightful posts made by YOU, with this?

I don't think so.

;-)

You're not an idiot and you can say fuck, fucked or fuckin'... this is a porn board.

LOL
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I'm having one of those days. Overlook me. And I can only say the word "fuck" or variations thereof so many times before it starts to feel redundant. :D
 
VelvetDarkness said:
Good gravy? Have I stumbled on some kind of recipe sharing forum while browsing for hardcore kink?

*slaps laptop*

See, I can be all dom/me too :D
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no, you are in the right place.
Tonight, we are having Hot Chickie Covered In White Chocolate Sauce.
 
VelvetDarkness said:
Sweetheart, you so qualify as an amazing woman. Anyone who can cope with Primalex's little cyberturds deserves a Nobel Peace Prize. I've had him on ignore for months, don't need the negative vibes pissing on my positive little slave bubble.
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Know what? I think this (his post) was a case of "she was looking for a man the other day, I'll toss her some attention".

People do nice things ;-) and the motives are good. It's a pleasant surprise, when it happens, regardless the reason.

And you take what you can get. yea?

I think that's what this was...
 
A Desert Rose said:
Know what? I think this (his post) was a case of "she was looking for a man the other day, I'll toss her some attention".

People do nice things ;-) and the motives are good. It's a pleasant surprise, when it happens, regardless the reason.

And you take what you can get. yea?

I think that's what this was...
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Then I sit here corrected before my laptop.

Like I said, I've had him on ignore and only read the quote. If he's mellowed recently and rejoined the human race then I missed it.

It's good to be wrong occasionally though.
 
VelvetDarkness said:
Yay!

*does a little dance and swigs some red wine in celebration*

Thank the Lord that red wine's vegan! :nana:
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Thank goodness you reminded me! Those who do want the vegan option have to dance for me...I mean...us first.

also, they must eat languidly yet enthusiastically.

(we have very strict rules around here)
 
VelvetDarkness said:
Then I sit here corrected before my laptop.

Like I said, I've had him on ignore and only read the quote. If he's mellowed recently and rejoined the human race then I missed it.

It's good to be wrong occasionally though.
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I have no idea if you're wrong or not. I just think that the reason for that particular post was what I surmised above.

But once in a while, someone does do a kind thing, when you least expect it and from the place you'd least expect, too. lol
 
Vail_Indigo said:
Thank goodness you reminded me! Those who do want the vegan option have to dance for me...I mean...us first.

also, they must eat languidly yet enthusiastically.

(we have very strict rules around here)
Click to expand...

I respond well to strict rules. I'm not a fantastic dancer but I'm sure I can handle eating 'languidly yet enthusiastically.'
 
VelvetDarkness said:
I respond well to strict rules. I'm not a fantastic dancer but I'm sure I can handle eating 'languidly yet enthusiastically.'
Click to expand...

so long as you like following my rules you will he a delightful guest welcome any time
:devil:
 
Easy....Emotional.

They cut the deepest and last the longest while physicals heal over time, emotionals can last for years.


Slainte`.
 
Just wanted to thank ADR for starting such a wonderful thread, and to all the posters for their insightful words on pain, relationships and forgiveness.
And a special thanks to Recidiva for not only putting my brain in words, but also to show me what I had forgotten. There is still a lot of growing and improving to do on my part, a lot of understanding and acceptance.
Thank you all!

I would have never thought about considering some of the patterns in my relationships as being emotional masochism ... and yet, there is some undeniable truth to it. Even in my marriage, there are many things that probably looks as such from an external perspective. But to me, they are just things that I have accepted, because there is an overall strive to improve, to learn and there is indeed a progress.

If I am going to be brutally honest with myself, the reality is that it makes me also feel good and superior in a way. And as hard as it is to admit, there is probably a sort of martyr/saint complex that plays a role in both the emotional masochism and my overall submissiveness.

Off to think some more ...
 
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