How do you cope when it's over?

I'm having a very rough time. I was in a poly relationship and it!s ended very badly. I've been completely cut off. I'm lost and completely beside myself.

Sweetcurvyred said:

I'm having a very rough time. I was in a poly relationship and it!s ended very badly. I've been completely cut off. I'm lost and completely beside myself.

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Ugh, been there done that, it hurts. My sympathies.

My usual coping strategies are to listen to angry music and spend quality time with friends.

The ending of relationships can be so painful.

Be good to yourself, breathe. Know that it will get better.

Sweetcurvyred said:

I'm having a very rough time. I was in a poly relationship and it!s ended very badly. I've been completely cut off. I'm lost and completely beside myself.

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If you don't mind me asking, why did it end badly?

policywank said:

If you don't mind me asking, why did it end badly?

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As both other parties are on Lit, I'd rather not share details publicly. Privately, I can.

In reality I don't know the whole truth and that is a great big part of the pain.

Did this relationship last longer than 4 weeks?

Primalex said:

Did this relationship last longer than 4 weeks?

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Years.

Sweetcurvyred said:

I'm having a very rough time. I was in a poly relationship and it!s ended very badly. I've been completely cut off. I'm lost and completely beside myself.

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I am no stranger to that kind of pain. I hope you feel better soon.

: (

I, too was in a poly relationship that just ended. He thought he was poly, turns out he was a narcissistic serial cheater. Take care of yourself. It hurts like hell but it does get better, I promise.

Advice is easier to give than to take....especially when it comes to matters of the heart. You love who you love....regardless....and that's it....end of story....and unfortunately, what makes coping unreasonably difficult when a relationship ends or can no longer be.

As much as we crave encouragement, guidance and suggestion....the sad fact is the wretched woes are our own. No one can tell you how or if/when it's time to move on, because no matter how similar, every connection and circumstance is different.

I will say....those questions you have, the ones that are painful and tearing you apart....let them go. Most likely, those questions will never be answered, and even likelier, not something you'll want to hear and are better off not knowing. Don't do that to yourself, that type of mental agony will only keep you down.

Take one day at a time. Be kind to yourself. Grieve over your loss but don't overly wallow. Let others support you, distract you and make you laugh. Eventually, life will get better.

Chin up, buttercup. Be confident. Be sexy. Be fierce. Have some flirty fun! The best of luck to you.

Very Kind

RacyRedLips said:

Advice is easier to give than to take....especially when it comes to matters of the heart. You love who you love....regardless....and that's it....end of story....and unfortunately, what makes coping unreasonably difficult when a relationship ends or can no longer be.

As much as we crave encouragement, guidance and suggestion....the sad fact is the wretched woes are our own. No one can tell you how or if/when it's time to move on, because no matter how similar, every connection and circumstance is different.

I will say....those questions you have, the ones that are painful and tearing you apart....let them go. Most likely, those questions will never be answered, and even likelier, not something you'll want to hear and are better off not knowing. Don't do that to yourself, that type of mental agony will only keep you down.

Take one day at a time. Be kind to yourself. Grieve over your loss but don't overly wallow. Let others support you, distract you and make you laugh. Eventually, life will get better.

Chin up, buttercup. Be confident. Be sexy. Be fierce. Have some flirty fun! The best of luck to you.

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What kind and astute words.

You are indeed a thoughtful friend

Nurture yourself

Do the things that make you feel content. Even if you don't feel relaxed, it's still good for healing your soul. Take a bath. Go for a walk. Listen to music that makes you smile and dance around like crazy. Call someone who can listen while you vent. Whatever makes you remember a happy time before this relationship started.

Know you'll get through this. It takes time. Don't push yourself to "get over it" too quickly.

agree with a lot of what is written

it is time for some me time. Go get a manicure, new haircut, massage

do something that you have wanted to do for a while but did not find the time.
for example

read a book (or join a book club)
finally tackle something as a new hobby
learn how to play an instrument

every day it will be easier

if you need somebody to just listen, feel free to email me

JanuaryBlue said:

I, too was in a poly relationship that just ended. He thought he was poly, turns out he was a narcissistic serial cheater. Take care of yourself. It hurts like hell but it does get better, I promise.

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UGH. I've been there. I can say that it does get much, much better way down the road.

RacyRedLips said:

Advice is easier to give than to take....especially when it comes to matters of the heart. You love who you love....regardless....and that's it....end of story....and unfortunately, what makes coping unreasonably difficult when a relationship ends or can no longer be.

As much as we crave encouragement, guidance and suggestion....the sad fact is the wretched woes are our own. No one can tell you how or if/when it's time to move on, because no matter how similar, every connection and circumstance is different.

I will say....those questions you have, the ones that are painful and tearing you apart....let them go. Most likely, those questions will never be answered, and even likelier, not something you'll want to hear and are better off not knowing. Don't do that to yourself, that type of mental agony will only keep you down.

Take one day at a time. Be kind to yourself. Grieve over your loss but don't overly wallow. Let others support you, distract you and make you laugh. Eventually, life will get better.

Chin up, buttercup. Be confident. Be sexy. Be fierce. Have some flirty fun! The best of luck to you.

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This is thoughtful advice, and I think it should be heeded. Those questions that will likely never be answered are not really going to help you, since the answers will be no less painful. All I have discovered is this; when things like this happen, remember that their choices are about them and their viewpoints, not about you. They are working out their own issues and agendas which have nothing to do with you. Eventually, you will see the situation with more clarity, but not right now. It hurts horribly, I know. But you will not get answers, and you will not get closure.

Bury yourself in baths, hot tea, multiple seasons of engaging TV shows on netflix. Binge watch movies and eat too much chocolate. Confide in someone what you're going through and spend regular time with them doing dumb things like taking selfies in stupid hats in front of art installations and posting them on facebook. Goofy, in the moment things. Go for walks (wearing a stellar outfit and accessories) among the fallen leaves and cry unabashedly; in those moments, the sky is its bluest. Assign yourself a daily, bolstering task (always wearing a tie and button-up, wearing expensive shoes, singing your favorite song like a maniac at the top of your lungs even if you don't feel like it) and you'll be surprised how much that helps. Do new things. Try new restaurants, read new books, go to new museums, discover something weird near you on Atlas Obscura and go document your discovery,try a new creative pursuit.

It will take time, but eventually, you will be ok. And believe it or not, you will be a better person at the end of it. <3

JanuaryBlue said:

I, too was in a poly relationship that just ended. He thought he was poly, turns out he was a narcissistic serial cheater. Take care of yourself. It hurts like hell but it does get better, I promise.

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You pulled one of those, too, huh?

What I love about that type is how they either aren't bright enough to cover their tracks or are, on some level, allowing themselves to make it obvious and then get mad at you for figuring it out.

Sweetcurvyred said:

I'm having a very rough time. I was in a poly relationship and it!s ended very badly. I've been completely cut off. I'm lost and completely beside myself.

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Hello Sweetcurvyred. My sympathies to you. If you'd like to talk, to vent, to just have someone listen, feel free to message me.

Sweetcurvyred,

It's been a few days since your post. How are you feeling today?

I am so sorry for your loss and sorry to hear it ended badly. My relationship ended badly with someone and I was so stressed about it I was celibate for four years as I was consumed with stress.

I then started dating for about a year and finally met someone new, we have been together longer than any of the guys I have dated, I think it's going the distance. I needed four years to settle, but you might recover quicker.

I know how it feels when things end badly. I am so sorry.

Sam xx

I've started new hobbies when a relationship has ended - keeps me busy and keeps my mind active.

xxxSubSamxxx said:

Sweetcurvyred,

It's been a few days since your post. How are you feeling today?

I am so sorry for your loss and sorry to hear it ended badly. My relationship ended badly with someone and I was so stressed about it I was celibate for four years as I was consumed with stress.

I then started dating for about a year and finally met someone new, we have been together longer than any of the guys I have dated, I think it's going the distance. I needed four years to settle, but you might recover quicker.

I know how it feels when things end badly. I am so sorry.

Sam xx

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I'm fine.

And he's back on lit looking again already. Fucking hell.

Sweetcurvyred said:

And he's back on lit looking again already. Fucking hell.

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Now that sucks.
Try to look away. Try to not watch what he's doing. It will only make you nuts.

Take care of you.

Sorry you met a complete toad. Hoping that you can heal, learn, and move forward to something that meets your needs.

Time and space.




And keep yourself occupied.

Having read through all of the advice given, I would add this advice. Pick one thing each day that will make you smile. Also, explore learning or doing something new e.g. Is there something that you had a interest but couldn't. On rough days treat yourself to a bubblebath, massage, etc. I would encourage you as others have to not focus on the why things ended, accept that they are over and do not follow what your former partners are doing currently. Think of it this way, if you continue to focus on your former partners then that is only going to continue to bring you pain, sadness, etc. Kinda like someone touching hot stove knowing they are going to get burnt. Be good to yourself. It will get better.. Take care