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True Sadism...

hi

My ex bf was kinky and sometimes a sadist. I liked to be the masochist in submitting to caning and anal after we were tipsy.
 
Netzach said:
It's all kind of slippery. If you've acquired a contact who really really wants something broken, who is going to find someone or something to break it, is going to break it himself anyway, maybe even in a more dangerously uncontrolled way than you've thought of - I think short of killing one another, we should have the right to our bodies to that extent. Not that I personally am signing up. People bust each other up in the pursuit of trophies all the time, so fuck the notion that we need to be that much more responsible because orgasms might happen.

Actually that's a good point, if someone is consensually begging someone else to do something pretty fucking painful, how is it not sadism to deliver that experience and enjoy it as well? I don't think sadism HAS to be linked to dominance or control.
Click to expand...

Ooh, and I wonder if we launch into apotemnophilia and cast fetishes and the like here.
 
Etoile said:
Ooh, and I wonder if we launch into apotemnophilia and cast fetishes and the like here.
Click to expand...

/hijack

I used to do calls with a guy who had a cast fetish! He called more than one of "me" semi-regularly. He never talked more than 10 or 15 minutes, but I always thought his calls were fun because they were different (and because he wasn't a complete dickbag).

/end hijack
 
JAMESBJOHNSON said:
No doubt it'll be a pretend cigar from the Pretend Board.

You people would shit if a real sadist came along.
Click to expand...

Here. A fine JR cigar Cuban Alternative Cohibo Robusto 50 ring maduro; well they only do an EMS wrapper. I'll cut it for you and proffer my zippo.

Thank you for asking. I prefer a TTT or a CAO, Maduro, Robusto length. I'm only a novice but I have already set my preferences.

Candela? Only before bed when the palate is needing something mild.

As for real sadists. Hmm, the draw on this one is just right. A moment.

That is why Col. Colt made everyone equal. No?

And before the next snarky comment...

.45 ACP, 200 grain Speer HC on top of just under 9 gr HS 6. Govt series 70.

Old school.

Need a relight on that stogie?
 
MsAmative said:
Speaking only for me - it depends. If we are talking about someone who really sees the pain as pleasurable... not really. I enjoy playing with masochists when i find them because I can go so much further, and I do not have to hold back near as much. Until it crosses over the threshold its not near as exciting though.

Its like using the pleasure example from earlier, if you have someone who truly enjoys the pain they are enjoying it. I can use that to exhaust and be cruel or to overstimulate and be cruel and I can get a rush for it. But it is not the same.

Pardon the typos, on my mobile.
Click to expand...


Okay really interesting. So that then raises the question of what is a masochist. I've assumed over the last few weeks that I might be masochsitic, but now you've got me questioning if that's really accurate.

I don't ENJOY pain. I don't get my kicks out of being hurt. But I feel like consenting to allow someone to hurt me satisfies my need to be submissive, to hand over control. And I find, when it's over, I gain immense enjoyment from the satisfaction of enduring it.

So... I guess I crave pain, but I don't enjoy it... As in... I don't think I could orgasm through that treatment...

I've never really experienced the kind of pain my mind has had me fantasising about before, but I do know on a milder scale (spanking etc) I have become mildly upset/distressed. If one were working on stereotypes, would that make me a rubbish masochist?
 
Netzach said:
It's all kind of slippery. If you've acquired a contact who really really wants something broken, who is going to find someone or something to break it, is going to break it himself anyway, maybe even in a more dangerously uncontrolled way than you've thought of - I think short of killing one another, we should have the right to our bodies to that extent. Not that I personally am signing up. People bust each other up in the pursuit of trophies all the time, so fuck the notion that we need to be that much more responsible because orgasms might happen.

Actually that's a good point, if someone is consensually begging someone else to do something pretty fucking painful, how is it not sadism to deliver that experience and enjoy it as well? I don't think sadism HAS to be linked to dominance or control.
Click to expand...

So how is your scheme different from enabling or being a patsy? It aint. Adding manure to my garden aint the same as schizophrenics playing in shit.
 
sprincess1990 said:
Okay really interesting. So that then raises the question of what is a masochist. I've assumed over the last few weeks that I might be masochsitic, but now you've got me questioning if that's really accurate.

I don't ENJOY pain. I don't get my kicks out of being hurt. But I feel like consenting to allow someone to hurt me satisfies my need to be submissive, to hand over control. And I find, when it's over, I gain immense enjoyment from the satisfaction of enduring it.

So... I guess I crave pain, but I don't enjoy it... As in... I don't think I could orgasm through that treatment...

I've never really experienced the kind of pain my mind has had me fantasising about before, but I do know on a milder scale (spanking etc) I have become mildly upset/distressed. If one were working on stereotypes, would that make me a rubbish masochist?
Click to expand...

Just like my definition of sadist is pretty broad, so too is my personal definition of masochist. To me, someone who is a masochist gains some sort of fulfillment through pain. If you seek it out to get off somehow, yet still don't like it during the act, I'd say that's still masochistic.

In the end though, only you get to decide if you identify as a masochist or not, regardless of anyone else's definition.

I become distressed through some of our play, but I enjoy being distressed like that. Not specifically in the moment, but as an overall experience. That's what makes me a masochist.

It doesn't make me orgasm, but it is mighty exciting for me and certainly helps.

Actually I think the best way to determine whether or not you should identify as masochistic or not is if it finds you the right partners to be compatible with you. Words are just ways of communicating a concept. If masochist communicates well enough to someone at the start what you're into, then it's an appropriate word. Of course not every masochist responds the same, but not every person who identifies as an athlete plays that out in the same ways either.
 
Netzach said:
To me, this is why this discussion is never productive. Everyone wants to overlay clinical and sociopathic sadism onto "I get off seeing people go through the pain experience. And I don't just mean the ow so good pain experience." So either you have to be a full blown serial killer or you're just expected to deliver up your bottom's funsies, and it winds up pretty stupid. I feel you on this one.
Click to expand...

This, by the way, encapsulates a great deal of how I feel about this conversation.
 
Etoile said:
This, by the way, encapsulates a great deal of how I feel about this conversation.
Click to expand...

If these conversations are only valuable to help some people who might be lurking learn that definitions aren't as rigid as they thought (or were told) they are, then it is a valuable discussion, even if no consensus is reached.
 
JAMESBJOHNSON said:
So how is your scheme different from enabling or being a patsy? It aint. Adding manure to my garden aint the same as schizophrenics playing in shit.
Click to expand...

Because patsy/enabler/sadist can all run concurrently, unless you worship violence as some kind of superpower or woo. Famous boogeyman and woman sadists of the schizophrenics playing in shit variety aren't generally society's large and in charge.

Answer: it's not any different. Who the fuck cares? If someone makes you a deep fried snickers for free and you stuff it in your face are you being less of a glutton than if you get one at the state fair? Since when do secondary traits that stereotypically run concurrent define the trait that's being discussed? They don't.
 
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Primalex said:
*sighs*

I really don't get why this is so difficult to understand for people that sadism is a personality trait independent from other personality traits.

No, a sadist doesn't have to stop. He is still a sadist if he doesn't stop.

A gay doesn't have to use a condom with the hustler down the block. He is gay, no matter whether he fucks thirty guys bareback on the floor of the shadiest bar in town or is a "smart gay". He is even gay when he has HIV, knows about it and fucks bareback with the next guy. He is imho also a criminal in that case but that doesn't make him less "true gay".

Trying to understand sadism by limiting it to BDSM is as futile as trying to understand homosexuality by limiting it to monogamous relationships. Because the first thing you need to understand is that there is no correlation between these things. They are frameworks for activities. They don't define what is going on in your head.

And this is part of the confusion here. People mix up sadism as personality trait and sadism as activity within the BDSM context. You cannot discuss the personality trait within the BDSM context, this doesn't make sense and leads to nonsense (sorry) like "Is a true BDSM sadist selfish?"
Click to expand...

IOW I agree with this, completely, other than the fact that I think there's probably some overbleed, but not much. So when I'm talking about a sadist in a BDSM context it's a different bend to the language than talking about clinical sadism and puppy kicking. I know it hurts everyone's head but there are a few times in the English language where one word means two things.
 
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Netzach said:
IOW I agree with this, completely, other than the fact that I think there's probably some overbleed, but not much. So when I'm talking about a sadist in a BDSM context it's a different bend to the language than talking about clinical sadism and puppy kicking. I know it hurts everyone's head but there are a few times in the English language where one word means two things.
Click to expand...

Still not sure I'm not going to marry you.
 
Etoile said:
Ooh, and I wonder if we launch into apotemnophilia and cast fetishes and the like here.
Click to expand...

If it would be BDSMA, we would of course discuss whether it is okay to have a professional amputation as a "cosmetic" surgery. Get over it.
 
sprincess1990 said:
Okay really interesting. So that then raises the question of what is a masochist. I've assumed over the last few weeks that I might be masochsitic, but now you've got me questioning if that's really accurate.

I don't ENJOY pain. I don't get my kicks out of being hurt. But I feel like consenting to allow someone to hurt me satisfies my need to be submissive, to hand over control. And I find, when it's over, I gain immense enjoyment from the satisfaction of enduring it.

So... I guess I crave pain, but I don't enjoy it... As in... I don't think I could orgasm through that treatment...

I've never really experienced the kind of pain my mind has had me fantasising about before, but I do know on a milder scale (spanking etc) I have become mildly upset/distressed. If one were working on stereotypes, would that make me a rubbish masochist?
Click to expand...

Been trying to think of how to reply without trying to compare you to how a define a masochist because I don't want to be putting you in my box. How you feel is what is important.

From what you mentioned it seems like control is the overall motivator? That the pain is another way to hiw the pow err r change? To me that feels like more of a submission type action than a pleasure one. Perhaps it is the submission that provides the fullfillment and the pain is just the vehicle?

At the same time, if you suffering for them does in fact bring you enjoyment than it could easily fall into it again. I think its more about self-identification... and there should be no such thing as a bad masco. You are what you are, there is not good or bad.
 
Netzach said:
Because patsy/enabler/sadist can all run concurrently, unless you worship violence as some kind of superpower or woo. Famous boogeyman and woman sadists of the schizophrenics playing in shit variety aren't generally society's large and in charge.

Answer: it's not any different. Who the fuck cares? If someone makes you a deep fried snickers for free and you stuff it in your face are you being less of a glutton than if you get one at the state fair? Since when do secondary traits that stereotypically run concurrent define the trait that's being discussed? They don't.
Click to expand...

Because THE MEANING OF ANYTHING IS THE OUTCOME YOU GET. Regardless of how I land in the mire I'm in the mire. If my blood pressure is off the charts its off the charts. The road to hell etc.
 
SpunThings said:
Just like my definition of sadist is pretty broad, so too is my personal definition of masochist. To me, someone who is a masochist gains some sort of fulfillment through pain. If you seek it out to get off somehow, yet still don't like it during the act, I'd say that's still masochistic.

In the end though, only you get to decide if you identify as a masochist or not, regardless of anyone else's definition.

I become distressed through some of our play, but I enjoy being distressed like that. Not specifically in the moment, but as an overall experience. That's what makes me a masochist.

It doesn't make me orgasm, but it is mighty exciting for me and certainly helps.

Actually I think the best way to determine whether or not you should identify as masochistic or not is if it finds you the right partners to be compatible with you. Words are just ways of communicating a concept. If masochist communicates well enough to someone at the start what you're into, then it's an appropriate word. Of course not every masochist responds the same, but not every person who identifies as an athlete plays that out in the same ways either.
Click to expand...

I've had conversations with many "pyls" over the years, and I've learned that there are degrees of what I think of as masochism. I've a friend who I would put on the more extreme end, who thrives on pushing her physical abilities and experiences a deep sense of satisfaction from physical pain--not necessarily orgasmic, but she describes it as pleasure--even from injuries. I've another friend who derives pleasure, up to and including orgasm, from spanking and other moderate impact but absolutely hates anything more intense and has fairly low pain tolerance in typical injury situations.

I think of myself as close-not-quite to my first friend. Injury does not get me off, but I have an odd habit of 'bothering' injuries and getting a degree of stress relief from the pain--sort of self-comfort. I much prefer an intense flogging or some other sort of PYL pain delivery. Coupled with control/submission, it's absolutely delicious and frequently orgasmic. Regular "genital" involved sex is still wonderful, but add in the pain and it's superlative. It's my ultimate stress-relief, as well. The only time I've experienced that sort of 'all is well in my world' in any other way was with post-op morphine, and it was a pale substitute to what Master gives me.
 
I know a sadist by association, and my Master does have sadistic qualities to him.

The enjoyment of control seems to be something that I would say is part and parcel of being a sadist, at least in those that I have come across thus far.

Certainly the aftermath of a session/fun-time being soreness and knowing that he has done enough to cause me lingering discomfort for the following days and marks does greatly please Maître, although at the same time, he is careful (of course) never to place the marks where they can be freely or easily seen or to cause severe bodily damage to the point of requiring medical attention.

True sadism however, is something that can perhaps be endlessly debated, the same as what is a real slave and what is real love - what is real or true to one person, will not be for another depending on their particular relationship/dynamic.
 
I've never considered Myself a "True Sadist" mostly because label attachment for My kinkdom has never been a priority. Most accurately I am a Female Supremacist amused by male suffering.
 
Never can find a real man to do it to me

I have had dreams of being share... dominated... humiliated and what a woman tastes like..

Really would find either one or more people interested in taking my body while it's at its prime.
 
BalletBound said:
I have had dreams of being share... dominated... humiliated and what a woman tastes like..

Really would find either one or more people interested in taking my body while it's at its prime.
Click to expand...

Not copy-and-pasting the same post into multiple threads might assist you in that endeavour. Also, not looking for it online would also help.
 
I am just looking for what i need and i know what i want so why not post in more than one thread if it gets me the situation i have thought about for way too long of a time
 
Because this site may be good for looking for inspirational material if that is what you are on the site for, but it is the least suitable place to actually go out and look for intimacy. There is a personals section of the site if nothing else; here.

Non-D/S Dating Sites;
  • OkCupid
  • Plenty of Fish
  • Match.com
  • Tindr

D/S Sites;
  • Collarspace
  • Fetlife

The aforementioned are at least more suitable towards catering towards 'seeking' than a site that is devoted to literary pursuits of the erotic sort.
 
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