Masters-and the need to CONTROL...

The exchange of power between a Dom and a sub is something,I believe,that is at the core of our spiritual identity.
Something that was in the natural order a very long time ago. It still seems a very important part of our psyche,though in modern times,it's buried under layers of guilt,shame,political correctness,and the hypocritical and mysterious"sexual norm".
What the "norm' is has always eluded any clear definition. To me,I don't mind the control ,part of me craves it,I just feel I need respect too for my own views to at least be heard and understood, not necessarily complied with.

To me , the gift of my submission,can be the foundation of a poectic,ritualized Love, deeper than any I could have ever known.

I wonder if you could expand on your views a bit, Who do you feel has this underlying need for control? All people? All women? All subs? I am not quite sure I understand what you are saying on this very interesting subject.

Respect

I like your comment concerning respect.

D/s is about mutual respect and mutual need.

I mistakenly thought, in the beginning, that a sub was to serve without regard for her own needs. Not so.

A good Dom considers his subs needs and the things she enjoys before planning a scene or even getting involved on an intimate level.

Sometimes, it is hard to weed through the men I meet on line to find those that are sincerely interested in me as a person, a woman, and then, a sub.

dream, i'm watching your new thread with interest and waiting for more to unfold. I've got a little concern, though, about your wording. You titled the thread Masters-and the need to CONTROL....

Did you mean all dominants in general? Or did you really intend to exclude all female dominants and sexual tops and just/only concentrate your question on just those who style themselves "Master"?

Remember: we who need this kind of heat and energy in our lives come in a huge variety of flavors and textures and varieties. We're all more different than we are the same and our needs vary incredibly from person to person.

Surely you didn't intend to exclude more people with your thread title than you wanted to include? A little care with titles, dream, before you post will help your thoughts be relevant to many more people then you might imagine.





(And using caps in your posts is not often necessary. After all, caps are the equivalent of yelling. You don't mean to yell at us, do you? )

With Artful's permission,

Cymbidia: duly noted maam and thank-you for pointing that out to me .. Yes i did very much mean to include all"tops" as the case may be .. the ones in control , authority .. certainly did not mean to" yell "only emphasize the word "control" as I , myself , would furtherlike to understand it's "true" meaning
Thank-you again, Cymbidia ,for your respectful thougts and Miss T also.

Interesting thoughts

I have been into DOM/sub for several years now and find the trust a sub shows in me is a wonderful gift of trust.My first experience was with a former g/f who rang and asked if she could come over and when she arrived she had a bag with her and she said just listen and reply at the end .... well she started by saying that she had been very naughty and needed to be punished...Wile telling me this she is pulling belts,ropes,scarfs etc out of the bag...I'm stunned as our relationship had been fairly vanilla.Well we went at it and I discovered a likeing for spanking her butt and as we went on it got into DOM/sub as we both talked and read about the subject.
Well that was years ago and I have been lucky enough to have had several ladies give me the honour of being their MASTER and my skills have grown with it and I desire my subs to give me total attention to serving my requests and needs without hesitation and return my thanks for this with long sessions of getting her horny as hell before letting her have her orgasms for this I use orgasm denial .... she must tell me when she is getting close and ask permission to cum (which I deny for ages to build her to the best orgams she can have...although she curses me while I'm doing this they are always thankful after they cum.
This my not be your idea of how it should be but it has worked for me and several wonderful ladies I've had and pushing her limits past what she thought was the limit of her sunmission like using spankings,cuffs,toys (vibrating butt plugs,vibrating egg,vibrators,vegies,paddles,ropes etc.
I find that talking and finding what they see as what they want and trying to include as much of this as possible as a pleased sub is a happy sub and will serve my needs better.

dream

TPE between a submissive and a Dominant cannot exist and thrive unless there is respect and communication of needs and desires on both sides.

Contol can not be taken if it is not given and it cannot be given blindly nor taken casually.

Both parties are the reflection of each others needs, which is why the submissive chooses so carefully where they lay their trust and their hearts.

Control is often a vital component between the submissive and Dominant when it is a long term committed relationship, some of Us need to take it as much as some submissives need to give it.

Not all Dominants want this control except on the most superficial level, which is the same level many submissives wish to give it. A submissive can quickly be turned off in a relationship if a Dominant tries to take more than what is given just as a Dominant can step back if too much control is asked for.

Without constant communication between the two parties it simply becomes a one sided excuse for emotional or physical abuse.

Communication brings Respect which brings Trust which CAN = Control freely given and slowly taken.

Artful Dream, have you read the welcoming thread by cym? We discourage cyber serving on the board. No kneeling, curtseying, bowing, or addressing Dom/mes as Master/Mistress. Please try to restrain yourself from starting each post with "with Artful's permission" in bold at the top of every post.

Thanks in advance for your cooperation.

With Artful's permission,

Writer Dom,
With all due respect Sir it is part of my training as a sub and is recquired by my Master,so whom do I now listen to ?? You or Him??

Artful's dream said:

Writer Dom,
With all due respect Sir it is part of my training as a sub and is recquired by my Master,so whom do I now listen to ?? You or Him

Click to expand...

I'm asking you to follow the rules, not ordering you to.

So if you and your Master were a guest in someone's home, and Master ordered you to piss on the living room carpet, you would do so?

With Artful's permission,

Writer Dom, with all due respect again,
I will take this matter up with my Master , and as for the example... well fyi , my Master would NEVER ask me to do ANYTHING degrading like that to myself or anyone's carpeting , lol

dream, I am still hoping that you will address my question in regard to your original post. Are you saying that a need to be controlled is an inherent human condition, a condition of women in general, of those of submissive leanings, or what? I would like to understand your point.

With Artful's permission,

In Re: Caroline O:
There are millions of people such as myself, exploring this lifestyle, or numerous other fetishes,on the net and in REAL life.The Internet has spawned the first safe environment for the repressed sexual shadows and fantasies of the human psyche to gush forth.
It has allowed individuals the opportunity toreveal aspects of themselves that have reaman hidden all their lives , such as perhaps, the Dom's need to control.I believe, JMHO ,that they solemnly and secretly desire passive , or submissive women and have all their lives.
The anonymity allowed by the Internet, lowers the barriers of shame,guilt , and judgement, that has retarded the sexual truths hiding within many indivivuals. these truths in my judgement,(such as the need to "control"),are a rushing torrent that wont be held back, a torrent of honest sexual liberation, expression and exploration ..
Hope that answered your Question , Caroline

Hmmm, who wrote that? *scratching my head*

Artful's Dream typed:

There are millions of people such as myself, exploring this lifestyle, or numerous other fetishes,on the net and in REAL life.The Internet has spawned the first safe environment for the repressed sexual shadows and fantasies of the human psyche to gush forth.
It has allowed individuals the opportunity toreveal aspects of themselves that have reaman hidden all their lives , such as perhaps, the Dom's need to control.I believe, JMHO ,that they solemnly and secretly desire passive , or submissive women and have all their lives.
The anonymity allowed by the Internet, lowers the barriers of shame,guilt , and judgement, that has retarded the sexual truths hiding within many indivivuals. these truths in my judgement,(such as the need to "control"),are a rushing torrent that wont be held back, a torrent of honest sexual liberation, expression and exploration ..

Click to expand...

Why do I get the sneaking suspicion that this sounds like a quote from a cheap popular manual on bdsm? The whole text is so incredibly bdsm cliche that I feel like I am wading through the spiderwebs of bdsm history.

The whole text here and at the top of the thread is like saying the sky is blue, it is so trite. Masters need to control because they are control freaks. There is no such thing as an inherent, or even worse, instinctual aspect to being a domme or a Sub.

Bdsm as a lifestyle also has absolutely nothing to do with spirituality. Nothing!!! What makes the spiritual connection is the activity, as it is performed, the contemplation of the journey and it's inner activity to form oneself in accordance with one's inner image. To even suggest bdsm is spiritual content in itself is stupid, turns reality on it's head, and is disingenuous.

Don't rationlize your own kink with contrived ideologies. It offends me, and any person of intelligence. We are kinky because it feels good; and as long as it does not harm anyone you can do it. IF you take that and smoke it in your pipe like a joint, you might actually gain some spiritual insights into the place kink really has in this world.

Peace be with you

Sweetpreacher

With Artful's permission,

Per usual Sweet, You Are entitled to your opinions which I dont necessarily have to agree with , and dont..
rest assured however , my words are very much indeed my own as I have no wish to indulge in trite "plageurism"...hmmm and Peace as well be unto You Sir..May God instill in You kindness and an OPEN mind& heart

Re: With Artful's permission,

Artful's dream said:

Cymbidia: duly noted maam and thank-you for pointing that out to me .. Yes i did very much mean to include all"tops" as the case may be .. the ones in control , authority .. certainly did not mean to" yell "only emphasize the word "control" as I , myself , would furtherlike to understand it's "true" meaning
Thank-you again, Cymbidia ,for your respectful thougts and Miss T also.

Click to expand...

Dream, I am not a top. I am a female dominant.

Ebony

Re: Re: With Artful's permission,

Ebonyfire said:

Dream, I am not a top. I am a female dominant. I do not feel excluded, but I do not feel this thread is relevant to Me because my views differ. Consider me a different "flavor".

Ebony

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Re: Hmmm, who wrote that? *scratching my head*

Sweetwood said:

Artful's Dream typed:

Bdsm as a lifestyle also has absolutely nothing to do with spirituality. Nothing!!! What makes the spiritual connection is the activity, as it is performed, the contemplation of the journey and it's inner activity to form oneself in accordance with one's inner image. To even suggest bdsm is spiritual content in itself is stupid, turns reality on it's head, and is disingenuous.

Don't rationlize your own kink with contrived ideologies. It offends me, and any person of intelligence. We are kinky because it feels good; and as long as it does not harm anyone you can do it. IF you take that and smoke it in your pipe like a joint, you might actually gain some spiritual insights into the place kink really has in this world.

Peace be with you

Sweetpreacher

Click to expand...

Actually there are many who would disagree with you Sweetwood. I do wish you could learn to disagree without being insulting. I found your reply rather insulting, and it had nothing to do with Me.

"People of intelligence" do not have to be offensive to get their point across.

Ebonyfire

My other point

I must be getting old, cause I forgot my other point.

I am a dominant female who has submissives who serve Me. The major thrust is not control, service and adoration.

In short, I dominate men who need to serve a dominant woman, or need to be owned by a dominant woman, for her use and pleasure. I exert control only when necessary, not because I have this need to do so.

An oversimplification, but hopefully you get the gist.

Ebony

As with my former posts

I had never thought of spanking a lady or anything like it till a lady asked me to do it and we progressed to the full MASTER/sub thing and I have had relationships with very vanilla ladies who have had no desire for anything in the BDSM world.

Re: With Artful's permission,

Artful's dream said:

In Re: Caroline O:
There are millions of people such as myself, exploring this lifestyle, or numerous other fetishes,on the net and in REAL life.The Internet has spawned the first safe environment for the repressed sexual shadows and fantasies of the human psyche to gush forth.
It has allowed individuals the opportunity toreveal aspects of themselves that have reaman hidden all their lives , such as perhaps, the Dom's need to control.I believe, JMHO ,that they solemnly and secretly desire passive , or submissive women and have all their lives.
The anonymity allowed by the Internet, lowers the barriers of shame,guilt , and judgement, that has retarded the sexual truths hiding within many indivivuals. these truths in my judgement,(such as the need to "control"),are a rushing torrent that wont be held back, a torrent of honest sexual liberation, expression and exploration ..
Hope that answered your Question , Caroline

Click to expand...

It does, your point is much clearer to me now. Thank you dream.

I still wanna learn tho..

originally posted at Jewelz and BDSM thread:
k ok I AM starting this post to all Our friends at this thread:
Artful& I are no longer Master& slave but have decided mutually , in the best interests of our relationship to start all over and be friends . We do however,STILL Love ,cherish and respect each other very much..I cannot speak for him as he is "crashed" zzzzzz poor baby .. but I can tell you that online for now it may only be, but My goal is to be a very good friend to Him, to meet Him perhaps someday and be His Real-life lover as I am in love with Him , I cherish Him, and I couldnt imagine my life without Him in it.I truly hope this does not discourage anyone from BDSM lifestyle as I will continue to learn about it and who knows what the future holds.I plan to do my best to show my love for Artful and give everything
I can (after taking care of me & my kids needs 1st) to OUR relationship so hopefully with time and alot of Love it will grow.. thanks to everyone for putting up with me and my many mood swings lately.. I will be changing my avy soon.. and would like to know where to go to get one?/ We love You all very much and appreciate the support and understanding you have shown.

dream, you are to be commended for your loyalty and for your willingness to learn.
What sort of Av are you looking for? I have lots of nice art and photography sites bookmarked, let me know what you want and I'll see what I can find.

thank you Caroline..

You are a very sweet lady indeed .. thanks .. I'd love to have an avy of a kickass -looking Angel or something about or looks like "dreams" cause my 1st screen name here was dreamangel_49801 and tht's my e-mail [edited out by cym: dream you cannot post your addy here! go read the rules again!] please pm me or let me know if you find anything , I'd greatly appreciate it .. thanks again Caroline

Interesting discussion.....