Russian dolls of vulnerability

[SpunThings]

In thinking more about my vulnerabilities, I find that my perceived invulnerability can often times lead to great vulnerability. This is a personal think pattern which I know to be wrong, yet fall prey to again and again. To illustrate:

I see X happening to my friend, but X won't happen to me!
And if course it can, and usually does

I hate this about myself, my inability to see and shore up a vulnerable spot even when it is pointed out to me by life. Many times I do see it and take steps to protect myself, but many times I assume I am magically immune for some reason, and I get bit. I suppose mankind needs the injection of optimism, that it is crucial to our ability to rise above and persevere as a species. But sometimes, aaarrgh

If we were acutely aware of every bad thing that could happen to us, we'd all be blubbering anxious messes. I think we kind of need that denial to survive.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[cookiecat]

I struggled with that question a lot.

Do I have a right to regret. (because I absolutely do have regrets)

Ultimately I found the least self destructive thing to do was to strike hard against the double standards I hold against myself and answer that question the same for myself as for anyone else;

You absolutely have a right to your feelings.

Does that mean I would go back and change things? It's irrelevant. There is no such thing as time travel, and the question of whether or not I would if I could do something entirely impossible is only a road to self denial / self hatred for me.

The past exists not merely as an illusion in your mind, but also (and primarily) in it's relevance to the present. My back hurts now because of an accident 20 years ago. That's not an illusion. But it's also no longer real, and how I choose to move forward can incrementally decrease it's relevance.

If nothing else, past tragedies should reinforce that the future is uncertain. EVERYTHING is impermanent, you have only the now.

Totally this.

Life just slips along, as it does. Most often, I was slipping and sliding along, not really appreciating what was in front of me. For sure being stuck in the past kept me from being more vulnerable and open to true connection.

Then something happens and BAM - life gets turned upside down. Sometimes those tragedies open up a path to vulnerability we were never expecting and can't control.

I spend a lot less time creating needless angst about the past, I rarely look to the future because it's so uncertain. I'm firmly planted in right now - it's all we're guaranteed.

 

[cookiecat]

looking forward has been decreasingly scary in past year or so. I've still not mastered being in the present though. My game vices see to that; nostalgia is not the only challenge.

Still... my teeth HURT today. I don't think that counts as "being grounded in the present" but at least I'll finally get my ass to the dentist.

Hard to get back in the habit of using covered services after years of self neglect/ martyrdom due to lack of coverage.

Yeah, it's "easy" (not sure if that's the right word) to stay stuck in a crappy place because it's familiar.

Get yer teeth fixed

 

[_Necrosomantic_]

It seems like you already have a good handle on what being vulnerable is to you, and that's important. Vulnerability isn't the same thing as being naive or ( like you said ) a victim. It's about willingly opening up to the prospect of being hurt by another, baring your throat in good faith.

Lot's of people mistake it as a symptom of weakness or being a coward, but nothing could be further from the truth. It's something that allows us to not only discover the true character of those we choose to surround ourselves with, but also learn things about ourselves we were previously unaware of. Wounds heal, tears dry, injuries are forgiven or forgotten, and we continue moving on stronger for the blood we'd shed, regardless of our own awareness.

To add credible words to my own (which probably sound pretentious as hell)

" Our faith in others betrays that we would rather have faith in ourselves. Our longing for a friend is our betrayer. And often with our love we want merely to overcome envy. And often we attack and make ourselves enemies, to conceal that we are vulnerable." - Friedrich Nietszche


“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless – it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.” - C.S. Lewis

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[cookiecat]

Yesterday, something happened where I felt very very insecure in a relationship. It was a weird moment, it wasn't intentional. I thought about it all day - why did it trigger this feeling?

The reason I'm posting this here is the outcome. It's like this insecurity created a space for being vulnerable and in the end, I felt more in love than before. It took a while to get there.

It's interesting that I even got there. In the past, I might have pushed those feelings away. Felt resentful for feeling scared.

Seeing this emotional "thing" through to the end was progress!

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[LucyBee01]

Yesterday, something happened where I felt very very insecure in a relationship. It was a weird moment, it wasn't intentional. I thought about it all day - why did it trigger this feeling?

The reason I'm posting this here is the outcome. It's like this insecurity created a space for being vulnerable and in the end, I felt more in love than before. It took a while to get there.

It's interesting that I even got there. In the past, I might have pushed those feelings away. Felt resentful for feeling scared.

Seeing this emotional "thing" through to the end was progress!

I can relate. I used to push those scary feelings down, but without realising it, it made them worse. And then manifest in an unhealthy way or lead to an outburst. It didn't help that I was in a bad relationship anyway.

Now I am in a good relationship with someone I trust deeply I find it helps me to sit with those uncomfortable feelings and do my best (although am rubbish at it) to express them to my partner. It is scary and I feel vulnerable, but it does open up for greater understanding and love. And you know what? Those feelings, which felt unbearable and never ending, just fade away all by themselves.

 

[SpunThings]

I can relate. I used to push those scary feelings down, but without realising it, it made them worse. And then manifest in an unhealthy way or lead to an outburst. It didn't help that I was in a bad relationship anyway.

Now I am in a good relationship with someone I trust deeply I find it helps me to sit with those uncomfortable feelings and do my best (although am rubbish at it) to express them to my partner. It is scary and I feel vulnerable, but it does open up for greater understanding and love. And you know what? Those feelings, which felt unbearable and never ending, just fade away all by themselves.

I've found the same. I've also found pushing aside uncomfortable emotions leads to depression sometimes.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Collar_N_Cuffs]

I'm not sure to what end?
Maybe we need a new subject prompt.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Collar_N_Cuffs]

Ooohhh... I gotcha now

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[cascadiabound]

Elle...
Thank you for your depth of sharing.
For exposing your nesting dolls of vulnerability to this room.

I have to say that while I continue to feel that I do belong here and I continue to learn things from others here, and about myself along the way, it has felt pretty painful to me to read various posts in this last week here, especially in the Café.

I know many people have a lot of feelings about the politics of my country. About what has occurred in this election. What it means and what it doesn't mean. All of us here, no doubt want to believe that things will be better in the future. That our opportunities for ourselves and our families will make what we want possible in our lives, that we will be treated fairly and given the benefit of the doubt regardless of our race, gender, class, political affiliation, religious beliefs, sexual preferences and proclivities. We all hope that when we are ill we will be able to get and afford the care we need.

I am not going to offer any analysis here. Prescriptive or otherwise. I am simply going to say that I personally feel deeply vulnerable emotionally in this time. I am having a hard time knowing what to think. What to say. How to feel.
I do not wish to blame anyone. Or any group. But I start to get extra unhappy when I see people I care about fussing at each other in less than respectful tones here.

If we are going to figure out our way through any of this stuff we will have to do it by listening to each other. By caring for each other even when we disagree. I may be asking too much. But this is a place where my deep vulnerability may be met...I trust this will not be skewered. Which is why I will continue to be here.

Thinking, posting, interacting, considering, asking questions, and hoping that you will continue to just accept me as I am. Flawed as I am.

cb

 

[NoeMasks]

If you ever discover who you are for longer than a week, tell me the secret!

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[JoanneA]

I don't agree.

 

[cascadiabound]

I don't agree.

You don't agree with what? Exactly? The premise of the thread? What Elle said? What I said?


cb

 

[JoanneA]

Hi. I didn't read yours. I think she's being a "troll". A bratty troll.