Mental Illness

[ecstaticsub]

FurryFury

Thank you. I've gone back in this thread and have read what you have written about your own children.

I offer my hugs back to you.

I figure the best thing I can do for my kids right now is to take care of myself so I can be here when they need me. I'm going to exercise, get plenty of sleep, eat my fruits and vegetables and try to keep stress away.

Thanks again

 

[KoPilot]

Hugs for everybody

 

[FurryFury]

I like that strategy. You can't go wrong with that.

Btw, my girl is on an upswing, doing much better - finally.

My son is still looking for a job which is hampered a great deal by his anxiety and other issues. He just started with a new counselor last week. He's been resistant to counseling since he dropped out of college in December. Hopefully this will give him the tools or push he needs to do more.

*HUGS*

FurryFury

Thank you. I've gone back in this thread and have read what you have written about your own children.

I offer my hugs back to you.

I figure the best thing I can do for my kids right now is to take care of myself so I can be here when they need me. I'm going to exercise, get plenty of sleep, eat my fruits and vegetables and try to keep stress away.

Thanks again

 

[Keroin]

Saw this video by a teen suffering from depression. Made me think of the parents around here dealing with kids and mental illness.

http://www.upworthy.com/this-kid-thinks-we-could-save-so-many-lives-if-only-it-was-okay-to-say-4-words

 

[ecstaticsub]

Saw this video by a teen suffering from depression. Made me think of the parents around here dealing with kids and mental illness.

http://www.upworthy.com/this-kid-thinks-we-could-save-so-many-lives-if-only-it-was-okay-to-say-4-words

Thanks Keroin for sharing that.

 

[ShyHalie]

Your kids are lucky to have you, really! I've suffered from terribly serious depression basically my entire life and my mother's response was "stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about". The real kicker is she was the director of a hospital mental ward (really), and to this day, she's 65 now, attaches a stigma to my condition. I was fortunate enough to finally get on meds after college myself. Had I had parenting like you provide for your children, my life would probably have taken a much better track. Keep doing what your doing, he will get better at some point and he will be incredibly grateful to have a mother like you!

 

[Oubliette123]

Ecstaticsub, My heart goes out to you and all parents feeling powerless. My youngest is 12 and he suffers a myriad of emotions that I feel he is just to young to cope with. School has always been a problem for him, he just hasn't fitted in and its a daily tear at my heart strings to see him so unhappy. I wish I could wave a wand and make the pain go away for him. At one point they said he had aspergers, then borderline personality disorder. I stopped with the professionals after a while for his sake (it was wearing him down).

I see myself in him a lot (I spiral up then down), he is very artistic and I try to help him channel his energies in that way. When I was a child I was taken to the doctors by my mother and told I had 'middle child syndrome', whatever the hell that is lol. At 16 I ended up in hospital after taking an overdose and put my parents through hell (but they never understood and the skeletons got firmly locked away).

I can only do what I do for my son now, and that is truly understand his little mind and be a constant source of stability and love for him. He is my mirror in a way, I try to give him what my parents couldnt give me. As he gets older I worry so much he will go through what I did.

Physically I have overhauled his diet (from an early age), no additives, msg, aspartame or crap in his diet. I have to limit the computer time and get him out in nature. I really notice a difference when he gets lost in his computer game world, his escapism, he gets depressed and stressed.

Its so easy for us to pile the guilt on our shoulders, as parents its what we do I guess. But I have learnt from my own parents inability (or denial) to understand and hopefully this generation will find a life a bit easier, with support and love.

 

[graceanne]

So ... on the fourth, a friend of mines eleven year old attempted to cut her wrists. She's been on anti anxiety meds for awhile, as she's got severe social anxiety that sometimes prevents her from even being able to leave the house, and seemed to be doing better, so this was quite a shock. We're thinking it might be her anti anxiety meds, and teenagers react oddly to meds, but she's not talking and won't explain or say anything other than she wants to be dead, so they're putting her in a home for awhile.

And last week a used to be friend, now an aquaintance (we kinda drifted apart when the church we went to fell apart), commit suicide.

And about six weeks ago, an army buddy of K's commit suicide without any warning.

What the fuck?

 

[FurryFury]

Beautiful Graceanne,

I'm so sorry. *HUGS and HUGS*

 

[KoPilot]

Anyone got any advice for dealing with a partner that suffers from pretty severe depression and adult ADHD?

We've been noticing a downward trend in his general outlook and ability to accomplish things over the past few years ("I live in limbo right now" is what he said, and I told him that I can't do that with him forever). After a really bad day, he remembered that he was diagnosed with the aforementioned a few years ago, was prescribed Ritalin for it, and said things weren't so bad. BUT, he stopped taking it after nearly passing out randomly once (not sure if it was ultimately related), and I think he says that he notices that things have been worse since then.

His CESD score is actually higher than mine, and I'm the one that's seen 4 different shrinks over the past 15 years. He's decided that it's finally time to start taking his depression seriously, especially since I gave him a soft ultimatum about it-- that I couldn't "live this way" for more than a few more years while he gets a handle on things.

Anything I should know going into this? I know how my depression and anxiety works, but I've never really had to deal with it so intimately with anyone else. And adult ADHD is completely foreign to me too. I really love this guy, and I want things to work, and I want him to be healthier. :T

 

[FurryFury]

KoPilot,

I wish I knew what to tell you. I don't know much about adult ADHD.

*HUGS*

 

[KoPilot]

KoPilot,

I wish I knew what to tell you. I don't know much about adult ADHD.

*HUGS*

Thank you! c:

We've made a doc appt this week, so we'll see what help he's got to offer. I've never been to a medical doctor regarding mental health myself, nor have I ever been prescribed anything (though god I wish I had some valium to take "as necessary" sometimes) so this'll be a learning experience for me too.

 

[Netzach]

Thank you! c:

We've made a doc appt this week, so we'll see what help he's got to offer. I've never been to a medical doctor regarding mental health myself, nor have I ever been prescribed anything (though god I wish I had some valium to take "as necessary" sometimes) so this'll be a learning experience for me too.

Adult ADD I know pretty good, the H not so much, but hopefully this helps....

And be aware - depression is often NOT intrinsic, but a logical emotional experience for a person who can repeatedly feel the beating-down that you get from being limited and stymied by your ADD - it is INCREDIBLY demoralizing to see people doing things all around you "easily" when it's a huge struggle for you. If your SO goes on any depression meds and gets wose, DEFINITELY question the chemical depression component. My SO has done very well with ONLY ADD meds and depression meds removed from the mix. This said, if they're required, a try is not a bad idea.

If ritalin sucked, try some of the other options, I know they move along different pathways, and if one doesn't work another may - we had to go through them all, and adderall is the one that works best, but YMMV. It's not a complete change all around, but there is a clear thinking and a definite lifting of "fog" from the ADD med and depression is much more temporary.

Sometimes it's really important to look for the strengths that you get from ADD and leverage them rather than fighting tooth and nail against every one of the disadvantages. Really honest and stringent self-assessment will help lead to employment and endeavors where you can feel successful, rather than trying to stuff yourself into an NT mold all the time only to completely fail over and over. There are places and niches in which NT people will fail and the ADD person will excel. There's no shame in sidestepping your weak points in life and playing up the things you can do, and a lot of the things emphasized as "normal" and "mandatory to be considered functioning" are simply stupidly over-emphasized.

As a partner, it's incredibly important to let go of the small stuff. It will take a while for strategies and list-making to help, and your partner will probably never be very good at being on time for things (as an example). Remember - it's not a dis. It's not you. It's not your friends.

Also: physical activity. Physical activity. Physical Activity. Good stuff.

 

[graceanne]

Beautiful Graceanne,

I'm so sorry. *HUGS and HUGS*

Thank you. I'm really struggling to maintain perspective. It feels like this year just massively sucks, but I know that's not true. My friend, the one with the eleven year old who attempted suicide, is considering moving. Her husband has one of those jobs where he is only home every other weekend, and he's applied for a job in NV so he can be home every night. I hope he'll get the job, even though I'll miss her.

On the bright side, her dad came by today and pried her out of bed and took her to the beach for a couple of days. He's a good man.

 

[graceanne]

As an update, my friends daughter gets to come home this week, as she's starting to respond to therapy. My friend didn't tell me what caused this episode, but she knows now and is trying to protect her daughters privacy, which is, quite frankly, the right move on her part.

 

[FurryFury]

I agree. Glad she gets to come home. Hope all goes well.

As an update, my friends daughter gets to come home this week, as she's starting to respond to therapy. My friend didn't tell me what caused this episode, but she knows now and is trying to protect her daughters privacy, which is, quite frankly, the right move on her part.

 

[KoPilot]

Man, so I was talking to S yesterday about how my step brother seems to be doing not so well these days (as in he's 20, not really going to school, not really working, but comes from money and has pretty much every opportunity available to him). We were talking about what we could possibly do to help, and the idea that he might have felt like I abandoned him--by going off to college and not ever wanting to visit because his mom and my dad are such dicks--as an older sibling hit me and it felt awful.

What felt just as awful was when I remembered that he has anxiety and gets panic attacks somewhat regularly, or AFAIK... the point is that he goes to therapy and has access to medication to help when the panic sets in. I suffer from the same thing pretty much, and my dad has never offered to send me to therapy because of it, or to help get me medication. And I found myself getting jealous of him. Jealous of their concern for him and not me, the fact that I had always been treated like shit in that household and deprived of practically every luxury he got. It was a "this is what you get for being raised by a single mother and choosing her over us". They would literally wake me up at 7a on saturday mornings by siccing the dogs on me, while letting my brother sleep in. That kinda shit.

And then I have to remember that he didn't choose to be the favorite child, and that his mom is capable of being just as mean to him when he doesn't live up to her expectations too, and even though he always had more than me, he's hurting. I'm really trying to be happy for him for having access to the medication he needs even though I need it too. I can't help him if I'm bitter and jealous of his lot.

 

[FurryFury]

KoPilot,

*HUGS and HUGS*

 

[ecstaticsub]

Last Friday the depression around me consumed me. When the facts as they know it differed so widely from my own I realized I had some how been living a lie. I thought we were a mostly happy, well adjusted family who had gotten through some rough times okay. But I was wrong.

Friday afternoon I found myself sitting on the kitchen floor frantically going through my contact list trying to find someone to call. I wanted to die. I needed the pain to stop but I knew if I did then my son would then do the same. There was no one I could call who I felt I could inconvenience. I finally called a therapist that had been recommended to me..and got her voice mail. She did call back and I got an appointment for this week.

I am barely hanging on. I'm trying to distract myself anyway I can think of. I want to somehow go back 10 years in time and fix things. I'm afraid it's too late now.

Things have to get better, they have to be alright

 

[KoPilot]

Hang in there until that appointment, ecstaticsub. :<

 

[KoPilot]

So I made an enormous amount of progress on the phone with S last night. It sort of came out of nowhere, but after talking aloud for about 15 minutes about it, I finally figured out the nature of my aversion to music.

(I have an aversion, and sometimes phobic reaction to music. It's been this way for a number of years now, I had no idea where it came from or why it was there. It's had a pretty negative effect on my life, I'll say that much.)

Basically I was emotionally invested in an online relationship with a guy in HS who turned out to be emotionally abusive, a pathological liar, and all that fun stuff. He was in a band and music was often a central theme in his shitty treatment of me and his subsequent excuses. I was a music junkie when in our early days of talking, and then about halfway through I have a memory of him sending me some CDs in the mail and not being able to bring myself to open them. The idea of listening to them scared me, so they sat on a shelf in their plastic.

He's basically succeeded in getting me to associate music with danger and betrayal. I think I wound up personifying the concept of music and thinking of it as a sort of shitty best friend of his. This explains the feeling of someone putting on music in a housemate or social setting, and me suddenly feeling like there's been a threatening person invited inside who is targeting me and invading my space. Or that, in the case of S who was in a band and is an audiophile, getting the gross feeling that "music" is "someone" that he could run off with, or who is a person in his life who doesn't like me. (Conversely, music that I discover on my own, or have no emotional connection to, is "safe".)

I guess there's only one way to approach fixing this... and that's listening to music during good situations? God this is going to take forever and it's going to be really uncomfortable at first. Yucky.

 

[BiBunny]

Last Friday the depression around me consumed me. When the facts as they know it differed so widely from my own I realized I had some how been living a lie. I thought we were a mostly happy, well adjusted family who had gotten through some rough times okay. But I was wrong.

Friday afternoon I found myself sitting on the kitchen floor frantically going through my contact list trying to find someone to call. I wanted to die. I needed the pain to stop but I knew if I did then my son would then do the same. There was no one I could call who I felt I could inconvenience. I finally called a therapist that had been recommended to me..and got her voice mail. She did call back and I got an appointment for this week.

I am barely hanging on. I'm trying to distract myself anyway I can think of. I want to somehow go back 10 years in time and fix things. I'm afraid it's too late now.

Things have to get better, they have to be alright

Don't think of it as "I have to get through this week" or even "I have to get through the next 3 days" or whatever. Break it up into smaller, easier to handle pieces. First, you need to get through today. When you go to bed tonight, celebrate that victory and try to get a decent night's sleep. Then, do the same again tomorrow.

If that seems too long, break it down to hours if you have to. Minutes, even. Just remember that no matter what the demon is whispering into your ear at the moment, it will not always be this way. That's what's gonna get you through it.

Thinking of you.

 

[Stella_Omega]

So I made an enormous amount of progress on the phone with S last night. It sort of came out of nowhere, but after talking aloud for about 15 minutes about it, I finally figured out the nature of my aversion to music.

(I have an aversion, and sometimes phobic reaction to music. It's been this way for a number of years now, I had no idea where it came from or why it was there. It's had a pretty negative effect on my life, I'll say that much.)

Basically I was emotionally invested in an online relationship with a guy in HS who turned out to be emotionally abusive, a pathological liar, and all that fun stuff. He was in a band and music was often a central theme in his shitty treatment of me and his subsequent excuses. I was a music junkie when in our early days of talking, and then about halfway through I have a memory of him sending me some CDs in the mail and not being able to bring myself to open them. The idea of listening to them scared me, so they sat on a shelf in their plastic.

He's basically succeeded in getting me to associate music with danger and betrayal. I think I wound up personifying the concept of music and thinking of it as a sort of shitty best friend of his. This explains the feeling of someone putting on music in a housemate or social setting, and me suddenly feeling like there's been a threatening person invited inside who is targeting me and invading my space. Or that, in the case of S who was in a band and is an audiophile, getting the gross feeling that "music" is "someone" that he could run off with, or who is a person in his life who doesn't like me. (Conversely, music that I discover on my own, or have no emotional connection to, is "safe".)

I guess there's only one way to approach fixing this... and that's listening to music during good situations? God this is going to take forever and it's going to be really uncomfortable at first. Yucky.

Jeeze that's fucked up. My sister has had a similar experience and doesn't listen to music much now. Unfortunately (for me at least) she listens to talk radio instead and that drives me round the twist....

But music is like that. It's a visceral experience. For decades I could not because listen to the Beatles without feeling a sense of panic and fear because they were associated with the anti war protests for me.

It's much easier to get over a phobia of one band, of course, than it is to get over the phobia of all the music you once loved...

 

[Keroin]

Things have to get better, they have to be alright

They will be. Listen to Bunny's advice. Whatever it takes to get you through the day.

Also, I think most people wouldn't mind being "inconvenienced" at all, if they knew the stakes. No matter how busy I am, I will happily drop everything on a moment's notice for a friend in need. You might be surprised.

 

[KoPilot]

Jeeze that's fucked up. My sister has had a similar experience and doesn't listen to music much now. Unfortunately (for me at least) she listens to talk radio instead and that drives me round the twist....

But music is like that. It's a visceral experience. For decades I could not because listen to the Beatles without feeling a sense of panic and fear because they were associated with the anti war protests for me.

It's much easier to get over a phobia of one band, of course, than it is to get over the phobia of all the music you once loved...

Yeah, it's like... I remember having favorite bands and genres. I had songs that would put me on the edge of tears and throw me into an ecstatic trance. I can barely even look at them in my music library without feeling like some kind of hollow sense of failure.