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I'm working on this and may post it in the 'How To' section of stories:
I write this not only for the people who have lived all their lives with a permanent disability but also for the people who are in a relationship with a disability or someone who is facing a drastic physical change which will effect their entire livelihood. It seems that in our society many topics of a sexual nature are becoming more and more mainstream an acceptable in a conversational setting. A topic that still seems to be an uncomfortable show stopper for most people is the sexual activity of the physically disabled. Yes, the physically disabled have sex, and yes having sex with a disabled person may be drastically different than sex with a ‘normal’ person. Here are a few things to think about and remember if you are in a sexual relationship where a physical handicap is present.
1. Conversation: no matter if you’re male or female do not be afraid to talk to your partner about sex. If your partner is physically challenged ask him or what they are comfortable with or what they are willing to try. If you are the one who is challenged explain to your partner what may or may not work, and what is uncomfortable. Don’t be afraid to talk to each other before, during, and after; questions like “Is this ok?”, “Am I doing this right?”, and “Maybe we should try something different?” are all acceptable and logical things to ask.
2. Experiment: Try different positions; if something doesn’t seem to be working change positions. Not all positions will be possible; for example someone wearing leg braces or has back problems may not be able to do things standing up, or may need to lean of something to do this. If a woman wants to be on her knees sucking a man who has trouble standing she needs to make sure his balance is ok. Another main thing is don’t focus on sexual intercourse. Most people think that without intercourse there is no sex but that is wrong. For example someone who may be partially paralyzed may have trouble getting an erection or keeping an erection. Focus on the touching and the kissing of body parts. Even though your partner may not be able to physically feel it they still can feel your warmness emotionally.
LAdymorrgian said:As children we are almost "taught" that peole who are confinded in wheel chairs or missing limbs, ect you get where I am going, are very much diffrent from those of us who have a physically fit body. I have never been able to understand that.
I'm working on this and may post it in the 'How To' section of stories:
I write this not only for the people who have lived all their lives with a permanent disability but also for the people who are in a relationship with a disability or someone who is facing a drastic physical change which will effect their entire livelihood. It seems that in our society many topics of a sexual nature are becoming more and more mainstream an acceptable in a conversational setting. A topic that still seems to be an uncomfortable show stopper for most people is the sexual activity of the physically disabled. Yes, the physically disabled have sex, and yes having sex with a disabled person may be drastically different than sex with a ‘normal’ person. Here are a few things to think about and remember if you are in a sexual relationship where a physical handicap is present.
1. Conversation: no matter if you’re male or female do not be afraid to talk to your partner about sex. If your partner is physically challenged ask him or what they are comfortable with or what they are willing to try. If you are the one who is challenged explain to your partner what may or may not work, and what is uncomfortable. Don’t be afraid to talk to each other before, during, and after; questions like “Is this ok?”, “Am I doing this right?”, and “Maybe we should try something different?” are all acceptable and logical things to ask.
2. Experiment: Try different positions; if something doesn’t seem to be working change positions. Not all positions will be possible; for example someone wearing leg braces or has back problems may not be able to do things standing up, or may need to lean of something to do this. If a woman wants to be on her knees sucking a man who has trouble standing she needs to make sure his balance is ok. Another main thing is don’t focus on sexual intercourse. Most people think that without intercourse there is no sex but that is wrong. For example someone who may be partially paralyzed may have trouble getting an erection or keeping an erection. Focus on the touching and the kissing of body parts. Even though your partner may not be able to physically feel it they still can feel your warmness emotionally.
Have you checked into assistive devices/equipment? Swings/slings and cushions like the Liberator Wedge are the obvious ones that come to mind, but there are other pieces that not only take strain off of the user(s), they add a lot of variety.Hey Pinnochio,
I'm newer here and this was the first post that really hit home with me, both my girlfriend and I suffer from a progressive Nero/muscular disorders and find it hard to maintain our sex life's do to the weakness/fatigue/balance issues we face all the time. The ideas you have written here are quite sound (as we did both of then and its been doing great for us) but I just feel like adding to it.
I know the key is communication with her but I just can't think of what to bring up. I'm 29 and in a wheelchair but use a walker to get around the house, She is 25 and uses a walker or a persons aid to get around (but is headed down the path I went down, in terms of what she uses to get around).\
Anyways I was hoping to get a few ideas here of thing to just bring up or might be interesting to talk about, as a goal of mine is just to change it up and try to do a little away from the norm of kissing/foreplay/oral/sex in our normal, I'm on top then she on top positions.
Any suggestions would be great, Thanks in advance
C6 C7 incomplete, 5yrs now, 53yrs old, want sex,can have sex, but wife in the change wants nothing to do with it. she still turns me on and i want to kiss her all over,wont even let me touch her in that way. keep telling her she missing out on a wonderful thing.
Hi Erika,
I have looked into such things and while they have the pros you listed, they have a few big cons for me. Namely the cost is to much and there kinda hard to hide from my parents, they are my care givers ATM.
Thus, I was looking for a more subtle why to add new things
I think it time you educated your parents. You are no longer their precious little boy, you are an adult male and deserve to be supported and respected for having emotions and desires like anyone else - indeed just like they did and no doubt still do.
OK - I do not have any idea what this must actually be like for you, but damn it - they need to respect your maturity. If you can't face them directly with conversations about this area of your life maybe you can ask the professionals who overview your care to intercede for you. Open up a little more - particularly with the professionals who I assume are in your life. Even bringing this subject up with your doctor should provide you with contacts and sources of information. If they say "we don't know", tell them to bloody find out! There has to be support and other dedicated forums of discussion for this (but please don't leave here).
There is a new movie out that may help educate people in your life to understand that just because you have a disability you are not without the same desires as everyone else. The movie is called The Sessions:
http://www.theaustralian.com.au/arts/review/the-sessions-tackles-issues-of-primary-intimacy/story-fn9n8gph-1226513147733
Ok - it is well beyond where you are at, but the message still holds true. It would do the people in your life a world of good to view it.
Also check this out:
http://www.theage.com.au/entertainment/tv-and-radio/sexual-healing-20111125-1nxkc.html
and an interview with the sex worker
http://www.scarletroad.com.au/sex-w...atherine-scott-rachel-wotton-efilmcritic-com/
here
Scarlet Road: A Sex Worker's Journey
"Australian sex worker Rachel Wotton works with many clients who have disabilities. "
http://www.sbs.com.au/documentary/program/845/
and the actual documentary
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GJEbrnCS0fw