sweepthefloor
see jane nurse
- Joined
- May 25, 2010
- Posts
- 11,836
june babies are special.I can and cannot believe I share the same June 2nd bdate with this hilarious, um, nurse.
Goddess, please carry on, I adore you.
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june babies are special.I can and cannot believe I share the same June 2nd bdate with this hilarious, um, nurse.
Goddess, please carry on, I adore you.
Back to school: I predict that Nursing Informatics will be the most boring class I ever attend.
I am ashamed to admit that in nursing school, I utilized crossword puzzle software to create puzzles for my class based on each chapter.Do you know how to make those Bullshit Bingo cards? Using the buzzwords from the class?
Get up a set of those, distribute them, that can liven things up a bit. 8)
june babies are special.
"coke stroke" it's an epidemic.
I can't wait to get back to work on Friday. It is a world that makes sense to me.
I read that as "cock stroke." My bad.
sometimes i have to get back to work for some rest...
There is no rest at the University of Perverse Hospital.
Me: Mr. MVA status post anterior + posterior cervical discectomy + fusion. You have to poop. The time has come. You haven’t pooped yet, and it has been days. The narcotics are constipating you.
Patient: I refuse to poop on the bedpan.
Me: You will feel better. Let me give you this enema.
Patient: Look at me. I look like pinhead in Hellraiser.
Me: You went through the windshield of your car. Your face is sutured. Let me give you this enema and I will roll you onto the bedpan. Push this button when you are done.
Patient: My ass hurts.
Me: Let’s roll off this pan and see what happened.
Patient: ~moaning~ + ~groaning~
Me: You have had a large bowel movement. This is great.
Patient: Why are you so happy about this? How can you clean up shit all day?
Me: It is important to move your bowels. I do not clean shit all day, but this is a part of my job.
I get rid of the pan and begin to shower the man in the bed. I start in the front and roll him to the side and begin washing his ass. He is moaning and groaning and I wash, wipe, pitch, wash wipe, pitch. Eventually I don’t hear his moaning anymore. I am humming a song in my head. I wash his back, wash his legs, change the linens, and get the other side. Wash my hands. I give him a lotion topcoat and he looks great. Wash my hands. I clean up the room, wash my hands, change the IV fluids, label the tubing, and take a look around. Wash my hands.
I smile to myself full of pride as I lay on the fresh crisp top sheet.
Patient: It still feels dirty.
Me: I assure you all is clean. (I am a professional ass wiper)
Patient: My ass hurts. Is it bleeding?
Me: You just had a large bowel movement, but there is no bleeding back there.
Patient: Are you sure it is clean?
Me: Roll over to the side.
I wipe his ass a few more times for emotional security, and show him that the washcloth is clean. (see?)
Patient: Thank you.
Me: You are welcome.
washing my hands.
I just laughed for the first time today.You are a saint.
Our Lady of Clean Rectums.
That works for me, better out-comes.