Worst Song Ever

[NoTalentHack]

While musically a good song, "Every Breath You Take" is about a stalker, and people play that at their weddings.

This. Also, Better Man by Pearl Jam. Great song. NOT a great wedding song.

 

[Euphony]

Coming at this in my usual orthogonal way: Tears in Heaven

WTF? TiH has nothing to do with birds?!!

 

[Djmac1031]

This. Also, Better Man by Pearl Jam. Great song. NOT a great wedding song.
[pecking.

I once had to explain to a Bride To Be why "Daughter" from Pearl Jam might not be the best choice for the Daddy / Daughter dance.

 

[NoTalentHack]

And if you play "You Are My Sunshine" in a minor key, it sounds really threatening. (But it's a great rendition, my favorite version of the song)

Part of that is that You Are My Sunshine is structured like a murder ballad, but cuts out before the actual, you know, murder.

 

[gunhilltrain]

While musically a good song, "Every Breath You Take" is about a stalker, and people play that at their weddings.

I've always found Enrique Iglesias' "Finally Found You" to be really stalkerish if you pay attention to the lyrics.

Oh God, weddings and the music at them. The Carpenters Close to You is a big one for such events. But if you listen to the lyrics, the female narrator seems to be a secret admirer of this guy - she's not actually with him, but she'd like to be. "All the other girls in town" are her rivals, and she seems to doubt that she can compete. My interpretation, anyway. In any case, her expectations couldn't possibly be met in reality.

 

[Djmac1031]

Edit: double post.

 

[NoTalentHack]

Okay, because this is partially turning into "great song, but not great song for that," I want to throw in Iggy Pop's Lust for Life, as used in Bank of America and Carnival Cruise Line ads. It's about heroin addiction, people. Don't do that.

Also, Fame by David Bowie being used in car ads. "Our brand will turn you into a soulless monster! Enjoy!"

 

[Jeb56]

Any song performed on the Lawrence Welk Show.

 

[gunhilltrain]

Walk Like an Egytian is like nails on a blackboard. When it comes on the radio at the office, I find somewhere else to be.

I keep hearing that song at my supermarket. The store has a rotation of songs to please every possible ethnic group.

 

[NoTalentHack]

Walk Like an Egytian is like nails on a blackboard. When it comes on the radio at the office, I find somewhere else to be.

Try this version:

ETA: Favorite comment on that video: "I just love the way their long hair frames their pretty faces. So feminine. The Bangles are ok too"

 

[alohadave]

Okay, because this is partially turning into "great song, but not great song for that," I want to throw in Iggy Pop's Lust for Life, as used in Bank of America and Carnival Cruise Line ads. It's about heroin addiction, people. Don't do that.

Also, Fame by David Bowie being used in car ads. "Our brand will turn you into a soulless monster! Enjoy!"

Or Stacy's Mom for minivans.

 

[gunhilltrain]

And if you play "You Are My Sunshine" in a minor key, it sounds really threatening. (But it's a great rendition, my favorite version of the song)

A Dead South fan! Yes, they do a great job with it. The song goes back a ways, probably to the late 1930's, and is one of the official state songs of Louisiana.

 

[gunhilltrain]

This is a hard one, because some "bad" songs have a fun, novelty "they're so bad they're good" quality. I grew up in the 70s, and that decade was filled with songs that fit this bill, like Kung Fu Fighting or Convoy. I would put some of the songs listed so far in that category.

Terry Jacks' Seasons in the Sun has always been, for me, an unredeemably bad, cringe-inducing song. It's about somebody who dies, which is bad enough, but it's sung with unbearable pathos by a singer whose voice makes me want to shoot puppies.

"Seasons In the Sun" has three people dying, the first and third are old girlfriends, and the second is his dad. But - maybe it's the narrator who is on his death bed, looking back at his past. Either that, or he has incredibly bad luck. But, yeah, a real early '70s, post-hippie feel to it.

 

[lustychimera]

@EmilyMiller 's thread that went off on a tangent about the song "I've Never Been To Me" got me thinking about bad songs.

A badly written song can be just as painful as a badly written story.

Jarring, badly worded lyrics, terrible rhymes, horrible messages, or just plain stupid nonsense that makes your ears bleed and brain hemorrhage.

I have one to kick it off:

"Escape (The Pina Colada Song)"

At first listen, it's a harmless enough little pop tune with a catchy, sing along chorus.

But then you start to delve into the actual lyrics and meaning.

And it all falls apart.

So the narrator has "been together too long" with his "old lady."

He finds a personal ad in the paper, placed by a woman, responds to it, sets up a meeting, only to find out the ad was placed by his wife, who was bored with him too and looking to cheat with someone else.

They laugh when they recognize each other, and wind up reconciling, discussing how they never realized they were into the same things.

Cute on the surface but in reality, it's a badly written LW tale.

In reality, that story doesn't end with a chuckle over Pina Coladas.

It ends with divorce papers.

Plus, how the hell was this guy with this woman so long yet never knew she liked Pina Coladas?

She never ONCE ordered one when they went out to dinner, or mentioned her fondness of them?

Never sent him to the liquor store to pick up the ingredients?

And I'm sorry, but no one loves "making love at midnight in the dunes of the cape."

They love the IDEA of it, sure.

But the REALITY of it is a gritty mess of sand and bodily fluids that makes me cringe just thinking about it.

I could go on but you get the point.

I have others I'll save for later. Maybe one of you will get to them first.

I gotta disagree here. It's no masterpiece by any means, but the happy tune on the surface is showing how lightly those two are taking their relationship. It's told from a very tight perspective, which is expressed through the happy melody and the offhanded lyrics, and I think the dark undertones are what makes the song good. It's surprisingly complex emotionally for an otherwise generic pop hit.

Neither of those people belong with anyone, but they got their heads to fast up their ass to see it.

It's unreliable narrator but in a song.

 

[HordHolm]

There's a youtube chap called Todd in the Shadows who does some fun short docs on two different musical subjects -

One Hit Wonders (self-explanatory) and another he calls Trainwreckords, which focuses on albums which have derailed an artist's career. So, that execrable Beach Boys thing they did in the early 90s, and today he released his latest doc about an album I was unaware of by Ringo Starr called Ringo the Fourth. Having heard excerpts of this... 'opus', I can confidently state that it falls far short of 'so bad it was good'. It simply sounds bad, very, very bad.

But if we're talking really bad from a singles perspective I challenge anyone to find something worse than Jive Bunny.

 

[HordHolm]

"Seasons In the Sun" has three people dying, the first and third are old girlfriends, and the second is his dad. But - maybe it's the narrator who is on his death bed, looking back at his past. Either that, or he has incredibly bad luck. But, yeah, a real early '70s, post-hippie feel to it.

It always stuck me as a suicide song. I know there were worries at the time about the subject matter.

 

[gunhilltrain]

Or Stacy's Mom for minivans.

And "London Calling" for Jaguar.

The ice age is coming, the sun's zooming in
Engines stop running, the wheat is growing thin
A nuclear era, but I have no fear
'Cause London is drowning
I, I live by the river.

Well, they left that out of the commercial.

"Stacy's Mom" is a bit explicit for a mini-van ad.

Stacy's mom has got it goin' on
She's all I want
And I've waited for so long
Stacy, can't you see?
You're just not the girl for me
I know it might be wrong but
I'm in love with Stacy's mom.

I think that was left out too.

 

[gunhilltrain]

It always stuck me as a suicide song. I know there were worries at the time about the subject matter.

That would make sense, more than him dying from some disease.

 

[HordHolm]

Oh crap! And now, sitting with a scotch and the broadband, I've had to go looking. And I've hit upon an absolute horror from my childhood:

There's No-one Quite Like Grandma. Sweet and saccharine, to the point that you will die of sucrose poisoning.

 

[Smuttyandfun]

Oh Where Can My Baby Be, by the Cavaliers, is another super sappy song that has me heading for the exit.

 

[TarnishedPenny]

Some really good suggestions here, but for pure, unadulterated, unrepentant Awful, one needs to experience Loudon Wainwright’s 1972 classic You’ve Got Your Dead Skunk in the Middle of the Road.

Trashy, terrible, suitable mainly for drunk 15-year-olds, it did amazingly well on Billboard, etc.

 

[MetaBob]

Womankind, by The Greg Kihn Band, makes me cringe almost every time I hear the last line of its third verse:

When you're a woman, try to be strong
But where does it comes from when everything's gone?
It comes from inside you, you'll use it again
'Cause women are people, the same as the men

Sure, he means well, and it was written all the way back in 1980-1981 when attitudes were somewhat different, but it kinda casts a pall for me over what I think is a really good record, especially the excellent Valerie and The Breakup Song (They Don't Write 'Em).

 

[Smuttyandfun]

Okay, see who remembers this one by Arlo Guthrie. "The Motorcycle song."

I dont want a pickle
I just wanna ride on my morotcycle
And I dont want a tickle
I'd rather ride on my motorcycle
And I dont wanna die
I just wanna ride on my motorcy... cle
It was late last night, the other day
Thought I'd go up and see Ray
So I went up and I saw Ray
There was only one thing Ray could say was I...
I dont want a pickle
I just wanna ride my motorcycle
And I don't want a tickle
I'd rather ride on my motorcycle
And I don't wanna die
Just wanna ride on my motorcy... cle
Late last week I was on my bike
I run into a friend named Mike
Run into a friend named Mike
Mike no longer has a bike he cries...
I don't want a pickle
I just wanna ride on my motorcycle
Yeah, and I don't want a tickle
Cuz I'd rather ride on my motorcycle
And I don't wanna die
Just wanna ride on my motorcy... cle

 

[Djmac1031]

Sure, he means well, and it was written all the way back in 1980-1981 when attitudes were somewhat different, but it kinda casts a pall for me

Kinda like Phil Collins "Another Day In Paradise."

A well intentioned song until you realize a millionaire rock star is chiding us ordinary folks struggling just to pay our bills for not doing enough to help the homeless.

Maybe offer up a few rooms in your mansion, Phil.

 

[Ssbbw4u1974]

Any song by The smashing pumpkins is a bad song.