Woes

[kiwiwolf]

How do you tell your five year old daughter that you will never stop loving her even when you have to move away from her? How do you make her understand that the shit that adults do will never come between the love you have for her?

In less than a couple of weeks she will be moving with her mother and the rest of the family into a new house. I don't know where I am going to be but I will, for the first time since she was born, be seperated from my baby. She has just realised this and is really upset. She spent nearly two hours this morning crying on my chest and telling me she doesn't want to be away from me. I cried more than my share of tears too.

The reality of the situation is that my ex has more chance of providing my girl and the other kids with a comfortable standard of living than I am. My ex has got her act together and is now a pretty decent mother. Last year she went through a stage where she had nothing to do with the kids unless neccessary, but now I see the effort she is putting into the kids upbringing and I am satisfied that they will be okay... more than okay actually. Her new man is great with the kids and I actually get on really well with him now after adjusting his attitude early last year.

The three older kids, my ex's from her early marriage, are going to be okay. They have been through this all before when their Mom broke up with their Dad. My little girl is experiencing all this for the first time.

So far I have no place to go. I can't afford the rent for this place and I have no massive cash reserve to get me into one of the few apartments that are available for exorbitant sums at this time of the year. I have to stay in this area as I need to be near my daughter, yet the rental accomodation around here is way out of my price range and way too big for me. Still with all that my only real concern is what my daughter is feeling.

I think she is sure that I'm not abandoning her... god I hope she knows I'm not. I'm going to miss her so much it's a physical ache.

I'm not looking for pity or sympathy here. I needed a place to rant, vent... whatever... and Lit was here.

 

[k¡tty]

Just hold her, kiss her and keep telling her how much you love her and will always be there for her.

That's all you can do hon.

 

[Problem Child]

Hang in there buddy, you're a good man. Things will work out for you somehow.

 

[Vilac]

Kitty hit it right on the head, kiwi.

I don't have any children of my own...so I certinally don't know the pain you're going through..but kids need that reassurance that you aren't going "away"...and that you'll be there for them.

You give her that, and she'll never forget it.
V~

 

[Guest]

 

[LukkyKnight]

Sucks, kiwi, but it's OK for you both to be sad about it. Make sure she knows she can always call, that you won't be far away, and that you love her.

 

[Cleopatra]

Just my thoughts...

If you can keep in touch with her - calls, letters, visits, as many as possible - I think that will help her realize that she is so valuable to you. I feel for you, kiwiwolf. I'm glad you have a little lighter heart knowing she's going to be well taken care of with her mom etc. As for the living situation, can you share a place with someone?

Good luck, and you're right - Lit is always here, and so are ears to listen.

 

[Bandit58]

I know what it's like to leave your kids behind. When I left my husband last year my 14 yr old daughter stayed with him, and my son was away at university. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. Every time I see them I hug them and tell them I love them, and they know I am only a phone call away. That's all you can do......I know she's only little but she will know that her daddy loves her no matter what....

 

[Mia62]

I think she is sure that I'm not abandoning her... god I hope she knows I'm not.

She is such a smart kid...she knows who loves her fully and completely. You will never abandon her. Deep inside, she knows that.

*huggsicus*

 

[cricketbug]

kiwi...

*very big hugs sent your way*

My 3 1/2 cents is to just be an active part of her life and let her know you support and do still love her.

My real dad was never around, long story. I saw him when I was 10, again at 16, at 18 at h.s. graduation, and again at 21 when I moved to where he was living to get to know him and that side of my family. now, 4 years later, have only talked to him once since then and that was due to my grandmother's passing in Jan. of this year.

Sorry, didn't mean to drop my li'l sob story...*climbs down off the soap box*

cricketbug

 

[Cheyenne]

I agree with the suggestion to share space with someone if you can't afford to live alone.

If you still can't afford an apartment even with a roommate, what about renting a room in someone's home? Just until you can get on your feet and afford something better?

 

[Debbie]

You are a great Dad, to all your kids.
I wish things weren't happening this
way for you and your bebe's.
Being apart from your kids must be a very
hard thing.
Your girl is Daddy's girl, and she knows how
much you love her. All I can say is that I know you
will do more than your best to be there for her
as much as possible.
If I was your daughter I would love knowing that
on a set day of the week and time you will be picking
me up. Having special time and doing fun things with Dad.

Giving her a notebook, some pre stamped envelopes
with your new address (which hopefully you will find
very soon. ) so that she can tell you about her day,
where she would like to go/do when she sees you next etc
and that when you get home from work you get a
lovely surprise.

Give her a scrapbook or a little diary so that she can jot down
things she wants to remember to tell you and draw pics for you whenever she wants.

If she is going to have access to a computer?
(And both you and your ex are ok about her using it)
Email her fun pages, ecards, little notes or jokes.

Kids are so good at making the best of a situation.
And I have complete faith in you that you have done all
that you can to make things run as smoothly as possible.
Good luck, bro. (hug) You are a fantastic Dad.

 

[T.H. Oughts]

You know if I could take your pain away I would.....

She knows you love her and you would move heaven and earth for her if you could... we as adults don't have as much control over our lives that we wish we could, when it comes to saving hurt from our loved ones that we care....

Just heaps of hugs and the love you give her is all you can do right now buddy....

You know you are more than welcome to put yourself and your kit bag at my place if you want until a permanent place comes through.... I would not mind driving you to see her any time you want...

I'm here for you buddy...

 

[Mia62]

I would not mind driving you to see her any time you want...

Every hour? *wry smile*

I thank the stars above that he has friends like you and the others there. I feel so helpless from here. Thank you.

 

[Guest]

 

[T.H. Oughts]

Every hour? *wry smile*

Seriously... if wanted a ride at 2am when I'd been alseep for a few hours I would... that's what friends are for...

 

[Mia62]

Seriously... if wanted a ride at 2am when I'd been alseep for a few hours I would... that's what friends are for...

You, m'dear...are amazing...

*watching someone chat to you right this very second*