Why do men ghost?

[Goldenfinger]

I have been chatting with a guy for 10 weeks. He had a work injury and other surgery during that time.
He didn't want to meet in person until he was able to drive himself there.
So we kept chatting and learning about each other.
This week he his last test for discharge, so we scheduled for Thursday.
He was told results will be Nov 3.
Frustrated, he agreed to meet Thursday anyway.
And after that, nothing.
No location.
No change of plans.
And last night I saw he was on the message app and following another female user.

I guess he moved on, with no notice and no comments.

Is it so hard to tell someone you changed your mind or are no longer interested?
What is gained by dragging someone along?

Maybe they had no intention of going farther than it did. Maybe they misrepresentEd them self that they knew or were afraid that they would be a disappointment. This is not a excuse but maybe a explanation.

 

[the_single_gal_unconfidential]

I actually ghost guys here -
I like messages from guys - what they do etc etc. it's fun.
it's when the msg turns to - do you Skype, or I travel for work, where are you, stuff like that. like I'll show up at their hotel room.
admittedly I live kind of a lonely existence. kind of good in a way, so I do like fun interaction.
but it's when the chat turns to directing me, or ordering me, or thinking I'm just a uncontrollable pussy - that I lose interest.
another thing, that I haven't heard for awhile was the blow by blow stuff. you know - I do this to you, you writhe in ecstasy. it goes on and on, I guess it ends in us totally spent covered in squirt n cum. I don't know - I never get to the end
yeah, so I drift on after those types of msgs.
just like my real life haha.

 

[Fermina_Daza]

Ghosting is about them, not you. It’s childish and cowardly. It still hurts though.

Want me to call him and say you’ve been missing and the last known contact you had was with him?

 

[Rockymtnman]

I’ve ghosted once. Didn’t feel right but they just wouldn’t take not interested. Started online. Met in person a few weeks down the road. I felt sorry for her as she was clearly lonely but what she said she looked like and what she actually looked like were pretty far apart. I was polite and lied several times about why we weren’t moving forward with anything physiCal.. busy, out of town, stuff like that. Finally, I tore off the bandaid and was honest. Didn’t matter to her. Just quit answering her emails. Finally worked after a few months.

 

[JohnEBbad]

Huh

Go figure.

Men Ghost, women "shade."

Britney Spears clarified on Wednesday that she wasn’t shading Selena Gomez in a now-deleted Instagram post in which she called out people who talk about not showing their bodies on Instagram while making risqué music videos as "hypocritie."

https://www.foxnews.com/entertainme...g-queen-selena-gomez-instagram-post-hypocrite

 

[Ingenue844]

I’ve ghosted once. Didn’t feel right but they just wouldn’t take not interested. Started online. Met in person a few weeks down the road. I felt sorry for her as she was clearly lonely but what she said she looked like and what she actually looked like were pretty far apart. I was polite and lied several times about why we weren’t moving forward with anything physiCal.. busy, out of town, stuff like that. Finally, I tore off the bandaid and was honest. Didn’t matter to her. Just quit answering her emails. Finally worked after a few months.

But that’s not ghosting. At least I don’t see it that way.

If I tell someone I just want to be friends, or not interested, and they don’t back down from pursuing as a romantic/sexual interest, I’ll ignore too. I may tell them I feel they’re disrespecting my boundaries and not to contact me again. But if I feel we’re constantly revisiting my asking them to back off, I will stop responding altogether. But yeah, if I get pushed too far I will write someone, “Don’t contact me again,” and ignore any future messages.

 

[TallGlassOfSarcasm]

It happens to both men and women. But there’s no better feeling than hitting the ignore/block button on the ghoster

If you think blocking someone is the best feeling in the world I am concerned that some of your other needs aren't being met.

 

[the_single_gal_unconfidential]

maybe you heard that bump in the night?
it was me, I fell off the ghost wagon.
I was lonely, needed affection.
sent him the hey, whatchya doin txt.
happy ending

 

[LittleSwitchy]

Is it better to have the public fight in a restaurant followed by the walkout?

Make it coffee. It’s easier to walk away if things go sideways.
Plus… if you’re meeting for coffee/ dinner in separate cars. You’ve been going out awhile. I think the writing is on the wall. You’ll know things aren’t going well.

 

[LittleSwitchy]

I have been chatting with a guy for 10 weeks. He had a work injury and other surgery during that time.
He didn't want to meet in person until he was able to drive himself there.
So we kept chatting and learning about each other.
This week he his last test for discharge, so we scheduled for Thursday.
He was told results will be Nov 3.
Frustrated, he agreed to meet Thursday anyway.
And after that, nothing.
No location.
No change of plans.
And last night I saw he was on the message app and following another female user.

I guess he moved on, with no notice and no comments.

Is it so hard to tell someone you changed your mind or are no longer interested?
What is gained by dragging someone along?

There could be a number of reasons. Might have gotten cold feet, scared to meet you. Might have fibbed about something like the looks. Didn’t want to show up and see the look in your eyes… who the he’ll are you?

 

[TallGlassOfSarcasm]

Umm. I most assuredly don't need your concern, thanks.

View attachment 2184713

Laughter is the spice of life.

 

[Taggy1]

My excuse (I ghost, I admit) is if I know it's never going to lead to meeting face to face, then I'm off. I don't hang about just to do things virtually, been there, done that, sick to death of it; it's meet or don't bother. Simple.

You could let them know. It’s the best thing to do and doesn’t make you look like a cunt

 

[Chris_KBHR]

I have a female friend who is stepping into online dating for the first time. I helped her build her profile and we sift through the responses together because she likes to have an outside perspective.

I had zero preparation for how awful it would be...the borderline psychotics she deals with on a daily basis. The nutballs, the passive aggressive attitudes, the simmering anger that so many of these dudes struggle to keep a lid on.

Some ghosting is an outgrowth of this. It's just easier to go poof and vanish than deal with the potential vitriol you face if you maturely let somebody know you're not interested or you just want to move on.

This doesn't explain the entirety of it, but it's definitely a piece.

As for the "why men" do it angle, I would surmise it's for the same reasons that women do. Some combination of self-protection and apathy/laziness.

 

[iso36]

Online it’s completely acceptable to ghost an anonymous penpal.

You can also choose not to reply to stupid emails at work.

The ability to connect does not include a requirement to connect.

 

[Bigboobbabe]

My excuse (I ghost, I admit) is if I know it's never going to lead to meeting face to face, then I'm off. I don't hang about just to do things virtually, been there, done that, sick to death of it; it's meet or don't bother. Simple.

If it's only been a few chats, I don't think of it as ghosting necessarily.
This had been 9 weeks of chatting.
It drug out because he claimed to have been hospitalized and had surgery.
I have 34 years Healthcare experience. I did not see any red flags in his story of care and treatment.
Oh well. Since he hasn't answered my last message "Why?", I will never know.

 

[Fyreguy2006]

People ghost for a number of reasons:

1) Whoever they are talking to gets creepy, overly sexual too soon, requests nudes, becomes threatening, pushes meeting whether way too soon, or without any indication that whoever they are talking to wants it

2) They are a liar about their marital status, availability, their sexual identity, and virtually everything they have said about themselves and they are afraid of being exposed

3) They are a coward. They convince themselves they want human interaction but if things become too good, too intimate, too real, they bail

4) They are nothing more than a game player and your feelings are merely points they rack up before leaving you high and dry

 

[Fyreguy2006]

Oh, and by the way, women on Lit ghost too.

 

[Taggy1]

I try to yes, I know, being a cunt is reserved for politicians and perps, so I will say I'm no longer interested if possible but hey, if I've told them and they haven't read it, then that's no longer my problem; what am I gonna do,. spam them with explanations why I don't want to chat with them? Of course not.

Or just say “sorry not interested”. Just a suggestion.

 

[Whitneysub]

I am also sorry this happened to you. It is difficult to say with certainty why it happens. All I know is that it sucks.

I read something interesting the other day that said that "ghosting is an expression of inconsideration, a lack of empathy, love or care, and self-centeredness. A person that is able to ghost you does not care about you. Not in the slightest. A person that doesn't care about you will express that throughout the relationship, whether it is subtly or blatantly."

These are tough words to read when we think about how much time, effort, and kindness we invest in the other person. However for me, these words helped.

Maybe it's the cyber world that makes it easier for people to be reckless with other people's emotions. Who knows? I am sorry.

That's not true

 

[dodgeboy2]

I have been chatting with a guy for 10 weeks. He had a work injury and other surgery during that time.
He didn't want to meet in person until he was able to drive himself there.
So we kept chatting and learning about each other.
This week he his last test for discharge, so we scheduled for Thursday.
He was told results will be Nov 3.
Frustrated, he agreed to meet Thursday anyway.
And after that, nothing.
No location.
No change of plans.
And last night I saw he was on the message app and following another female user.

I guess he moved on, with no notice and no comments.

Is it so hard to tell someone you changed your mind or are no longer interested?
What is gained by dragging someone along?

I think the answer could be many things:
1) married man or possibly single guy who may love the chase but cuts loose after getting oh so close
2) may also be an insecure guy who is comfortable when not in a face to face situation but got scared once the possibility of a real meeting got close
3) Or just the obvious, the guy is a total asshole!

I would chose 3 but who knows!

 

[Taggy1]

"so I will say I'm no longer interested" - or didn't you choose to read that bit?

Apologies

 

[Fingerfuxs]

Sometimes the conversation is just over and that that’s. Sometimes it’s to much high maintenance energy on the other end and keeping up is exhausting.

sometimes it’s just because of nothing , without a solid reason. Nothing more , nothing less. I just ran outta stuff to talk about , flirt or whatever. Same applies with sexting. But I almost always text that was fun if we e- orgasm together, hola back when the mood strikes but daily communication ain’t goin happen. My bad !! most figure that out ahead of time anyway.

 

[iso36]

Maybe he found a (more) recent picture of you online?

 

[JohnEBbad]

Okay

I laughed.

I am a very bad man.

 

[patient1]

People ghost for a number of reasons:

1) Whoever they are talking to gets creepy, overly sexual too soon, requests nudes, becomes threatening, pushes meeting whether way too soon, or without any indication that whoever they are talking to wants it

2) They are a liar about their marital status, availability, their sexual identity, and virtually everything they have said about themselves and they are afraid of being exposed

3) They are a coward. They convince themselves they want human interaction but if things become too good, too intimate, too real, they bail

4) They are nothing more than a game player and your feelings are merely points they rack up before leaving you high and dry

I was going to post something about being stood up on dates a handful of times in the prior Millenium, before people could be accessed anywhere, any time. How human behavior isn't so different. It comes down to the point that if somebody is a liar or a coward or doesn't treat you the way they'd like to be treated, your time and attention is best spent on someone more deserving. Nice summary.