Why do men ghost?

[twister947]

Long ago, and far away, I broke up with a girl. I don't remember her name, but I remember the tears, and one word repeated over and over: "Why?"

It was awful. It made ghosting feel like the better choice.

 

[baseballGeek]

Well, we know why women do (see above)...

Shit happens both ways

 

[BillTheKatt90]

Fantasy is easy. Reality can be difficult— even frightening. I’d bet he is terrified of the former transforming to the latter.

 

[coffeelover5]

It happens

 

[TwinkleStars]

I've ghosted people. Why? Because we can.

The real reason is different for everyone. I ghost people I don't connect with as I don't want to deal with them anymore. I've had guys call me all kinds of names simple because I said I wasn't interested. I don't bother anymore and just block the fucker.

You have two choices:
Let it bother you until you develop insomnia over this issue
or
Do your best to move on. Find someone willing and able to make a connection with you.

Be honest with yourself. Don't settle for second best or Mr, Right Now. Realize you are worth more than that. On dating apps, start by making friends. It's easier and less emotional hurt when they ghost. Be safe, always meet in public places with lots of people around.

Try not to let it get to you. He changed his mind is all. Good luck to you. *hugs*

 

[CarlyAnn]

Long ago, and far away, I broke up with a girl. I don't remember her name, but I remember the tears, and one word repeated over and over: "Why?"

It was awful. It made ghosting feel like the better choice.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

Lit guys are older, uglier and marrieder but we don’t ghost.

That sure doesn’t explain all of the threads and posts asking why a Lit guy ghosted them.

Ghosting happens in all online relationship types and is not specific to one gender.

 

[Jjlali]

I have been chatting with a guy for 10 weeks. He had a work injury and other surgery during that time.
He didn't want to meet in person until he was able to drive himself there.
So we kept chatting and learning about each other.
This week he his last test for discharge, so we scheduled for Thursday.
He was told results will be Nov 3.
Frustrated, he agreed to meet Thursday anyway.
And after that, nothing.
No location.
No change of plans.
And last night I saw he was on the message app and following another female user.

I guess he moved on, with no notice and no comments.

Is it so hard to tell someone you changed your mind or are no longer interested?
What is gained by dragging someone along?

I’ve never ghosted anyone but I’ve been ghosted more times than I can count. It’s not just guys that do it

Ghosting sucks. You looking for someone new to chat with

 

[Jjlali]

How long after giving that blow job did you get ghosted

 

[Ingenue844]

I have been chatting with a guy for 10 weeks. He had a work injury and other surgery during that time.
He didn't want to meet in person until he was able to drive himself there.
So we kept chatting and learning about each other.
This week he his last test for discharge, so we scheduled for Thursday.
He was told results will be Nov 3.
Frustrated, he agreed to meet Thursday anyway.
And after that, nothing.
No location.
No change of plans.
And last night I saw he was on the message app and following another female user.

I guess he moved on, with no notice and no comments.

Is it so hard to tell someone you changed your mind or are no longer interested?
What is gained by dragging someone along?

I’m so sorry this has happened to you too. It hurts. Some of us experience real emotions for the guys we meet here. Even without meeting in person. I haven’t read through the thread yet but I wanted to say that just in case you have dickheads telling you shit about “it’s not real.”

I think there is a lot of cowardice.
I also think people lie on here and then won’t meet because their lie will be exposed (catfish)
People use others for an ego boost
He may not end it definitively in case he wants to circle back to you. Such a dick move.

I wish we had a list of these LoveBombers so we could all stay safe.

 

[Ingenue844]

I've heard ghosting is done by women as well.

I agree with this

 

[xdresssissytoes]

Some members will get what they want and follow the next shiny object that attracts them on a forum thread. If one commits to making contact in a pm, be honest and say you're not interested or exiting. It's very frustrating to be mid chat, especially one that's getting sexy hot and then have your partner vanish!

 

[Ingenue844]

I have met a few Lit guys IRL. All great. I chat with a few I met more than 2 years ago.

I have been ghosted after giving BJ or even sex, but this length of talking is so odd.

It’s especially hard when you’ve talked for a long time. There seems to be a foundation built and then you realize it meant nothing to some cad.

 

[JohnEBbad]

I have no idea why men would ghost someone claiming bigBoo...

 

[Sojourner47]

Is it so hard to tell someone you changed your mind or are no longer interested?
What is gained by dragging someone along?

I am also sorry this happened to you. It is difficult to say with certainty why it happens. All I know is that it sucks.

I read something interesting the other day that said that "ghosting is an expression of inconsideration, a lack of empathy, love or care, and self-centeredness. A person that is able to ghost you does not care about you. Not in the slightest. A person that doesn't care about you will express that throughout the relationship, whether it is subtly or blatantly."

These are tough words to read when we think about how much time, effort, and kindness we invest in the other person. However for me, these words helped.

Maybe it's the cyber world that makes it easier for people to be reckless with other people's emotions. Who knows? I am sorry.

 

[FataMorgana]

I am also sorry this happened to you. It is difficult to say with certainty why it happens. All I know is that it sucks.

I read something interesting the other day that said that "ghosting is an expression of inconsideration, a lack of empathy, love or care, and self-centeredness. A person that is able to ghost you does not care about you. Not in the slightest. A person that doesn't care about you will express that throughout the relationship, whether it is subtly or blatantly."

These are tough words to read when we think about how much time, effort, and kindness we invest in the other person. However for me, these words helped.

Maybe it's the cyber world that makes it easier for people to be reckless with other people's emotions. Who knows? I am sorry.

Excellent post this.

 

[lifeis2short2b]

I have been on the both ends of this. I ghosted this one woman for a variety of reasons. I was trying to find some type of a connection with her. I decided to not contact her anymore to see if she would contact me ? She never did so I guess we kind of ghosted each other. I was ghosted by a woman also. I though everything was going great conversation wise. Then nothing, I reached out a few times but no reply.
In my "experience" When I ghosted it seemed like an easy way to get out of a "relationship". when it was done to me I figured it was an easy way for her to get out of a "relationship" I think it sucks on both ends. There are still a lot of questions left unanswered both ways.
I feel and have experienced when your upfront with someone though it may really be tough and sucks at the time. It works out best (To not ghost ) for both parties in the end game.

 

[iso36]

“Well, I heard some people talkin' just the other day
And they said you were gonna put me on a shelf”

Eagles- Already Gone

One person usually loses interest before the other.

That’s just the way it goes and does not make the “leaver” a bad person.

It’s always been true that one is already gone before the other realizes it.

And sometimes you don’t get proper notice. Boo fucking hoo.

Plus, There’s a heirarchy of communications for breakups.

There’s always been a Bare Minimum method to avoid telling them face to face.

Before everyone had their own telephone, the Dear John Letter was the cold way to do it.

Then it was the telephone call.

Then it was the breakup email.

Now it’s a text.

C’est l’amour, c’est la vie.

 

[Older_Pervert]

I have been chatting with a guy for 10 weeks. He had a work injury and other surgery during that time.
He didn't want to meet in person until he was able to drive himself there.
So we kept chatting and learning about each other.
This week he his last test for discharge, so we scheduled for Thursday.
He was told results will be Nov 3.
Frustrated, he agreed to meet Thursday anyway.
And after that, nothing.
No location.
No change of plans.
And last night I saw he was on the message app and following another female user.

I guess he moved on, with no notice and no comments.

Is it so hard to tell someone you changed your mind or are no longer interested?
What is gained by dragging someone along?

Sadly it’s all to common in online relationships. I’ve had several, long and apparently successful interactions with women who suddenly disappear after weeks.

 

[Nicefella]

Ghosting pains linger.

But it nary happens.

Buck up for next ride.

 

[the_single_gal_unconfidential]

I found a fwb guy - already bored with him. best way to explain it.
just 3 times with him. nice guy. looks like an Italian fabian. beautiful teeth - wow.
just no exciting things with him, mechanical fucks.
he doesn't know where I live, so I could just disappear.
in the past, I've pretty much had a reason when moving on.
you never know with guys, what they think - when you tell them, or just disappear.
and who knows - maybe he wishes I'd just disappear haha

 

[JohnEBbad]

Is it better to have the public fight in a restaurant followed by the walkout?

 

[vibes]

looks like an Italian fabian

what's an Italian fabian?

 

[the_single_gal_unconfidential]

Is it better to have the public fight in a restaurant followed by the walkout?

guys know that little secret -

they know it really gets under our skin - when they gets the jump on the obvious and leave.

and we're denied the satisfaction of telling him how we see it. haha.

 

[TallGlassOfSarcasm]

It definitely goes both ways. Both men and women ghost others.

I find it's best to take the hint and not make it weird. Especially if it was something just fun and casual and not serious.

You send that last email and she never responds....take the hint. Move on. Don't take it personally because it's not personal. Especially if it's an online frolic from Lit.

Maybe you weren't tweaking her interests like she needed. Maybe real life got in the way (as it should because real life is more important) and they just weren't in the mood for sexy Lit banter.

You have to come into Lit not taking anything personally.