Why are so many people so scared to talk about stuff?

[jaF0]

More people need to be like ... and Ted Nugent

You want more people to be hate filled assholes?


Really?

 

[AlwaysFara]

Just because you’re a “nice guy” doesn’t mean we are obligated to talk with you.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Just because you’re a “nice guy” doesn’t mean we are obligated to talk with you.

Yes you are. You just don’t know it yet.

 

[AlwaysFara]

Yes you are. You just done know it yet.

Fuck. What’s a ditzy girl like me to do? Of course, this is what I meant to say.

 

[LadyJS]

A lot of girls here (not all, but a lot) have ghosting down to an art form, probably for the reasons you mentioned.

And a number of guys have mastered this art as well (spoken from someone who has experienced it more than once). Just saying.

 

[SassySheDevil]

Maybe because we don't want to put effort into something and end up ghosted. I'm not talking about personal details, just feelings, emotions. Making friends is time consuming, so it depends on how much one wants to invest. There's only so many hours on my day, and I can be friendly, but I have to limit that because of RL obligations.

But, honestly, you aren't alone, you aren't the only person interested in friendly banter and conversation. Keep looking. We're out there. Promise.

This would be my answer too. Been hurt too many times. But I don't know how to be mean or rude unless I'm really pushed, then I'm a bitch. I'm generally nice and friendly to most. But it's gotten me more hurt than friends. People just take advantage. Then leave when they've gotten what they needed.

 

[Midwest50Guy]

And a number of guys have mastered this art as well (spoken from someone who has experienced it more than once). Just saying.

I never said the guys were blameless. Both sexes do it. and it still sucks.

 

[UgliestSon]

You want more people to be hate filled assholes?


Really?

Ummm no and sorry I took three or four swings at the irony and stupidity of this thread. I wish now that I had not.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f1lCLbQm6AY

 

[AlwaysFara]

But, Sassy, and BFG, just because a woman chooses not to reply or engage with a man who seeks her out, doesn’t mean she is a bitch.
She’s simply not interested, nor obligated, to respond. The man should then realize she isn’t interested and take it elsewhere. With no fanfare.

 

[SassySheDevil]

And a number of guys have mastered this art as well (spoken from someone who has experienced it more than once). Just saying.

I've been ghosted many times also. Even recently by someone who I never thought would do it.

 

[Midwest50Guy]

But, Sassy, and BFG, just because a woman chooses not to reply or engage with a man who seeks her out, doesn’t mean she is a bitch.
She’s simply not interested, nor obligated, to respond. The man should then realize she isn’t interested and take it elsewhere. With no fanfare.

first few messages, agree.

but after talking for a few weeks, yes she is a bitch for just disappearing.

 

[SassySheDevil]

But, Sassy, and BFG, just because a woman chooses not to reply or engage with a man who seeks her out, doesn’t mean she is a bitch.
She’s simply not interested, nor obligated, to respond. The man should then realize she isn’t interested and take it elsewhere. With no fanfare.

This has been a long standing argument on Lit. First. Yes. No woman is obligated to talk to anyone. True. Second. If a man (goes both ways I guess) sends me a PM. If it is polite, it doesn't kill me to reply politely. So I almost always do. Now if that person or I, decide we don't want it to go any farther, it either fades off, or I will politely just say something. Being polite, hurts no one.
If that person sends me a rude, crude, mean etc PM (Like the one I showed you Fara) then I don't feel obligated at all to reply. However I usually still do. I told you (Fara) my replies and you told me to basically just tell him to fuck off. Which in some form I did and he moved on to the next "Slut"

A lot of the time, I have my PMs off because when I post pictures, it never fails to get some jack ass to comment and tell me all the things he thinks he has to right to do to me if he could. (Case in point, my AV got me the Cumslut PM) I am not his cumslut. So he did not earn the right to call me that.

I also know myself well enough to know that I am too kind most times. So keeping my PMs off gets me in less trouble. Less likely that someone will come along and take advantage of that kindness and then leave when someone new and shiny comes along.

 

[AlwaysFara]

first few messages, agree.

but after talking for a few weeks, yes she is a bitch for just disappearing.

That’s different when there is an established friendship.
OP is taking about making friends.

 

[AlwaysFara]

This has been a long standing argument on Lit. First. Yes. No woman is obligated to talk to anyone. True. Second. If a man (goes both ways I guess) sends me a PM. If it is polite, it doesn't kill me to reply politely. So I almost always do. Now if that person or I, decide we don't want it to go any farther, it either fades off, or I will politely just say something. Being polite, hurts no one.
If that person sends me a rude, crude, mean etc PM (Like the one I showed you Fara) then I don't feel obligated at all to reply. However I usually still do. I told you (Fara) my replies and you told me to basically just tell him to fuck off. Which in some form I did and he moved on to the next "Slut"

A lot of the time, I have my PMs off because when I post pictures, it never fails to get some jack ass to comment and tell me all the things he thinks he has to right to do to me if he could. (Case in point, my AV got me the Cumslut PM) I am not his cumslut. So he did not earn the right to call me that.

I also know myself well enough to know that I am too kind most times. So keeping my PMs off gets me in less trouble. Less likely that someone will come along and take advantage of that kindness and then leave when someone new and shiny comes along.

Yes. Which upsets me. For you. Being nice to others when they don’t deserve it does hurt you at times. I don’t like that.

 

[SassySheDevil]

Yes. Which upsets me. For you. Being nice to others when they don’t deserve it does hurt you at times. I don’t like that.

I know and you have always been protective of me

 

[JAYBE30]

Sorry guys, Phone calls this morning have me lagging a lot! I'll catch up later!

It's not about whether you can talk to a stranger. It's about whether or not you can be sincere in your interest and then use that to create something bigger.

The sincere thing is a struggle because I am very sincere and genuine, I treat others as I want to be treated. This can be a problem for me with some because I like when people are blunt with me no matter how rude it seems, I LOVE the honesty, and then I know how they feel and can go about my day. What I think happens with me is women read me to be like the men they've had in the past that deceive and think I'm saying what I think they want to hear.
I just make the mistake of letting this frustrate me sometimes because I'm tired of being put into the category with the typical guys, and tired of seeing good women with guys that don't know how to treat them right.

Like a lot of yall have said I think it does really just come down to patiants with some, for me at least. I have to work on that. I tend to be a bit impatient with my goals in life and I work hard to reach them as soon as possible. Take that to the dating world and it doesn't come off very well. I'd like to just meet someone and go out for coffee and if we get a long start doing more together, but I have to be more patient to not want to talk so much and move too fast. This has been a little hard for me because of being alone for so long just focusing on my work. I am now very ready for both a physical and emotional relationship of any level really. I have gotten pretty much every other part of my life on track and in a great direction, so now finding a woman to share some good times with has become one of my priorities and I think I just come on too strong for some.

I'm working on finding the balance between feeling lonely and wanting a relationship pretty badly and being too busy to take the time needed to make a new relationship due to life and personal business goals.

I despise small talk. I don't want to talk about how it's snowing out unless it's relevant to life....nor do I want to rehash some stupid show on television. I'm too busy living life for that.
BUT.. you learn after time, especially online to be guarded. Investing in people emotionally takes something out of you and not everyone is worth that time. Not everyone values it.


"these kind of problems"
You mean the kind that occur when they are hurt by someone?
When they invest and either betrayed or discarded?
We don't do the damage to ourselves you know...
To quote a popular tv show character, "Everybody lies"
I've found that to be true.
Fortunately, I'm involved with someone who values transparency as much as I do, but in the past, every man I met here lied. They either hid a major detail, flat out lied about something and then often lied about lying. Is there any question why I would struggle to believe the words that come out of people's mouths (or keyboards?)
People really struggle with communication in general though. It's easier to not talk sometimes and it's hard to find the words that aren't triggers to people when you do try to communicate.
Additionally there are direct communicators and passive communicators and the two will find worlds of miscommunication in attempting to converse.

-"I despise small talk."...
Yes! Totally agree on the small talk thing, it gets boring real fast, I want to talk about life, what each other's thoughts are on it, what our passions are and why, what dreams we have and how we're gonna get there. etc. And of course, I would hope that some flirting and sexual talk will flow throughout talking about this stuff, and you'll learn each other's personality with jokes mixed in here and there. but if you don't get passed small talk and shallow stuff it's really hard for true personality to show through to me.

-"these kind of problems
You mean the kind that occur when they are hurt by someone?
When they invest and either betrayed or discarded?"...
Yes, I'm talking about these problems, I'm not calling the people bad because they have these problems, It's a real bummer. and I understand. I'm actually going through this myself, I just invested a LOT OF my mind, thoughts and emotions into this women because I thought (still do think) she is worth it, and she was returning it back to me just before she did a complete 180 overnight and dropped me like a hot potato, and my ex of 9 years never appreciated how much I did for her. It sucks and hurts BAD but I'm getting over it and understand that she is doing the best she knows how to, to protect herself and I think she just doesn't know how to communicate the feelings and concerns she's had in her head and they were causing stress that mess up other parts of her life so she just cut me out.
This is were I'm working on understanding that others don't think like I do therefor react different to things. Because I just say, I tried, a crashed and burned, it hurt, but now I'm dusting off and gonna keep trying. I think a lot like the saying that goes for a lot of marketing, "for every No you get, you are that much closer to a Yes." so you don't stop, you just keep pushing.

This has the potential to be ugly. This thread.
What Tink said. And hotwords.

I personally don’t care if a nice guy feels left out because I’m too cautious. That’s his problem.
Not interested is just that.

How would this discussion get "ugly"?

Not interested is not interested, I agree, and when I feel they really just don't care, I leave them alone and move on. I can definitely start doing this sooner though, I admit that has been a flaw of mine in some situations.

Thanks to all of you for all the different opinions! I'm loving it.
I wish I could respond to each one but I didn't want to have so many post back to back and I am just not very good at this multi-quote thing here.
but I read and appreciate each one!
Hope yall are having a fantastic weekend!

 

[Midwest50Guy]

That’s different when there is an established friendship.
OP is taking about making friends.

still happens more than it should here, and seems to be accepted somewhat, which is a damn shame. and yes both sexes do it.

 

[JerseyJade]

Interesting thread. If there's one thing I learned the hard way while being on Lit is NEVER, EVER get emotionally attached with anyone on here. I made that mistake once and I will never do it again. I do love my friends on here, but they're Lit friends and for the most part, we only communicate through the threads; although there are a few who I talk with privately. But as far as getting really personal with someone, that will never happen again. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

 

[UgliestSon]

Interesting thread. If there's one thing I learned the hard way while being on Lit is NEVER, EVER get emotionally attached with anyone on here. I made that mistake once and I will never do it again. I do love my friends on here, but they're Lit friends and for the most part, we only communicate through the threads; although there are a few who I talk with talk privately. But as far as getting really personal with someone, that will never happen again. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

I am lke that here as well. Plus in real life.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KHSYRgwlnOc

 

[jaF0]

Why the fuck would anybody be so desperate as to get attached to pixels on a screen?

 

[Deleted member 3041612]

I do believe that I engaged you in conversation before JAYBE30. We were emailing for a while. Life happened though. It had nothing to do with me ghosting you, but real life became more important, quick, fast and in a hurry. I leave without notice at times because of real life issues that takes precedence.

 

[AlwaysFara]

Why the fuck would anybody be so desperate as to get attached to pixels on a screen?

Why the fuck would anyone be so insecure to attack those that do?

 

[beachbaby179]

Why the fuck would anybody be so desperate as to get attached to pixels on a screen?

You don't. You get attached to the person typing the words that you see there. You get a glimpse of their heart and mind. And that's what attracts you. And until it happens to you, please stfu and don't judge.

 

[JerseyJade]

You don't. You get attached to the person typing the words that you see there. You get a glimpse of their heart and mind. And that's what attracts you. And until it happens to you, please stfu and don't judge.

I couldn't have said that any better.

https://i.imgur.com/QqJrwFT.jpg

 

[jaF0]

You don't. You get attached to the person typing the words that you see there. You get a glimpse of their heart and mind. And that's what attracts you.

You have no idea who or what is typing the pixels displayed. Could be some dude in an internet cafe' in New Delhi, or a bot in China.