Why 43% of you are stupid

[Dixon Carter Lee]

I just read a statistic that 43% of Americans think their pets go to heaven.

No statistics on how stupid Europeans, Africans, Asians or Australians are.

 

[Angel]

Mine usually go into the ground.


Or the toilet.


Why exactly do we flush fish down the toilet anyway?

 

[sunstruck]

Ok. Ummm right. Dixon, you don't even believe in heaven.

 

[Rex1960]

I just read a statistic that 43% of Americans think their pets go to heaven.

No statistics on how stupid Europeans, Africans, Asians or Australians are.

What do the other 57% think ? Pets go to hell ?

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

I'll defend your right to believe in Heaven.

But ferrets?

 

[sunstruck]

Why not? Personally I don't believe in heaven, but if it existed, why wouldn't animals go there? I doubt God is as elitist as people are.

 

[Starblayde]

86.3% of statistics are made up on the spot

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

What do the other 57% think ? Pets go to hell ?

Oh my God, I didn't even think of that. I'll be some do. Thank you, you've just helped me find somebody stupider.

 

[Rex1960]

I'll defend your right to believe in Heaven.

But ferrets?

Why ? Do ferrets believe in reincarnation ?

 

[penguindance]

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

Why not? Personally I don't believe in heaven, but if it existed, why wouldn't animals go there? I doubt God is as elitist as people are.

Where do you draw the line on the "rules" about what kind of life form gets to go to Heaven? Flies? Fungus? Stegasaurus?

It's silly because you reach (the general idea of) Heaven via moral behavior. How do hamsters get to be moral?

 

[Angel]

I think Dixon is secretly God, and this atheism shit is just a silly game he plays to throw us off.



If there was a God, he'd be an atheist too.

 

[sunstruck]

I thought you reached heaven just by not doing anything immoral. Don't sin and you get in. Well, hamsters can't sin right? lol

Honestly the bible says animals don't go to heaven. Nothing unbaptizes does.

Wait. I'll bet my ass to donuts (that the fuck does that mean anyway?) there are people out there who baptize their pets. I mean, we have an anual blessing of the animals every year, so that's not so much of a stretch. lol

Do baptized animals get into heaven?

 

[Purple Haze]

43% of us think Dixon is going to heaven...

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

Okay, that's really stupid.

 

[CoolidgEffect]

Honestly the bible says animals don't go to heaven. Nothing unbaptizes does.

It does?

 

[sunstruck]

Nah, there is no sarcasm in heaven. He'd be kicked out in a week. He'll be playing Hell's Rainbow Room and we'll all be there drinking margarittas and heckling him.

My favorite trick will be when he sets p_p_man on fire and levetates the extinguisher just out of his reach.

 

[penguindance]

 

[Rex1960]

Okay, that's really stupid.

As far as I've heard stupidity helps to walk through Petrus' door.

"Blessed are the stupids..."

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

It does?

Yeah, it does.

Good point, Sun.

 

[sunstruck]

It does?

Yup. Animals don't have souls so they can't go to heaven.

 

[Purple Haze]

My dog has more soul than Dixon...

 

[Lancecastor]

Who Do You Believe? DCL or pet-heaven.com?

 

[sunstruck]

My dog has more soul than Dixon...

Can he howl the blues baby?

 

[CoolidgEffect]

There once was an Irishman named Michael that wanted a small funeral service for his poor deceased dog. He spoke to his priest about this and the Priest said, "You know Michael, we can't go having services for animalson the church now can we?"

Michael left and met the Priest a week later. The Priest asked after his dog. "Yes Father, the minister agreed to the service and accepted the ₤1,000 donation."

"Oh Michael," the Priest exclaimed, "Why didn't you tell me your dog was Catholic."


<Sorry if this lost some of its humor to my memory>