What's the difference?

[SweetCherry]

I have been wondering this for some time and have finally been able to put it into fairly coherant thought. I'd like your input as well, though, just because I'm curious to how everyone else feels.

I'm bi, and even though I lean more towards men as far as preference, that's not always the case. So here's what I'm wondering. How come it is that a vast majority of men I know are turned on by the thought of their woman having sex with another woman? If a woman is bi and would willingly have sex with another woman, wouldn't that be cheating? These same guys who get turned on by these girl/girl sex fantasies of their wife and her best friend are a lot of times the ones who would strangle any man who made a pass at her.

What's the difference, really? Sex is sex, whether it's between a man and a woman or between 2 women. Why are these guys so secure in themselves that they wouldn't worry about their woman in the sack with the neighbor lady but the pool boy sends them into a tizzy?

OK, I realize this sounds really one sided. I know it could be said from the other way, too, as in would a woman be jealous if her bi man was in bed with another guy. Personally, for me, that doesn't really do anything one way or the other. Just feel free to post your input and give me a clue.

 

[Todd]

Before I begiin I will augment my thoughts with "Yes, I am a virgin"

I believe the reason that most men are not jealous of thier woman/wife/gf/so cheatin with another woman is this.

With a man there is in the back of the mind:

Was my cock not big enough {long wide thick} to keep her pleased?
Is my style inadequate for her needs?
and lots of other questions along that line

With a woman it goes more like:

Yummy!!!
God that is sexy!!!
I wonder If they will let me watch?
Iwonder if they will let me join in !?!?!?!?!

A man having his partner go to another mand is a jealous competetion factor that goes back to childhood puberty.

A man haivng his partern go to another woman, well thats the stuff dreams are made of, as long as she doesn't turn total Lezz on him

Anyways, spoken as a Virgin who has no clue as hoe real world sex works anyways.

 

[u2slow13]

wanna see my neighbor lady? Woohoo.....

 

[Guest]

That is a very good question, Sweet Cherry. It's one for my Boyfriend, that's for sure. W/we've talked some about swinging, but he cannot get past the idea of another man touching me, let alone fucking me. Yet, he'd love to watch me with a woman. I think what it comes down to is most men do not see a woman as a "threat".

 

[SweetCherry]

I think what it comes down to is most men do not see a woman as a "threat".

Yes, that's just it tho! Why wouldn't a man with a bi girlfriend see a woman as a threat? I mean this: when it comes right down to it, she's still going to be getting off with/by someone else. Male or female, that could be considered as a threat to the relationship. Essentially, chances are with 2 women, it wold more than likely be thru oral sex. Why would a guy not see that as a threat to his "oral skills"? Does a penis really matter in this instance? Hell, I just plain have never been able to cum due to penetration alone. I know I'm not alone in this one. I need more, and what I need can come from male or female.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to put down femme/femme sex, or male/male sex. I'm just trying to get some input on my insane idea. Keep up with the info, folks! I'm looking forward to more.

 

[Todd]

i see how it is a virgins opinions doesn't matter on a sex issue, I see how it is

 

[SweetCherry]

Bah, I never said that, Todd. Be nice.

I'm just trying to figure out why guys think the way the do. Tho heaven knows that could take forever to get a grasp on.

I understand that men might feel inadequate over the whole "masculinity" thing, but why wouldn't they worry about a woman being able to give better oral or something like that? Why should they only worry about dick size?

 

[Guest]

Hell, with as infrequently as my Boyfriend eats my pussy, a woman with great oral skills could be a threat.

 

[Todd]

Bah, I never said that, Todd. Be nice.

I'm just trying to figure out why guys think the way the do. Tho heaven knows that could take forever to get a grasp on.

I understand that men might feel inadequate over the whole "masculniity" thing, but why wouldn't they worry about a woman being able to give better oral or something like that? Why should they only worry about dick size?

because all through out our life there is the boy competiotn every boy tries to out do the other boys, thus becomes every man trying to out do the other men, thus when a man moves in on marked territory its devestating, that he did not have the prowess to satify and fill the needs the other man fulfilled.

Every man, however knows compared to a woman, he knows relatively little about a womans bosy aside from geting himself off with it, thus he sort of realizes that unless she goes ladies only, for her to go bi can be beneficial to her and probable beneficial to himsaelf if ya know what i mean.

If not ask I type cryptically quite often

 

[notenufsx4me]

i don't know. a lot of ladies should try asking first. thats where i have my problem. i think it boils down to a matter of trust.

i know if i don't trust a women it doesn't matter because she will not be around long anyway.

 

[SweetCherry]

So what you're saying is this, right Todd?

Essentially, a guy with a bi girl is going to benefit from it because he can either A.) watch and jack off and have his own live porn show; or B.) participate and fuck both women. Either way, it's a turn on for him. This I already knew, from Draco's reactions to my own sexual confessions.

But what I'm saying is this. As Tiggs says, her Boyfriend isn't one who gives oral very often. Hence, wouldn't a woman be seen as a threat in that instance? Man or woman, actually. I would think that anyone with a talented (or semi-talented and very willing) tongue be a threat, no matter their gender.

 

[SweetCherry]

i don't know. a lot of ladies should try asking first. thats where i have my problem. i think it boils down to a matter of trust.

i know if i don't trust a women it doesn't matter because she will not be around long anyway.

I'm not talking about sneaking aroiund behind a partner's back here. I'm talking about plain, old fashioned out in the open sex. I understand why someone would be pissed if it was hidden. I'm trying to figure out why men would allow their woman to be with another woman, but not another man. I want to know the reasoning behind it.

 

[Todd]

the reason the woman isn't a threat is, unless she turns pure lezz, she will still want a bit'o'dick once in a while while not in services of another fine femmes wiles. leaving with A>I may not be perfect but she still wants the man meat B>I might get my life long fantasy here

where as if she cheats with a man, in his mind A>He isn't good enough performer B> she is already out the door

 

[Phoenyx]

I have been wondering this for some time and have finally been able to put it into fairly coherant thought. I'd like your input as well, though, just because I'm curious to how everyone else feels.

I'm bi, and even though I lean more towards men as far as preference, that's not always the case. So here's what I'm wondering. How come it is that a vast majority of men I know are turned on by the thought of their woman having sex with another woman? If a woman is bi and would willingly have sex with another woman, wouldn't that be cheating? These same guys who get turned on by these girl/girl sex fantasies of their wife and her best friend are a lot of times the ones who would strangle any man who made a pass at her.

What's the difference, really? Sex is sex, whether it's between a man and a woman or between 2 women. Why are these guys so secure in themselves that they wouldn't worry about their woman in the sack with the neighbor lady but the pool boy sends them into a tizzy?

OK, I realize this sounds really one sided. I know it could be said from the other way, too, as in would a woman be jealous if her bi man was in bed with another guy. Personally, for me, that doesn't really do anything one way or the other. Just feel free to post your input and give me a clue.

Men like beautifull women. For some men the more beautifull women in the bed the better it is for him.

 

[SweetCherry]

Arg!! I can see I'm too tired to try and sort this out tonight. I'm going to bed now, but I expect a lot of new posts when I get up in a few hours to help me get it straight in my mind.

 

[Weird Harold]

Part of it is hard wiring.

Men don't mind having a harem -- in fact almost all men dream of having a harem.

On the other hand, like bucks in rut, they instictively see other men as trying to steal their harem. It takes a conscious effort to override the instictive responses and allow a women the freedom to play with other men without jealousy raising it's head.

 

[Fly_On_Wall]

I haven't read the wole thread, not in a reading mood right now so this might have been said.

with me i'm a jealous person (openly jealous hehe you'd know it for sure if you seen it) if someone i cared about was with another guy i'd be thinking. what is it about me she dosn't like why does she need another guy, is she gonna leave me for him?
now if she were with another women I'd still have some of these feelings and the fear of her leaveing me for her would be ther.
but there is something there that I cannot offer. so in some way i'd go with it, but i'd not want them to go off alone together for a prolonged time cause the green eyed monster would come back.
but I'd still not want my girl to go picking up just any girls while she is in a relationship with me. if she want's a girl on the side... only that one, and they'd have to have something more between them then fucking everytime they meet

these are just thoughts though i've never been in the situation so can't so for sure.

 

[SuthrnKit10]

Tough One

Hmmm ... I agree with your observation Cherry, but after years of attempting to understand men, I'm close to my wits end. Fallible and confusing as they are, ya gotta love 'em!!

There again, I suppose they often say the same about us.

The only conclusion I can come to is that there is a clear competition between straight men in sexual instances ... and I can only assume this is based on some sort of centuries old feeling of domination. "His woman", "his club", etc. In the situation of bi women, I think they (and please correct me if I'm wrong on this guys, like I've confessed, I'm far from completely understanding the opposite sex) suddenly see it as "their women." There's always the added penetration aspect of sex that only men can provide (with the exception of innovative toys) which leaves them with a certain confidence in those situations.

 

[MissTaken]

I would agree with most of what is posted here. I would only add that to a certain degree a man can convince himself that if his partner is with another woman, it is in part for his sake. Hence, it is okay.

My former bf thought that when I told him I wanted to be with a woman, that I was saying so only because it was his fantasy. Thereby, feeding his ego. (While in fact, that wasn't the case.)

I wouldn't say that men are an enigma....I would say that sexuality and sexual relaitons can be. There is no real instruction book that covers the diversity of sex in any relaitonship. The nature of a sexual relationship is far too eclectic to be able to be broken down into concrete "If...Then..." statements.


Sex Sex Sex OH! How my weary little mind hurts !!!!

 

[modest mouse]

This is a simple answer to me. I gleaned over the other posts, takeing time to read Weird Harold's, as I always try to do on a serious post.

Women do not get pregnant from other women. Women get pregnant from men. Males are evolutionary conditioned to procreate as much as possible.

Another male is a sexual/reproductive rival, thus a threat. Procreation is the lynchpin of our entire existence and plays a major role in every life activity.

 

[Lost Cause]

It boils down to the man's perceived threat. It's as old as time itself, protect the mate and insure no genetic mismatching in his offspring. Woman on woman to some guys is no threat as 69 with toys is not a reproductive threat. It's all in the guys head (top not bottom). I had a girlfriend in the military that brought her homesick roomate in to our bedroom. It was fun, no pressure to perform, and all went away with good feelings. We became like a little family. My view on sex is that it is a workout, you can toss in love and affection, but it is still a workout. I never see my mate as a possession, but sharing my time here. Her getting pleasure from man or woman has no bearing on our relationship. It's like me getting upset if my mate has a good workout at 24-hr fitness, a workout is a workout. You may think I'm full of it, but those who know me can verify it.

 

[SweetCherry]

Wow. Loads of great answers! Thanbx guys!

Personally, I would have to agree on the provreation aspect. I think it does go back to the "caveman days" when Brug and Crog were fighing over Ebra and both wanted a little of her Neandertal lovin'. The only way Brug could ensure that he was passing on his own DNA was to ensure that Grog kept his furry hands to himself. Therefore, Ebra was only had by Brug and maybe a little of Uba on the side, since Uba was all woman.

It was, as I thought, largly based on the desire to only care for the children that they sired, and not theose that came from the genetic makeup of another.

Seems to me that lions are the same way. New male takes over the pride, he often kills any cubs that aren't his just to take care of that threat of not passing on his DNA. Looks as if in some ways, humans ARE still very animalistic.

Don't let my satisfaction in these answers stop any of you from posting your own ideas tho. I'm always willing to read more thoughts on this. And to those who've posted already,. great answers!

 

[juicylips]

Love this thread, Sweet!!

Just about every guy I have talked about this with has no problem with ffm, but say no way to a mmf. They don't want to watch another man fuck you or even touch you.

Personally, I feel that woman's body is more erotic therefore more enticing to watch two women and therefore a man enjoys it more. Men are suppose to be more visually stimulated than women. So this puts them in "overload" The whole idea of perpetuating the species is probably true.

The whole concept of two or more people fucking, whether it be male, female or whatever the combination, is what gets my motor running. Watch, imagine, join in...whatever

Cassidy

 

[fantac64]

Speaking from a male viewpoint, I can tell you this. If a man has ever watched two women together, he may have a major fear of her never coming back. Sorry guys, but the passion that two women get is awfully hard to combat. I'm one of those sickos that love to watch two women together. I think that it's one of the most beautiful and passionate things in the world and I get SO HOT!

 

[YogiBare]

Mouse, I think that you're right on the money. It's all about procreation and it is , like Harold says, hard wired.

It's funny that, as I think about it now, I would never go for fmm with "my" woman, but would love to do it with someone else and their mate. Do you think I might forget to use a condom in that situation?

I'd be interested to hear whether you other guys feel the same as I do about this.