What's divorce like?

[oni]

How bad is it to be without someone? How good is it to be free? How bad a burden is alimony, especially if you don't make a lot to start with? What's it like relating with your and your former spouse's family and friends? Are you glad? Sad? How bad was your marriage before? Unbearable, or dissatisfying--you chafed, thought you'd made a mistake?

 

[Guest]

 

[Bent]

No matter what your situation, it isn't easy, but if its something you need to do, its better to just be done with it, and move on.

 

[Guest]

 

[white_mage_goddess]

How bad is it to be without someone? How good is it to be free? How bad a burden is alimony, especially if you don't make a lot to start with? What's it like relating with your and your former spouse's family and friends? Are you glad? Sad? How bad was your marriage before? Unbearable, or dissatisfying--you chafed, thought you'd made a mistake?

Divorce is a mixed blessing in my opinion. I am 20 yrs old and just finalized my divorce this month..we were married less than a year and at first I was devasted to be such a complete failure as a wife.

The first time we separated and decided to get a divorce I went off the deep end. He was my high school love, my first lover, and I was crazy about him. What made it worse is that we both loved each other, were faithful to each other, enjoyed each other's company...we just couldnt stop arguing for some reason!

The first week without him was hell. That bed felt so big and empty at night and I couldnt go more than an hour or two without crying. It was hell. I couldn't eat or sleep. I couldn't stop thinking about him.

About a month later a good guy friend started flirting with me and that actually helped a lot...to know that men still found me desirable! I had a short fling with him and was well on my way to recovery when my ex came back into my life.

We reconciled for a short time and then ended up calling it quits for good. This time was much much easier on me. I had learned that I could indeed survive without him.

More than anything it felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders! Having married so young, I was happy to have a second chance to go out and meet people and have fun. I ended up meeting a really nice guy that was much more compatible with me than my ex and who wanted all the same things in life that I did. Now he and I are very much in love. At first when you spilt up with someone it feels like you'll never be able to love again...but trust me you will if you let yourself!

As for dealing with the spouses family, its a moot point. I have no reason to see them. We hated each other from the beginning of the relationship.

As far as how bad the marriage was, I have to say we actually had a wonderful marriage and relationship. We were very much in love and I would have gladly stayed with him forever. He was smarter than me and figured out that despite loving each other, we weren't going to be ultimately happy with each other. We didn't have enough basic goals in common.

I wanted a stable life,good credit, 3 bedroom house, etc. I wanted financial stability. He didnt care about those things. Guess he was more of a free spirit than myself. There were other issues too, such as the fact that I love animals and have a houseful and he had a hard time dealing with sharing his domain with 4 dogs and 4 cats. Also he was a very hardcore fundamentalist Christian and I'm pagan. That caused LOTS of arguments.

Overall, I don't regret loosing the relationship one bit. It taught me SO much. The most important lesson I learned was that it takes more than love to make a marriage work.

At the time when he first left me, I thought my world had ended. Now, however, I am much happier and have found someone to be with that understands me infinitely better than my ex.

I apologize for the length of this post; just wanted you to have a glimpse of what divorce was like, for me at least.

 

[Spinoza]

Some facts

Here are some things to consider

around 50 percent of marriages end in divorce.....and around 60 percent of second marriages end in divorce.

You would think people learn there lesson...seems the reality isthat the same mistakes that happened before happen again

Unless your spouse is abusive....kids always suffer terribly in divorce.

my 2 cents

Spin

 

[SexyGiggles]

How bad is it to be without someone? How good is it to be free? How bad a burden is alimony, especially if you don't make a lot to start with? What's it like relating with your and your former spouse's family and friends? Are you glad? Sad? How bad was your marriage before? Unbearable, or dissatisfying--you chafed, thought you'd made a mistake?

I'll turn the questions on to you -- how bad is to be with the person? How good is it to not be free?

You ought to do some deep soul searching and find out what YOU need -- it's not an easy decision to leave, but in the end, your family and friends will support you no matter what, because they know that this is not an easy decision for anyone to make. It takes time to get through it, it takes time to recover, and it takes time to be able to move on. But in ten years, do you want to be unhappy and trapped, or free to do what makes you happy? If you have kids, you need to take that into account, and if you have any desire to keep the relationship, I strongly encourage counseling (with and without your partner).

In March it will be three years since my divorce, and I've never regretted it. It was what I needed for me, and i'm sure you'll find what you need too.

Good luck!

 

[big4life99]

Just Do What you feel is right no matter how hard it may be. Your happiness and freedom should come first.

 

[crazybbwgirl]

Divorce sucks bad no matter what. And doubly if there's kids. Its like someone you love very much dying - yet you have to see them every other weekend. If I had it to do over again I'd have tied cement blocks to his legs and thrown him in the lake (its a big big lake out there!) It would have been easier. (footnote: We were married for 5 years, been divorced for 20 years, he's still an abusive asshole)

 

[oni]

Thanks for all the replies. No kids, it's only me and her to worry about, but to say I'm conflicted would be quite an understatement. If I could take a time machine back and stop the marriage from happening to begin with, I'd have no hesitation, but now that it's here, we've grown used to it--her much more than me--even though I think we could both do better out of it.

 

[Mosvani]

Re: Re: What's divorce like?

The first month was sheer hell. I thought that I was loosing my mind and would fall apart at the drop of a hat. The worst was one morning on the way to work. "I Want To Know What Love Is" came on the radio and I lost it totally. Wept like a child.

After maybe four months I started healing. I started going out and enjoying things that I had given up for 16 years.

Maybe 6 to 8 months later I was a full on manwhore. I was suddenly available and I was dating non-stop. That passed too and a year and a half later I met the love of my life.

We've been married for a year next week and together for two. Life is good.

Was about the same for me, though after the first four months of hell I skipped the whole going out and enjoying things I had given up bit and went straight into the full on manwhore stage, lol.
Still haven't met any great loves though.
Its been over two years now. The whole manwhore thing came and went pretty quickly.
Don't really go out much these days.
I don't even think about things like that anymore.

 

[crazybbwgirl]

Re: Re: Re: What's divorce like?

Don't really go out much these days.
I don't even think about things like that anymore.

Things like what? dating? Give yourself some time. It took me 3 years to really feel good again and get out. On the other hand its been 20 years since my divorce am I'm still single....