What made you laugh your ass off today?
- Thread starter Eilan
- Start date
midwestyankee
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Sep 4, 2003
- Posts
- 32,076
Gives a whole new meaning to, "I think I'll have a cold one, honey."bobsgirl said:I wish I could have a waterbottle like that....
pleasteasme
*Endangered Species*
- Joined
- Jun 3, 2001
- Posts
- 16,389
Saucyminx said:
OMG!!!! Sure it was just a freak thing....ssssure!
G
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pleasteasme
*Endangered Species*
- Joined
- Jun 3, 2001
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g'night quoll 
JustSkye
Gatinha
- Joined
- Aug 16, 2003
- Posts
- 45,537
A pastor wanted to raise money for his church and, on being
told there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to buy one and enter it in the races.
However, at the local auction, the going price for a horse was so high
that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He thought that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and entered it in the race and, much to his surprise, the donkey came in third.
The next day the local paper carried this headline: PASTOR'S ASS SHOWS
The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race
again, and this time it won.
The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered
the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day, the local paper headline read:BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the pastor to
get rid of the donkey.
The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN
The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid
of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for ten dollars.
The next day, the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back
the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
Headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE
The Bishop was buried the next day!
told there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to buy one and enter it in the races.
However, at the local auction, the going price for a horse was so high
that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He thought that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and entered it in the race and, much to his surprise, the donkey came in third.
The next day the local paper carried this headline: PASTOR'S ASS SHOWS
The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race
again, and this time it won.
The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered
the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day, the local paper headline read:BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the pastor to
get rid of the donkey.
The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN
The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid
of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for ten dollars.
The next day, the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back
the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
Headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE
The Bishop was buried the next day!
JustSkye
Gatinha
- Joined
- Aug 16, 2003
- Posts
- 45,537
To all of you:
I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.
Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.
I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.
I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica,
Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.
I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.
Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big
brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant
death when it bites my butt.
Thank you too for all the endless advice Andy Rooney has given us. I can live a better life now because he's told us how to fix everything.
And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 I dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.Oh, and don't forget this one either!
I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next
70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at
5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician...
Have a wonderful day....
--------------------------------------------------------------------
New Study
A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain and sexual activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late
I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.
Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.
I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.
I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica,
Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.
I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.
Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big
brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant
death when it bites my butt.
Thank you too for all the endless advice Andy Rooney has given us. I can live a better life now because he's told us how to fix everything.
And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 I dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.Oh, and don't forget this one either!
I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next
70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at
5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician...
Have a wonderful day....
--------------------------------------------------------------------
New Study
A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain and sexual activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late
Quoll
Area 25
- Joined
- Oct 17, 2004
- Posts
- 10,886
VermilionSkye said:To all of you:
--------------------------------------------------------------------
New Study
A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain and sexual activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late
Now that's not funny
What the hell are you doing up at this time anyway?
G
