What made you laugh your ass off today?

[Guest]

 

[blue112]

A little boy walking behind his mother after having her try and fail at getting a splinter out of his hand, running his hand on the wooden rail again say "Mommy I havent got one yet". To which his mother asked if he was trying to get another.

"Course"

 

[Saucyminx]

This was actually quite horrifying but it was also funny.

My son was watching this science show on chicken hatcheries. They way they toss those poor little balls of fluff around is appalling--but it was funny too. I kept trying not to laugh and keep my rightful indignation, because all the conveyor belts and machinery were just horrible. But let's face it--chicks are funny and chicks running up moving belts is even funnier.

Nearly as funny as the otters with pirate swords at sea world.

 

[vanelane]

Yesterday, one of my technicians asked if she could leave at noon, instead of her usual 3pm, because she was having a housewarming party the next day, Saturday. In support of her request she pulled a piece of paper out of her pocket - her to-do list - and handed it to me, saying "See, I have all this stuff I have to do before the party tomorrow night." The day was particularly slow and I had no problem at all letting her leave early, but my eye idly wandered down the list anyway. In between 'finish the laundry' and 'get napkins' was

"Paint the house - inside"

Maybe you had to be there, but I was wiping tears from my eyes I was laughing so hard! "Boss, I really need to leave three hours early today 'cause I'm having a party tomorrow and I have to paint the house first."

{She was referring to a couple of spots where she'd patched nailholes that needed to be touched up.}

 

[TBKahuna123]

From another thread...

http://www.sexinchrist.com/index.html

Just for a giggle between the serious stuff

OK I have to comment on this first because I'm laughing my ass off right now!

WOW!!! Talk about the flipside of christian sexual views!!!!

WHile I agree that Sex isn't bad, or anything like that, I am flabberghsted seeing a christian site expounding the following views:

1.) Anal sex is a GOOD way to preserve one's virginity.
2.) The bible discusses how virginal maidens positioned themselves to accept anal sex.
3.) It's a sin to pull out and not cum in a woman. So don't just pull out and shoot it on the ground, pull out and have her swallow! Then everything's cool with the Lord!
4.) Masturbation isn't sinful, you just have to: "ritually cleanse yourself after ejaculating. So keep some tissues, paper towels, or wet wipes handy when you masturbate."
5.) There's an instructional manual for "Christian Pornography". Overall an intersting concept, but I laughed at the No Profanity rule. So Anal sex is cool, you just can't say fuck.
6.) A woman being a lesbian or bisexual is fine, so long as she isn't masculine and still submit's to "the authority of the men in their lives".
7.) "To avoid the impropriety of male homosexuality, a heterosexual couple should not under any circumstances form a threesome with another man." Holy Double Standards, Batman!

This site is hillarious! As sexually liberated a Christian as I am, there is NO way I could agree with ANY of the assertions made on this site. I mean come on, saying Christ's "living water" refers to semen is insane!!! This site is even more ridiculous than the one Eilan pointed out a while ago that said anal sex was a gateway act to bestiality.

Thanks noxiousblonde, for showing an example of christina wackos from the OTHER extreme!

 

[Guest]

 

[TBKahuna123]

Hey, thanks for pointing out that link, I hadn't noticed it before. Definitely some good laughs there. Taken totally out of context, but funny anyway.

You know, I suppose I really shouldn't laugh because a lot of this does border on the church's definition of blasphemy. Still, it's often hard for me to get upset about things this ludircus because I know how whacked out they are. Still I suppose that it is a bit disconcerting to note that this isn't a joke, these people really believe this stuff. That's the other side of scary coin.

EDIT:
I should point out at this point that I won't normally disparage anyone's religious beliefs for being different from my own. In cases like this though, where the interpretation is just plain laughable, I reserve the right to point, laugh, and mock you for twisting the teachings of your religion to suit your own wants and needs.

 

[Guest]

 

[TBKahuna123]

I clicked through several pages of the site, and I didn't see anything that would lead me to believe it was actually a Christian site. In fact I took it as a joke site. If you believe it is an actual Christian site, can you please share with me why?

Funny, I was just posting here to possibly reverse my position on this. Here's why I believe it might not be a joke. There are a number of replies in the Reader's Questions to people who are mad about the site. These replies are very well written, thought out and almost too logical. This whole site seems to be written by someone with a good understanding of chrsitian teachings, just a wierd interpretation of them. If it is a joke, it is a very well researched and concieved joke. Plus, I have known other christians who have used these kind of justifications before in defense against conservative elments.

So what made me think twice that this might be a joke? This bit:

"Although dealing with erectile dysfunction can be stressful and even bring on an emotional and spiritual crisis for some men, we must be careful not to blame ourselves or the Lord for our predicament. As it says in the Gospel, “The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak" (Matthew 26:41). The Lord understands that sometimes we need a little help to do His will. In this earthly plane, our bodies are often faulty, but we can take comfort in the God’s promise of vitality and potency everlasting on the day of judgment: “He will also keep you firm to the end, so that you will be faultless on the Day of our Lord Jesus Christ.” (1st Corinthians 1:8)"

OK now of all the passages listed these are the only two which any christian knows there is only one interpretation for. These are both meant to say that your faith will keep you strong against temptation, not hard in the bedroom. Taken in context there is no possible way you could take these two passages ANY other way. Only when taken on their own and put into this context can they possibly be taken to have sexual meaning. Given this passage, I'm thinking now it might be a joke. If it is, it's very well done.

I'm a Christian myself, but I don't let most people influence my views, not these people or the Jehovah's Witness that comes to my door every 6 weeks. In fact, I often don't let the pastor of the church I attend influence my views.

I agree with you, 100%. I have noticed though that when people get up in arms about something it is usually because they are afraid sites like this one (and Lit for that matter) will influence people's beliefs and views and give them warped ideas. Could it be they are worried about their own beliefs, their own strength at resisting the influence of those who disagree with them? I'm like you Scaly, I don't let anyone influence my views. That doesn't mean I won't take a good logical explanation and rexamine my views, but there are certain absolutes that I believe in. Those aren't going to be influenced by advertising, television, the internet, etc. As is said, The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak and this is what scares them.

Oh wait, I forgot ,t hat passage was about ED! My bad.

 

[bobsgirl]

I clicked through several pages of the site, and I didn't see anything that would lead me to believe it was actually a Christian site. In fact I took it as a joke site. If you believe it is an actual Christian site, can you please share with me why?

I'm a Christian myself, but I don't let most people influence my views, not these people or the Jehovah's Witness that comes to my door every 6 weeks. In fact, I often don't let the pastor of the church I attend influence my views.

I tend to think this is a brilliantly written joke. I laughed so hard I cried. I wasn't sure til I noticed that nowhere on the site was the name of the ministry mentioned. And, as I tend to be a cynic about these things, I also noticed that nowhere was there a plea for donations "to continue our Godly work."

Bravo!

 

[Guest]

 

[TBKahuna123]

Funny thing is, although I'm Christian, there are a lot of things in the Bible that have been interpretted in ways that I just don't believe are true. Call me the doubting Thomas if they want, I don't care. I joust don't believe some things.

So when I read the things on that site...that was just too far out there for me to believe the writer is serious.

Brilliant indeed!

Yeah I tend to agree for exactly the reasons you stated. I will admit though, after reading the site Eilan posted a link to a while back, I wouldn't have been surprised. I mean, it's just a flip side of those ultraconservative sites.

This must have been written by Trey and Matt, the South Park guys. They're the only satirists brilliant enough to pull this off!

 

[pleasteasme]

This in someone's sig line.

LMAO!!!

 

[TBKahuna123]

This in someone's sig line.

LMAO!!!

Looks like my latest CAT scan.

 

[Willing and Unsure]

So this one guy at work was complaining about how he gets a phone call occasionally from someone asking them to do their work for them. One of the other people I work with started telling him that next time, he should just tell them over the phone that he cant do their work because he's in the bathroom and then grunt a few times like he's having some troubles.


Yeah, you really have to know the girl that was telling him to say he was in the bathroom. It was just hysterical because of it.

 

[Eilan]

LMFAO!!

 

[midwestyankee]

Tonight I walked past a restaurant with a big sign out front that read, "Yank Sing."














I didn't and half of San Francisco thanked me.

 

[EJFan]

Tonight I walked past a restaurant with a big sign out front that read, "Yank Sing."

that's hysterical!

but are you sure it wasn't directed at someone else and actually asking that person to do TWO things?

 

[midwestyankee]

that's hysterical!

but are you sure it wasn't directed at someone else and actually asking that person to do TWO things?

Barry Bonds even applauded and gave me a case of his special muscle toner; he said it would help strengthen my vocal chords.

 

[pleasteasme]

Looks like my latest CAT scan.

Are you telling us your cat is horny too?!

 

[TBKahuna123]

Are you telling us your cat is horny too?!

Cat, dog, the fish, my next door neighbor and the squirrel in the tree in my backyard. We all need to get laid!

 

[EJFan]

Cat, dog, the fish, my next door neighbor and the squirrel in the tree in my backyard. We all need to get laid!

no ding-ding vithout a vedding ring!

 

[vanelane]

Cat, dog, the fish, my next door neighbor and the squirrel in the tree in my backyard. We all need to get laid!

Mrs. Kahuha still out of town?

 

[Saucyminx]

Eilan's title of Titerotica Guru. i'm still giggling.

 

[Eilan]

Eilan's title of Titerotica Guru. i'm still giggling.

Shit. I just changed my av and title. Sorry.