"What is it that a Dom does?"

[HisArpy]

So, she allows you to wear the pants, this makes you alpha-dom.

Got it.

This is not it at all. Nor is this helpful or contributory to the thread and actually tends to degrade the discussion.



Spunthings:

Rejecting the designations of personality types doesn't change the fact that these things exist. If that were possible, then the majority of the world could reject D/s (or PYL) and we'd all be unclassified nothings. That doesn't change who we are as individuals or a group.

I'd prefer to avoid self imposed limits while pushing my own boundaries. In fact, it just occurs to me that the issue of limits could be a determining factor between D's and s's. (I don't know if this is true or not - just an hypothesis). I don't need or want limits. Submissives seem to need them in some form.

Perhaps what a Dom does is allow the submissive to set limits and stay within them? Again, I don't know.

 

[Conager]

This is not it at all. Nor is this helpful or contributory to the thread and actually tends to degrade the discussion.



Spunthings:

Rejecting the designations of personality types doesn't change the fact that these things exist. If that were possible, then the majority of the world co7uld reject D/s (or PYL) and we'd all be unclassified nothings. That doesn't change who we are as individuals or a group.

I'd prefer to avoid self imposed limits while pushing my own boundaries. In fact, it just occurs to me that the issue of limits could be a determining factor between D's and s's. (I don't know if this is true or not - just an hypothesis). I don't need or want limits. Submissives seem to need them in some form.

Perhaps what a Dom does is allow the submissive to set limits and stay within them? Again, I don't know.

Your last sentence was the most useful. It's interesting how often you decide to appoint yourself the Arbiter of what does and does not contribute to a thread.

 

[Aphro]

Takeaway of the day: Apparently, Doms are incredibly verbose.

 

[Miasorrow]

It was not really a dig at you (more the way I see every thread like this). Sorry if that's how it came off. I'm more of the mindset that we overthink these things. I've got a million other things to think about and over analyze and worry about. When it comes to stuff like this I just like getting off the way that works best for me. I would not have known this wasn't your first language.

I couldn't agree more! And thanks.

 

[HisArpy]

Your last sentence was the most useful. It's interesting how often you decide to appoint yourself the Arbiter of what does and does not contribute to a thread.

Once again, I point to my sig.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Lord_Johnny]

It's simple. I am in charge, she is not. She knows this and yields to me because of it.

What you don't know or realize is that submission doesn't have to be because the submissive is a weak person. Nor is the Dom a pansy ass because he enjoys the submissive's company. I'd rather be with her than you, for example. She's prettier, smarter (Mensa) and refills my glass without me asking. That doesn't make me a momma's boy.

As for the rest, yes I'm a romantic. I believe that if I romance her every day she will always be there to see me come home. Is that such a bad thing?

Well said!

 

[Lord_Johnny]

I would say as the pyl and wife I also endeavour to understand him, and help and support his growth and development. He would not want me to lie to him, in a three bags full Sir way, but I can be positive and supportive in how I respond or offer help, not knock him down. I thought maybe at first when I started to reply it was that he could sY, 'not now' but I know sometimes he sees I need space ( more than him) and he offers it. Him offering it usually negates my need for it and makes my need be for him.

I agree. Lying is one of the few ways that my submissive can get in serious trouble with me. That being said, this post was in response to me disagreeing with someone who was speaking about submission being a punishment, and my disagreeing with that statement. It didn't really have anything to do with the role of a submissive, so much as the role of the dominant to the submissive.

I appreciate the comment, however, as I do agree with you.

 

[Lord_Johnny]

I'm pretty sure that your first sentence should apply to everyone in any kind of lying relationship. Doesn't seem at all exclusive to BDSM-y relationships. That's not to say that it doesn't apply to parties in a power-exchange relationship, but I don't see it as applying exclusively to the dominant partner.

And I wasn't saying it should, only that, as mentioned right above, it wouldn't be a punishment to be a submissive.

 

[Lord_Johnny]

"Make her stay..." ??

Seems to me if you have to make her stay, you aren't doing it right.

Couldn't agree more. Force can't be applied to whether the relationship exists in the first place. For those that enjoying forcing things, or being forced, I'm not talking about your relationship can't involve force. Only that you can't force there to be a relationship.

 

[Lord_Johnny]

I'm not sure what you're trying to get açross, that women who question control by a partner who wants 100% control without giving his partner a choice means the woman is a feminist jackass for expecting a choice?
Why do you always have to bring anything that suggests equality as basically feminist bullshit?

He didn't. Maybe you should read what he said and stop assuming that a male Dominant has to be saying that gender equality is "feminist bullshit"?

 

[Lord_Johnny]

Also, your metaphor doesn't work. Spanking adults is assault unless you have their consent. It happens in relationships where agreements are made between two people. In BDSM it is not about lashing out when you don't like someone.

Also, just because someone identifies as a submissive in their personal intimate relationship, doesn't mean they're conflict avoidant. Submissive in BDSM is not a personality type. It is a relationship role. There are plenty of submissives who are the opposite of conflict avoidant.

So I agree with your premise, but I'm with Harpy on this one. If someone is going to start an altercation, regardless of whether online, physical, verbal, etc; then they must be accepting of getting what they start sent back to them. It's the old saying about if you can't do the time, don't do the crime.

 

[Lord_Johnny]

I was really curious about the d/s relationship, not because I live it, but because there's a part of me that can understand it, and can understand the role of power in sex. And I was really curious about exactly what a Dom does. I would like to think there is more to it than one person controlling all aspects of the relationship while one person submits. Granted, it appears that there are those who are happy with one partner having all, or most, of the control. So, what about the Dom's who switch? Or is that a naive question?

So, I'm a little frustrated here. There have been several people who have answered this already. However, (considering that I've been super busy and unable to continue in the thread as timely as I'd like) like very many people before me have said, not every relationship is about every aspect being controlled by one individual. Yes, there are some relationships like that, but not every one of them is going to be.

 

[Lord_Johnny]

Apologies for the many responses. I'm catching up on the thread after a long couple of weeks of work, and starting a new D/s relationship. For those who have moved on past the posts that I'm responding too, no worries, don't feel obligated to continue. For those who do want to respond, feel free to do so as well. Obviously I don't control you.

Have a good one everyone.

 

[Lord_Johnny]

Takeaway of the day: Apparently, Doms are incredibly verbose.

Heh...oops!

 

[HisArpy]

Heh...oops!

Apparently pointing a finger is all that is needed and required. Works for me.

 

[Farawyn]

Heh...oops!

Apparently pointing a finger is all that is needed and required. Works for me.

Are you two, like, brothers?

 

[Miasorrow]

Mia, you torture English far less than I do.

And I agree that your insight is both wonderful, and it's source is unsurprising.

Maybe the thinking is part of what gets some people off? .

Yes, sure. Everyone gets off any way they choose.

My only objection is that while thinking too much is even nice, when posting it's much more effective to just write the conclusions of your thoughts and not state every thought and trail that brought you to that conclusion.
Over analyzing usually helps mostly the one who does it.

I admit though that I sometimes envy the way some people here analyze their thoughts.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Miasorrow]

I think it depends on how people think. and neith is right nor wrong, just indicative of a personality type, and the luxury of self indulgence?

For me people's thought trails are often more interesting than their conclusions...and seeing them takes me somewhere else.

I think if you are a tidy thinker who likes the conclusions, a lot of conversations here must be incredibly frustrating! The tangles and the snags and the double thinks and little hypocracies in the trails are beautiful to me. I guess the argument might be, why take the scenic route over the faster one through ugly landscape or tunnels.

Often the route to somewhere pleases more than the destination

It depends on the journey..
Cause without a certain destination in your mind, you wouldn't have set out the route for that marvelous journey.

 

[Miles Long]

Takeaway of the day: Apparently, Doms are incredibly verbose.

Did you read this whole thing?

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[midwestyankee]

Takeaway of the day: Apparently, Doms are incredibly verbose.

For the record, my reply to the thread's eponymous question was exactly one sentence long.

 

[Miasorrow]

The destination in this case is the topic, I think.

But to make the metaphor real....um..., I do. . It's how you find the best places I think, following your feet or your car. Turning new roads or pavements or trails to see where you end up.

Do I get lost.....yes! Sometimes. I only had to call for a lift some where rarely though, once when I was about fourteen and I had wandered too far from home for the dog I was with to be comfortable walking back. I still remember the delicious feeling of fear and the strange disappointing pleasure of finding a road and being 'oh , here?' and the displacement being over.




Edit: was thinking, maybe some Doms carry maps that would be helpful and practical of them.

Sometimes, nor the journey, neither the destination matters. What we see around us is a reflection of us.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]