What do all of you in sexless marriages do for sex? What alternatives?

This is an intriguing and constructive thread with such a diversity of points of view. I’ve learnt a lot. So I have only my own story to tell and a way of looking at sex in marriage that might be of interest.

For me, and for many of us, I guess, sex is seldom just sex. It is the most profound union two people can experience. It involves making yourself vulnerable, giving yourself entirely to the other, living completely in the present. It is the closest most of us will get to heaven in this life. That makes it glorious and dangerous. So, people get hurt.

It seems to me a great tragedy that marriage, where sex should be celebrated and safe, is where it so often goes sour or dies. I married for the third time ten years ago hoping for a fulfilling sex life only for it to collapse after three. Seven years of promises and disappointment and I’m getting out. I understand why my wife is so reticent, and I appreciate her stated willingness to try. But it’s been too long, I’m tired out, I don’t love her any more, not in the way she wants and no doubt deserves, there are no kids, and I probably married her for the wrong reasons.
 
For a long time my wife and I had an incredible sex lif. We knew what buttons to push. Unfortunately it ended abruptly with menopause, including any intimacy what so ever. I cant say it's not tough. Luckily for me I found Femdom before and was always submissive to her even after she tried but was not into it. I still have rituals and chores i perform to satisfy those submissive needs even though she does not realize it. She too is against me masturbating thinking that it's a man thing and i should just get over it. I use various Femdom videos and reading stories here as well to satisfy myself. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Like i said, it's tough
 
VMC
Voluntary male Chasity.

It’s one way to redirect some of the unused sexual energy that you have. Is it perfect? No, but it’s something. And something is better than nothing.
 
Not in a sexless marriage but it's just not as often as I would like unless we are on vacation then she is horny all the time.

So on her off days I will go on a morning walk with the dog talk to a few neighbors and then head to the gym for a exercise routine. Lunch then off to the wellness place for some Red light therapy or a Cryotherapy with hyperbaric chamber for about an hour.
Come home grab the tablet and enjoy a hit from a joint then if the story is good I will strip down outside and jerk off into my hand and lick my cum and bask in the late summer sunshine.
Totally relaxed fix her dinner and enjoy the evening watching TV. Lately were watching Landman on Paramount+ and Ali Larter is making me hard with her sensuality and wit.
I love this so much! Self-care and then self-pleasure. I'm also happy to read when other men ejaculate into their own hand and consume it the way I do and have done since I was a teen!
 
VMC
Voluntary male Chasity.

It’s one way to redirect some of the unused sexual energy that you have. Is it perfect? No, but it’s something. And something is better than nothing.
The older I get, the more I actually enjoy abstaining and depriving myself of orgasms between them. I'm already horny all of the time, and doing this just makes the release more "delicious" when I do.
 
Yes, a divorce is financially costly, emotionally draining, and at an older age traumatizing to have to relocate and reset living arrangements. The alternative of remaining in a sexless marriage/relationship is also extremely expensive and harmful to mental and physical health and happiness. I continue to struggle with an “effective” solution, and add that each person’s situation, although similar perhaps sexually, is usually unique in several aspects. Mine involve possibly losing a huge financial retirement income, relocating/selling a home of 25 years, and trying to negotiate/settle ownership of beloved pets. Life is fraught with agonizing decisions, especially in older age. In hindsight, marriage would NEVER be my choice to live well again.
Like the majority of people, I pick the battles I can win and accept the ones I will lose. I have realized throughout the many years that a "happy" marriage for me without sex from her is far better then taking a chance starting completely over. These days I am mentally at ease by not even attempting anything sexual (aside from a kiss or hand hold) with her and getting rejected as usual. That being said, it is a great feeling being with another who appreciates what I have to offer, and me knowing that I am helping her with her similar situations.
 
I'm not in a completely sexless marriage, but her libido has definitely tapered off. The truth is, porn and masturbation have been an integral part of my life since I was a teen almost 40 years ago - even throughout my marriage but secretly. I seem to be able to "get by" on that as I have for so long. I just wish some of my bisexual fantasies could be fulfilled as well.
 
Living the same sexless marriage life. Maturbation and porn kept a lif on things. Finally had the "something is going to change" talk and that's been good to reset things. Lucky for me ed and her menopause happening have mucked that up. I'm seeing a doc and she's inline to see someone about other issues so not sexless anymore but it's not fixes totally. No desire to end it but that thought has been floating around so much it's something to fight off.
 
I'm not in a marriage or sexless. Foreplayless, yes. Sex is once or twice a month unless aunt flo is visiting. I'm 60 she's 50. The rest of the time that the kid is away and we could have some fun her ex has had her served again.
Virginia is a state that promotes the male side of failed marriage to use custody to harass and destroy any possibility of the ex wife or child to live a normal life. Half the time I wish I could find someone else just so I didn't have to endure her asshole ex.
 
Living the same sexless marriage life. Maturbation and porn kept a lif on things. Finally had the "something is going to change" talk and that's been good to reset things. Lucky for me ed and her menopause happening have mucked that up. I'm seeing a doc and she's inline to see someone about other issues so not sexless anymore but it's not fixes totally. No desire to end it but that thought has been floating around so much it's something to fight off.
It's important to understand the stakes. If neither person wants it to. end but they acknowledge out loud that that's what could happen, that has a way of making something change (for better or for worse) rather than another long-ass period of nothing changing.
 
I become bolder around my wife.Openly naked, stroking in bed and i know she sees. Doesnt change anything, she doesnt make a move on me. i miss a lot of the kissing and touching. But she wants nothing to do with it. My hand and cock are about ready to go on strike. So need to feel the real thing again. Its been so long... So , lit, whereby and coconut oil are my only releases...
 
I become bolder around my wife.Openly naked, stroking in bed and i know she sees. Doesnt change anything, she doesnt make a move on me. i miss a lot of the kissing and touching. But she wants nothing to do with it. My hand and cock are about ready to go on strike. So need to feel the real thing again. Its been so long... So , lit, whereby and coconut oil are my only releases...
Mine doesn't care if I am naked anymore. Or possibly just keeps it to herself because I have much fewer compliments as her weight continues to rise. But if she is on the rag and I am erect she will hold my balls for me. Seems to enjoy making fun of me as I wipe up the mess. I am not sure what it is but I don't let on that I like her watching me masturbate. Has some kind of humiliation wrapped in it that has a positive effect. Luckily on the occasion she is hopped on pop, she does tell me she loves my dick. I like hearing it. I assume she still loves me.
 
Mine doesn't care if I am naked anymore. Or possibly just keeps it to herself because I have much fewer compliments as her weight continues to rise. But if she is on the rag and I am erect she will hold my balls for me. Seems to enjoy making fun of me as I wipe up the mess. I am not sure what it is but I don't let on that I like her watching me masturbate. Has some kind of humiliation wrapped in it that has a positive effect. Luckily on the occasion she is hopped on pop, she does tell me she loves my dick. I like hearing it. I assume she still loves me.
Not sure if its their body changes (mom bodies_ little belly, flabby arm and legs.But im ok with it... But never naked around me... she wheres clothes to bed and im buck naked...
 
I had been married for about 30 years in a relationship with little sex and even less passion when I met someone in the same situation. She and I hit it off immediately, the communication was great and the sex was better. We taught each other how to laugh in bed. We divorced our spouses but didn't marry and the relationship lasted for about 10 more years before it fell apart for reasons unrelated to sex.
She's now passed away and I'm back with my ex-wife and now in a completely sexless relationship. We always loved things about each other and after some discussions about what we wanted in the relationship we decided to try it again. The sex was great for about a month... everything I ever wanted.... then it suddenly ended. Now we're living together and I'm pretending to be happy. Life is good except that I feel like I'm in a FWB relationship with the "benefits" being that she does the cooking and the housework and I take care of the property.
For sex, it's porn and masturbation but I miss the emotional contact that comes from a sexually satisfying relationship.
 
Living the same sexless marriage life. Maturbation and porn kept a lif on things. Finally had the "something is going to change" talk and that's been good to reset things. Lucky for me ed and her menopause happening have mucked that up. I'm seeing a doc and she's inline to see someone about other issues so not sexless anymore but it's not fixes totally. No desire to end it but that thought has been floating around so much it's something to fight off.
☹️😿 So sad........
I've found that great sex is not a cure-all for all of life's difficulties, but it sure helps to relieve the stress of dealing with them!
 
I had been married for about 30 years in a relationship with little sex and even less passion when I met someone in the same situation. She and I hit it off immediately, the communication was great and the sex was better. We taught each other how to laugh in bed. We divorced our spouses but didn't marry and the relationship lasted for about 10 more years before it fell apart for reasons unrelated to sex.
She's now passed away and I'm back with my ex-wife and now in a completely sexless relationship. We always loved things about each other and after some discussions about what we wanted in the relationship we decided to try it again. The sex was great for about a month... everything I ever wanted.... then it suddenly ended. Now we're living together and I'm pretending to be happy. Life is good except that I feel like I'm in a FWB relationship with the "benefits" being that she does the cooking and the housework and I take care of the property.
For sex, it's porn and masturbation but I miss the emotional contact that comes from a sexually satisfying relationship.
Why did you ever return to a relationship that didn't work the first time around? ⁉️
 
Back
Top