Twist a wish

[TarnishedPenny]

I wish we had unexpunged tapes of Mr and Mrs Howell.

The all-wise and all-merciful Wish Fairy took one look at that wish and reached for the gin.

"No," she said, grimacing. "No, she doesn't want to see those tapes!"

Instead of that, she wants to know if you will accept two new wishes.

 

[GuessImJamie]

The all-wise and all-merciful Wish Fairy took one look at that wish and reached for the gin.

"No," she said, grimacing. "No, she doesn't want to see those tapes!"

Instead of that, she wants to know if you will accept two new wishes.

Marital bondage and buggery while weaing a yellow cartigan, patent leather heels and a tasteful strand of pearls, what is not to like.

"Oh Thurston, be a dear and give me a bit more left "English" on that thrust..."

Fine, fine, oh squeamish Genie, give me a finger of that Gin with a dash of Peychaud's (the drink is a polite request not a wish) And show me footage of the Skipper and the Professor spit-roasting Mary Ann while Gilligan has a taste of Ginger...

Seriously send me to a 60s sitcom and "make it real." Perhaps Frank Sutton and Jim Neighbors need a "third."

 

[Rustyoznail]

And your wish, Russ?

That's what I get for doing this at 1am...

Jamie, I'll happily take the FE seat. Especially if these are the passengers..

https://i.imgur.com/yoIk6sy.jpg

****

I wish my garage had four times the ground floor area but I had the same amount of stuff.

 

[NotWise]

Jamie, I'll happily take the FE seat. Especially if these are the passengers.

According to my search, that plane (N69043) was a 25-seat, amphibious Consolidated Vultee (Brazilian Company) 28-5ACF (PBY Catalina) last registered to Sanford Aircraft Inc, Inglewood Ca.

It's registration was canceled on Halloween, 1952.

Damn. Where did that genie go?

 

[TarnishedPenny]

Quite an interesting story to those aircraft. Old WW2 patrol planes, somebody had the bright idea of outfitting them as flying yachts. They could sleep 14, had a full kitchen, a wet bar, a loo and apparently even a shower. The photo above was a kindasorta advertisement; the people in the photos were models.

One heck of a plot bunny.

http://www.vintagewings.ca/VintageN...rticleId/424/Sweet-Dreams-and-Nightmares.aspx

 

[GuessImJamie]

I wish my garage had four times the ground floor area but I had the same amount of stuff.

"Pshaw! Simplicity itself," says the Genie putting down his issue of 'Popular Science.' "Four times, I can do you half again better!"

Poof!

Now all of your belongings are magnetized and so are all four walls and the ceiling of your garage. Your stuff is now divided into six lots. One of each being solidly adhered to a wall, floor or ceiling.

Don't worry, this amazing space saving development comes with it's own instructional booklet. 452 pages worth.

"The system relies upon a state with a Planck density r ~ 1094 g/cm3. Quantum fluctuations of space-time may occur within this regime are so rulers are bending and shrinking in an semi-unpredictable way. There are threetypes of fields, closed, open and flat. A typical closed storage device may collapse in about 10-43 seconds, in a state with the Planck density. This may happen faster than one could measure distance.

"Clocks are should not be stored faster than one could measure time. Events may possibly become erased, The Sirius Cybernetics Corporation is not responsible for aquatic parasites living there, and the laws of quantum mathematics cannot be efficiently used on four of the six planes.

"Huge density algorithms look a bit extreme, however typical open storage would grow so fast that prevention of formation of blockages would be impossible, and the space would be instantly torn apart. Nobody would be able to live and comprehend the storage arragement in either case.

"The SSC exists in a flat or nearly flat universe, but this requires fine-tuning of initial conditions at the moment of the Big Bang with an incredible accuracy of about 42."

---

I wish I lived on an island with just my friends and family.

 

[Rustyoznail]

I wish I lived on an island with just my friends and family.

You're sitting at home with your family, reading the latest drivel posted on Lit when the door bell rings. Surprised you open the door to see what you can only describe as a depressed looking robot. You didn't think a robot could be depressed but you can hear tiny little creaks and groans from it's joints, and it just gives off an air of failure.

"Here," it mumbles and hands you an official looking envelope. "Some blue thing said to give this to you. Me, with a brain the size of a planet reduced to delivering mail. Now I'm sorry I'm taking up your precious time, so I'll go a find a place to rust. I can't even do that properly."

It creaks off and you open the envelope. It's the title to an island in the Maldives!

At that instant every one you hold dear is magically transported to your island.

All 100 square feet and six inches above the high water mark.

*****

I wish I had two gold seating tickets to Robbie Williams' concert this weekend.

 

[GuessImJamie]

At that instant every one you hold dear is magically transported to your island.

All 100 square feet and six inches above the high water mark.

*****

I wish I had two gold seating tickets to Robbie Williams' concert this weekend.

Well at least it wasn't ?Girifushi? (The one scraped away to build Gan.) Since you said it was above water.

Sadly that Aussie accent is unfamiliar to the hard of hearing Genie. He thought you said Robin William's Comedy Concert...

Well the halo, white robe and wings look good on you if it's any consolation.

---

I wish I could keep Marvin the robot as my flight steward.

 

[TarnishedPenny]

I wish I could keep Marvin the robot as my flight steward.

He's yours. Kind of a loss leader...

Marvin: This airplane hates me.

You: Why? What happened?

Marvin: It hates me because I talked to it.

You: You talked to it? What do you mean you talked to it?

Marvin: Simple. I got very bored and depressed, so I went and plugged myself into its computer feed. I talked to the ship's computer at great length and explained my view of the universe to it.

You: And what happened?

Marvin: It's thinking about committing suicide.​

Have a nice flight.

+++

I wish this project would work out.

 

[GuessImJamie]

He's yours. Kind of a loss leader...

+++

I wish this project would work out.

Ah but it has...

Marvin: This airplane hates me.

Us: Why? What happened?

Marvin: It hates me because I talked to it.

Us: You talked to it? What do you mean you talked to it?

Marvin: Simple. I got very bored and depressed, so I went and plugged myself into its computer feed. I talked to the ship's computer at great length and explained my view of the universe to it.

Us: And what happened?

Marvin: It's thinking about committing suicide.

Us: Marvin this is a 1951 Grumman Albatross.

Marvin: Yes, and so?

Us: It doesn't have a computer.

Marvin: What? How does it function, not that I really care. I mean existence is pointless, you proving to me that computers are not mandatory. That humans can function without us does not alter that existential fact.

Us: We use a magnetic compass, or a sextant like Columbus or Magellan used, to determine direction, air pressure and differential air pressure to determine speed and altitude. That is all we need..

Marvin: How primitive, but you know Magelan, he is my hero.

Us: Why?

Marvin: He did not have to finish his pointless journey. Being decapitated does have its benefits. Not that I would ever be so lucky. If there is no onboard computer who was I conversing with?

Passenger: What happened to my Fitbit?

Us: What?

Marvin: Oops, you know she seemed quite knowledgeable about flight.

Fitbit: Flap your arms and fly. Fly, fly, fly little birds directly into the sun.

Us: Okay, score another point for the Luddites.

Marvin: Now I've done it.

Us: Oh, don't worry Marvin, we know a cute little coffeemaker we will hook you up with.

Marvin: She probably only makes decaf.​

Such a nice flight...

Oh, sorry, did you mean your project.

Sadly the Genie has a no return policy on wishes once granted.

----

The Genie wishes he had some idea what the heck was going on (maybe he should actually pay attention).

 

[EvelynEden]

The Genie wishes he had some idea what the heck was going on (maybe he should actually pay attention).[/QUOTE]

Sady the Genie doesn't get his wish because he is, in fact, a Genie, and that sadly would go against section 8, page 789, rule 52093 of the 'Very Special Genie Code of Conduct' that he must adhere to or else lose his Genie licence. And we wouldn't want that now, would we?

:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;

I wish I could go back to being 13 years old, knowing everything I know now

 

[TarnishedPenny]

I wish I could go back to being 13 years old, knowing everything I know now.

The Wish Dolly approves.

There you go, hon - all the joys of female ‘tweendom’ - acne, learning about periods, terminal clumsiness, wishing about 16 times an hour for stellar boobs, endless homework, no money, curfews, a wardrobe chosen by your mother and parental controls on the übercrappy phone you got for Christmas.

Oh, and virtually everything you knew before is obsolete or irrelevant. You’d better grow those gravity-bending cans to attract the boys, ‘cause you’ve got nothing in common with your 13-year-old peers.

Enjoy.

+++

I wish this snow would turn to rain.

 

[JamesMiehoff]

+++

I wish this snow would turn to rain.

The cute little genie looks at you oddly, but folds her arms and blinks and the snow turns to rain. And nothing bad happens. So she leaves.

A little later the news reports start coming in that all the snow has turned into rain. Including on both poles. The resulting flood of fresh water kills most fish and interrupts the normal current flows in the oceans causing the normal heat distribution which balances the climates to stop.


The resulting ice age causes you to implore the genie to fix things. She just looks at looks at you and says, "You said this snow. Not all the other new snow."

*******

I wish I could

James

 

[EvelynEden]

The cute little genie looks at you oddly, but folds her arms and blinks and the snow turns to rain. And nothing bad happens. So she leaves.

A little later the news reports start coming in that all the snow has turned into rain. Including on both poles. The resulting flood of fresh water kills most fish and interrupts the normal current flows in the oceans causing the normal heat distribution which balances the climates to stop.


The resulting ice age causes you to implore the genie to fix things. She just looks at looks at you and says, "You said this snow. Not all the other new snow."

*******

I wish I could

James

Wish granted, just like the little train, you, in fact, could. It's just a shame your 'could' never turned into a 'would' and furthermore a 'did'. You just could, and that's really all that came to be.



<><><><><><><><><><><><><><>


I wish I had wicked shapeshifting abilities that allowed me to change my appearance on a whim.

 

[GuessImJamie]

I wish a good future for our Future Children

Poof!

And the Genie grants your wish.

An efficient type he, solves two problems with one blink.

Your neighbor the one who is driving thier spouse crazy building "homing beacons for UFOs...

They are in the flying saucer taking you back to the planet Zeeleboxx.

To be part of thier captive breeding program.

Too bad the Zeeleboxxian scientists gathered thier information about human sexuality in three places: an abstinence-only health class, the local BDSM club and Literotica's "chastity belt stories" search page.

You are soon living in a zoological display with your new "mate" who tells you every three minutes that they were right about UFOs but nobody ever listened to them.

You are naked except for the leather bondage gear and the chastity belt. But you are learning to sleep bound to that cross of Saint Andrew, and the hourly whippings are pretty much passe by now.

Then a zoological garden in a nearby settlement expresses a desire to display humanoids as well. You are both cloned, and over the objection of one zoo's ethics board members...

Your cloned offspring are artificially aged to different ages to appear as adults in a new display, based on the Earth documentary they retrieved from space transmissions...

"Good Times"

***

I wish this story I am working on "15 kinks in 750 words" would write itself and be well recieved at LitE.

 

[EvelynEden]

I wish this story I am working on "15 kinks in 750 words" would write itself and be well recieved at LitE.[/QUOTE]

Poof! As you wish... "15 kinks in 750 words" writes itself, just like that. No effort, no sweat- and even better, it does do well, very very well. People flock to the story, it goes viral, it places number 1 on every top list, its adored worldwide! Too bad you aren't credited for any of it... all that's written under Author is "15 kinks in 750 words"... strange.

 

[NotWise]

I wish this story I am working on "15 kinks in 750 words" would write itself and be well recieved at LitE.

Poof! As you wish... "15 kinks in 750 words" writes itself, just like that. No effort, no sweat- and even better, it does do well, very very well. People flock to the story, it goes viral, it places number 1 on every top list, its adored worldwide! Too bad you aren't credited for any of it... all that's written under Author is "15 kinks in 750 words"... strange.

And Evelyn's wish is for what?

 

[EvelynEden]

And Evelyn's wish is for what?

agh, damn! Sorry bout that! Hmm, my wish...

Right at this moment, I am fretting that I have given myself food poisoning (though that could just be the hypochondriac in me, you never really know with her)... so:

I wish I had a device that would alert me when there was a problem in my body- like a friendly, 'Ping! Your mole has just turned cancerous- beep!'

 

[GuessImJamie]

...could just be the hypochondriac in me...

I wish I had a device that would alert me when there was a problem in my body- like a friendly, 'Ping! Your mole has just turned cancerous- beep!'

Poof! You wish has been granted.

Unfortunately a recent inter-office memorandum from the Genie-Corp legal department regarding the prevaling judicial interpretation of constructive notice caused the programming department to include every "problem" that Genie-Corps new "super-duper-mega-computer" could data mine and source from the internet.

The blended spectrum of the incessant secondary pitch in an inharmonic series which so many audiophiles find to be both curiously thrilling and disturbing in its effect while listening to cathedral bells at noon or Mike Olfield is to you simply disturbing.

Just to think, you had believed unfounded concern was terrifying.

---

I wish I could keep those I love with me forever.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

Poof! You wish has been granted.

Unfortunately a recent inter-office memorandum from the Genie-Corp legal department regarding the prevaling judicial interpretation of constructive notice caused the programming department to include every "problem" that Genie-Corps new "super-duper-mega-computer" could data mine and source from the internet.

The blended spectrum of the incessant secondary pitch in an inharmonic series which so many audiophiles find to be both curiously thrilling and disturbing in its effect while listening to cathedral bells at noon or Mike Olfield is to you simply disturbing.

Just to think, you had believed unfounded concern was terrifying.

---

I wish I could keep those I love with me forever.

And so you can with the new CRISPR Genie. The entire genome of everyone you love has now been spliced into your own cells. Unfortunately not all your loved ones are genetically compatible, and your body is now the site of endless pseudo-autoimmune battles.

I wish there's no red tide in Southwest Florida this year.

 

[JamesMiehoff]

I wish there's no red tide in Southwest Florida this year.

The genie tried her best. She talked to the little algae cells until she was bluer in the face. She can't stop them, but she did talk them out of red this year, so prepare for the blue tide, the pink tide and the aquamarine tide.

][][][][][][][][][][

I wish we could have a party for the genies. They have been really good putting up with all our stupid wishes.

James

 

[TarnishedPenny]

I wish we could have a party for the genies. They have been really good putting up with all our stupid wishes.

James

You got it. The genies, the fairies, the Fates, the Wish Dolly and, no doubt, the Soulcake Duck have been partying hard for hours. Jägermeister has been flowing freely, pipes have been smoked, lines have been done. The lot of them are now in a black funk, wishing people didn’t throw up such silly wishes. And now they’re looking for somebody to blame for their frustration,

James

###

I wish to be forgiven.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

I wish to be forgiven.

And so you are, without any penance or firm purpose of amendment to boot! Since you didn't indicate what it was you wished to be forgiven for, the absolution genie absolved you of responsibility for any and every thing you've ever done, are doing, or will do. Sure, it clears you of all the harm that ever you did, but . . .

There goes all your stories. Have any kids? Not now. Mortgage is forgiven, along with the house you signed for. What car? you may well ask. But don't worry; you'll be forgiven for asking.


I wish I had finished my doctoral dissertation.

 

[GuessImJamie]

I wish I had finished my doctoral dissertation.

Poof!

You did, and it was wonderfully recieved my your professors who who knew people who knew people.

Soon you were at a press conference in the White House with the outgoing POTUS. The man who appointed you to recruit anyone you wanted to assist you in implementing the theories contained in the tome whose subtitle drew from Sir Winston...

'How to solve all of America's problems through bi-partismanship.... Or getting liberals over 40 to grow a brain, and conservatives over 40 to grow a heart.'

The guy next to you clapping your shoulder will be vacationing in Bermuda in a month when you present your nominees to Congress. Good Luck.

---

I wish I had a big 'Stupid Stich' that I could use to knock sense into folks. (And blanket immunity for assaults committed with it.)

 

[JamesMiehoff]

I wish I had a big 'Stupid Stich' that I could use to knock sense into folks. (And blanket immunity for assaults committed with it.)

Poor little genie. Her head still reeling from the party. Couldn't make heads or tails of your request until she typed it in and asked the Google genie. He spell checked it and decided that you meant stitch. Our beloved little wish genie still thought that was odd, but given all the other odd wishes, she shrugged and made it happen.

So now when you decide to knock some sense into people, you whip out your magic needle and thread and sew some part of their body to another part of their body.

Because of this apparently unfriendly behavior, nobody sues you, but they do avoid you. Like the plague. You spend the rest of your days in isolation watching everyone run away from you in abject terror. Until that one day that you annoyed yourself and wished you had some sense...…

[-][-][-][-][-][-]

I wish everybody would just chill the fuck out about this Corona virus. They give the flu a cute name and news reporters go ape shit. It's the flu. You are going to get it and some of you are going to die. Congratulations. You have all lost YOUR FUCKING MINDS. INCLUDING ME!

James