Too kinky a turn-off?

[Endless_Night]

I hear you about the parenting thing, but there are two edges to this.
Why are some things mainly male? Is it because women don't want it or is it because they get judged harder when they do?
When we say that we can't believe a woman could have wanted that, she must have been duped, wanted attention, done it for love or whatever we are also stripping her of agency and pushing her into a victim role.

As for the question in the thread title:
I don't think this is about kink level. More like wrong kind of crowd for you, perhaps?

Well said. On both counts.

The assumption that women (adult) are desperate for attention, exploited, or manipulated when they engage in some socially unacceptable form of sexual expression is insulting. Your victim analogy is rather brilliant.

It sounds like your having a really bad run on the dating circuit, Loverskitten. Have you considered taking a short break? It does sometimes help.

 

[StrayKat]

As for the question in the thread title:
I don't think this is about kink level. More like wrong kind of crowd for you, perhaps?

I think you nailed it too.

I am not single (though I will probably be soon) and not "looking" (because, simply said, I gave up on idea there is someone I could click with out there), but I know what it means to be "stuck".
Photos that would make me gutted would just tell me the person posting them is not someone I want to meet. And I would move on. What and why and who is on those photos would be irrelevant. Unless I was looking for a photographer.

Kitten, I dont think you should feel wrong for feeling what you do. And I dont think it is the matter of kinky vs vanilla, it is just the matter of your own tastes and preferences.
I dont believe there is anything like too kinky or too vanilla as well. There is you and what you need and your right to find someone who will match it. Apparently none of those guys on Fet is that someone.

 

[RawHumor]

Why are some things mainly male? Is it because women don't want it or is it because they get judged harder when they do?
When we say that we can't believe a woman could have wanted that, she must have been duped, wanted attention, done it for love or whatever we are also stripping her of agency and pushing her into a victim role.

Let's face it. If a woman makes a thread in the BDSM Personals wanting to humiliate a man and post pictures of him in compromising situations (dressed as a woman, perhaps), her PM box will fill up in 10 minutes from guys lining up to do her bidding. If a guy makes the same type of thread, there will likely be very few replies (but probably some, depending upon the guy, his verbiage, his profile, etc.). Men (especially online) just are far too eager to give up their dignity for 10 minutes of a woman's time than women are for men (GENERALLY).

The women are only victims if the pictures are posted without their permission or knowledge.

I do realize there are women who like this sort of thing, but my gut has generally been that the 'women' who want 'their' pics posted, are, behind the keyboard, spurned exes. I have been wrong before.

As a father of none, I think I can shed some light regarding gaping holes.

It is mainly as a source to answer the age old question "Does the light really go out when the refrigerator door is closed?"

Hah! I hope there's no light coming from within...

 

[IrisAlthea]

Let's face it. If a woman makes a thread in the BDSM Personals wanting to humiliate a man and post pictures of him in compromising situations (dressed as a woman, perhaps), her PM box will fill up in 10 minutes from guys lining up to do her bidding. If a guy makes the same type of thread, there will likely be very few replies (but probably some, depending upon the guy, his verbiage, his profile, etc.). Men (especially online) just are far too eager to give up their dignity for 10 minutes of a woman's time than women are for men (GENERALLY).

The women are only victims if the pictures are posted without their permission or knowledge.

I do realize there are women who like this sort of thing, but my gut has generally been that the 'women' who want 'their' pics posted, are, behind the keyboard, spurned exes. I have been wrong before.



Hah! I hope there's no light coming from within...

You are still talking about how it is.
I was talking about the reasons behind it.

 

[Que]

You are still talking about how it is.
I was talking about the reasons behind it.

Why are some things mainly male? Is it because women don't want it or is it because they get judged harder when they do?
When we say that we can't believe a woman could have wanted that, she must have been duped, wanted attention, done it for love or whatever we are also stripping her of agency and pushing her into a victim role.

Some things do lean male, and in my view that is more biology than culture. The biology part in that male arousal seems to lean visual incrementally more so than it is reported for women.

I think slut-shaming has a lot to do with maybe why some women may be a bit hesitant to discuss/display/reveal what it is that they get up to...

...but if we are talking heterosexual two-somes, there is a one-to-one correspondence between men and women engaging in kinky play per event.

It is statistically possible that either a smaller subset of men are getting more than their share of kink, or that a few women are having more partners but on average, it take a girl and a guy.

 

[LWulf]

Just to give my say on this because it's still being discussed, I recognize that some women get off on having their pics posted. I recognize that some guys have permission to post pics they took/got from women.

When I see a guy posting tons of personal pics of women, I think one of two things; he is reposting someone else's posted pics (which means he doesn't know if permission was given), or he is posting pictures without permission.

There is always the photographer who does this professionally, but their captures are usually discernibly different and sometimes, though not always, have a watermark. Photographers usually, but not always, post a series of pictures of the same model.

It is gullibility itself to believe THAT many women are giving permission for their images to be posted by THAT many men.

 

[siobhansmut]

just cause you're kinky doesn't mean that you have to be an exhibitionist, but if you think photographs of sex is disgusting i can't imagine what the hell you're doing on lit?

 

[Loverskitten]

just cause you're kinky doesn't mean that you have to be an exhibitionist, but if you think photographs of sex is disgusting i can't imagine what the hell you're doing on lit?

Did you even read this thread? Read, it's good for you.

 

[StrayKat]

Some things do lean male, and in my view that is more biology than culture. The biology part in that male arousal seems to lean visual incrementally more so than it is reported for women.

I dont believe in biology when it comes to humans. Men are more visual because they are taught to be more at ease with expressing their sexuality in every way.
100 years ago there were "studies" proving "facts" about female sexuality we find totally laughable nowdays. I wonder where the society will be in another 100 or more years, granted we manage to deal with some of the urban and religious myths that seem to be a staple of knowledge about female sexuality for too many people, both men and women.

If one could manage to raise children without any social pressure and misconceptions, I believe those children would grow up into adults with very little if any mental differences based on gender.

 

[Loverskitten]

Well, we certainly aren't going to solve the nature vs. nurture debate here.

But, for the record, it's a turn off when guys feel the need to send and post cock shots everywhere either. So it's not even a gender issue for me. And I don't mind getting sexy pics or cock shots from lovers but too much posting everywhere, comes off as desperate, attention whoring, and a sign of poor self esteem.
Enjoy your sex and your food, you don't have to post pictures of EVERYTHING.

 

[StrayKat]

Well, we certainly aren't going to solve the nature vs. nurture debate here.

But, for the record, it's a turn off when guys feel the need to send and post cock shots everywhere either. So it's not even a gender issue for me.
Enjoy your sex and your food, you don't have to post pictures of EVERYTHING.

Dont think anyone will solve that debate any time soon but its always a fun one.

Personally, if somebody feels the need to post pictures of everything they do, I discount them as attention whores. No matter what gender.

 

[Netzach]

First of all, it means they feel comfortable doing what they are doing.

Second, I don't think your discomfort is related to kink at all.

Third, whatever cock you will get in the future, it doesn't mean it didn't do all the stuff you've seen in the pictures, just because the guy didn't post about it.

This.

 

[Netzach]

Just to give my say on this because it's still being discussed, I recognize that some women get off on having their pics posted. I recognize that some guys have permission to post pics they took/got from women.

When I see a guy posting tons of personal pics of women, I think one of two things; he is reposting someone else's posted pics (which means he doesn't know if permission was given), or he is posting pictures without permission.

There is always the photographer who does this professionally, but their captures are usually discernibly different and sometimes, though not always, have a watermark. Photographers usually, but not always, post a series of pictures of the same model.

It is gullibility itself to believe THAT many women are giving permission for their images to be posted by THAT many men.

Why?

I mean have you spent a lot of time at events like BR and stuff? Because there really is NO shortage of female exhibitionism.

Which is, as far as I'm concerned, a person's own business as to WHY she might have that penchant.

As far as I know, it's just the revelation that women have a lot of the same drives and desires as men and finally have an outlet.

If you don't like to see it (and I don't either) avert your eyes, click the X, walk along.

 

[Primalex]

Personally, if somebody feels the need to post pictures of everything they do, I discount them as attention whores. No matter what gender.

That's okay. They will discount you as prudish and stuck-up bitch in return.

Okay, they are having fun with like-minded people while you are sitting there alone and grumpy, so I guess it's debatable who the short end of the stick has.

 

[StrayKat]

Because posting 23 duck face selfies from the bathroom every morning is "having fun with like minded people"?
Hm, ok, whatever makes you hard I guess.

 

[Netzach]

So?

The kids are living life in public now. It's not my thing, but whether I shame them or not, it's still going to happen, and I'm more interested in asking what gives than deciding what it's all about from the outside.

 

[Netzach]

I could see if this is a problem if you're on OKCupid or something. But when you're going to FetLife you are on the virtual turf of people who have crazy weird sex, high risk sex, periodically unsafe sex, shove big needles into themselves, sexualize knives and guns, dick around with hypnosis, and a million things that they can't be open about on....well anywhere.

Most of the people I know from FL play in the shallower end of the pool than that, but that's why it pays to talk to people about why they post what they post, why they do what they do.

I don't expect to find perverts for bootblacking and piss drinking weekends on OKCupid and I don't know why you'd be surprised if they're on FL.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I could see if this is a problem if you're on OKCupid or something. But when you're going to FetLife you are on the virtual turf of people who have crazy weird sex, high risk sex, periodically unsafe sex, shove big needles into themselves, sexualize knives and guns, dick around with hypnosis, and a million things that they can't be open about on....well anywhere.

Most of the people I know from FL play in the shallower end of the pool than that, but that's why it pays to talk to people about why they post what they post, why they do what they do.

I don't expect to find perverts for bootblacking and piss drinking weekends on OKCupid and I don't know why you'd be surprised if they're on FL.

True.

I just met someone who told me about their own secret shame -- which they play out on FL-- because they can't do it anywhere else.

 

[StrayKat]

So?

The kids are living life in public now. It's not my thing, but whether I shame them or not, it's still going to happen, and I'm more interested in asking what gives than deciding what it's all about from the outside.

If the fact that every anonymous internet freak can have an insight in that public life doesnt outweigh the need to constantly show off, I can only conclude again its all about seeking attention to pretty grand proportions. And dont tell me internet bullying is harmless, and living life publicly online makes perfect cases for it.

I care what is it about, because I dont want my children and their children to be involved in what I see as shallow and possibly dangerous social movement. Having two daughters and potential grandchildren doesnt allow me to put myself "outside".

And that is about as far as I will go with hijacking. This thread is not about "kids".

Just to add that I find amusing that even some adults here believe if you dont post pictures of "having fun" to the smallest detail, you must be a lonely person who never has fun. Something like "tits or gtfo". Well I didnt fall for that shit 14 years ago, I sure wont start falling for it now.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I wouldn't tell the internet any of the things I do, under my legal name.

Well, maybe half of them.

 

[Loverskitten]

I could see if this is a problem if you're on OKCupid or something. But when you're going to FetLife you are on the virtual turf of people who have crazy weird sex, high risk sex, periodically unsafe sex, shove big needles into themselves, sexualize knives and guns, dick around with hypnosis, and a million things that they can't be open about on....well anywhere.

Most of the people I know from FL play in the shallower end of the pool than that, but that's why it pays to talk to people about why they post what they post, why they do what they do.

I don't expect to find perverts for bootblacking and piss drinking weekends on OKCupid and I don't know why you'd be surprised if they're on FL.

Yes, I get that, which is why I posted the first sentence. I am just trying to figure out where I fit in this whole thing.
I'm actually confused by how I felt. Which is new for me.

 

[Loverskitten]

Believe me when I explain pet play to a vanilla guy I can almost guarantee, being labeled "crazy" yet gang bangs with cameras.... Ummmm hell no

 

[Stella_Omega]

Believe me when I explain pet play to a vanilla guy I can almost guarantee, being labeled "crazy" yet gang bangs with cameras.... Ummmm hell no

I know that this is no help whatsoever. BUttt... I am baffled as to how any hetero guy could look at you, listen to you explain anything at all, and react in any other way except OH HELL YEAH.

What the fuck is wrong with these fools?

 

[Curious_in_Cali]

I know that this is no help whatsoever. BUttt... I am baffled as to how any hetero guy could look at you, listen to you explain anything at all, and react in any other way except OH HELL YEAH.

What the fuck is wrong with these fools?

Yup. This.

 

[thelovingsadist]

I know that this is no help whatsoever. BUttt... I am baffled as to how any hetero guy could look at you, listen to you explain anything at all, and react in any other way except OH HELL YEAH.

What the fuck is wrong with these fools?

That last bit.