Too kinky a turn-off?

[Loverskitten]

I feel like I'm stuck. I feel too kinky for vanilla and too vanilla for kinky.

As some of you know, I'm single and looking. I've connected (messages, flirting, plans to meet, etc) with a few local guys on Fet. But when I see what they do (gang-bangs, orgies, barebacking several partners) all with plenty of photos, it's a complete turn-off. It actually disgusts me.
I mean, I'm not in a relationship with any of them, so I really shouldn't care. But I must admit, I wouldn't want to see photos of any of the guy's, I've been in past relationships with, former sexual activities. I know everyone has pasts, but there's something about SEEING it. I almost feel wrong for having these feelings. Is it jealousy? Envy? Because, I wouldn't even want to participate in what I'm seeing, and sure as hell, wouldn't want pictures plastered all over.

Am I crazy? Is this a turn-off for anyone else?



There is a bright spot though, I know where that thing has been and it's not coming near me.

 

[BoobLover78]

i might be able to relate to you.

Tell me about yourself. I think I can relate to you as far as I have a few kinks but nothing too odd...plus I'm still a virgin and 35 yrs old. But in the overall sense , a person being thought of as too kinky is all up to perspective. Some stuff I do like and some things I don't. Anyways, PM me. Let's talk

 

[twister947]

You're not crazy. You're too sane to run with crazies.

 

[RawHumor]

Perhaps you feel bad for these other women, whose images are plastered all over the internet by trophy hunters. I'd say that makes you empathetic, not crazy.

Or you feel bad for having had some attraction to guys that could prove to be such douche bags.

 

[KoPilot]

I get triggered by shit that's pretty normal for BDSM stuff toy the point where I've wondered for a few years now whether or not going to a public event would be a traumatic experience for me or not.

tl;dr, I feel way too vanilla sometimes.

 

[CutieMouse]

Kinky people think I'm boring; non-kinky people think I'm kinky. So no, you're not alone.

 

[RawHumor]

Kinky people think I'm boring; non-kinky people think I'm kinky. So no, you're not alone.

I accept the fact that I don't know you extremely well, but I have a tough time believing that anyone would find you boring. Intelligence is attractive in a woman, even if your kinks don't align perfectly.

 

[Endless_Night]

I'd certainly find the whole flashing photos of ex-sexual partners a red flag. Would they be flashing my photo down the road?

So much for privacy. No thanks.

 

[CutieMouse]

I accept the fact that I don't know you extremely well, but I have a tough time believing that anyone would find you boring. Intelligence is attractive in a woman, even if your kinks don't align perfectly.

Pragmatic might be a better word... I have this awful habit of raising an eyebrow to "typical" BDSM sorts of things.

"XYZ is the ultimate act of submission!"
*eyebrow* Really? Huh... I always thought that was just part of being intimate.

"Blahblahblah is expected of all my submissives!"
*eyebrow* Ok... Why?

"Of course you're into bondage..."
*eyebrow* Meh. If it's important, but really it's just as easy to tell me to be still, even if it hurts.

"I have eleventy-million toys, and they will be used often."
*eyebrow* But sometimes I can just take care of the house and cook for you, right?

 

[bhndblueyes88]

Kinky people think I'm boring; non-kinky people think I'm kinky. So no, you're not alone.

Yah that's pretty much where we sit too (Although we're not as kinky as most people here). We're kinky enough that the "average person" would raise eyebrows and maybe edge slowly away, but definitely not so kinky that we meet the stereotype of "kinkyBDSM"

 

[LWulf]

Everybody has different perspectives of how kinky, kinky should be. In that regard Goldilocks, you are no different than anybody else.

As for posting pictures of past lovers, I find the whole idea cravenly. I was an old man when I was very young, and when I first moved to Florida, or heard about Girl's Gone Wild, I thought "Cool! "

In short order, Florida eventually responded by making taking pictures of other people in public; illegal. At first, I was of the opinion that that was oppressive, but as i chewed over the idea and looked into things a bit more, I realized that many "girls gone wild" girls were unwitting dupes and gave me a reversal on how "cool" it was.

This led me to believe, and never sharing with friends (or strangers) any "trophies." Any pictures someone shares with me, gets put onto a disk, then the file is shredded. However, it's been years since I initiated asking someone for a risque picture.

The question that I am still asking myself is whether a "trophy" is still wrong or not. Lots of people take pictures to remind themselves of a poignant moment, even risque ones. I'm leaning in the direction that trophies by and large aren't wrong. Legally, posing for or taking a picture of yourself and giving it to another is carte blanche for them to do with it as they will. This doesn't make people more receptive to sharing their self pics or having risque pictures taken of themselves.

What it comes down to, then, is 'trust' and I see that evaporating quickly (for good reason).

Not sure if any of my blathering is of any help on your topic.

 

[LWulf]

...
*eyebrow* Really?

*eyebrow* Ok... Why?

*eyebrow* Meh.

*eyebrow* But sometimes I can just take care of the house and cook for you, right?

...how many eyebrows do you have??

 

[Loverskitten]

First of all, these aren't actually "past lovers" they are posting, more like current events. I just made the comparison to explain that if I were to get into a relationship seeing these would bother me. Well it does bother me.

Perhaps you feel bad for these other women, whose images are plastered all over the internet by trophy hunters. I'd say that makes you empathetic, not crazy.

Or you feel bad for having had some attraction to guys that could prove to be such douche bags.

I suppose what I'm feeling is some of both of these.

Most of the women in the photos are posing, showing everything from face to extreme close-ups of holes spread open with all the sex acts in between. I see it happening more and more lately. It bugs me in a "people posting pictures of their food" kind of way, enjoy your fucking meal. I also think it's sad what these women do for attention. I mean, you like being fucked by groups of strangers is one thing, doing it for "loves" and "friends" on a free site feels different to me. They seem like attention starved holes, and that's it.
Yeah, yeah, I know I'm old fashioned (I've also been called a weirdo for my kinks) but keep some things private. It seems nothing is special or intimate anymore.

And yes, the fact that I was interested in a few if these man sluts, bugs me in a way I can't fully comprehend. I feel more discouraged about dating than ever.


Thanks for the comments from those in the kinky grey area. I feel prudish for being bothered by some of the stuff on Fet. I don't watch a lot of porn (I'd rather read it) I appreciate beautiful erotic photos but the condom free fuck-fest, gaping holes, look where my dick's going, look at all the sluts I'm using, porn I see more and more there has a negative effect on me (cue the rush of new HNG Fet members, lol)

I'm rambling....

 

[Loverskitten]

...how many eyebrows do you have??

LOL Snort!

 

[Bramblethorn]

I feel like I'm stuck. I feel too kinky for vanilla and too vanilla for kinky.

As some of you know, I'm single and looking. I've connected (messages, flirting, plans to meet, etc) with a few local guys on Fet. But when I see what they do (gang-bangs, orgies, barebacking several partners) all with plenty of photos, it's a complete turn-off. It actually disgusts me.

I think there are plenty of quiet and reserved BDSMers around, just that we're not as visible. I don't have any moral issue with other people having humongous sex parties and posting the photos to the Internet (with consent of all concerned) if that's their thing... but me, even in a non-sexual setting I gt twitchy when there are too many strangers about.

 

[ecstaticsub]

I think seeing the pictures is a bonus as far as getting an idea of what they are really into to weed through the pack.

If a guy I was chatting with had pictures of him doing several different women bareback I would conclude that he was taking risks that I wouldn't be comfortable with and I would cease talking to him.

If the pictures were of a kink that squicked me out I would ask how important it was to him and if he cared that it would be on my hard limit list.

There are plenty of people all along the kink spectrum. In general people who are into the less sensational things tend not to post pictures of it.

Cleaning house and cooking dinner unless in a French maid outfit tends to not make K&P on Fet.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

... enjoy your fucking meal.

I couldn't agree more, but then I can't get on board with reality shows, sexual or otherwise.

Except for the Bigfoot one. God, I want one of those "Gone Squatchin'" trucker caps.

You might enjoy Mark Thompson's "Who Should I Have Sex With." If you find Myers-Briggsesque exercises interesting, it's an enjoyable way to spend an afternoon. He uses your preferences for experimentation, power dynamics (if any), intensity, and attraction to darkness or light to sift you into a type, and then discusses your preferences in relationship to other types.

It's not one of publishing's great works, or great social science or psychology. But I found it useful in the same way Myers-Briggs is useful: understanding that you and everyone you meet experience sexuality in legitimate ways based on preferences and their strengths, and there's really no need to gnash and wail about those preferences.

In that way it's hopeful and eye-opening.

 

[Primalex]

First of all, it means they feel comfortable doing what they are doing.

Second, I don't think your discomfort is related to kink at all.

Third, whatever cock you will get in the future, it doesn't mean it didn't do all the stuff you've seen in the pictures, just because the guy didn't post about it.

 

[Asshungry]

Kinky people think I'm boring; non-kinky people think I'm kinky. So no, you're not alone.

the 2 of you sound perfect to me. I like a woman who can get a little freaky without going to the extreme. We all have some form of kink.

 

[thelovingsadist]

Perhaps you feel bad for these other women, whose images are plastered all over the internet by trophy hunters. I'd say that makes you empathetic, not crazy.

Or you feel bad for having had some attraction to guys that could prove to be such douche bags.

Not everyone who takes pictures is a trophy hunter, not everyone who poses for pictures is dupped, and I think it's rather rude to consider people may be douche bags simply for posting pictures that they just as likely have full permission and encouragement to post. I don't post such pictures on my fet profile for a few different reasons, but this sort of thought is kind of insulting everyone who is an exhibitionist or voyeur. That's not cool.

As for kinky being a turnoff, I'm pretty much on the very kinky end of the spectrum. Few things turn me off like that, and I'm usually experimental and open minded enough to just accept stuff as long as it isn't a hard limit, even if I don't want to participate in it myself.

But then, even being as kinky as I am, I sometimes get flack for being too vanilla because of my romanticism. So, there's just no winning against that. Be who you want to be and let the idiots be idiots.

 

[RawHumor]

the condom free fuck-fest, gaping holes, look where my dick's going, look at all the sluts I'm using, porn I see more and more there has a negative effect on me

I've never understood the seeming fascination that people have with gaping holes. That's about as unsexy as it gets. I realize that there are :worse" things (scat, etc.), but you don't often encounter those unless you go looking for them.

Not everyone who takes pictures is a trophy hunter, not everyone who poses for pictures is dupped, and I think it's rather rude to consider people may be douche bags simply for posting pictures that they just as likely have full permission and encouragement to post. I don't post such pictures on my fet profile for a few different reasons, but this sort of thought is kind of insulting everyone who is an exhibitionist or voyeur. That's not cool.

I realize that there are all sorts of folks in the world, but I have a tough time believing that there are a plethora of women who are encouraging men to post nude/sexual pictures of them, so that the women have zero control over who might see them, never mind any control about getting them removed from the site. I realize that there are some, but I have to believe they're quite rare.

Also, there's a difference between taking pictures for you to relish afterward and taking pictures for... well, exploitation if you want to be an extreme pessimist about it. Souvenirs vs trophies.

Maybe it's because I'm the father of two daughters, but there are some acts that are 99% male exclusive that drive me batty.

 

[HoneyFortune]

I feel like I'm stuck. I feel too kinky for vanilla and too vanilla for kinky.

As some of you know, I'm single and looking. I've connected (messages, flirting, plans to meet, etc) with a few local guys on Fet. But when I see what they do (gang-bangs, orgies, barebacking several partners) all with plenty of photos, it's a complete turn-off. It actually disgusts me.
I mean, I'm not in a relationship with any of them, so I really shouldn't care. But I must admit, I wouldn't want to see photos of any of the guy's, I've been in past relationships with, former sexual activities. I know everyone has pasts, but there's something about SEEING it. I almost feel wrong for having these feelings. Is it jealousy? Envy? Because, I wouldn't even want to participate in what I'm seeing, and sure as hell, wouldn't want pictures plastered all over.

Am I crazy? Is this a turn-off for anyone else?



There is a bright spot though, I know where that thing has been and it's not coming near me.

I wonder the same thing. If I give a pic to someone I met there, will he trophy pimp my ass out there for all to see? When I see those pics, I always wonder...does he even have permission to post that? I stay clear of those types. They are the something-to-prove dudes. Ick.

Sort of unrelated to the topic, but a question ... have you tried OK Cupid? It might be in that in between fuzzy gray place you need. Not quite kink focused, definitely kink friendly.

 

[Primalex]

I realize that there are all sorts of folks in the world, but I have a tough time believing that there are a plethora of women who are encouraging men to post nude/sexual pictures of them, so that the women have zero control over who might see them, never mind any control about getting them removed from the site. I realize that there are some, but I have to believe they're quite rare.

You are very naive.

 

[IrisAlthea]

I've never understood the seeming fascination that people have with gaping holes. That's about as unsexy as it gets. I realize that there are :worse" things (scat, etc.), but you don't often encounter those unless you go looking for them.




I realize that there are all sorts of folks in the world, but I have a tough time believing that there are a plethora of women who are encouraging men to post nude/sexual pictures of them, so that the women have zero control over who might see them, never mind any control about getting them removed from the site. I realize that there are some, but I have to believe they're quite rare.

Also, there's a difference between taking pictures for you to relish afterward and taking pictures for... well, exploitation if you want to be an extreme pessimist about it. Souvenirs vs trophies.

Maybe it's because I'm the father of two daughters, but there are some acts that are 99% male exclusive that drive me batty.

I hear you about the parenting thing, but there are two edges to this.
Why are some things mainly male? Is it because women don't want it or is it because they get judged harder when they do?
When we say that we can't believe a woman could have wanted that, she must have been duped, wanted attention, done it for love or whatever we are also stripping her of agency and pushing her into a victim role.

As for the question in the thread title:
I don't think this is about kink level. More like wrong kind of crowd for you, perhaps?

 

[LWulf]

I've never understood the seeming fascination that people have with gaping holes. That's about as unsexy as it gets. I realize that there are :worse" things (scat, etc.), but you don't often encounter those unless you go looking for them.

As a father of none, I think I can shed some light regarding gaping holes.

It is mainly as a source to answer the age old question "Does the light really go out when the refrigerator door is closed?"

I don't think it's a beauty thing, but a fascination thing (as you mentioned), kind of like hermit crabs or moon flowers (no pun intended).

It gets less interesting the more you see it though, of course.