This community.

[intrigued]

I have been working on an article/essay that is along the lines of "perspectives from a small town girl" that I do on the side, and there a few topics that have been on my mind strongly that seem to be too much on the peripheral, and I'm just not able yet to get where I want to get with it. So, I'm asking you to just grab maybe one of the things I address, and tell me your thoughts?

Before I begin, some of the things I will speak of are with regard to my observations of people and events that take place here, so please understand that when I say "you", "we", "us" that I am speaking in general. There are so many people on my mind, its not specifically one or a few, its a whirl of many.


The first topic is seeking an answer to what the appeal and impact of message boards really is. This leads me to thoughts of personas and why we adopt them, for those that do. Then, this thought leads me to thoughts of just how much of an impact the things we encounter behind these personas impact us.....in particular, the ability some have of taking a person apart with critical words that go to the integrity and character of another member/persona. See, this whole "persona" thing seems a contradiction to me, if not an irony, in some cases. On the one hand, it seems that personas are a guise/facade/mask so that one can be someone else, or someone more free to express themselves, or to experiment with another manner of "being". Yet, when those personas are attacked, criticized and called to task for their words representing their character, integrity and manner of being, the response is very clearly one of taking offense. Thsi brings me to so many questions, I hope I can artuculate them clearly when my mind is such a whirl. I ask myself "what is real here?".
"How is one able to turn off/on like a switch, adopting the persona/dumping the persona?".
"How is one able to get themselves to the point of criticizing the very core of anothers mind when it is so clearly a persona attacking a persona?"
"How is one able to justify the pshchoanalyzing of another on an internet message board?"
"How can one bring to the table a serious topic on their mind about their issues/problems, etc and then when met with harsh or offensive responses, be able to process the response, when it's the persona asking the questions? (I am racing all over the place with this one because every possible variable of this is now hitting me.) Worse, when it's a persona that ANSWERS the questions? Is it the persona, or is the persona in place to protect us from what we don't wish to hear or say? If we don't wish to hear or answer honestly, why do we bother?

Next, I'm thinking of those that seem to present themselves openly and bravely speak their mind...no mind games apparent, they are just here to interact and explore. These people are now interacting with other "personas" and ofcourse, the risk is that sometimes, the bumps in the road hit a little hard. I'm reminded of those on a journey of some type, still growing, still trying, still discovering and thinking and just feeling their way through life with their mind open wide. (Aren't we all?) They reach out in an attempt at grasping a thought or notion or something that they struggle with/enjoy/or wish to share because it has merit for them and they wish to seek interaction about it. They want to talk. And really, anyone here that posts is talking, correct? They are talking because they too, seek interaction, just possibly on different levels. But often the response they may receive is intensely personal, critical, and unconducive to anything more than flaming. Why do we do this? Is this a behavior you would choose if you were speaking in person? Do we truly believe that we can say anything and think the other person has no feelings and is just shooting the breeze for the hell of it? Does their intent mean nothing to us, to the point that we just aim the arrow and fire, and walk away not giving a damn how our behavior reflects on us, and WORSE, impacts the person we said it to?
So many people say, "well, its the internet, what can you expect...its JUST the internet". OK, Cool. Then why respond so intensely? If it means so little to us...why get to know someone so well that you know just where to aim, if it means so little to you? If it's "just the internet"...not "real", if it's "just a persona", then what is it you are getting out of it? Why do you give so much to it?

I read several threads lately that I still haven't processed in a manner that I can understand and accept. I read such intensely personal things said between someone that clearly operates under a persona to someone clearly not operating under one. What was said was stunning to me, and I felt badly for the one it was said to. I also felt badly for the one saying it because I know this person has a good mind and even better heart. I just don't understand why they reacted the way they did. Further, I don't know how they live with themselves, much less sleep.

Then, I've seen battles in which all involved adopt personas...they just go at it, pot calling kettle black, etc. and it always becomes personal, vicious, and cruel. And yet I still find myself feeling badly for the victim even though often I feel they are getting exactly what they deserve with regard to their own words they post (that is ALL we can ever form an opinion on, period.) because in the end, no matter what, persona or not, words hurt. I can't keep myself from believing these personas adopted are tools that allow us to get away with far more than we ever would in our personal lives. Handy little thingies.

So, I wonder how we process the impact of what others say to us. Especially those that are caring enough to keep at it, keep growing, and risk a little in their attempt to gain something from a little interaction in a venue so strong on just that.

Please don't say it is as simple as "don't ask, you won't get burned." "Dont like it, leave." "Can't take the heat, scroll down". That just puts all the responsibility on someone other than you.

And that's really a major component in my questions. Responsibility. Do you feel more/less/equal responsibility for your words here, than you do elsewhere? Any at all? Why or why not?

So, at the end of the day, what have you gotten from this venue? When you've been flamed, when you're offended, when you're understood and when you're misunderstood, when you're having fun, when you're pissed...what is it that you've walked away with, and how do you handle all that is maybe unsavory, to you. In yourself, and in others....


Thank you.

 

[p_p_man]

TOPIC No 1: I have no adopted persona...

I am just me.

I came to the General Board after a couple of weeks exploring the site and enjoyed the discussions and debates I read. I had nothing of interest for a largely American audience to read and so I just kept my own counsel.

Then George W Bush walked out of Kyoto and for no other reason than I didn't like his arrogant attitude I started writing about him. At first my threads and posts were fairly even handed but as he became more and more overbearing my writing became more anti.

It was not only Bush who caught my attention but the fact that everyone seemed so anti-Palestinian. I felt that there was a need to redress the balance not only on this but on many things and so on my side I researched everything I could about the topics that interested me.

I didn't think for one moment that I would change anybody's point of view, but I felt a voice that was not following the general line should be heard on a number of topics, and so I wrote about various subjects from the point of view of a non-American, pointing out that there were other views in the world apart from America's.

I suppose whilst Bush remains President I shall always write from a 'Bush bashing' point of view, but he won't last forever and when, at last America elects a President I can agree with I shall go back to holding my own counsel, with maybe the odd "Hurrah!" now and then...

On my side I've learnt a lot about the US the people who inhabit it (well the ones on the Board anyway) and when I finally walk away and hang up my keyboard I will definitely think that my time here was well worth it...

ppman

 

[Guest]

pee pee will change nothing.

he is on the wrong side,

the wrong side loses

watch as you lose

 

[april-wine]

I guess I post here as i would interact in real life....I try not to offend, but I do speak openly about what I think....Sometimes maybe that does offend....As for my persona ( I don't know that I have one ) it is me....A little more open perhaps, but me all the same....

 

[SilverVeil]

A lot of this is too deep for me when I just wake up... but one of the things I'd like to make a note on is how people interact with others on a BB.

It is the humanity in all of us reaching out to other people.

Myself for example. I do not interact with many people in real life because I don't like people very much. However here on Lit, I mingle freely with others talking about topics I would never dare mention talking face to face with a stranger.

Can you imgine going to dinner with some people and blurting out : " I was molested when I was a child " ? Or " I am horny and need a hard fast fuck in my ass " ?

Now granted, in some circles this might be entirely normal. But not in the groups of people I talk to.

Here, while I use the nickname SilverVeil I have a bit of secrecy. I can talk about things freely and openly. I would say that there is a very slim chance of me ever meeting a large group of people from Lit. Maybe one or two in the future... but by meeting them, we hopefully would have already established some sort of familiarity with each other. There are people here who know my real name. And those with caller ID know where I am calling from when they talk to me on the phone. But .... those are people I DON'T mind having that information.

When someone attacks my thoughts here on Lit, depending on where it is coming from, I either reply, or ignore it. I can leave here anytime I choose to. I don't have to come back. Those I feel close to I can keep in contact through e-mail or phone calls. Or I can stop using SilverVeil and choose a different name to use here. ( this would be a last ditch attempt at avoiding someone harassing me though )

I don't know if this is what you were looking for. But I hope it helped in someway.

 

[KillerMuffin]

I'm an argumentative and petty know-it-all in real life, too. Maybe I should adopt a nicer persona.


Nah.

 

[plasticman33]

I think the "persona" is a reflection of the real person behind it. Each of us possess a 'good and evil' side to our distinct personalities, if utilizing a persona, makes one more comfortable in expressing one side or another, so be it. I basically post what I feel, if it is accepted, fine. If it isn't, that's fine too.

 

[Olivianna]

Uhhh...
Will the "real" Me please stand up?

 

[intrigued]

Thank you.

 

[plasticman33]

Thank you.

You're welcome!

 

[Rex1960]

Worth some thoughts, dear [removed]

I truly believe that all these Boards are basicly only a mirror of RL, but they offer an additional opportunity to hide behind an anonymous Handle/AV or whatever else the specific user needs to stay in the shadow.

Don't get me wrong, i use the word "shadow" for a widespread of purposes. Selfdefense at one end, trolly "guerilla warfare" at the other end.

Some people don't need to protect themselves, some people are more open then others. Some people just need more time to get familiar with others before they're willing to open themselves.

The board itself offers several levels of protection/hideaways. An open forum, special interest forums, PMs, chatrooms, private chats, and finally all users are able to send and receive emails with most explicit contents and attachments. You might use it all, more or less explicit, more or less open. But neither netiquette, nor monitors are able to avoid violations.

You're not only able to post or start threads anonymously, your even able to "create" a personality. Get yourself a hotmail-addy, register under 10incher/DDcup and start playing as the one, you've always wanted to be in order to get cybersex-laid. Chose a handle and an AV, create a sig line and start insulting people in the worst sense, you never ever had the guts to do in RL. Big Time !! Bingo !! Just make sure the very next motorhome doesn't hear you jiggling/wanking/vomating or whatever else does it to the role, you're playing.

And besides those insulting trolls there are a lot of people just advertising a little bit more here and there than they'd had to offer in RL. An inch here, one cup size there, additional $10000 on their annual, a third car, a nicer attitude, and even an education if they know how to use google.

That happens in RL too. I just remember the last "afterwork" party I happened to join, a bunch of successors and winners, who nailed a blonde lately, told their boss he was a jerk this morning, and now they're planning their next trip to the moon unless they get this call from Hollywood to hit boxoffice's top ten with their first starring role.... just wait and you'll see.

That's just the way it is. In RL and here on the Board.

Rex

 

[Freya]

I do on here pretty much what I'd do in real life. If I'm discussing something with someone, and they seem to be totally closed off to other opinions or ideas, I would try to explain my POV more thoroughly. I do like to debate and argue, in real life and on here. I do detest closed minded people, in real life and on here, and I tend to get my back up when someone is particularly obnoxious with their views. I find I even respond on here as I would in real life - a sharp, cutting remark or a bit more emotional reply (sometimes with a curse attached). I'm just as likely to say to someone in person (as I would on here) "Drop the fucking subject, it's been overdone" or something along those lines. Sometimes it gets a bit too personal, and people use what you say as a way to stab you with it later - and at those times, I'm glad I'm here and not facing them for real, or they'd be likely to get a swat in the head. Once I get to that point, I try to remove myself from the discussion before I get really nasty.

And on here, like in real life, I tend to have a short memory. Unless that person has gotten really personal and nasty to me, I can move on rather easily and forget what was said by the next time we interact.

 

[Barbarossa]

I ask myself, "What is real here?"

"How is one able to turn off/on like a switch, adopting the persona/dumping the persona?”

"How is one able to get themselves to the point of criticizing the very core of an others mind when it is so clearly a persona attacking a persona?"

"How is one able to justify the psychoanalyzing of another on an Internet message board?"

"How can one bring to the table a serious topic on their mind about their issues/problems, etc and then when met with harsh or offensive responses, be able to process the response, when it's the persona asking the questions?

Next, I'm thinking of those that seem to present themselves openly and bravely speak their mind...no mind games apparent, they are just here to interact and explore.

1) There are things here that are real, including but not limited to: -

The feelings people express, the opinions they openly flaunt, the prejudice’s that some express and others feel, the freedom to say what you want as long as it is not overly offensive to others (and if it is overly offensive the freedom of others to throw it right back in your face).

2) The same way one is taught from an early age to switch personas at the drop of a hat.

You are probably thinking nonsense about now but listen a little longer before you drop the idea completely and move on to the next paragraph.

You must have seen the child in school, willing to show the persona of the bully, lording it over the other kids as long as there is no adult presence around. Only to change into an attention seeker when an adult appears. Lots of bullies are attention seekers all the time (I can hear you say it) but in a subservient way rather than the domineering manner, they use to bully with.

3) By knowing in their heart of hearts, that when talking about other peoples feelings it is “only words” and therefore does not really matter. Of cause if the rolls were reversed, it would be a “personal attack of the dirtiest kind”. This dichotomy of opinion of “self” being above “others” in all things, leads to most of the big arguments on BB’s.

4) When you get in your car and roll to the end of your driveway, you look at the other drivers on the road, and make an assessment based on past experience, part of that assessment is a casual analysis of the state of mind evinced by the driving style being shown by them, you take this all in and process it so fast that for the most part you are not even aware of having done it. If your psychoanalysis is correct, when you pull out of your drive onto the road, you are not about to be run into by the next car. Get it wrong in your analysis and you just had a crash at the end of your drive.

Given that you make judgments all day every day about the state of “others” minds, just as often as you look at them (Should I ask the boss for a raise today? What state of mind is he in?) If you can run the rest of your life on your ability to correctly, (or not) assess the psychological state of the rest of the world, why not the BB?

5) By ignoring those sections of any other post that do not resonate, with the implied or expressed view (as first stated by the enquirer), the same way we argue in attempts to resolve problems in the rest of our lives. Does having a stand up knock down fight about anything we come across in life ever truly worth the effort we put into it?

Not unless we are discussing rather than arguing, the two people in the middle of a heated fight have no real chance to “see the other’s point of view.” That much is obvious because if they could “see the other’s point of view” they would have incorporated it into their own, and the “argument” would have shifted due to that “fact.”

6) Yes there are, but they are still using a persona, though this kind of member uses the persona of an open enquiring mind, they may be violently opposed to some of the things they see and read on this site, but in order to protect “their persona,” they will ignore the thread that upsets them, rather than put down an opinion that would break the persona they normally use.

 

[A Desert Rose]

No offense intended but this is being taken far too seriously, in my opinion.

People are people no matter what "name" they use on any given day and no matter where you encounter them; be it a porn board or a board meeting. Some people are nice, some are not. Some people are genuine and some people are not. Some people are rude and some are polite. Some people are ethical, some are not. If you want to try and psychoanalize it all, be my guest. In my opinion however, you are in for some disappointments in attempting to do so.

It's a BB, a porn BB to be exact. One get's out of it what one puts in and what one wants to, nothing more or less.

 

[DarkAngel]

I got to pee!

 

[glorfindale39]

Intrigued, bless your heart. How refreshing it is to see someone post something that they have thought through and is obviously important to them. You are a gem. I am going to try to respond to this with the most honesty and thought I can muster.

Your first question seems two fold. What do people get out of message boards? Two: Why do they adopt personas? I will try to answer both in respect to me, and speculate a little on others.

What do I gain from this board? I gain the ability to express myself as a sexual person in a way I have never felt comfortable to do in real life. I am a very reserved person, but in this place it is not only accepted, but encouraged, to explore your sexuality. Realize I don’t see this as a persona. I act on this board as I do everyday when I post and interact, but with the added freedom of having a sexual outlet as well. In addition, I want o know how people respond to me sexually. I have never felt terribly sexual, so the idea of being desirable is something new and wonderful. I laugh whenever I see someone bashing on someone for making a plea for attention, when every single person on this board wants that in some form or another. Some people are just subtler then others. So in answer to what I think others come for, I think it depends on who they are. Here is the short list: Validation, sex, desire, power, humor, eroticism, friendship, lovers, ideas, and insight.

Now as to the bigger issue of personas. I think one could safely assume they are created by people who do not like themselves, and wish to be a different person. It is an escape for some, a desire to forget their own self-loathing. For others it is a desire to try to create a person that will best fulfill their need here. Someone sexy for compliments, someone rude for power, someone funny to be liked. Heck it could be any number of things really. I am sure I have overlooked many. I’m not a psychologist. Now as to why they fight in persona, and bash others. Think about it. If you are projecting an aspect of yourself that you want to be, and someone bashes it, you are going to defend it with all the emotional pain that inflicts on you. Someone has just threatened your ideal. I would hazard a guess that for some people, they literally become that persona when they log onto this board. Thus they interact and interpret all based on their belief of how that person would.

Last, what is the implications of people who are trying to be themselves like me, with people trying to be a persona. I think it only matters if the persona has the purpose of hurting another person. I will evaluate what is said regardless of weather it is a persona, or a genuine person. If it is good I’ll say so, if it is crap I will probably be polite enough to keep my mouth shut unless it is something I feel strongly about. If they are the type of persona that attacks or threatens, I put them on ignore. I can do noting to help them, and they hurt themselves far worse then I can.

Finally what responsibility do I fell toward my words here. The same as I feel in the rest of my life. I only state what I believe. I don’t pretend to be something I’m not. I will always try to be open and honest, and never hurt people just for the sake of it. I try to be the person I am.

G.

 

[Lancecastor]

Hmmm...it's good to know you're writing about us, thanks for disclosing.

I found your post too long and deep to quickly process while working, but you might want to look through here:

http://www.rider.edu/users/suler/psycyber/psycyber.html

for some help in your work.

Signed

Guinea Pig

I have been working on an article/essay that is along the lines of "perspectives from a small town girl" that I do on the side, and there a few topics that have been on my mind strongly that seem to be too much on the peripheral, and I'm just not able yet to get where I want to get with it. So, I'm asking you to just grab maybe one of the things I address, and tell me your thoughts?

Before I begin, some of the things I will speak of are with regard to my observations of people and events that take place here, so please understand that when I say "you", "we", "us" that I am speaking in general. There are so many people on my mind, its not specifically one or a few, its a whirl of many.


The first topic is seeking an answer to what the appeal and impact of message boards really is. This leads me to thoughts of personas and why we adopt them, for those that do. Then, this thought leads me to thoughts of just how much of an impact the things we encounter behind these personas impact us.....in particular, the ability some have of taking a person apart with critical words that go to the integrity and character of another member/persona. See, this whole "persona" thing seems a contradiction to me, if not an irony, in some cases. On the one hand, it seems that personas are a guise/facade/mask so that one can be someone else, or someone more free to express themselves, or to experiment with another manner of "being". Yet, when those personas are attacked, criticized and called to task for their words representing their character, integrity and manner of being, the response is very clearly one of taking offense. Thsi brings me to so many questions, I hope I can artuculate them clearly when my mind is such a whirl. I ask myself "what is real here?".
"How is one able to turn off/on like a switch, adopting the persona/dumping the persona?".
"How is one able to get themselves to the point of criticizing the very core of anothers mind when it is so clearly a persona attacking a persona?"
"How is one able to justify the pshchoanalyzing of another on an internet message board?"
"How can one bring to the table a serious topic on their mind about their issues/problems, etc and then when met with harsh or offensive responses, be able to process the response, when it's the persona asking the questions? (I am racing all over the place with this one because every possible variable of this is now hitting me.) Worse, when it's a persona that ANSWERS the questions? Is it the persona, or is the persona in place to protect us from what we don't wish to hear or say? If we don't wish to hear or answer honestly, why do we bother?

Next, I'm thinking of those that seem to present themselves openly and bravely speak their mind...no mind games apparent, they are just here to interact and explore. These people are now interacting with other "personas" and ofcourse, the risk is that sometimes, the bumps in the road hit a little hard. I'm reminded of those on a journey of some type, still growing, still trying, still discovering and thinking and just feeling their way through life with their mind open wide. (Aren't we all?) They reach out in an attempt at grasping a thought or notion or something that they struggle with/enjoy/or wish to share because it has merit for them and they wish to seek interaction about it. They want to talk. And really, anyone here that posts is talking, correct? They are talking because they too, seek interaction, just possibly on different levels. But often the response they may receive is intensely personal, critical, and unconducive to anything more than flaming. Why do we do this? Is this a behavior you would choose if you were speaking in person? Do we truly believe that we can say anything and think the other person has no feelings and is just shooting the breeze for the hell of it? Does their intent mean nothing to us, to the point that we just aim the arrow and fire, and walk away not giving a damn how our behavior reflects on us, and WORSE, impacts the person we said it to?
So many people say, "well, its the internet, what can you expect...its JUST the internet". OK, Cool. Then why respond so intensely? If it means so little to us...why get to know someone so well that you know just where to aim, if it means so little to you? If it's "just the internet"...not "real", if it's "just a persona", then what is it you are getting out of it? Why do you give so much to it?

I read several threads lately that I still haven't processed in a manner that I can understand and accept. I read such intensely personal things said between someone that clearly operates under a persona to someone clearly not operating under one. What was said was stunning to me, and I felt badly for the one it was said to. I also felt badly for the one saying it because I know this person has a good mind and even better heart. I just don't understand why they reacted the way they did. Further, I don't know how they live with themselves, much less sleep.

Then, I've seen battles in which all involved adopt personas...they just go at it, pot calling kettle black, etc. and it always becomes personal, vicious, and cruel. And yet I still find myself feeling badly for the victim even though often I feel they are getting exactly what they deserve with regard to their own words they post (that is ALL we can ever form an opinion on, period.) because in the end, no matter what, persona or not, words hurt. I can't keep myself from believing these personas adopted are tools that allow us to get away with far more than we ever would in our personal lives. Handy little thingies.

So, I wonder how we process the impact of what others say to us. Especially those that are caring enough to keep at it, keep growing, and risk a little in their attempt to gain something from a little interaction in a venue so strong on just that.

Please don't say it is as simple as "don't ask, you won't get burned." "Dont like it, leave." "Can't take the heat, scroll down". That just puts all the responsibility on someone other than you.

And that's really a major component in my questions. Responsibility. Do you feel more/less/equal responsibility for your words here, than you do elsewhere? Any at all? Why or why not?

So, at the end of the day, what have you gotten from this venue? When you've been flamed, when you're offended, when you're understood and when you're misunderstood, when you're having fun, when you're pissed...what is it that you've walked away with, and how do you handle all that is maybe unsavory, to you. In yourself, and in others....


Thank you.

 

[intrigued]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me. Some of you went straight to the heart of what I was looking for and in a very eloquent way, at that, and I really appreciate it. Others gave me what I asked for in sharing how they protray themselves and why...I appreciate that too. If anyone would like to address the impact BB's have on you, that would be nice as well.
Thanks again....really nice thoughts so far.

ADR...I asked for insight because this is a subject of interest for me on several levels. Mostly because I am struggling with my experience online, with regard to the manner in which it has enhanced my life as well as the adverse effects. When I write my thoughts and attempt to share them someday, I'd like to have the insight of others as these very people here have shaped my experience, and this is an excellent manner to obtain it.
Also, I'd like to come to terms with it for myself because soon this will end for me.
Thanks for responding.

 

[glamorilla]

i'm exactly the same in real life as i am here.

as far as anyting goes this is a great place. too many good people youcan't keep track of everyone. its a same some of us feel the need to troll to such n extreme degree but you shouldn't let it get you down. trust your instints.

 

[Problem Child]

No offense intended but this is being taken far too seriously, in my opinion.

Thank you.

 

[glamorilla]

Thank you.

pcyou are a doll but intrigued has good reason to feel the way she does.

show us a couple of pics daddy..you know?

 

[Problem Child]

pcyou are a doll but intrigued has good reason to feel the way she does.

show us a couple of pics daddy..you know?

That's fine. She has her opinion, I have mine.

No pics. Sorry.

 

[Starfish]

Problem child is a stingy scroogish bastard for not showing us his dick.


This is heart wrenching shit.

 

[glamorilla]

please?

 

[Problem Child]

Problem child is a stingy scroogish bastard for not showing us his dick.


This is heart wrenching shit.

My dick is a poor excuse for a penis. You're not missing anything.