the really really bad pickup line thread

[jussforfun]

Him - Wow you sound like you have some Australian in you!
Her - Nope not a bit.
Him - YoWould ya like some in ya now?

My cock is 4 inches big, but I can lick my eyebrows and breathe through my ears!

 

[Dalt]

true story:

years ago we had just finished setting up for a gig. we're standing on the front steps of the club, drinking a beer and having a smoke. There are maybe 6-7 young (15-16) year old guys hanging around us. As we're standing there a very attractive tall blonde comes walking past. The boys all quieted down except for this one. Just as the girl walked by he asked,

"Do you fuck?"

The young lady turned, looked him up and down and replied.

"Occasionally, but not with animals"

I had a mouthful of beer, and of course spewed. But I still think it was a great put down.

 

[AME]

I love a woman with a temper......

(ohh god how many times have i heard that....
yeah they all love a woman with a temper till
the tempers aimed at them!!!!!!)

 

[MFWALT]

this realy works

you introduce yourself as a "plumber from Tucson" then later explain how you made a name for yourself layin pipe all over Arizona and your just in town for a big plumbers convention in which your givving a speach on flatulating valvs. Of coarse they know your full of shit by then but hey you are already in there

in my experiance plumbers from tucson get more ass than a toilet seat.

 

[MFWALT]

this realy works

you introduce yourself as a "plumber from Tucson" then later explain how you made a name for yourself layin pipe all over Arizona and your just in town for a big plumbers convention in which your givving a speach on flatulating valvs. Of coarse they know your full of shit by then but hey you are already in there

in my experiance plumbers from tucson get more ass than a toilet seat.

 

[MFWALT]

this realy works

you introduce yourself as a "plumber from Tucson" then later explain how you made a name for yourself layin pipe all over Arizona and your just in town for a big plumbers convention in which your givving a speach on flatulating valvs. Of coarse they know your full of shit by then but hey you are already in there

in my experiance plumbers from tucson get more ass than a toilet seat.

 

[MercyMia]

Could you say that again, MFWALT? I didn't hear you the first 3 times Just teasing.

The worst pick-up line I've gotten was:

I'd love to see what you look like under that dress.

 

[MFWALT]

sorry bout the repeats had a problem with the pc or somthing


"so are you here to get laid or am i buyin you drinks for nuthin?"

 

[minnie179]

"back that ass up"

 

[islander01]

Bump

Any fresh ones out there?

 

[Lia Monde]

Overheard at a bar:

Drunk farmer type guy - "How would you like me to buy you a drink and take you back to my place? I've never had any complaints."

Woman with no hesitation - "That's because sheep can't talk."

 

[mickyp123]

Hospital patient to nurse
"Morning Angel where's your wings"

" wings are for the birds along with worms like you"

 

[Lia Monde]

"I love a woman who looks like she can do laundry well."

 

[Bettyspages]

"You're good looking, I'm good looking. Even bad sex is still sex, want to fuck?"

 

[ChiTownGirl]

Said to me in a bar: Excuse me, we have a bet. What size shoe do you wear?

 

[Miss_Cassidy]

i just got this single-lined PM: Your ass, pussy, and nipples nice too?

nice opener!!!

 

[JennyNo1]

Not exactly a pickup line, but - A friend and I were at a new club one night, and the place was literally packed. I was leaning against a rail and a guy was making his way past me but having to move just a couple of steps at a time. When he got in front of me, he turned towards me and said, "I might as well make good use of this time" and laid a big long kiss on me. The line moved and he moved with it. Never saw him again!

 

[Miss_Cassidy]

Not exactly a pickup line, but - A friend and I were at a new club one night, and the place was literally packed. I was leaning against a rail and a guy was making his way past me but having to move just a couple of steps at a time. When he got in front of me, he turned towards me and said, "I might as well make good use of this time" and laid a big long kiss on me. The line moved and he moved with it. Never saw him again!

Not exactly a pick up line, no--But he thought it was! Thats my point!!

Oh wait is this real life pick up lines only? OK then slap my hand. I get a D-

How about that time at the hotel bar in Frankfurt when my hubs got up to pee, and while i was sitting there alone, the drunkest Brit I've ever seen approaches me and grumbles in my ear "What room are you in? I want to fuck you AND your husband"

...ummm CHECK PLEASE!

 

[over_nite_sensations]

Not exactly a pick up line, no--But he thought it was! Thats my point!!

Oh wait is this real life pick up lines only? OK then slap my hand. I get a D-

How about that time at the hotel bar in Frankfurt when my hubs got up to pee, and while i was sitting there alone, the drunkest Brit I've ever seen approaches me and grumbles in my ear "What room are you in? I want to fuck you AND your husband"

...ummm CHECK PLEASE!

...AND your husband? is right.

My friend attempted to pickup a waitress by asking her questions about the restaurant's products. The conversation culminated into an awkward one-line observation forever burned into our heads: "That's a lot of milliliters". <awkward silence>

Nothing like a conversation about liquid volume to get things going! doh.

 

[blu_caprice]

My body seems to bring out the worst in some people:

(in a drunken slur)
"Babe, I've just been meaning to ask you, are your boobs real?"

(after several attempts to avoid this guy)
"Don't be so childish, not when you have such pretty thighs."

(while rubbing his hands together and with a creepy grin on his face)
"Sweetheart, I just have to tell you, your dress is looking kinda see-through."

 

[Deleted member 1306910]

H-hello. C-could I M-maybe P-put M-my P-P-p-penis Iiiiiin Y-y-your

*takes deep breath*

Vagina!

 

[Lia Monde]

Apparently, alcohol generates some of the worse lines.

Once in a bar, a still semi-sober married man approached our group and said: "I plan to get completely wasted tonight and not remember a thing. Anyone want to join me and have some guilt free sex?"

 

[MsLead]

Hollered across a parking lot leaving the bar at closing..."You sure you don't want to join me and my friend? It's clean sex." hhhhhhmmmmm....no.

 

[ImagineMe2]

Heard my father tell a story, He was at a seminar with a man who had both legs amputated near the crotch. This man tried to pick up a waitress in a bar, told her he was the only man in the place whose dick was longer then his leg. Credit for maintaining a positive attitude.

 

[IntmtStrngr]

...

hey baby!
Lemme lick yo leg