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The Men Who's Wives Have No Sex Drive Support Club

policywank said:
I am not trying to be disparaging to men who want their wives to have the best possible experience. But if you truly, truly want that fulfill her desires than you must accept that an orgasm is not always what she wants. Obviously an orgasm is a good thing but it doesn't exist in isolation or get produced with a wave of your wand (pun intended).
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We are on the same page but apparently I have done a poor job of communication. I warmly embrace that my wife doesn't need an orgasm to enjoy sex. Neither do I. We have talked about Karezza. However she has also told me that she is "greedy" and usually wants an orgasm once she gets warmed up (her words).

My point and my question to you was simply that it isn't easy to know if she wants one and whether or not she does changes even in the middle of what we're doing. When she does, it works better (For lack of a better phrase) if she comes first, so I will tell you she comes first is in my mantra. That is not to say that she always has to cum, only that giving her the opportunity to before I do can be somewhat difficult to arrange.

I apologize for continuing to go back to the premise of the thread and referring to the point when she didn't want sex at all, when we're in the middle of discussion about the video. I agree with your point and my wife has told me as much. I do stand by the point that once things are hot and heavy it's difficult and not very sexy to communicate without losing a little of the heat of the moment but that's my personal perspective and something I need to work on.

I appreciate your perspective.
 
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pplwatching said:
We are on the same page but apparently I have done a poor job of communication. I warmly embrace that my wife doesn't need an orgasm to enjoy sex. Neither do I. We have talked about Karezza. However she has also told me that she is "greedy" and usually wants an orgasm once she gets warmed up (her words).

My point and my question to you was simply that it isn't easy to know if she wants one and whether or not she does changes even in the middle of what we're doing. When she does, it works better (For lack of a better phrase) if she comes first, so I will tell you she comes first is in my mantra. That is not to say that she always has to cum, only that giving her the opportunity to before I do can be somewhat difficult to arrange.

I apologize for continuing to go back to the premise of the thread and referring to the point when she didn't want sex at all, when we're in the middle of discussion about the video. I agree with your point and my wife has told me as much. I do stand by the point that once things are hot and heavy it's difficult and not very sexy to communicate without losing a little of the heat of the moment but that's my personal perspective and something I need to work on.

I appreciate your perspective.
Click to expand...


I agree that the communication can be challenging in the heat of the moment. IMO opinion that is as much a function of the mindset we bring to the situation as the words or signals we use in the moment.

I have made the point about the challenge of a man letting his ego drive his behaviour and expectations in the bedroom. But there is a flip side to that coin. Women tend to want men to be sensitive and intelligent yet immune to insecurity. That isn't realistic. It is incumbent upon me to make my husband or lover feel wanted and desired. Actions speak louder than words. In the absence of positive feedback even the smallest negatives end up being all he hears. I need to take the initiative from time to time. I need to compliment him and make him know I appreciate him. If he knows he is wanted and desired he is going to find it a lot easier to roll with circumstances in the bedroom.

Likewise it is incumbent upon me to keep my eyes open to the things he does for me. Spending a long weekend with my family is a chore. He does it with a smile and accepts all of my parent's passive aggressive comment with good nature. He is doing that for me and its a way bigger deal then dinner and flowers. That doesn't mean I should trade that for sex. But it isn't acceptable to just pretend my family is a bed of roses then rag on him for not taking me to dinner. Seeing and appreciating those things explicitly let's him know that I know it and I am not just a one way street where it is always up to him to please me.

And I am on his team.....always. We have a very open relationship. But no man, no gf, no relative can expect me to side with them against him on anything but the most inconsequential items. I don't gloss over things that I don't want to face and leave him to wonder. Yes I do find other men attractive. Yes that guy at the bar was hitting on me. But he can trust that I will conduct myself in the way I have committed. I am not the naive waif who needs to pretend that other men aren't angling for something so as to avoid facing reality. I'm a real grown-up and he can count on me. So when we do have that sexual experience that isn't quite ideal he knows I am not laying there measuring it against some unrealistic expectation with another man.

Women can be every bit as oblivious as men when it comes to focussing on what we think a man wants or should want rather than actually figuring out what it is. In many ways we are worse for ignoring the things that we don't want to hear.

Sorry for the rambling. My point is that by building the relationship outside the bedroom and being truly interested in what he wants I feel is how I have given myself more latitude to communicate in the bedroom and have it be received in the spirit offered. It can still be challenging. But I find that without the right mindset there are no words that will suffice.
 
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policywank said:
I agree that the communication can be challenging in the heat of the moment. IMO opinion that is as much a function of the mindset we bring to the situation as the words or signals we use in the moment.

I have made the point about the challenge of a man letting his ego drive his behaviour and expectations in the bedroom. But there is a flip side to that coin. Women tend to want men to be sensitive and intelligent yet immune to insecurity. That isn't realistic. It is incumbent upon me to make my husband or lover feel wanted and desired. Actions speak louder than words. In the absence of positive feedback even the smallest negatives end up being all he hears. I need to take the initiative from time to time. I need to compliment him and make him know I appreciate him. If he knows he is wanted and desired he is going to find it a lot easier to roll with circumstances in the bedroom.

Likewise it is incumbent upon me to keep my eyes open to the things he does for me. Spending a long weekend with my family is a chore. He does it with a smile and accepts all of my parent's passive aggressive comment with good nature. He is doing that for me and its a way bigger deal then dinner and flowers. That doesn't mean I should trade that for sex. But it isn't acceptable to just pretend my family is a bed of roses then rag on him for not taking me to dinner. Seeing and appreciating those things explicitly let's him know that I know it and I am not just a one way street where it is always up to him to please me.

And I am on his team.....always. We have a very open relationship. But no man, no gf, no relative can expect me to side with them against him on anything but the most inconsequential items. I don't gloss over things that I don't want to face and leave him to wonder. Yes I do find other men attractive. Yes that guy at the bar was hitting on me. But he can trust that I will conduct myself in the way I have committed. I am not the naive waif who needs to pretend that other men aren't angling for something so as to avoid facing reality. I'm a real grown-up and he can count on me. So when we do have that sexual experience that isn't quite ideal he knows I am not laying there measuring it against some unrealistic expectation with another man.

Women can be every bit as oblivious as men when it comes to focussing on what we think a man wants or should want rather than actually figuring out what it is. In many ways we are worse for ignoring the things that we don't want to hear.

Sorry for the rambling. My point is that by building the relationship outside the bedroom and being truly interested in what he wants I feel as though I have given myself more latitude to communicate in the bedroom and have it be received in the spirit offered. It can still be challenging. But I find that without the right mindset there are no words that will suffice.
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I agree with this post. Since my husband and I have been intimate again, it has spilled into our daily lives, every aspect of it. We are much better communicators, we haven't fought over those trivial things that come up, like future things, money, misunderstandings. I cried the other day because we had to talk about something serious and we didn't argue. We were able to have a really good conversation about it.
I put the blame on both of us, but instead of waiting for him to change, I started to change, realizing what he's done for us, he does so much and doesn't complain. He is kind and supportive. I had the lucky chance of showing my love to him and will continue to do so.

Its never too late.
 
LanguageOfLove said:
I agree with this post. Since my husband and I have been intimate again, it has spilled into our daily lives, every aspect of it. We are much better communicators, we haven't fought over those trivial things that come up, like future things, money, misunderstandings. I cried the other day because we had to talk about something serious and we didn't argue. We were able to have a really good conversation about it.
I put the blame on both of us, but instead of waiting for him to change, I started to change, realizing what he's done for us, he does so much and doesn't complain. He is kind and supportive. I had the lucky chance of showing my love to him and will continue to do so.

Its never too late.
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Keep spreading this good word....
 
Holy thread resurrection batman

Figured I'd update this, as while the bipolar chastity device with legs was whining at me about mundane things, I realised we'd passed a milestone...


30 whole months since we had sex, where I came. Since the two that followed, some 24months ago, she was done, and in the bathroom afterwards, were over so quickly that I didn't even realise we'd begun.


Thank god for the internet.
 
newhere2learn said:
Figured I'd update this, as while the bipolar chastity device with legs was whining at me about mundane things, I realised we'd passed a milestone...


30 whole months since we had sex, where I came. Since the two that followed, some 24months ago, she was done, and in the bathroom afterwards, were over so quickly that I didn't even realise we'd begun.


Thank god for the internet.
Click to expand...

I sympathise with you 100% don't know which is worse bad sex or no sex, I had sex that lasted a whole 30secs from beginning to end , does not feel good. A lack of sex and imtimacy affects your whole relationship eventually,
Does going online help if you don't mind me asking , not sure it works for me feels like I'm just delaying my needs not getting them met. Although I have met some good friends on here
 
pikmin1388 said:
I sympathise with you 100% don't know which is worse bad sex or no sex, I had sex that lasted a whole 30secs from beginning to end , does not feel good. A lack of sex and imtimacy affects your whole relationship eventually,
Does going online help if you don't mind me asking , not sure it works for me feels like I'm just delaying my needs not getting them met. Although I have met some good friends on here
Click to expand...



Two things;

- yes, no intimacy affects the rest. I think she's allowed 3 hugs in the last 4 months. Perhaps two kisses. And I've been allowed to see her undressed once, and that I was shouted at for being in our bedroom without asking.

I understand her issues but with regards my self worth and happiness, she's destroying it by the day.

- online. Yes, it helps to some extent. Obviously the release/self gratification is a bonus. But additionally Lit & other means showed me that (contrary to her sniping) I am not the one with the issue. At 30 years old, married, wanting to be affectionate and loving with your wife shouldn't be seen as being "a fucking sex pest" because I wanted it annually.

However, the two combined and with the level of secrecy required does place a lot of strain on one's self.

The other issue is; "would I cheat given the chance?"

Who knows. I'd like to think not, that I was stronger. But after so long without that skin on skin intimacy... If another was genuinely interested, it'd be a test of willpower.


ETA: yesterday she made reference to getting accidentally pregnant, and asked what I'd do if she did. My reply of;

"Ask who the father was"

was treated with a glare and "sex is all you think about"


Ho hum.
 
This morning, my morning glory accidentally nudged her as I squeezed past in the small bedroom. Her response;

"Fucks sakes, that's disgusting"

☹️
 
there should be a club for horny wives with sexless men...i am one of them...so i have to get all the sex from other guys... i am into gangbangs and dps just to relieve myself...
 
LanguageOfLove said:
I agree.
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Ain't it just. A week or so in the night I'd roles in my sleep, avec la midnight boner. Poked her in the back, and ass.

I got woken up, pushed away, scolded and told "keep it away from me, stay on your back"


Trying to be patient, only in the last week or so that I'm even allowed to touch her at all. Rub her feet, legs or back when they hurt. But even that is on a time limit, and the second a hand touches anywhere she doesn't like, swatted away and scolded like a naughty toddler.
 
How come we can't all get together, a woman who's husband has gone off sex would be ideal, we can expend that energy and need and not bother anyone else!
 
MrGoatee said:
How come we can't all get together, a woman who's husband has gone off sex would be ideal, we can expend that energy and need and not bother anyone else!
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Definitely sounds like the club to join. The frustration level for all of us would be greatly reduced and thats one of the keys to a long, healthy life. So really, were just trying to be healthy. We're health nuts!!!

At least thats what im goin with lol
 
xhxhxh said:
The frustration level for all of us would be greatly reduced and thats one of the keys to a long, healthy life. So really, were just trying to be healthy. We're health nuts!!!
Click to expand...

If it's good for a person's health why isn't "stress relief" treatment covered by medical insurance? Just thinking out loud. :rolleyes:
 
MrGoatee said:
How come we can't all get together, a woman who's husband has gone off sex would be ideal, we can expend that energy and need and not bother anyone else!
Click to expand...

I agree with that , our partners have no right to enforce celebacy , should have a lit meet up , imagine the orgy lol I have had offers to meet up but of course ive turned the guys down , it's getting m6ch harder to say no the longer none of my needs are met,
mm train trip to Bournemouth then ? Lol
 
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