The Challenge Club

[NoJo]

Hey Lorrie, how's you? I miss the old parrotfucker. Get off his face and let him at the keyboard

 

[LorriLove]

Hey Lorrie, how's you? I miss the old parrotfucker. Get off his face and let him at the keyboard

hiya joe, nice to see you again, we thought you'd died or been captured by aliens or something like that... i'll tell him, he's very busy at the moment catching up on work stuff that got messed up while we were on holiday.

 

[CrimsonMaiden]

you and me both honey, you and me both i got a shock when this old thread popped up in the notifications.... blast from the past

Yeah, I dug it up last night, lol. Figured it wouldn't hurt to see if anyone was interested in getting the club up and going again. Goodness knows I could use the inspiration, lol.

 

[NoJo]

I have been captured by aliens, but that was ages ago. Since then I'm more into vanilla sex. Also mango sorbet sex, but my wife doesn't go for sorbets so much. She's a bit more into cream.

 

[LorriLove]

Yeah, I dug it up last night, lol. Figured it wouldn't hurt to see if anyone was interested in getting the club up and going again. Goodness knows I could use the inspiration, lol.

seems i've got the inspiration, it's just getting down to it that's messing with my head

 

[Dingus Guy]

sorry I haven't posted

I've been away this weekend. Although at times I feel like I have been away for a year. Not sure I have the inner drive anymore to write. I failed to get my Halloween Story in on time, although it was ultimately rejected then accepted a week later once they actually read it through. Then the Nano thing was a huge bust again. The Holiday Contest never even got off the ground. Maybe we need a Valentine's day contest for inspiration? CM why don't you just post one and we will all see who is up for it and who is not. I hope all is well.

DG

 

[minsue]

Dingus Guy!!!! Lovely to see you!

 

[Dingus Guy]

Just as lovely to see you Sue. I am off to work, have a great day!

 

[Black Tulip]

Hi Dingus,

Nice to see you're still around too.

LOL I got a PM stating that I probably did need a kick in the butt.
So ... why not do what Dingus said, Crim?
Just post a challenge and see what happens.
Maybe it's what we all need to get back to business!

 

[CrimsonMaiden]

Hey DG! Nice to see ya!

Don't feel bad about NaNo... mine didn't go anywhere either. In fact, I think I only wrote one story between about July and the end of December.

We can do a challenge for the Valentine's day contest, but the entries have to be in by Saturday, so it would have a very short time limit.

 

[Black Tulip]

Crim,

It doesn't have to be tied to Valentine for me. Rather not, actually, as we do not have a Valentine tradition in my country.

 

[Dingus Guy]

Ni BT . I am up for anything. Saturday is some timeline, but if that is the challenge I will try, otherwise whatever you are up for CM. If it isn't a challenge then what are we doing here.

 

[Black Tulip]

*bump*

 

[CrimsonMaiden]

You know, I've wracked my brain trying to come up with and idea, lol.


Okay, here goes:

Write a story set in pre-historic times (you know, dinosaurs, etc). Guys must write from a woman's POV and us girls must write from the man's POV.

Any category, any word limit (as long as it meets Lit's minimum requirement.) Challenge story due in one week, next Sunday, February 13.

 

[Black Tulip]

Shit, you really mean business, don't you?

 

[CrimsonMaiden]

Well that's the point isn't it?

 

[NoJo]

I'll do it: A woman's POV, in prehistoric times. And I'll get it up by tonight. So there. Rowrr.

 

[neonlyte]

Yep. Got an idea.

 

[Dingus Guy]

ONE WEEK?!!!!!

Damn woman, what is da matta wit u? Not to mention it is Super Bowl Sunday and I can't write today. 1 day gone, 6 to go.

 

[neonlyte]

Re: ONE WEEK?!!!!!

Damn woman, what is da matta wit u? Not to mention it is Super Bowl Sunday and I can't write today. 1 day gone, 6 to go.

Hey DG!

Great to see you.

Don't you just love her when she does that?

 

[NoJo]

You know, I've wracked my brain trying to come up with and idea, lol.


Okay, here goes:

Write a story set in pre-historic times (you know, dinosaurs, etc). Guys must write from a woman's POV and us girls must write from the man's POV.

Any category, any word limit (as long as it meets Lit's minimum requirement.) Challenge story due in one week, next Sunday, February 13.

My Story: I call it
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
FUCKING AGES AGO

Farragamo had to take their last perfume “FUCK ME RIGHT NOW” off the shelf, after the animal rights lawsuit. Turns out they’d used pheromones from an endangered species of monitor lizard, the Komodo Dragon.

“Fuck them”, said Olivia to herself, as she sprayed half a bottle under her arms and down her panties. Those animal rights dykes weren’t going to come between her and a little action with Stan tonight.

She was late for the date. She glanced at the rear-view mirror of her Delorian, to check for cops. Then she floored the gas. The speedo read 87 mph… 88 mph….

…and crashed into a rock wall. Lucky this is fiction, or she would have been killed. As it was, she flew out through the windscreen hit the rock wall, and went all flat, and slid down the side, while the incidental music went “wah wah wah waaah” using trumpets with Bowler hats.

She stood up. A large rock sign fell on her head, giving her a one foot high bump, which she pushed down irritably with a finger. She read the sign:

“WELCOME TO BEDROCK. IF YOU LIVED 2,000,000 YEARS AGO YOU’D BE HOME BY NOW.”

“That’s just great. My first chance to get laid in six months and I get bombed back to stone-age.” Which just went to show that she should have carped the diem when she had a chance with that guy in the elevator, in spite of his lantern jaw.

---------------------------------------------------

Ernie sat blankly at the breakfast table while his kids fought over the toy in the box of “Ammonite Rings” breakfast cereal (“They’re full of the goodness young Tyrannosaurs need, and they’re Pterodactylicious!”).

Things weren’t going too well for Ernie. His daughter had come home with a sabre-toothed tiger mark on her neck one day, and in the resulting row he’s discovered she’d been sleeping with just about every hot-blooded dinosaur in the jungle. And on top of that, the recession was starting to hit, and he had a sneaky feeling that he might turn up to work one of these days, only to be told that he’d become extinct.

He glanced up at the sun, to check the time. His eyes watered. “God I’ll be glad when they invent sundials”, he said, as he pecked his wife on the cheek, biting off a chunk the size of a small cow.

---------------------------------------------------

Olivia sat on a tree stump and removed a Prada shoe. The shoe had been on her foot. It was the left foot, which although irrelevant, added slightly to the word count of this story.
She sniffed it. “Fuck, this stuff stinks! What the hell did I step in?”

A booming voice answered her. “Diplodocus shit.”

It was Ernie. He towered over her, his terrifying six-inch teeth showed in his huge head as he open his mouth wide and prepared to swallow her in a single gulp.

“Yeah? Well get me a fucking fern or something to wipe it off. Jesus.”

Confused by her response (most victims just keeled over in a dead faint), he found himself scooting around in search of a fern for this strange little creature.

He returned a few minutes later. He stood and watched her as she removed the other shoe, then slowly peeled off what he assumed was an outer layer of skin, but was actually her “Dim” French pantyhose. She stretched to pull off her tight sweater, and Ernie noticed two protuberances on her upper body. He speculated that they were primitive feathers, or perhaps some sort of heat convection device.

Olivia looked up at him and noticed his stare. “Well, what are you looking at? Anyone would think you’ve never seen a woman undress before. I’m hot. In case you hadn’t noticed, it’s over ninety degrees here, and there’s a hundred percent humidity.”

She snatched the fern he clutched in the claws of his tiny forelimbs, and began to wipe off the shit.

He couldn’t figure her out: All the other bipeds he’d encountered beside other tyrannosaurs like him, were simply snacks on legs. But there was something different about her. That was it. Her smell! The way she smelled was… Gosh, how difficult it is to describe smells, he thought.

The way she smelled made him want to climb the highest mountain and roar out her name so that the earth trembled.

The way she smelled was like that feeling you get when you sit down to a warm freshly killed and filleted ankylosaurus and see that it’s still breathing slightly.

The way she smelled was like…

A monitor lizard scurried by , stopped in its tracks and sniffed. “Hey, smells like a lady in heat!”

It wheeled round and made straight for Olivia, who screamed and stood on tiptoes, gratuitously showing the reader her cute calf muscles and the tattoo on her ass.

Ernie swiped at the lizard casually, and scooped it into his mouth. Olivia heard its last words, “Ne me quitte pas,” which remain a mystery to paleontologists to this day.

“Thank you I guess.” Olivia found it difficult to say these word to anyone, ever. Usually it came out as “Slthark you”.

“You’re welcome. Mind if I sit down?”

“Be my guest.”

“Actually that was a joke. Tyrannosaurs are incapable of sitting down.”

“Oh, I get it. That’s a good joke. Ha, ha.”

“So what are you? I’m assuming you’re a kind of mammalian, on account of your resemblance to a primitive civet-like creature.”

“I’m a human. And guess what, shrivel-arms, me and my kind are going to inherit the earth. You’ll be prehistory soon.”

You may be wondering why Olivia was always so sarcastic and unpleasant the whole time. The story behind it is very sad, and you’d see her in a whole new light if I told you. But I don’t like to flesh out my characters too much with back story, because it distracts from the immediacy and realism I try to achieve.

“I agree. About the back story.” Said Olivia. “And besides, you know it’s just because you’re into bitches, Joe.”

“Hey, Joe “ interrupted Ernie. Are me and Olivia going to get it on? Because I really have the horn right now. He pointed down to his erect dick, which you’ll be amused to know was less than two inches long, as Ernie, like all allosaurs. probably fertilised his mates eggs in a small pond (according to Encarta).

Nope, sorry, guys, I said. I’ve done over a thousand words, and feel that now is a fine time to introduce the giant meteor.

“The what??” said Olivia and Ernie in unison.

There was a blinding flash fiction, and then I woke up, doctor.

END

 

[Black Tulip]

In case somebody needs information on prehistorics:

Prehistory

Edited: I read your contribution Joe. You're certifiable.

 

[CrimsonMaiden]

Edited: I read your contribution Joe. You're certifiable.

Was that ever in question?

Thanks for the link BT.

 

[Dingus Guy]

Ummm...Joe, you left me in a tizzy, some what like your characters. Please lay off those sugar products.

 

[Black Tulip]

LOL I am definitely back to writing again. Thank the stars.

Not sure but it looks like my story will be a first time/non-consent. Stone age.
My NaNo is Iron age but I thought using part of that would be cheating. LOL

Working title "Reindeer Warriors".