That Whole "Daddy" Thing

[Still Big Red]

I'm a female, first of all... I've learned not to question why certain things get me hot. About two years ago the whole "daddy" thing became one of my top three. It's not my biological father that turns me on, it's imagining that my lover in that role.

Why? Do you understand this? I don't and I'm starting to feel ashamed of it. I want to bring this up with my current lover and know that he's as open as I am. Well, I've helped that along. Until we met he hadn't even been introduced to his prostate, been tied down, and he's been open to everything thus far.

I've yet to be able to bring myself to tell him about my rape fantasies and/or the daddy thing.

Those of you that aren't into it, how repulsed would you be by hearing this come from your lover?

Those of you that are, how did you approach it, if you already have?

Thanks,
Red

 

[DarlingBri]

Hi Big Red

I hate to see you go without an answer when you're obviously distressed. I'm sorry I can't answer you from a personal experience perspective, but perhaps I can help with some more general information.

First of all, go look at the Story Index. Go on, look. See the numbers next to the Incest category? They're *huge*. I think Laurel mentioned that it's also the most read category. The "whole Daddy thing" is obviously as common as mud, so you must be in good company.

And that's not really surprising. Freud taught us all about it in modern psychological terms, and the Greeks were very hip to it in terms of drama. Oedipus and Electra came back to haunt us through Freud.

Every little girl want to marry her daddy when she's six. She hates her mother, and see her as the one barrier between herself and the object of her desires.

As we grow older, we resolve this conflict by adopting our mothers as role models. They become our allies rather than our enemies.

Later, our sexuality emerges like a ball in play on the complicated field of boy/girl relations. It is not uncommon for girls to tentatively "try it on" with "safe" men - fathers, uncles, teachers - as they experiment with their new power.

Behind all this play, whether you're six or sixteen, is fantasy. You fantasize about being Daddy's wife after you get rid of Mummy. You fantasise about what Daddy will say, think and feel when you march downstairs in a skirt you know is too damn short. You don't kill Mummy, but you do parade through the living room in that skirt.

Maybe you've never quite forgotten the thrill of knowing you were making those teachers, uncles, and yes, even Daddy, very uncomfortable indeed. Power is an aphrodisiac, after all.

Daddy fantasies are a very safe fantasy to have, in fact. As you state, you don't actually want to shag your dad. So, in reality, this fantasy is very non-threatening, to both you and your lover. It's a totally vanilla taboo to break in sex play. All of the thrill, none of the consequence, so to speak.

Rape fantasies are also run of the mill. Every woman has them at some point. For some, it's a lifelong arena of private entertainment. For others, it's a passing phase while they work out some issues, normally their desire to abandon themselves and fully enjoy their sexuality.

Both of your desires are NORMAL, NORMAL, NORMAL.

Your lover should accept that. Probably 100% of the women he has ever bedded or will ever bed has had rape fantasies. Probably more than half have Daddy fantasies. He is going to have to cope with this, because it's reality.

Different couples communicate in different ways. Maybe it's best to just sit down and talk to him, secure in the knowledge that you are not a freak. Maybe it's best to play around the edges of the concept for a bit. Maybe you should watch a movie or read some stories together. There are probably as many approaches as there are couples.

But, and this is only my opinion, you should leave him an "out." A way to choose not to play this game with you, in a manner that neither diminishes his fragile male ego nor makes you feel rejected.

For example, if you want to watch a movie, you might say, "You know, listening to that woman call that guy 'Daddy' really turns me on for some reason. Do you think I'm sick?" You're showing vulnerability. You're open to his feedback. You're inviting him in without asking anything specific from him.

This may be the "slow boat to China" route, and you may have to bring it up in various ways over time, but eventaully, the shoe will drop for him. If he's comfortable or curious, an open conversation will follow.

Or, just dive in, balls to the wall, and see what he says. Only you can judge the best way to deal with it. Just don't make him feel like he can't satisfy you without this if the man is more important than the act. And invite his fantasies, too. You never really know what lies beneath!

OK, I'm boring myself now. It's enough. Sorry to go on. I find Freudian psychology really interesting, apologies for craming it down your throat. I hope that after wading through this post, you find some value here.

[Edited by DarlingBri on 04-21-2001 at 06:56 AM]

 

[Daddyslittlegirl]

Where is your Email? I have a site that would really help you out, but I'm not linking it here.

I'm in a Daddy/lil girl relationship, I don't wanna even think about fucking my Dad, but having my lover as my Daddy makes me so happy.

If you would like the link, then try writing to me, I'll pass it on.

 

[Daddyslittlegirl]

Look honestly, this is one of the best pieces of advice you could take the time to look at. REALLY look at it.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=9432

I think you'll find it may just help you out.

 

[Coggie]

Red....

Red, Hiya

From my personal male perspective I have to say I'd find this off putting. But it's hard to fault DarlingBri's comments above, treating the male ego gently can have great rewards.

We're all different, so it could well be approaching this in the correct way with your lover may enable you both to enjoy this as part of your activity permanently. Or not, whatever, perhaps you'll discard it once you've experimented fully over time.

Either way, keep an open mind, involve your partner at some point, think carefully, read some stories and most of all take heart that each of us has our own unique sexuality and you are never alone in the diversity of humanity.

 

[cymbidia]

OK, I'm boring myself now. It's enough. Sorry to go on. I find Freudian psychology really interesting, apologies for craming it down your throat. I hope that after wading through this post, you find some value here.

If you bored yourself, babes, you were the only one bored. What wonderful, insightful, caring advice you offered, as usual.


I'd add only this:
Still Big Red, a man calling his lover "baby" is pretty common. Less common but still not living very far into Kinkville is the woman (or man, i suppose) calling thier lover "Daddy". You might find a far warmer reception to this kind of very mild roleplay than you imagine.

At the bottom of it all, it's *good* to be in touch with your fantasies, especially the kind that you can act on so easily. Let us know what happens?

 

[Nicole]

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=9432

Madame Pandora summed it all up, check out the "how to" story and see if it helps any.

It's a normal fantasy, but unfortunately one that can either make your relationship fall apart or make it one hell of a lot stronger.

Communication is the key in all of this, and it's something that you'll have to do a lot of. Make sure he understands why and that it IS just a fantasy. Unfortunately you won't know what's going through his mind or how much time he'll need to accept this.

Good Luck

 

[SallyIsHere]

As a psychology student, I am not big on Freud. But DarlingBri's response is a great one because it says that these are normal and safe fantasies. The fantasies can take many forms and can be great fun for both partners. I have had daddy e-mail correspondence with several men and I have played the role in one relationship. The exciting part for me was letting go and being the naughty little girl. I loved being a tease and letting "daddy" she my panites and titties. It may seem lame, but for us it was very erotic. When we were out, I would sometimes whisper in his ear, "Can Sally be naughty when we get home?" We would be so hot when we got home, it was incredible.

Just have fun and know that it's ok to be who you are.

Sally

 

[Still Big Red]

Heaps...

Thanks big fat freakin' heaps guys! As soon as I post this I'm off to follow that link that Darling left me.

Each of you helped me out, even those that found it off putting. Question for you, Coggie, if you find it off putting, would you find it hard to move past the fact that your lover was into it, after you've both discussed it and decided not to follow up on it at all?

I'll let you know how it goes, but I don't think it'll be tonight. It's late late late and we just ended the evening watching a GOOD (few and far between) porn and him getting head. I don't think I'll be doing much of anything tonight. Maybe tomorrow, I'm getting antsy.

Again, much obliged.

Red

 

[Nicole]

Red I just wanted to say Good Luck again.

Will you let us know how you go?

 

[Still Big Red]

Nicole...

You can count on it.

I still haven't been to sleep since my last post snd it's now nine am. He's had more than ample time to recover from his last one, snoozing peacefully away in my bed while I read and read the night away. So much for finishing my packing.

I'm thinking that a slightly disoriented sleepy guy would be easy to face while slipping in a "Daddy" or two into his ear during some early morning sex.

We'll see. That means I have to get up and risk his ire by waking him. He's a grumpy one, even if I wake him up with my wordless mouth.

Heh.

Red

 

[Still Big Red]

pesky testing...

My icon won't work. Poop. I'll figure this out sooner or later.

-R

 

[Still Big Red]

Last try...

Sorry about doing this testing here.

I'm sure there's a help area somewhere, I'm just too tired to find it. I think I got it this time. And spotted a typo in my sig.

I'm all kinds of productive.

-R

 

[Weird Harold]

Re: pesky testing...

My icon won't work. Poop. I'll figure this out sooner or later.

-R

Your icon doesn't work because geocities doesn't allow hotlinking. You need to move it to another host.

See the "I want a cool icon" thread for a list of some other possible sites.

 

[Coggie]

Re: Heaps...

Question for you, Coggie, if you find it off putting, would you find it hard to move past the fact that your lover was into it, after you've both discussed it and decided not to follow up on it at all?

Hiya Red

The one word answer would have to be no but I'm assuming because of your question you're mindful of damaging your relationship.

With that in mind, it's really about making your partner aware, fully, that you want his true commitment one way or the other and creating an environment in which it is safe for him to push his boundaries. Point is, you have to make him aware he is secure, that's your job.

On that basis, you would encourage him to dismiss it, only if he had to, knowing he wouldn't be penalised within the relationship. Assuming he's honest and is prepared to consider things with an open mind (as you said he has done so far -great) you may find he'll give it a try because he feels safe to back out.

I'm suggesting you move slowly and make your partner safe. You should find it will be fine if he says no, but, he may well say yes.

I should add, remembering we guys have over inflated egos, it would be wise to consider your position first. If you want to be with your partner more than you need this then I would tell him that. You don't want him to feel you need this so badly that if he doesn't capitulate you'll be off, that sort of pressure isn't going to work long term.

Mrs Coggie makes me feel I'm the most important thing in the world, I'll do anything I can, anything within my power in effect, to please her on that basis.

Hope that helps Red, do let us know how things turn out, good luck.

 

[Nicole]

Coggie, what a brilliant answer, you took the time to look at what Red had asked and you gave an honest answer that reflected so many feelings.

I haven't seen a thought out answer like that one in a long long time on the BB.

I'd like to know what others think, but this seems to be a touchy subject around here, you know for a BB full of open mindedness and all. (Sorry that was an early morning dig, please forgive).

Coggie although this may be hard for you to answer being a male, what would you say to the females out there who's partners WANT to be called Daddy?

Also how would you suggest a male bring into "play" the fact that they want this?

In other words turn the situation around.

I know that you are not into this but your answer was just so good I thought I would ask.

Thanks.

Red ... you done it yet? How'd it go??? (Nosy aren't I?)

[Edited by Nicole on 04-25-2001 at 03:17 PM]

 

[Coggie]

Coggie, what a brilliant answer...... although this may be hard for you to answer being a male, what would you say to the females out there who's partners WANT to be called Daddy?

Hello Nicole

Thank you for very much for your comments.

Just to state my position: I said I found it off putting. Mrs Coggie doesn't go for this and while that remains the case it's never been an issue I (we?) have dismissed, it just wouldn't be my next choice for experiment.

Now to your question: To the females I would say the same as my previous posts. I think the openness, honesty and frankness of a relationship and the ability to make ones partner secure cuts both ways. So, if as a female, I was asked by my partner to call him Daddy, I'd be much more likely to do so if I knew it was safe to say yes or no and my partner made me secure.

In effect I'm saying I'd note my preference and consider if within the relationship I can give some ground.

I find it quite a kick to be in an environment where it's safe to push the boundaries of both parties. Actually, in and of itself, perhaps my biggest rush is to be safely intimate, to be sexually at peace with someone else.

Did I swallow a psychology tablet today? <g>

 

[Nicole]

Coggie What a wonderful answer.

I agree with you 110%, the safe feeling of being in a relationship to be able to push those bounderies, to even ask those questions in the first place, that's what it's all about.

To know that if it doesn't suit you after the "event" you have the ability to say that to your partner, that's what it's all about in the long run.

If you talk to your partner in a manner of respect and knowledge that "If you don't like it, that's fine baby, we don't have to do it again" rather than "Well if you don't like it, I'll Damn well leave you, and you're going to suffer for it" ... I happen to know which I'll choose.

You see a lot of people are so very closed minded that this topic even though it is fantasy is just as Taboo as if the "act" was actually happening.

I'm sorry if I'm not making sense, it's been a very long day, and I'm falling asleep.

I just wanted to let you know that I agree with you.

Thanks for even taking the time to answer these question's, your great

 

[Coggie]

even though it is fantasy

Hiya again Nicole

I think the point above is important. It's worth noting that fantasies we play with only in theory are very different to those we may experiment with in real life.

I'm very clear with Mrs Coggie that some things that turn me on to read about, think about, or when I see pictures of are not necessarily things I would actually consider experimenting with.

There is a big distinction and your comment touches on this point.

Once again, thanks for your comments )