Tallulah's OMD

[Mrtenant]

I will.

I've been unwell and super stressed this past week or so with life, and so this has been put to the back burner. It's still there, waiting to be manhandled once I have a little more space to be.

Sounds like a lame excuse. Should be a lot more fuckery happening. What the hell? Its been damn near 3 weeks? I for one, am disappointed. This is not going to look good on your review.

 

[Tallulah82]

Sounds like a lame excuse. Should be a lot more fuckery happening. What the hell? Its been damn near 3 weeks? I for one, am disappointed. This is not going to look good on your review.

You should know by now that I'm nothing if not a cause of disappointment for many.

 

[Mrtenant]

You should know by now that I'm nothing if not a cause of disappointment for many.

Seems clear to me. How the hell are you gonna advertise the beaver bonanza with that attitude? Get with marketing on Monday and let's get this on the right track.

 

[tallladiesman]

I will.

I've been unwell and super stressed this past week or so with life, and so this has been put to the back burner. It's still there, waiting to be manhandled once I have a little more space to be.

Get well soon @Tallulah82 , take care of yourself

 

[MileHighBlackDiamond]

It’s been many, many years since I started my own thread, and this is not what I expected to actually base a thread on. Ever. Yet here I am!

The Subject: opening my marriage.

The instigator: my husband.

The background: we’ve been married for more than 25 years, not always easy, borderline full separation at one point until Covid hit and, somehow, we started to rebuild in lockdown. We are solid, happy, and we both want to protect the life we have together.

The conversation began at the weekend. We use the idea of other people in the bedroom as a regular fantasy, but I honestly never expected him to be open or serious to such a significant change.

My initial reaction: Yes.

We have both acknowledged that neither of us know anything about this kind of life-style change. We’ve begun talking about what we’d like, not like, boundaries, expectations and hopes but all of this is extremely surface level and we’re going to take our time in navigating these waters.

My reason for making this thread is to ask advice and thoughts from all you lovely people.

What I want and/or need:

I was married 23 yrs before my marriage ended, so I understand the challenges around long term relationships and how they change, sometimes for the better, other times not.

With my current partner, we have been in the lifestyle for over 3 years, so I now have that experience as well.

1. Questions to ask of myself and him to ensure the foundations (ie boundaries we decide) are solid before building this.

The foundation must be built on communication, you must talk after every experience to some degree. Checkin, discuss, what is working, what isn't, be open and honest and work with each other.

Know that what you set as initial boundaries may change over time, they are not set in stone, but don't change them in the moment with others.

We don't "take one for the team", if one of us is not feeling it, that's it, no discussion in the moment. We may discuss later, but never cause drama around others.

2. Thoughts and experiences that will help me reflect on what we actually want or don’t want in reality.

Find a podcast or two that resonates for both of you. There are many, can make suggestions if you want.

Start listening together, stop the audio and discuss right then, what do you think about what was mentioned, the scenario, did it excite you/you husband or give you pause? Would you want to experience that type of play?

This will help in you learning what each other wants while you are developing that communication foundation and your boundaries.

3. Support. Whilst I am open to listening to the pitfalls and negatives and potential disasters so that I can reflect on the risks, I am by nature a positive person, and I’ll basically ignore anything that isn’t constructive.

The lifestyle can be amazing, but know it's not for everyone. If you move forward you will find thf you have fantastic experiences and some not so great or just awful. You learn from those, determine how to avoid them and move forward, don't dwell on them.

4. Lastly, I am intending to use this open thread to respond. Whilst I won’t be closing my pm’s, I may not respond privately other than to thank you for your message. My pm’s are for laughing with my friends and this is for the serious shit.

And don’t worry, I’m not solely relying on Lit to be my guru. I am so clever, I can use the internet for stuff other than finding dick pics.

Podcasts, lifestyle groups, lifestyle social networks all exist. Use whatever resources that help you, there is no "you must go about it this way" playbook.

There are some lifestyle based channels here, but having been on Lit since the 2000`s there are much better options where both of you can get involved in on this topic.

Thank you for taking your time to read this right to the bottom!

Tallulah

Just know that this is a snippet, some thoughts feel free to message directly as well.

I've been unwell and super stressed this past week or so with life, and so this has been put to the back burner. It's still there, waiting to be manhandled once I have a little more space to be.

Take your time, do not rush this. We talked then paused for 6 months due to medical care we wanted to be past before we dedicated time and energy.

Take care of yourself and family first, Lit and the lifestyle will still be around.

 

[Azuldrgon]

First off all

I want you happy no matter what happens.
Otherwise I have no idea what to offer to your situation. Other than be careful and listen to your inner voice.

 

[Tallulah82]

I was married 23 yrs before my marriage ended, so I understand the challenges around long term relationships and how they change, sometimes for the better, other times not.

With my current partner, we have been in the lifestyle for over 3 years, so I now have that experience as well.


The foundation must be built on communication, you must talk after every experience to some degree. Checkin, discuss, what is working, what isn't, be open and honest and work with each other.

Know that what you set as initial boundaries may change over time, they are not set in stone, but don't change them in the moment with others.

We don't "take one for the team", if one of us is not feeling it, that's it, no discussion in the moment. We may discuss later, but never cause drama around others.


Find a podcast or two that resonates for both of you. There are many, can make suggestions if you want.

Start listening together, stop the audio and discuss right then, what do you think about what was mentioned, the scenario, did it excite you/you husband or give you pause? Would you want to experience that type of play?

This will help in you learning what each other wants while you are developing that communication foundation and your boundaries.


The lifestyle can be amazing, but know it's not for everyone. If you move forward you will find thf you have fantastic experiences and some not so great or just awful. You learn from those, determine how to avoid them and move forward, don't dwell on them.


Podcasts, lifestyle groups, lifestyle social networks all exist. Use whatever resources that help you, there is no "you must go about it this way" playbook.

There are some lifestyle based channels here, but having been on Lit since the 2000`s there are much better options where both of you can get involved in on this topic.


Just know that this is a snippet, some thoughts feel free to message directly as well.


Take your time, do not rush this. We talked then paused for 6 months due to medical care we wanted to be past before we dedicated time and energy.

Take care of yourself and family first, Lit and the lifestyle will still be around.

Thank you for your words of advice and insight.

 

[Tallulah82]

First off all

I want you happy no matter what happens.
Otherwise I have no idea what to offer to your situation. Other than be careful and listen to your inner voice.

Thank you, Azul. And you know I'll take all the hugs you offer.

 

[Coyote100]

When you are feeling well enough again, l would delight in getting to know you intimately.

 

[Anastasia1999]

Wow Tallulah, good luck with your quest and be careful of the predators here and elsewhere.

I hope you fine what you are looking for

 

[Dudeqwe]

I think one of my fears was that he was suggesting it because he knew I'd want it, rather than he himself being 100% into the idea for himself. This isn't the case, I know now. I wouldn't accept his offer on this basis.

The rules and communication really do seem to be the key to giving this the most likely chance to work.

Thank you!

I’d say your contract will need to be revisited often. Thinking of “everything” would be near impossible, imho. I’d suggest the last part of your contract should address how each of you handle something that isn’t covered, the first time it happens. Lesser chance of upset feelings.

When you finish, I’d like a pdf copy of the agreement, lol Names redacted, obviously.

 

[Tallulah82]

When you are feeling well enough again, l would delight in getting to know you intimately.

Thank you for your kind offer. I am certainly well enough again, however I am currently 'on hold' with getting to know new people intimately, however feel free to visit me on my thread (link in sig) for less intimate and more "argh, thank fuck I dodged that one" moments with me.

Wow Tallulah, good luck with your quest and be careful of the predators here and elsewhere.

I hope you fine what you are looking for

Thank you, gorgeous. And don't fear, I am only interested in meeting those I've been friends with for quite some time now. My time is extremely limited, so spending time with FWB is far more appealing to me than other options, at least for now.

I’d say your contract will need to be revisited often. Thinking of “everything” would be near impossible, imho. I’d suggest the last part of your contract should address how each of you handle something that isn’t covered, the first time it happens. Lesser chance of upset feelings.

When you finish, I’d like a pdf copy of the agreement, lol Names redacted, obviously.

I absolutely agree that it will be revisited often. Even being the overthinker that I am, I doubt I could think and prepare for every scenario. We should be signing the agreement this week!

 

[Tallulah82]

Short update:

The agreement is ready to be signed. And my husband has his first meet planned in December. He has queried again my hesitancy in getting something planned for myself, and I've explained that I realise I'm waiting for him to 'make the first move'. This was his idea and I want him to take that first step to be sure *he* wants this.

If he is happy with his meet, and can cope with changing our marriage like this, then I'll go ahead and make my own plans in the New Year.

As I've said many times now, I'm in no rush. I'll enjoy my extra curricular activities when those opportunities are right, not forced.

 

[EasyBrad59]

This is a very interesting read. I wish you the best in this endeavor. My ex and I thought about opening our marriage up but could never agree on the details. We had other issues, which made opening the relationship up a very bad idea. But, it seems you are thinking this through as well as looking out for your own wants and needs. The idea of an open relationships is a big turn on to me, so I will be very hopeful that this works out for you and your hubby. I certainly want some sort of open relationship (with her having the freedom) in my next relationship.

 

[hairball18]

I hope you both find everything you are looking for to add to your happiness.

 

[Tallulah82]

This is a very interesting read. I wish you the best in this endeavor. My ex and I thought about opening our marriage up but could never agree on the details. We had other issues, which made opening the relationship up a very bad idea. But, it seems you are thinking this through as well as looking out for your own wants and needs. The idea of an open relationships is a big turn on to me, so I will be very hopeful that this works out for you and your hubby. I certainly want some sort of open relationship (with her having the freedom) in my next relationship.

Thank you! I'm a bit surprised how simple this feels because it's really not simple at all. Hopefully that's just a sign that it's right for us. I hope you manage to find a relationship that works for you.

I hope you both find everything you are looking for to add to your happiness.

Thank you, Hairy.

 

[PotNoodle79]

Been following this with interest. I think it's heartening to see the openness between you and Mr Tal. You both seem to have been patient and considerate with each other. This kind of thing can be fraught and you seem to be negotiating it well.

Good luck to you both

 

[hairball18]

Thank you! I'm a bit surprised how simple this feels because it's really not simple at all. Hopefully that's just a sign that it's right for us. I hope you manage to find a relationship that works for you.


Thank you, Hairy.

Always my pleasure lovely lady.

 

[Tallulah82]

Been following this with interest. I think it's heartening to see the openness between you and Mr Tal. You both seem to have been patient and considerate with each other. This kind of thing can be fraught and you seem to be negotiating it well.

Good luck to you both

This is singularly the most polite you've been to me since we met. You're scaring me now. Stop it.

But thank you, I appreciate the sentiment. I'm sure there'll be fraught moments but at the end of the day Mr Tal usually knows I'm right about everything.

 

[PotNoodle79]

This is singularly the most polite you've been to me since we met. You're scaring me now. Stop it.

But thank you, I appreciate the sentiment. I'm sure there'll be fraught moments but at the end of the day Mr Tal usually knows I'm right about everything.

You're welcome, lovely.

Now, fuck off.

 

[Dudeqwe]

Have fun trolling for dicks!

 

[awired50]

I am curious, what's in it for the husband? Or is it the thrill?

 

[Tallulah82]

I am curious, what's in it for the husband? Or is it the thrill?

Uhm...? Really? Have you read any of my posts in this thread?

If not, then please don't read the title and jump to conclusions. If so, then I reckon you're not able to imagine how it is to be able to consider this situation and explaining it is pointless anyway.

 

[awired50]

Uhm...? Really? Have you read any of my posts in this thread?

If not, then please don't read the title and jump to conclusions. If so, then I reckon you're not able to imagine how it is to be able to consider this situation and explaining it is pointless anyway.

I have and I wasn't jumping to conclusions. I was just curious. No judgement from me.

 

[Tallulah82]

I have and I wasn't jumping to conclusions. I was just curious.

Your question was what does he get out of this. To me this implies that he would be getting 'less' out of this than myself, that his own sexual enjoyment and exploration is not his own goal, as mine is for me.

Therefore, I don't understand your question. He isn't being cucked. He isn't using my own escapades to get off. I don't know how to explain what he will get out of this - I thought it would be obvious, given all the information I've already shared.