Tallulah's Thread. Fuck yeah.

Insomnia sucks.

I hate not knowing on any given day if I'm going to get half-decent sleep that night. Sometimes it'll be a can't-fall-asleep situation, others it'll be constantly waking up for 10 minutes or so. Less occasionally, but not impossible, it'll be a woke-at-3am-and-that's-it situation.

Yes, diet and exercise help - but only to a point. Yes, good bed hygiene routines help - but only to a point. Listening to an audio of someone telling me that it's ok to stop, it's ok to let today end, that I've done what I can etc etc can help - but only to a point.

My brain is a little fucker. She doesn't use one tactic to keep me up. She has a whole arsenal of weapons designed to overpower whatever forcefield I've tried to erect in order to access sleep. Life going ok? Well, she'll make up scenarios - even really good fun ones - just to keep my brain chasing ideas and hopes and dreams. Life not going ok? Well, let's ponder every mistake I've ever made or every single thing that could go wrong. Not dwelling on life at all? Well, in that case it's time to spin the wheel and see if I'm going to go down a good path (hello, Benedict Cumberbatch), or a bad one... she likes to fuck with me and convince me that I'm going to be imminently swallowed up into a giant sinkhole any second now.

With all of the diet, the exercise, the sleep routines, and the help of some audio, I usually manage to bounce between 4.5 hours and 6 hours a night. If I get 7 or more, it's like a parade in my head.

Last night was the worst insomnia I've had for some time. I got 2 hours sleep. And not even two consecutive hours. Despite feeling tired, I somehow knew there was little point to go to bed too early. I waited until 1:30am. Then I lay there til 3am. At that point, I gave up and went back downstairs. I finally fell asleep on the sofa around 4am. I was woken at 5am by my husband moving around, so went up to bed. Lay there for another 45 minutes then managed to doze off until 6:45am, when my day starts.

I know some people suffer worse than I do. I know some who rarely get more than 4 hours a night. I'm hoping that last night was a compete blip and I'll get back into my regular 4.5-6 tonight. I can't even 'catch up' sleep... there's no big sleeps waiting for me. I've missed it, it's gone. The sleep timer resets every day.

The silver lining today was that I could - and did - have one hour nap on the sofa this afternoon before I had to drive. That topped me up just enough to tide me until tonight. I'm starting to feel it now, but as all insomniacs know - that means fuck all. Ugh.
 
Damn, dear, this is the shits. Insomnia is awful. Since you mentioned sleep hygiene I won't go into nurse mode and be all pedantic (there's a bullet dodged for you gentle readers) but rather simply extend a hug in sympathy. I'm glad you're able to nap, too... it's a talent that I don't have.
 
@Tallulah82

The insomnia is real, I couldn't sleep last night as well. I read your post and was like yesss this is me right now.

I even tried sleeping in the other bedroom in my house and by the time I was able to, my husband had to wake up for work at 6am. I couldn't go back to sleep. No amount of caffeine today has helped, and yes I did try to nap but couldn't.

I cannot wait for the crash to happen later.

my silver lining did listen to music to help relax me.
 
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