Tallulah's OMD

[awired50]

Uhm...? Really? Have you read any of my posts in this thread?

If not, then please don't read the title and jump to conclusions. If so, then I reckon you're not able to imagine how it is to be able to consider this situation and explaining it is pointless anyway.

I have and I wasn't jumping to conclusions. I was just curious. No judgement from me.

 

[Tallulah82]

I have and I wasn't jumping to conclusions. I was just curious.

Your question was what does he get out of this. To me this implies that he would be getting 'less' out of this than myself, that his own sexual enjoyment and exploration is not his own goal, as mine is for me.

Therefore, I don't understand your question. He isn't being cucked. He isn't using my own escapades to get off. I don't know how to explain what he will get out of this - I thought it would be obvious, given all the information I've already shared.

 

[awired50]

Your question was what does he get out of this. To me this implies that he would be getting 'less' out of this than myself, that his own sexual enjoyment and exploration is not his own goal, as mine is for me.

Therefore, I don't understand your question. He isn't being cucked. He isn't using my own escapades to get off. I don't know how to explain what he will get out of this - I thought it would be obvious, given all the information I've already shared.

Thanks for your explanation. I did not intend to offend you. I hope you find what you are looking for.

 

[Coyote100]

I am ready to be needed all you want.

 

[Tallulah82]

Thanks for your explanation. I did not intend to offend you. I hope you find what you are looking for.

You didn't offend me, you confused me. And thank you, I hope so too.

I am ready to be needed all you want.

Thank you for your generous offer. I'll let you know if all my established friends reject me and I'm left needing.

 

[Tallulah82]

Please note the thread name change.

Whilst it will please @PotNoodle79 no end, it actually stands for Open Marriage Discussion.

Soz babe.

 

[PotNoodle79]

Please note the thread name change.

Whilst it will please @PotNoodle79 no end, it actually stands for Open Marriage Discussion.

Soz babe.

Sometimes, you’re difficult to like.

 

[Dudeqwe]

Please note the thread name change.
Whilst it will please @PotNoodle79 no end, it actually stands for Open Marriage Discussion.

Soz babe.

Sorry, first thought on OMD was this

 

[PotNoodle79]

Shudders

 

[BongoGal]

Soz babe.

I misread this as “5 ounce babe”.

 

[Justabaldguy70]

Fuckkng fuck

 

[MissRadiant]

I hope I can be here.....more of a supportive friend.

While I am married, and did have an open marriage for some time. You know how to reach me privately to answer any questions or concerns.

 

[OldDirtyAltGuy]

I wish you well.

 

[Tallulah82]

Update:

I've put writing this off for a little while because I needed to know how to word it most fairly. We knew there'd be some awkward moments and some initial problems in taking this path, and that patience and communication would be essential.

I'll not be writing exact details of things that have happened for two reasons: firstly, it'll take me bloody hours, and secondly, it may end up being so convoluted because nothing is or was linear. Suffice to say that I have had to do some real reflection on myself and on whether this could actually work, and whether it would need to be shut down before it truly began.

In the smallest nutshell - my husband made some very poor decisions driven by his penis, and ended up breaking a couple of the rules we'd agreed to in the written and signed contract.

I knew he was immersing himself in the excitement of it all but he allowed this excitement to rule. Three separate, but overlapping, rules were broken. One was that of deception (an avoidance of truth, not outright lying), one was him indulging in sexual online activity in the daytime when the whole family was under the roof, and those combined meant he broke the rule of respecting me and the agreement.

We have talked at length about what happened. We have adjusted and re-signed a new contract in light of what happened.

I can't pretend that I wasn't angry at one point. I have given him allowances for the kid-in-a-candy-store mentality, but there is a line to be drawn and I'm not going to be understanding indefinitely.

He did ask (very remorsefully) if I wanted to stop this now and that he would do that. I replied - and perhaps harshly - that I didn't want to stop this, I wanted him to step up.

I still believe that this could be much fun if he can stop feeding his own ego.

I'm sure that I'll have many comments saying "I told you so", but no, you haven't. Not yet. This is still early days and a period of adjustment must be allowed, especially when he's not had the online life that I've had for many years now. I still have trust in him that he can manage this wants and needs better than he's done so far.

This said, I've made it clear that whilst I don't know where the line is when I'll decide that enough if enough, but that there is a line out there, somewhere. And if it hits hard and suddenly, then there can be no doubt that it's not because I haven't been patient enough.

The new adapted contract is signed, and we've spent time allocating all available weekends next year. The mechanics of it are in working order, and he's been doing much better in his efforts to prove that this isn't a lost cause. He just needs to engage his big head more than his little head.

So, it's onwards and upwards!

 

[JennyCapricorn]

I’m just seeing this thread and have my own experiences to add: but you’re right that communication is 100% required on every part.

This _CAN_ work. But it needs effort. Hubby and I started talking about swinging in Jan 2020, and moved to ENM last year after we didn’t feel comfortable with any of the kink or swing communities we found. Openly both played on here for a year before we moved to potentially meeting people IRL. The rule was having a free pass for each hitting of certain health goals. Hubby tried to meet twice with someone he knew through here and was stood up both times (I have commented in past on my oh so rational “Im not sure how I’ll respond to this” to “how dare this bitch not want to fuck my husband”) and after that it was “we are allowed to try to pick up people in bars, far enough outside of our town”. That has worked but I don’t know that it woild have without the year of understood playing on here.

He has settled in to one regular partner he met in a bar and I have just opened a OkCupid account indicating only women interested in non-monogamy. Not sure that will continue.

It’s all small steps and very cautious and intense recertification sex after every out of marriage meeting.

I hope this helps some.

 

[Tallulah82]

I’m just seeing this thread and have my own experiences to add: but you’re right that communication is 100% required on every part.

This _CAN_ work. But it needs effort. Hubby and I started talking about swinging in Jan 2020, and moved to ENM last year after we didn’t feel comfortable with any of the kink or swing communities we found. Openly both played on here for a year before we moved to potentially meeting people IRL. The rule was having a free pass for each hitting of certain health goals. Hubby tried to meet twice with someone he knew through here and was stood up both times (I have commented in past on my oh so rational “Im not sure how I’ll respond to this” to “how dare this bitch not want to fuck my husband”) and after that it was “we are allowed to try to pick up people in bars, far enough outside of our town”. That has worked but I don’t know that it woild have without the year of understood playing on here.

He has settled in to one regular partner he met in a bar and I have just opened a OkCupid account indicating only women interested in non-monogamy. Not sure that will continue.

It’s all small steps and very cautious and intense recertification sex after every out of marriage meeting.

I hope this helps some.

Thank you, Jenny. This does help, a lot.

I know there are valid concerns to be had, but I genuinely do think this could work. I don't want to do any knee-jerk reaction to anything.

 

[JennyCapricorn]

Thank you, Jenny. This does help, a lot.

I know there are valid concerns to be had, but I genuinely do think this could work. I don't want to do any knee-jerk reaction to anything.

Im happy to help (or talk more via DM if uoi want). I know I got a lot of help and support from friends on here as we first navigated.

I can’t stress how much I think the year of chat play individually or as a couple (especially as a couple) on Lit helped when we made the move to IRL. Both of us had burned through the sexual euphoria of playing outside the marriage in a place with lower (not no, but lower) repercussions. I think you’re making the right move forgiving this first lapse if he _hasn’t_ done any on line play before. The charge of someone other than your spouse wanting you is huge.

 

[m_and_em_stories]

The idea of an OM is appealing in some ways, but it always comes down to I don't really like the idea of being apart for our play. I want her to be a part of my pleasure and vice versa.

It's I guess its a variant of monogamy. I'm open to other partners just as long as we do it together, so probably the opposite of what most people wanting an open marriage want.

I do hope you two find your right balance and he can keep to the rules.

 

[Peter_Out]

Please note the thread name change.

Whilst it will please @PotNoodle79 no end, it actually stands for Open Marriage Discussion.

Soz babe.

I thought it might be Orgasm Manoeuvres in the Dark, which just goes to show how old I am wrong a person can be.

 

[AllAmericanMale]

Please note the thread name change.

Noted

 

[Apisto42]

The idea of an OM is appealing in some ways, but it always comes down to I don't really like the idea of being apart for our play. I want her to be a part of my pleasure and vice versa.

It's I guess its a variant of monogamy. I'm open to other partners just as long as we do it together, so probably the opposite of what most people wanting an open marriage want.

I do hope you two find your right balance and he can keep to the rules.

Yes, this makes much more sense to me. No knock on anyone doing it the other way (dating others separately, kind of the point of this thread I suppose).