Tallulah needs YOU.

[Tallulah82]

It’s been many, many years since I started my own thread, and this is not what I expected to actually base a thread on. Ever. Yet here I am!

The Subject: opening my marriage.

The instigator: my husband.

The background: we’ve been married for more than 25 years, not always easy, borderline full separation at one point until Covid hit and, somehow, we started to rebuild in lockdown. We are solid, happy, and we both want to protect the life we have together.

The conversation began at the weekend. We use the idea of other people in the bedroom as a regular fantasy, but I honestly never expected him to be open or serious to such a significant change.

My initial reaction: Yes.

We have both acknowledged that neither of us know anything about this kind of life-style change. We’ve begun talking about what we’d like, not like, boundaries, expectations and hopes but all of this is extremely surface level and we’re going to take our time in navigating these waters.

My reason for making this thread is to ask advice and thoughts from all you lovely people.

What I want and/or need:

1. Questions to ask of myself and him to ensure the foundations (ie boundaries we decide) are solid before building this.

2. Thoughts and experiences that will help me reflect on what we actually want or don’t want in reality.

3. Support. Whilst I am open to listening to the pitfalls and negatives and potential disasters so that I can reflect on the risks, I am by nature a positive person, and I’ll basically ignore anything that isn’t constructive.

4. Lastly, I am intending to use this open thread to respond. Whilst I won’t be closing my pm’s, I may not respond privately other than to thank you for your message. My pm’s are for laughing with my friends and this is for the serious shit.

And don’t worry, I’m not solely relying on Lit to be my guru. I am so clever, I can use the internet for stuff other than finding dick pics.



Thank you for taking your time to read this right to the bottom!

Tallulah

 

[cheekygirl75]

I’ve never been married or been with anyone nearly that long, so I can’t imagine how things change in that length of time, but I have wondered about this a little - I’ve felt like having another person or people in the mix would take some pressure off. You’ve probably already thought of this, but my big question would be what happens if one or both of you develop feelings for someone else? Is that ok or is this supposed to be about just sex?

I hope you figure out what works best for both of you

 

[MiaBabe23]

I also haven’t been in a relationship anywhere near as long, and never considered opening up the relationships I have had other than in fantasy discussions, so others will have more pertinent points and questions than me
I wonder though if it’s worth your husband opening an account on here too, if he hasn’t already?
Obviously it’s possible to get into some really involved role play on here, especially on chat - perhaps both playing with someone else, and watching each other, would give you a stronger and relatively risk-free sense of what you do and don’t want?

 

[Apisto42]

I’d love to support you in this with sage advice, wisdom and knowledge, but babe, I’ve got nothing other than you’re going to get as much dick as you want and can he handle that?

 

[Tallulah82]

I’ve never been married or been with anyone nearly that long, so I can’t imagine how things change in that length of time, but I have wondered about this a little - I’ve felt like having another person or people in the mix would take some pressure off. You’ve probably already thought of this, but my big question would be what happens if one or both of you develop feelings for someone else? Is that ok or is this supposed to be about just sex?

I hope you figure out what works best for both of you

Our thinking is still very early days. I refuse to rush any decisions and have it fail before it begins.

Re: feelings. Yes, it's been mentioned. We've not made that decision yet.
He was approaching it from a casual to regular sex thing. I am fine with that. However, I already have an online presence (hello, Lit!) and technically could reach out to someone I already know and say "hey babe, I can come shag, see you next week, okay?" And this person is someone I care about. That already means feelings are involved, even if it's not love-love. And then that opens its own can of worms about one-offs, or regular etc etc.

Husband hadn't thought about this and was initially unsure. I then said I'd be ok if he preferred that we both started from square 1 - so we only pursue new people, not anyone already known to us. It was decided that we weren't going to do that (sq1). And we are now in discussion about how we manage the feelings, if we are to take on regular partners rather than casual whoevers.

I know communication is key to all of this, even if it is awkward at times.

Thank you

 

[Tallulah82]

I also haven’t been in a relationship anywhere near as long, and never considered opening up the relationships I have had other than in fantasy discussions, so others will have more pertinent points and questions than me
I wonder though if it’s worth your husband opening an account on here too, if he hasn’t already?
Obviously it’s possible to get into some really involved role play on here, especially on chat - perhaps both playing with someone else, and watching each other, would give you a stronger and relatively risk-free sense of what you do and don’t want?

So, he knows I'm here. I've said I'd be fine with him being around - but that isn't 100% true (and he knows this also), because we share so much in our lives, I like my own space to frolic without feeling watched?

But he may, we'll see. We have very different approaches to sex etc but we've already explored a lot together, only stopping at actually bringing in other people into it. It does kind of feel like we're at that point where we go into swinging, or open etc.

 

[Tallulah82]

I’d love to support you in this with sage advice, wisdom and knowledge, but babe, I’ve got nothing other than you’re going to get as much dick as you want and can he handle that?

Ha!

True story no.1:

We were sat talking, and we both acknowledged the time it would actually take. I have my alone weekends because my life is so intense. I looked at him and said, "you know that if I have a choice between silence and sleep in hotel room for a weekend, and a weekend of sex... I'm actually more likely to choose the silence and sleep..."

It's true. I'm not saying I won't take opportunities, but whatever they are, they have to fit into my life without taking anything away and my silence/sleep weekends are my precious!

 

[Pad_Foot]

Congrats on this new chapter!

I would totally worry that my wife would find that life with the other person would be preferable. I don’t know how you prevent these doubts except by sharing what’s going on and somehow use that to strengthen your marriage bonds ?

 

[Tallulah82]

Congrats on this new chapter!

I would totally worry that my wife would find that life with the other person would be preferable. I don’t know how you prevent these doubts except by sharing what’s going on and somehow use that to strengthen your marriage bonds ?

I think this is always going to be a valid fear and risk for anyone.

I think the communication is the most effective way to manage the doubts. But the actual event? Nothing will stop that, I think, if it's determined to happen.

I think maybe putting some time limits on things - like frequency of those connections. We are absolute that we won't be bringing anyone into the home, whatever happens stays away from the home. This *may* change in the long term, but indefinitely not. We have a very demanding home life, so time away is naturally limited.

We already have a weekly date night, and I suspect we'd insert some extras to keep our focus on each other. But I'm wondering if this is a suck-it-and-see situation. Too much emphasis on our Primary relationship may hinder our being relaxed to meet others? Or maybe I'm overthinking that.

And thank you.

 

[AmberLGreen]

You need the wise advice of @aussiegeekygal

 

[Leigh81]

After being in the lifestyle on & off for 11 years I like where we are now.
About 1 1/2 years ago we joined a sex club & now that's where we play. We've only been once this year (Aug.) but it has everything we want. First time we just watched, got a feel for the place which I'd suggest for people/couples starting out. It's a controlled environment & no pressure to do anything. We mingle in the lounge area & if we click with another couple then go to the play areas. If you want to swap, MFM, FFM, dungeon area, gloryholes plus other themes it's all there. What happens at the club, stays at the club which means no drama. You can keep real life & fantasy separate which we prefer now.
If you include a friend, coworker, neighbor it's hit & miss. In fantasy & hot pillow talk everything is positive but including others in RL doesn't always go the way you want. That's my little take on this.
It's like the saying, what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas

 

[aussiegeekygal]

You need the wise advice of @aussiegeekygal

Thanks for tagging me in @AmberLGreen

I'll be back to share more, and in the meantime, feel free to check out my journal about re-opening my marriage: Aussie's Adventures

 

[Wolfie605]

Ha!

True story no.1:

We were sat talking, and we both acknowledged the time it would actually take. I have my alone weekends because my life is so intense. I looked at him and said, "you know that if I have a choice between silence and sleep in hotel room for a weekend, and a weekend of sex... I'm actually more likely to choose the silence and sleep..."

It's true. I'm not saying I won't take opportunities, but whatever they are, they have to fit into my life without taking anything away and my silence/sleep weekends are my precious!

You definitely don't want something fun and spicy to become a stressor and Forrest fire. That being said take everything slow with this. I know in conversation and fantasy sharing it is easier to be like "oh yeah that's hot" but you have been married a long time. I'd imagine there is going to be some physical and natural reservations that will have to be faced and work through.

I do wish you luck and look forward to updates.

 

[AnalCreampieGiver]

It’s been many, many years since I started my own thread, and this is not what I expected to actually base a thread on. Ever. Yet here I am!

The Subject: opening my marriage.

The instigator: my husband.

The background: we’ve been married for more than 25 years, not always easy, borderline full separation at one point until Covid hit and, somehow, we started to rebuild in lockdown. We are solid, happy, and we both want to protect the life we have together.

The conversation began at the weekend. We use the idea of other people in the bedroom as a regular fantasy, but I honestly never expected him to be open or serious to such a significant change.

My initial reaction: Yes.

We have both acknowledged that neither of us know anything about this kind of life-style change. We’ve begun talking about what we’d like, not like, boundaries, expectations and hopes but all of this is extremely surface level and we’re going to take our time in navigating these waters.

My reason for making this thread is to ask advice and thoughts from all you lovely people.

What I want and/or need:

1. Questions to ask of myself and him to ensure the foundations (ie boundaries we decide) are solid before building this.

2. Thoughts and experiences that will help me reflect on what we actually want or don’t want in reality.

3. Support. Whilst I am open to listening to the pitfalls and negatives and potential disasters so that I can reflect on the risks, I am by nature a positive person, and I’ll basically ignore anything that isn’t constructive.

4. Lastly, I am intending to use this open thread to respond. Whilst I won’t be closing my pm’s, I may not respond privately other than to thank you for your message. My pm’s are for laughing with my friends and this is for the serious shit.

And don’t worry, I’m not solely relying on Lit to be my guru. I am so clever, I can use the internet for stuff other than finding dick pics.



Thank you for taking your time to read this right to the bottom!

Tallulah

Interesting read I hope you both have fun doing it

 

[LordofDargaardkeep]

How good are you both at compartmentalizing emotions?
Are you both 100% secure in the framework of your marriage?
Are either of you jealous by nature?

 

[Sundayschild]

Well damn. We've got a chance boys!


Only advice I'll give is that both parties need to be actually into the idea. Being accepting of it isn't enough. And as Mia says, why not start small?

 

[cheekygirl75]

why not start small?

So that counts you out?

 

[Mrtenant]

I have never opened my marriage. I can only imagine what that would be like (likely a quick termination of my vitals if I understand MrsT correctly).

But if the occasion did occur, I had an idea where wife and I would want to put together some sort of guideline/contract to help keep our emotions centered. Also as a means to maintain the marriage with a new set of guidelines. Clearly the intent is to stay married, right? In any case, its a large discussion.

You're a smart woman and I expect Mr. Tal is a smart man. As you know, there is a fairly wide variety of how people open marriages including kink, cucks, equals, multiple partners, etc. Be prepared to spend some time discussing it. Takes lots of notes, and take care of each other.

Good luck my friend.

 

[wigglypuss]

@Tallulah82
As a wise old 22 year old who is not married, my thoughts based on my experience.
My friends and I used to swap boyfriends frequently with no problem. It was fun
BUT there is a big difference between open interchange and secret sex. If you are going to open your marriage please make sure the rule is, OPEN.
ie no secrets , no affairs, honesty and communication is everything.