Since Emerald...........

[KillerMuffin]

True, everyone has a finger in the pudding. But you can't do anything to change other people, just yourself. You want to be perceived as a decent person with an honorable character, you will have to change yourself. You can't excuse your own behavior by anyone else's or by your medical situation. I know, I've tried it myself. In the end it ultimately comes down to one thing, you will be taken entirely on your own behavior.

If you feel you don't owe anyone an apology or to admit that you were wrong, that's fine. You can't, however, expect people to accept you at face value when you've proven your face is false.


For the record, I have no sympathy for disability/rape excuses. Been there, done that, got the tee shirt, too. I know what pain looks like and feels like. I know what disability is all about. I've been on the receiving end of rape. I know what it's like to be attacked just for being me. I do not, however, think any of these things are valid excuses for behaving badly. They may be reasons, but I do not think they excuse my behavior.

It comes down to the simple fact that people inherently respect others who take resopnsibility for themselves, their own behavior, and their own words without bringing excuses of others and illness into play.

Lecture's over. I'm off. I won't flame you or attack you, but I don't think I can like you very much. You're quick to pass the buck and even quicker to lie. I don't repsect people who do either of those things with such facility. One of my great failings is my inability to trust. I don't trust you at all.

The corollary is that you don't have to think much of me, either. I am judgmental.

 

[MsTerious]

KM, I did apologize for what I did. However, you are not my parents and to lecture me on my behavior is kind of peculiar, especially since none of you have owned up to what you did.

I did NOT bring the rape issue into this. Emerald did that, not me. I explained why I changed both my name and myself. The only thing I said about the rape was that it was cruel of her to use it against me.

I can't believe that you're all totally basing your opinion of me on this, and forgetting how I "behaved" over this past week. You got to know the real me, and I don't think you disliked me. But this whole thing is too bizarre because (I said it before and I"ll say it again) this isn't real life!! Save your energy for dealing with the people in your real life. When push comes to shove, it really doesn't matter what any of us thinks about one another. Respect me for coming clean, continue to get to know me, then make your decision. To cut someone off in cyberspace is kind of pointless in my opinion.

 

[LadyG]

Not sure where Emerald did that, but regardless, why the need to change names? You could have just portrayed your "real" personality under the same name, none of this would have happened and if people didn't choose to forgive, so be it.

The biggest problem, I think is because you denied over and over and therefore, the trust issue comes in.

 

[KillerMuffin]

I can't get to know the "real" you because I cannot trust that you are presenting the "real" you and not just another one of your "personas." I'm not big on trusting and you're not trustworthy. I don't have to like you. You don't have to like me. We're judged by our actions. I'm judged on mine, why shouldn't you be judged by yours?


There's no such thing as a clean slate.

 

[Calamity Jane]

I did NOT bring the rape issue into this. Emerald did that, not me. I explained why I changed both my name and myself. The only thing I said about the rape was that it was cruel of her to use it against me.

I don't recall reading anything Emerald wrote about a rape. I know she alluded to difficulties or problems or something, but if you hadn't posted about the rape, I would have assumed she meant something else entirely. *shrug* I'm with KM on this issue. Fucked up things happen to people everyday. It's how you get beyond those things that shows whether or not you have any strength of character.

I can't believe that you're all totally basing your opinion of me on this, and forgetting how I "behaved" over this past week. You got to know the real me, and I don't think you disliked me. But this whole thing is too bizarre because (I said it before and I"ll say it again) this isn't real life!! Save your energy for dealing with the people in your real life. When push comes to shove, it really doesn't matter what any of us thinks about one another. Respect me for coming clean, continue to get to know me, then make your decision. To cut someone off in cyberspace is kind of pointless in my opinion.

Couple of things.

1) We now know that you lied about who you are. Bald face lies when confronted with the truth, btw, not just lies of omission. Because we now have that knowledge, we aren't going to easily believe that you're 'really' the person you were posting as. Look at it this way, I could change my name to **Lil Darlin** and be all sweet and fluffy for a week. But eventually, my inner bitter bitch is going to come out, and everyone's gonna know. It's not gonna make them like me any more either.

2) You keep asserting that the new you is the 'real' you. Yet, you also seem awful convinced that this (by which I assume you mean this community) isn't real. So which is it? Are you being the real you in a pretend place?

 

[sunstruck]

No no, I said that you were "up my ass", with your tongue. I have nothing to apologize for. I didn't lie. You did, and you only came foreward because YOU GOT CAUGHT. That's not courage, that's saving your ass. I don't care anymore, I'm bored with this and with you. Good luck getting people to put on their pity blinders.

 

[MsTerious]

LadyG, Emerald posted the thread in which I spoke about the rape. I can't imagine a woman using that against another woman. I did NOT use it as an excuse though. I explained what really happened. I changed my name because it was recommended to me by several people. I denied it last night because I was shocked and didn't know what to do.


KM, I am sorry, but I don't judge people at all. If I did, I'd have left Lit a long time ago. Unfortunately, your opinion of me is based soley on the name change, and not on this past week. That is very sad.

PCG, there is a big difference between posting as the real me and cyberspace being real. Have you seen anything that I've said in this thread that was nasty? No you haven't, and that's because this is the real me. Funny how you just said that your inner bitch is gonna come out. We all have an inner bitch, so we should tolerate it like the adults we are.

Still noone owns up to the NnN bashing that took place. It's all about me, right? Might I suggest that you go back to the thread that Laurel started for me and read through it, but read it through my eyes.

 

[sunstruck]

Ok I have one more thing to say and that is PLEASE stop using Laurel's name as some kind of sheild! She forgave you personally, she did not condone anything you did and notice she isn't coming to your defence now.

I can tell you with assuridy that she isn't going to protect anyone that doesn't deserve it and you don't. No one is claiming NOT to have jumped on your back, but you gave them reason. Good reason. Just own up to it and leave it alone. Stop trying to share blame.

 

[MsTerious]

No no, I said that you were "up my ass", with your tongue. I have nothing to apologize for. I didn't lie. You did, and you only came foreward because YOU GOT CAUGHT. That's not courage, that's saving your ass. I don't care anymore, I'm bored with this and with you. Good luck getting people to put on their pity blinders.

Up your ass with my tongue?? I don't even know what that's supposed to mean.
If you don't think you have anything to apologize for, then don't. Lying isn't the only thing that causes people to base their decision on.
I didn't "save my ass" I told my story. And yes, it did take courage. I'm not looking for pity blinders. I'm looking for mature adults who can see cyberspace for what it is and can understand and move forward when a fellow poster fucks up. If you don't want to know me, that's your decision. It's a bad decision, but one you are entitled to. So, we'll just go our separate ways I guess. Have a great weekend.

 

[Calamity Jane]

PCG, there is a big difference between posting as the real me and cyberspace being real. Have you seen anything that I've said in this thread that was nasty? No you haven't, and that's because this is the real me. Funny how you just said that your inner bitch is gonna come out. We all have an inner bitch, so we should tolerate it like the adults we are.

Still noone owns up to the NnN bashing that took place. It's all about me, right? Might I suggest that you go back to the thread that Laurel started for me and read through it, but read it through my eyes.

Yeah, but some of us don't try to hide the bitch. The difference, apparently between me and you is that I honestly could give two shits whether or not people like me. I don't delete posts that I've said nasty shit on, and I don't make excuses for my behavior. PCG is the real me. Ugliness and all.

And I have nothing to own up to. You were being a bitch and you got bitchiness in return. Live with it.

 

[MsTerious]

Ok I have one more thing to say and that is PLEASE stop using Laurel's name as some kind of sheild! She forgave you personally, she did not condone anything you did and notice she isn't coming to your defence now.

I can tell you with assuridy that she isn't going to protect anyone that doesn't deserve it and you don't. No one is claiming NOT to have jumped on your back, but you gave them reason. Good reason. Just own up to it and leave it alone. Stop trying to share blame.

lmao I am not using her as a shield, that's ridiculous. And I don't need for her to come to my defense right now because I don't use her as a shield. Just because you don't think I deserve anything doesn't mean that the next person doesn't. You didn't have good reason to jump on my back. What I had said was between Laurel and myself. You all acted as her shield when it had nothing to do with you. And if you'd read through this thread, you'll see that I did apologize and owned up to it. I'm adult enough to do that. If you're not, that's not my problem, and I really don't care. I have a lot of more important things to focus that energy on. For you to disreguard this past week is very close-minded and too bad for you.

 

[MsTerious]

Yeah, but some of us don't try to hide the bitch. The difference, apparently between me and you is that I honestly could give two shits whether or not people like me. I don't delete posts that I've said nasty shit on, and I don't make excuses for my behavior. PCG is the real me. Ugliness and all.

And I have nothing to own up to. You were being a bitch and you got bitchiness in return. Live with it.

I deleted the posts because I was sorry that I had posted them, and not because of what anyone would think of me. I explained the reason that I was nutty, that is not making excuses. I was a bitch, and so were the rest of you. If you want to talk about differences, the difference between you and me is that I can empathize with someone who has a problem and give them a second chance. I wouldn't continue to bash. Remember the old adage, "if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything"? Well, I think it applies here. I have been nothing but decent and mature while discussing this. It's too bad that some of you haven't been. Oh well.
You have a good weekend.

 

[Calamity Jane]

I wouldn't continue to bash. Remember the old adage, "if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything"?

If you think this is bashing, you're not cut out for this place anyway. Really, I say that with utmost sincerity.

And I believe that if I don't have something nice to say, but it's truly how I feel, than I ought to say it. Otherwise I'm not being honest.

 

[KillerMuffin]

Judging people is a requirement of human nature. People are prized for being a "good judge of character." Anyone who claims they don't judge people is lying or dead.

I didn't judge you on the name change. I judged you on the statement that Naughty and nice was a "persona" and not the "real" you. In other words, you pretended to be someone else for a while and changed because you wanted to stop being fake and start being real. There is no way to find a basis to trust based on this information.

I didn't judge you because you lied. Everyone does it and I'm not that much of a hypocrite. I judged you based on the repeated statements that go along the lines of: I had a good excuse for what I did wrong, but everyone else was even worse and I don't see them doing anything about it so don't blame me. There is no way to find a basis to respect based on this information.

The "real" you that you present to this fake place isn't what you think you show us. The "real" personality comes shining through because you cannot change who you are and you cannot stop it from reflecting in your words anymore than I can stop the real me from glaring right on through.

 

[MsTerious]

If you think this is bashing, you're not cut out for this place anyway. Really, I say that with utmost sincerity.

And I believe that if I don't have something nice to say, but it's truly how I feel, than I ought to say it. Otherwise I'm not being honest.

I wasn't referring to this thread as bashing. I was referring to the NnN bashing.

 

[Guest]

i have been reading this thread, i must admit that i am kind of lost to all that is going on , but i can see that MsTerious is trying to apolige for things that have happened, but it seems to me its not doing alot of good, i will say this that she started a thread about living with chronic pain, which i think takes alot of courage, so i am sure she does live with alot of things that most dont, and i can relate to that, my thoughts are and this is just mine alone, life is too short not to enjoy it, i hope this gets resolved and the gb gets back to normal, i rally think she is sincere in all this otherwise she would leave!!!

 

[MsTerious]

Judging people is a requirement of human nature. People are prized for being a "good judge of character." Anyone who claims they don't judge people is lying or dead.

I didn't judge you on the name change. I judged you on the statement that Naughty and nice was a "persona" and not the "real" you. In other words, you pretended to be someone else for a while and changed because you wanted to stop being fake and start being real. There is no way to find a basis to trust based on this information.

I didn't judge you because you lied. Everyone does it and I'm not that much of a hypocrite. I judged you based on the repeated statements that go along the lines of: I had a good excuse for what I did wrong, but everyone else was even worse and I don't see them doing anything about it so don't blame me. There is no way to find a basis to respect based on this information.

The "real" you that you present to this fake place isn't what you think you show us. The "real" personality comes shining through because you cannot change who you are and you cannot stop it from reflecting in your words anymore than I can stop the real me from glaring right on through.

I didn't judge you on the name change. I judged you on the statement that Naughty and nice was a "persona" and not the "real" you. In other words, you pretended to be someone else for a while and changed because you wanted to stop being fake and start being real. There is no way to find a basis to trust based on this information........
quoted by KM

You misunderstood. I didn't create a persona called NnN. I wasn't pretending to be someone else. At the time, I was NnN, and NnN was not thinking properly. Now that my mind is back on track, the real, balanced me is back. You apparently don't understand how these things work. But when my meds are messed up, I'm a monster and I know it. I've apologized and I have taken responsibility for that, which is more then I can say for anyone else in here. You go ahead and do what you have to do. It won't affect me either way. Just remember, you liked me as me, and it's too bad that you are that judgmental that you can't realize that. You said some really horrible things to me. Am I holding a grudge or judging you on those words? No I am not. Would I put all of this behind me and try to get along with all of you? Sure I would. Life goes on.

 

[Desert Amazon]

 

[April]

Hey you, whatever your name is today. Quit with the excuses and shuffling the blame off on others. Just say "I'm sorry I acted badly", and move on with your Lit life.

And as for your assertion that this is not real life: Are you saing that you're not really here, not really posting, not really reading? This is real life. Saying it isn't is just an excuse to behave outside one's normal moral realm.

YOU need to own YOUR behavior.

KM's right. After this, it's going to be very hard for anyone to trust you here until you prove that you're worthy of being trusted.

 

[MsTerious]

DA, the reason I have so many posts is because I'm recuperating from surgrey and can't get out and about. So sorry if you consider that an excuse, but it's the truth.

April, I have apologized and owned up to it. As far as my 'real life' comment is conerned, my point is that nothing that goes on in here will have any affect on me, the person on the other side of the screen. If you don't trust me, that's your choice, but it's not going to have a huge affect in my life. Contrary to popular belief, I am a very good, decent, caring human being. If you aren't interested in getting to know me, that's your perogative. If you all can't see this thread for what it is, and if you're reading more into it then what was intended, you are sadly mistaken.

 

[Problem Child]

Here, you seem to be reading comprehension challenged so let me give you the reader's digest condensed version of every post on this thread:

You have no credibility here. We don't like you very much. Go away, please.

 

[KillerMuffin]

MsTerious is the real me, NnN wasn't.

Fyi, I only changed my name because my personna has changed.

I know what meds can for a person. Night and day attitude difference. Both pain and psychotropic. However, the basic person doesn't change. Values, beliefs, morals. Only the attitude changes.

I read this to say that you were playing the board. I still read it that way because your "persona" cannot change. Your persona is more than your attitude. It involves things that take time to change.

I'm not trying to point this out to hurt you or attack you, though I'm sure it comes across that way. There's no help for it. I am trying to point this out because this is where the communication breakdown has occurred.

When you couple these statements with your previous adamant denials that you were NnN, they aren't conducive to trust. You're asking for understanding here, but I don't see you giving it back. It's important, I think, that we understand that people will not see you as someone new. There is no such thing as a clean slate. What's happened cannot be undone and made to go away. The problem I'm seeing is that you want it to and you expect us to go along with that.

I'm not really sure what you want from us. Acceptance? Understanding? To be a part of the community as if you've never been here before? You gave us an ultimatum topped with a threat. "If everyone isn't willing to "play nice" I will leave Lit and won't come back with a different name. I really don't want to leave. I've thoroughly enjoyed this past week with you all. Maybe I should have created a poll, but I will base my decision on the responses I get. " To be exact here. What are we supposed to make of this? It's a very negative thing and most of us have reacted to it negatively.

 

[MsTerious]

Here, you seem to be reading comprehension challenged so let me give you the reader's digest condensed version of every post on this thread:

You have no credibility here. We don't like you very much. Go away, please.

And you seem to be maturity challenged so let me give you the reader's digest condensed version of every post on this thread:

I do have credibility, you just don't realize it. I don't like you very much either, so at least we agree on that. I'm not going away because you tell me too, that is pathetic. I can't even believe that you would stoop low enough to make that comment. Is this kindergarten?

This has gone on long enough. I've poured my heart out. I've apologized several time. What you think of me doesn't really affect me. Similarly, what I think of you doesn't really affect you. But at least I'm being mature and pleasant about it. There really is no need for anyone to be rude. I'm moving forward, I'm going to continue to post, I'm going to continue to have fun, and I'm going to finally get to know some people who are worth getting to know. I hold no grudges and I never will, so if anyone would like to say hello, I'll be receptive. But I won't allow you to continue to make me feel like a child under my father's roof. If last week and this thread doesn't, in your opinion,indicate decency on my behalf, that's your problem, not mine.

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend. I intend to. The leaves are starting to change and the foliage is beautiful to look at.

 

[MsTerious]

KM, I actually appreciate what you're telling me. I was not "playing the board", why would I even bother? And I didn't intend that to be an ultimatum.

 

[Problem Child]

And you seem to be maturity challenged so let me give you the reader's digest condensed version of every post on this thread:

I do have credibility, you just don't realize it. I don't like you very much either, so at least we agree on that. I'm not going away because you tell me too, that is pathetic. I can't even believe that you would stoop low enough to make that comment. Is this kindergarten?

This has gone on long enough. I've poured my heart out. I've apologized several time. What you think of me doesn't really affect me. Similarly, what I think of you doesn't really affect you. But at least I'm being mature and pleasant about it. There really is no need for anyone to be rude. I'm moving forward, I'm going to continue to post, I'm going to continue to have fun, and I'm going to finally get to know some people who are worth getting to know. I hold no grudges and I never will, so if anyone would like to say hello, I'll be receptive. But I won't allow you to continue to make me feel like a child under my father's roof. If last week and this thread doesn't, in your opinion,indicate decency on my behalf, that's your problem, not mine.

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend. I intend to. The leaves are starting to change and the foliage is beautiful to look at.

That was the condensed version?

addendum to my above post:

Pipe down, you talk too fucking much.