Share your writing gems

[ADirtyPerv]

Amidst. Probably.

Wait, which one is more purple?

 

[Off_base]

Are they dialogue tags? Or are they just the next sentence?

For example, I quite often write dialogue like this:

Or:

But I wouldn't write them as actual dialogue tags like this:

I nodded, "Yes, that sounds like a good plan. When can we start?"

"No idea," she shrugged and scrolled through her feed, "You'll have to ask Simon."

The difference is in the punctuation. If you've seen the comma versions a lot in published works that used professional editors then I'd be surprised.

Are you sure you aren't mistaking descriptive sentences for tags?

Thanks for this comment. I've been doing this wrong.

 

[TheExperimentalist]

Oh yeah, here's another one:

Ben broke their oral offensive as he kiss-bit his way down to her chest.

 

[TheExperimentalist]

Amidst. Probably.

Yep. On final pre-editor self-proofread, "amid" feels like it flows better. (Also, thank you all for accompanying me as I try to get this draft finished.)

 

[TheExperimentalist]

Here's another one that I'm actually deleting from the draft because it slows down the action too much, though I might save it to use in another story sometime where it's part of the preparation rather than mid-encounter:

Once in the living room, they closed the front shades to assure themselves privacy. Even though the windows were mostly blocked by a large hedge, neither of them felt comfortable taking any chances. If a delivery driver or girl scout or Jehovah's witness came to the door and saw the two siblings ravaging each other, there would be hell to pay.

 

[ADirtyPerv]

If a delivery driver or girl scout or Jehovah's witness came to the door and saw the two siblings ravaging each other, there would be hell to pay.

Jehovah's witnesses are so fun to mess with, though! The look of sheer astonishment when people do standard human things is just...Mwah. Chef's kiss.

(Sorry to be this guy, but double check ravage vs ravish. Unless there will be blood and guts everywhere, you mean ravish. I mix those up all the time so I'm always on high alert for it.)

 

[TheExperimentalist]

(Sorry to be this guy, but double check ravage vs ravish. Unless there will be blood and guts everywhere, you mean ravish. I mix those up all the time so I'm always on high alert for it.)

Well fuck me sideways and call me Shirley, you're right. I've only ever learned the word from context, and there's an absolute metric fuckton of stories on here that use it that way.

 

[ADirtyPerv]

Well fuck me sideways and call me Shirley, you're right. I've only ever learned the word from context, and there's an absolute metric fuckton of stories on here that use it that way.

Totally. I learned it the same, but I figured it out by reading one of those bodice-ripper romances. She literally yells "ravish me!"

 

[TheExperimentalist]

Totally. I learned it the same, but I figured it out by reading one of those bodice-ripper romances. She literally yells "ravish me!"

Like... it's so common that in my head it's to the point where "ravish" feels wrong, or at least more esoteric, and "ravage" feels correct, even though it's apparently COMPLETELY the wrong word.

 

[dad_icarus]

Like... it's so common that in my head it's to the point where "ravish" feels wrong, or at least more esoteric, and "ravage" feels correct, even though it's apparently COMPLETELY the wrong word.

Once I paired ravage in my head with the rhyming "savage", it was easier to make sure I was using the right one

 

[TheExperimentalist]

Once I paired ravage in my head with the rhyming "savage", it was easier to make sure I was using the right one

I mean... People also write about characters "savagely pounding her pussy" so you know...

 

[ADirtyPerv]

I mean... People also write about characters "savagely pounding her pussy" so you know...

And in that context, ravage is accurate and hot. "I'm gonna ravage that cunt until you forget your own name."

If she's screaming "break me", you're ravaging.

If she's gently whimpering in delight, you're probably ravishing.

 

[TheExperimentalist]

i dont publish..but enjoy
so....
I creep into ur room in the middle of the night...as I often do...and I hear u moaning baby girl..over and over as ur body writhes under the blankets..I walk over to u and slip my hands under the blankets and feel ur cock hard and leaking precum profusely..mmm I'm about to be a very bad girl..but I just can't help myself...I mean there u are obviously wanting ur baby girl..and here I am so hot and wet and needing my daddy... what else am I supposed to do? I drop my panties on the floor and climb on top of u ..kiss ur neck and whisper in ur ear .shhh as I position myself over u take u in my hands and slide u up and down my slippery slit..then down..and fuck u hard and fast... needing this .u inside me right now. I'm biting my lips trying to be quiet...I fuck u til we both cum.. leaving a mess on ur belly.

and a sticky reminder...or was it a dream?

I'm confused. This seems to be a complete short story. Which part is the clever little turn of phrase or word usage that you're trying to highlight?

 

[kathyisgr65]

delete dum dum..referring to me

 

[TheExperimentalist]

delete dum dum..referring to me

Nah, probably my fault for not making the initial post clear enough. Even though I've been trying to improve my writing skills, I'm still sometimes crap at communicating effectively.

 

[kathyisgr65]

nah....im too stoned to be replying to threads..my apologies....red faced..grr